I recently went to lunch with a friend I’ll call Carol. After chatting for over an hour I told her it was time for me to go because I needed to finish my weekly blog post. She immediately asked me, “So what happens if you don’t?” In other words, does it really matter that every week I spend a great deal of my time and effort writing and publishing articles here on SMART Living 365? Remember, I don’t get paid by writing this blog (other than the sale of my books). So why bother?
The simplified answer is that writing, and what I do with it for now, matters to me and I believe it is my purpose—or you could even call it my dharma. That in itself is more than reward enough. Serendipitously, a few days later I listened to a podcast that further explained how living our “dharma,” offers each of us a path to a meaningful, gratifying and on purpose life. From there I was reminded that whatever unique dharma we have, it’s best not to wait for retirement, or anything else, before finding and living it to the best of our abilities.
In case your unfamiliar with the word, dharma is a Sanskrit word from India that relates to the mythology found in the ancient text the Bhagavad Gita. Although not new to me, I only had a loose idea that dharma meant one’s personal destiny or purpose. It wasn’t until I heard it defined by a man named Stephen Cope that I could appreciate its value. Cope, a psychotherapist, author, and director of the Kripalu Institute for Extraordinary Living in New York, writes and speaks about the many relationships between Western psychological paradigms and Eastern traditions.
While the symbolism found in the poetry of the Bhagavad Gita is fascinating, what caught my interest the most was hearing Cope explain how dharma is as relatable today to us in the West as it was meant when originally written over 2,000 years ago. While the idea of purpose is a part of it, it can also be described as acting from our sacred duty or our true self. Getting in touch with our unique dharma on a mental, emotional and spiritual level is a gateway to living a life of purpose and fulfilment—regardless of our age. And according to Cope, our dharma is a fluid experience that changes as we change. But always, it exists to point the way to the life we came here to live.
Like a few of the books I’ve read on finding our purpose, there are certain things we can each do to discover our dharma. Cope recommends that we:
- Ask yourself “what lights me up?” What is it that grabs your interest and won’t let go? What would you do even if you didn’t get paid for it? What is a theme that has played out over and over in your life and seems to matter?
- Uncover your personal “gifts” or talents. Cope says most of us aren’t that good at recognizing our own real talents. Instead, ask close or intimate friends to tell you what they think are your gifts.
- Explore your challenges or “wounds”. It is often our limitations or perceived disabilities that hold a key to our unique and special contribution to make on this planet. Cope tells the story of Marian Woodman who, when she developed cancer, decided to use that as the focus of her writing and dharma from then on out.
- What do you feel you have a duty to bring forth? Not duty like “I have to do this because everyone thinks I should.” The duty behind dharma is not guilt-ridden. Instead, this is a responsibility you hold deep within that you know that if you don’t do it, you will regret it for the rest of your life.
- Think of the small as large. Lots of people want to imagine their purpose as something grandiose. But Cope tells stories of people, like Henry David Thoreau, who started out wanting to be a famous world-renowned author. It wasn’t until he surrendered to Walden Pond (along with a copy of the Bhagavad Gita) to explore what mattered to him deep inside that he found his true dharma—and his writing flowed from there. Even then, his real notoriety didn’t occur until after he passed and was not the fuel that created his most important work.
- Often dharma requires a sacrifice. No, this doesn’t mean you must sacrifice your family or your dog. What I think Cope is talking about is that we all have to make choices and decisions and that nearly everything is a trade-off. We can’t be and do everything—we have to choose. Excellence requires practice. Discernment is critical. In order to live our dharma, we must choose to let go of things that distract and limit us.
Of course, Cope believes there are a number of caveats to watch out for along the way. He claims the biggest obstacle seems to be doubt. Not only does that indecision often stop us in our tracks, Cope believes that most of us end up torn between our options and sit down in a lawn chair at the crossroads and forget about any movement at all. He claims the example of Robert Frost as a person who wrote deeply about the choice he made at the crossroads of his life. Anyone remember, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference?” In order to truly live our best life, we must make a choice, move beyond the doubt that holds us back, and with aim and precision stay true to our dharma.
Another caveat is the idea of romanticizing our purpose. Cope explains how many people think that finding their purpose means that they have to chuck their boring job and move to Paris to be a painter. Instead, Cope suggests that we find out how we can bring our best and deepest selves to whatever work is in front of us. Of course, that may mean that we leave a dull and soul-sucking job for something near and dear to our hearts, but maybe not. It may mean that we find a job for less money and one that offers more time to pursue our passions. But more importantly, it doesn’t mean drowning ourselves in escapism. Cope seems to believe that our deepest souls are constantly seeking ways to express our unique selves at any age or stage.
Also of value are what are knowns as the Four Pillars of Dharma. Cope teaches that the following guidelines are a necessary part of fulfilling our dharma. They are:
- Look to your dharma. In other words, strive constantly to make it a focal point in whatever you are doing. Again, precision and aim are essential.
- Do it full out. Action is critical to dharma. But don’t just start something, give it your all. Practice. Practice.
- Let go of the fruits. In other words, refuse to be attached to the outcome. If we stay attached to how it looks to others, whether others like it, whether we get paid for it, or if others approve of it, we dilute the power of our dharma. Trust and be true to your true nature. Do it for the simple reason that it brings you fulfillment and you believe it adds value to the greater whole.
- Turn it over to something greater than yourself. Whether you call it nature, Krishna, Buddha, Mother Mary or whatever, recognize that your place in the Universe needs your piece of the puzzle to continue and be unified.
What makes Cope’s approach so rewarding, for me at least as a writer, is that he has interviewed and studied dozens of different people through the years that drew inspiration from the ideas behind the Bhagavad Gita and its concept of dharma. A few of his examples come from Walt Whitman, Susan B. Anthony, Beethoven, and Mohandas Gandhi besides the others I mentioned above. I found the stories Cope tells about the challenges they faced, especially their self-doubt, to be very powerful and inspiring. Each of them, unique in their own way (as we all are) gave their gift to the world. Still, as Cope points out, it is better to fail at our own dharma than to succeed at someone else’s.
You may be surprised to learn that I haven’t yet read Stephen Cope’s book, The Great Work of Your Life—A Guide for the Journey to Your True Calling where he fully covers these profound ideas. But as Cope recommends, it’s SMART to begin with “what lights you up.” For that reason, I have a copy of the book on order after just listening to several free podcasts online. If the idea of living your true self “lights you up,” and you want to be inspired, it may be SMART to start seeking your dharma and then to do your best to live it full-out.
Okay, your turn. What lights you up? What are your talents? What do you do on a regular basis whether you get paid or not? What’s excuse do you give to keep from living your dharma? Please share in the comments below.
Kathy – excellent post. Gives me encouragement. I know what I am meant to do now, in second career, but I have no idea yet, how I will be paid for it. I’m sure the solution will come to me, even if my husband is not convinced.
Cheers,
-CW at DailyCreatives
Hi Christine, Glad to hear you found it helpful. Maybe the most powerful purpose comes when we are willing to do it even if we don’t get paid?? You’ll have that satisfaction even if your husband doesn’t! ~Kathy
This is a wonderful post, Kathy – I’ve been struggling lately with trying to find a purpose to my life. I’ve been through some health issues this past year – everything is looking up – but it’s left me wondering what I am doing here on this Earth. I have children and grandchildren, a full time job and 2 dogs and a cat. I want to do and try so many things, but won’t allow myself to pursue anything; i.e., taking a yoga class for fear that I’m not being fair to the dogs not being there. I know that’s crazy, but that’s where I am. I am looking for that purpose and am questioning myself about the things that really make me happy and excited. Thanks for listening.
Hi Beth! It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life so it’s no wonder that you find yourself a bit stuck. I’m glad to hear that your health issues are getting better–and just doing that is a huge thing, because when our health is challenged that can take over all other priorities. But now that you have things headed in the right direction it sounds like one of the best things you can do is be gentle with yourself. What’s the saying? One step at a time? I don’t know about you but I can find myself overwhelmed whenever I try to take on too much. But then, perhaps your next best step is just recognizing what does bring you joy and write that down. Try not to censor yourself and just list what brings a smile to your face. Who knows where that will lead? Of course, I’m no expert at any of us. Just a fellow traveler on the path of life. You might also consider getting hold of a copy of the book by Stephen Cope. I barely scratched the surface of what he has to say about this topic, so that just might be an action step you can take…and you can do it at home with your dogs (and cat!) I’m also of the mindset that most of us hold the answers we say we seek within us. We just need to quiet ourselves enough to hear. May your guidance lead you in exactly the right direction to find the answers you seek. ~Kathy
Thanks so much, Kathy. I look forward to your post every week. It’s been such an inspiration
What is so interesting about this, Kathy, about the idea of dharma, is it closely resembles the notion of serious leisure. Something we choose to do or be involved with, that takes our time and commitment, and triggers our creative juices. At retirement, many folks get into their serious leisure pursuits, but like dharma, they can happen at any age. Blogging and photography are serious leisure pursuits for me–strictly volunteer, all by choice, no one twisting my arm. Without these dharmas, our lives would indeed be flat and lifeless. Thanks for giving me another word to explain leisure concepts to students 🙂
Hi Terri! I have never heard of the term “serious leisure” before. But I can’t help but believe that using the word “leisure,” no matter how serious it might be, trivializes living your dharma. Isn’t usually equated to “free time” or nothing else to do? I think of blogging, photography and even volunteering as something that brings deep satisfaction to a person who is following their dharma by doing it. Of course, it is semantics about how we use the words, but I wholeheartedly agree that our lives would be flat and lifeless without them. Thanks for tweaking the conversation a bit. ~Kathy
I was introduced to the Bhagavad Gita and Dharma by a very talented speaker at a life-long living lecture and I appreciate being reminded of these valuable concepts. I’m still not sure “what lights me up” but I’m enjoying the exploration.
Hi Janis! Always happy to remind people of things they know but may have forgotten! And maybe you need to ask a very close friend or your DH, about your gifts or talents? That might point you in the right direction. After reading your blog for a while I could even guess that “travel” is what lights you up–but that’s just my guest. Sometimes the quest is the best part of the journey. Thanks for your thoughts on this. ~Kathy
Kathy, you have written exactly what I needed to read today. There are so many points in your blog post that resonate with me deeply that I hardly know where to begin.
This business of finding my purpose is a knotty problem that I have been mulling over (and writing about on my blog) for quite some time. I don’t know what my purpose is. But I think I have been conceptualizing it way too narrowly. For one thing, I have been thinking of it in a functional or technical way, as in: I am a tool designed to accomplish what? As well, I have been thinking of it as a single pursuit or passion, but there is no way that I could thrive with only ONE main pursuit.
But you describe dharma as “it exists to point the way to the life we came here to live.” This is a much bigger and more holistic notion, and it gives me more scope for thinking about how to define *my* purpose. So too do the following statements: “What do you feel you have a duty to bring forth?“ “explore what mattered to him deep inside“ “acting from our sacred duty or our true self.”
Thanks for this. I am going to have to look up those podcasts.
Jude
Hi Jude! Thank you for letting me know that this post resonated with you. I was very taken with the idea as described by Stephen Cope and really holding myself back from reading his book (because I have about half a dozen in the queue ahead of his!) But I too felt it was something that illuminated many issues for me and definitely consider it a holistic version of “purpose.” There are only a few podcasts…I think I found one or two linked to his website and another on Hay House Radio. Good stuff. ~Kathy
Kathy you are reading some good stuff! I love the question, “What do you feel you have a duty to bring forth?” I feel driven to my writing, and did so even when nobody was reading. It is deeply important and personal to me. I thought of trying to write on more typical or useful topics so that I would more easily found readers, but it wasn’t true to who I am. Slowly but surely, my readings are finding me because I know who I am and what I need to write.
Thanks for the inspiration today!
Hi Michele! Good for you for recognizing that writing things that might be more popular but didn’t feel like “you” was not the path to take. And you make a great point in reminding us all to trust that the right readers will find us as long as we do stay true to who we are. And that is the best reward, right? Thanks for your comment. ~Kathy
Hi, Kathy.
“Do what you love, and you’ll never work another day in your life.” I really like etymology or just histories of the things I love. Thank you for this very informative blog, Kathy!
Hi Susana! Welcome to SMART Living and thank you for your comment. I’m glad you found this post a good reminder of things you love. ~Kathy
As you probably expected, I totally like the dharma idea. Everyone should live a fulfilling life that gives them purpose and fills them with joy and completeness. In many ways, I think we should start small, because external factors prevent many of us to follow our dharma, especially during hectic times.
I write a lot, without getting paid. Not sure whether it is a talent, my dharma or a passion. I enjoy it, but easily set it aside in exchange for dog walking or meetings with friends, which I consider “more fun”. I used to be more uptight about my blogging, but have eased that “stress” about posting on certain days or about certain topics if I didn’t feel like it or other things got in the way.
Not sure what my talent is. I used to think it is table tennis, but I’ve never tested that. 🙂 I know what my passions are: travel, nature and animals.
Looking forward to your review of “The Great Work of Your Life—A Guide for the Journey to Your True Calling”.
Hi Liesbet! If I did nothing more than get you thinking about this–then good! I LOVE to do that! Maybe that is a talent? If not it is certainly a passion. And I also love it when others do the same for me. Maybe that’s why I enjoy reading all these books so much. I also appreciated Stephen Cope’s perspective when he said that our dharma changes as we change. What “lit us up” when we are young changes, and I would assume as we mature, in many cases. The fulfillment comes when we follow the lead. Knowing that you love Travel, nature and animals…is a big key to possible roads you can follow. Finding where and how they blend just might be why you are blogging and writing. But who knows? Ultimately only we ourselves can know for sure. ~Kathy
Kathy, this is fabulous information, so motivating. Thanks for posting it. I had no idea about dharma. When I was working fulltime in a career that used up everything I had, I was left drained of the energy / creativity to write. Writing was my passion. Like many writers, I knew it from the time I was a child. But I learned to look at my job as a creative effort, well worth the depletion effect. It was worthwhile, and I gave it everything I had. Finally, I was able to semi-retire from it, and then it was time to write.
What a lovely post. I’m motivated to learn more.
Hi Lynne. Thank you. I have to admit that I was deeply inspired after just hearing Cope speak on one podcast. I was unfamiliar with his work until now. And thanks for sharing your own background with us all. Like you said, your previous occupation drained you of your energy and creativity–no wonder you wanted to retire. I can’t help but wonder if more of us embraced our dharma from the beginning, would there be this huge push for us to retire at a certain age. Cope is convinced that if we are living our dharma that we will only deepen and evolve our talents as we age and that there is no limit to where it will eventually lead. Cope recounts the story of Beethoven who in the end, in spite of losing his hearing and suffering tragedy after tragedy when on to compose some of his most transcendent pieces very late in his life. May we all be filled with such focus and commitment to our dharma that we never want it to end. ~Kathy
Very wise words indeed. Why do we wait and, yes, doubt is a huge thing with most of us.
Hi Brigitte! Thank you. I’m glad to hear you found some value in this. It was really helpful for me to hear how so very many writers doubted that they were any good and whether they had something of value to offer others. But the book doesn’t just talk about writers. A couple of the more well-known people he writes about include Jane Goodall, Susan B Anthony, and Beethoven. But he does weave the stories of everyday people into it as well. Remember, Dharma has nothing to do with fame. May we all find what we need to get past that doubt. Thanks for your comment. ~Kathy\
Hi Kathy! I’ve read a number of comments this week about our blogs and social media taking over and the guilt we feel if we miss a post. I totally agreed with everyone but after reading your post I can see a different way of looking at blogging. It does give me a purpose and a way to connect with other. It is up to us to manage any expectations that we place on ourselves. Thank you for helping me with sorting my thoughts.
Hi Sue! Thanks for your perspective on this. There is certainly nothing wrong with a person approaching blogging or any occupation as work. But I do believe it is much harder to sustain it in the long run. That’s why so very many bloggers give up after a couple of years. Some are far better writers than I am but they give up because it often doesn’t match their expectations of a “job” (like bring in lots of income or whatever.) And as you know, it does take a great deal of time and effort. So if you don’t LOVE your job on a deep level (whatever that job might be), chances are good you won’t stick with it and give it your all. AND, probably can’t wait to retire from it. When you do love what you do, it’s the Confucius quote: “Love what you do and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Glad I got you thinking–you know that’s one of my intentions with this blog, right? ~Kathy
Really interesting stuff Kathy – it takes the pressure off the whole “find your Passion” and live a life that is all about that Passion. It all comes down to balance and doing what needs to be done in life, but also having things that are meaningful to you alone – not necessarily to other people – that give you a boost and a little bit of joy in the mundane.
Hi Leanne! Thanks for bringing up that idea of passion. I think there is too much emphasis on that these days because passion can mean lots of different things to different people. I think kids believe it is just doing whatever you want because you want to 🙂 And Cope is pretty clear that isn’t dharma. But if you think of passion as something that “lights you up” then yes, some of that applies. Mostly, from what I understand, it is just following our own guidance and doing what we feel we are called to do. And yes, sometimes that is mundane. But the inner satisfaction is always worthwhile. Thank for your thoughts on this. ~Kathy
Great post and yes as a fellow blogger I totally agree with you. No, the world won’t end if I miss writing a post but the process is important to me and (hopefully) to my readers. There is a sense of purpose and commitment for me.
Hi Jan! Good for you for recognizing your own purpose and commitment. I think lots of us want to believe that we do that, but if we allow others to steer us off course we will never know that deep satisfaction that comes for doing what we believe we were born for. I love that Cope spends a lot of time talking about how even the greatest people among us carried doubt. But even then they persevered and did what they were called to do. May we all do the same. Thanks for your comment! ~Kathy
I love this post, and the wise comments that it has generated. I’m glad that you left lunch and went back to your writing. I learn a great deal from your thoughts and research. I am very grateful for both your wisdom and your generosity.
Hi Donna! Oh yes. Not everyone gets what and why we do what we do so we can’t let them stop us. Maybe that is a good indication of what our dharma is don’t you think? And thank you for your kind words and support. It is finding friends that know and celebrate your dharma with you that is icing on the cake. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy. What lights you up. This week I have forced myself to pile lots of PAPER on the floor, sit there and sort through it. Amazing what it is: writing, writing writing. Stories. articles, notes. All written by me over the years. I have published one collection of 13 stories and I have enough for another. And three novels, one that I have revised forever and hope to query for an agent–AGAIN. So I know what light me up. And I don’t give up. Being able to write, next to having three children and a loving husband, is my life. I am fortunate to know that. Thanks for your post.
Hi Beth! Thanks for pointing out that persistence is surely part of our dharma. Cope doesn’t really use that word but it sure fits with my interpretation. He repeatedly mentions that just recognizing your talents or what lights you up isn’t enough. We must then move to evolve and grow our gift to the very best of our abilities. Everyone who succeeded at their dharma puts in hours and hours of practice (the 10,000 rule!). But because that is what we inherently came here to do, it isn’t difficult, it is our dharma. Good for you for knowing yours so deeply and YES! Then celebrating the goodness of your own life. Thanks for your comment, Beth. ~Kathy
I enjoyed this especially as blogging matters to me too and we shouldn’t let others bring us down.
Hi Debbie! So true. May we all know and remember that what we do matters. Let’s stay true to ourselves and just keep doing the work. Thanks for your thoughts. ~Kathy
Thoughtful post. And I’m glad it includes that point that we shouldn’t romanticize our purpose. I agree we need to dig deep and be honest and find our real purpose — not to be self-indulgent, but to connect with other people and make a difference in the world. See “Mr. Holland’s Opus”, one of my favorite movies.
Hi Tom! Thanks for pointing that out again. It is pretty easy in our society to glamorize what we think we want to do and become, isn’t it? Most people want to be the best, or the most famous or be the “top paid” in any occupation. That is so “NOT DHARMA!” Cope makes a big point of saying that the dharma teaches that we “can’t be anything we want to be.” Instead, the dharma teaches that we can only be the best “us” that we can be. According to his teaching, there is only something our unique self has to add to the world and that is our dharma regardless of what else catches our eye. That’s why that quote that says, it’s better to fail at our own dharma than succeed at someone else’s applies. And I agree that Mr. Holland’s Opus is a great movie! ~Kathy
This is a great post Kathy! So many people monetize their talents and efforts only and can not understand when others do not.Artists are people living their Dharma. I thought artists must have a thick skin for all the critics and criticism they endure but really if they are in the zone of their Dharma it isn’t thick skin.
Hi Haralee! Oh yes. In our culture, we almost train ourselves (and our children) that if something doesn’t “pay well” then why do it? Can you imagine a world where instead of chasing after the dollar we actually conditioned ourselves to pursue “what lights us up?” I’m not saying that we don’t sometimes need to do things that are uncomfortable, like getting a job, and Cope doesn’t say that either. But what he does say is that “job” should not be the primary focus of our day or our life unless it is in alignment with our purpose in some way. We should continue to pursue our dreams and share our dharma along the way–always. What a different world it would likely be if we did. But as you say, in the meantime, those of us who know our dharma can overlook those who don’t understand! ~Kathy
Kathy, I concur with the sentiment in the title. So much of what matters pre-retirement continues into the “retirement” phase of life. Years ago, I heard this phrase – Do life so life doesn’t do me. That phrase motivated me to consciously live a purposeful, value-based life. I knew that I didn’t want to be defined by my formal work role or my family of origin or by social roles as wife/mother, at the same time recognizing the influence they all have one on the other. I know that I value service to others. I know that I have a socio-emotional intelligence. I know that I value balance in many aspects of my life. I know that I value function over form. I know that I value my self and my home. This all contributes to how I live my life. It’s not always comfortable or easy but focusing on my values carries me through the rough patches.
Hi Mona! Thank you for providing such excellent examples of how to stay focused on what really matters to you–and then living it full out. And as you said, “it’s not always comfortable or easy but focusing on my values carries me through the rough patches.” Comfort is usually over-rated don’t you think? Finding that meaning and living full-out in pursuit of our values and passions is so much more rewarding. ~Kathy
Loved this! I know exactly what you are saying! My version is that people should “find adventure” and that only means to search for what matters to YOU! What are the goals and dreams that make YOU unique? Thank for the reminder, we need to do this today, not when we retire. You are an inspiration.
Hi Suzanne! I love that idea of “finding adventure.” My favorite quote of all time is Helen Keller’s, “Life is a daring adventure or nothing!” And yes, don’t you agree that we all need to remind each other over and over to listen to our own inspiration rather than to follow the herd! Thanks for your comment. ~Kathy
Kathy, Once again you seem to have looked at me and said, “Sue, this is what you need to hear right now; this is what you are searching for”. In May I will retire after completing my last semester as a high school teacher. I am excited about it but can’t help but feel a wee bit apprehensive about whether or not I will be able to find my dharma. Honestly, I can’t say what lights me up, or what talents I might have hidden inside of me. I do not long to spend time in the garden, can’t even draw a straight line, and have no grandchildren. But I do get excited about the journey toward finding what does light me up. So, I too have ordered my copy of Cope’s book and thank you for, once again, being my spark.
Hi Sue. Thank you for letting me know you found value in this post. And I hope you find his work as inspiring as well. My copy has arrived and now I just have to fit it in with all the others! From what I have learned from those who have retired, sometimes you just need to give yourself permission to pause and regroup after retirement. It’s coming, so no need to rush it right. Then, as far as where to go from here you might start with his third suggestion of asking close friends about your gifts/talents. Sometimes that objective point of view can be very valuable. You are at the brink of an amazing new time of life and never doubt that the future can be as satisfying and happy as you decide to make it. ~Kathy
I totally get what you’re describing. As a fellow blogger who writes for baby boomer women, I can’t NOT write. It’s the juice that gets me going in the morning and influences me every day of my life. Thanks for the validation. Check me out at boomerbroadcast.net.
Hi Lynda! Good for you for recognizing how important writing is to you and doing it regardless of what anyone else thinks. As long as we keep our eye (focus) on that and don’t let the naysayers lead us astray, we get to enjoy the experience of our dharma. That is definitely reward enough. And yes, I’ll check out your site. Thanks for your comment. ~Kathy