The phrase, “you create your own reality” has been part of the Western vernacular for at least several decades now. Originally a statement promoted by those with a more progressive perspective on life, the idea behind the phrase is now commonly found everywhere from books to television, to popular music and in movies. But while I’ll admit that it is empowering to think I influence my world, and easy to imagine that your reality can be very different from mine, obviously that doesn’t mean I can just flap my arms and fly just because I want to “create that.” So what does the statement really mean? Is it true? And if yes, how does that lead to a SMART and happy life?
First off I think it is important to acknowledge that this is not just another new age statement. While the exact phrase, “you create your own reality” may have come from Jane Roberts back in the 1970’s, others have expressed similar ideas for several millennia. The Buddha said, “What you dwell upon you become.” Jesus said, “It is done unto you as you believe.” Hindu mysticism from Shankaracharya says, “Whatever a person’s mind dwells on intensely and with firm resolve, that is exactly what he becomes.” It says in the Talmud, “We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
More recent sages like Ralph Waldo Emerson have said, “We become what we think about all day long.” Walt Disney said, “If you can dream it you can do it.” Napoleon Hill said, “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.” Norman Vincent Peale said, “Change your thoughts and you change your world.” Wayne Dyer says, “You see it when you believe it.” And let’s not forget Oprah who repeats this message frequently by saying things like, “Remember, you are co-creating your life with the energy of your own intentions.” There is even scientific support of the idea as I explored in my previous post, The Science Behind “You Get To Make It Up.
Taking it even further is the work of Abraham-Hicks in their work The Law Of Attraction. As I’ve mentioned before, I was never a big fan of how LOA ideas were promoted through the movie The Secret. Regrettably, at least in my opinion, some of that movie seemed to reduce the entire point of existence on the planet to merely fulfilling our own personal desires and having all the “stuff” any person could ever want. However, after listening to more of Abraham-Hicks I have found underneath all that unconditional approval for how others create their own reality, there is actually a deeper message. That deeper message is one of empowerment where I am always the creator of my thoughts and actions. More importantly, that message points out that what most of us want, even when we think we need “stuff” to make it happen, is to experience meaning, purpose, and well-being in our lives. Fortunately, with the proper focus that is within our ability.
Again, the message reminds me that regardless of the experience happening around me, how I respond, how I choose to perceive that experience is always my choice. Even when the reality I am going through and observing is not perfect—in fact sometimes quite ugly—what I choose to take away from any of it is definitely my prerogative. And while I can’t “fly” just because I think it would be fun, I can certainly purchase an airline ticket and go where I want, decide what to see and do on my “journey”, and determine the people who accompany me day-in and day-out. From those perspectives, I do indeed create my own reality. Perhaps an even better way of thinking about it is that I create the experience of my reality each and every minute.
Another view on this idea came to me this morning while listening to a talk by author and speaker Caroline Myss. A longtime fan, I’ve always appreciated Myss for her blunt honesty and insights. This topic was no exception. In case you’re wondering, Myss does not deny, “we create our own reality.” Instead, she raises the question, “Why?” What does it matter if we create our own reality if all we are striving for is to get what we think we want in life? In her opinion, many of us are drawn to it for the sole purpose of creating a safer and more “controllable” life for ourselves. Instead, Myss suggests that the real meaning behind “we create our own reality” is that it is “meant to liberate us”. She continues with, “It’s meant to make you not like the life you have.” Its primary purpose is to make us start focusing on what our lives can be if we live courageously, honestly and full-out. She encourages us to ask ourselves, “How am I creating my reality? From what level?” Am I using it to access the bigger part of me or the smaller, fearful part that just wants to be safe?
Yet another perspective that offers an even wider view of the topic is the idea of co-creation or inter-being. On the surface, most of us tend to approach the idea of “creating our reality” from a surface level dualistic perspective. Maybe the best question is acknowledging a deep interconnection with the Wholeness of Life Itself. From that perspective, we are always constantly creating reality and having reality created around us, all at the same time at every moment. No duality. Only One. That’s why a word like co-creation acknowledges that we never act independently of All-That-Is, even when we like to think that we do.
What if creating our reality is less about making ourselves feel safe, protected and in control and more about trusting that we can be happy and at peace with the uncertainty of life no matter what occurs? Maybe it’s less to do with making sure everything works perfectly in our favor, to instead seeing everything as it unfolds as already perfect. Chances are good we are alive and present at this time for much more than playing it safe and getting everything we ever thought we wanted. SMART Living 365 suggests that maybe, just maybe, conscious co-creating with the Universe is what we have been looking for all along.
Thank you, Kathy. I believe a lot of people are creating their reality, even those who are ‘aware,’ based on their reflections and feedback from this physical world. There’s certainly nothing wrong with this, but this physical reality is extremely limited. It’s like trying to create a smile on your face through the reflection in the mirror, and if that reflection has a frown it’s going to be tough. This physical reality is the manifested result of the Infinite…kind of the after-effect, sort of.
Instead, we can find a more effective means (and we’re more powerful) when we create our reality from the space of the Infinite. We get tripped up with these 5 senses, and we all know they’re lying to us. The information we receive from our 5 senses is not only limited, it’s also flawed…and then, sadly, we create from this limited space. I’ve written an article myself on this exact topic. Consciously creating our own reality puts us in a space of empowerment because we’re creating using the same space that creates worlds.
Hi Christall! Welcome to SMART Living and thank you for adding your experience to this idea. It is such a deep concept that an entire book on the subject would likely miss some of the subtleties. I so agree that if all we do is base our “reality” on what our senses are showing us, that is only one tiny piece of the puzzle. Creating from our Source is always ideal but most of us are just works in progress. Doing our best from our own current understanding is what I strive to do and then know that it will continue to expand as I do. Thanks again for your thoughts on this! ~Kathy
I have searched all over “google” the internet with a question I have that pertains to “creating your own reality”. While I am a huge fan of and believer in this concept, and also in thoughts being energy and powerful, I am still stuck on one aspect. When I see all of the inspirational quotes, or blogs, or courses or simply just articles outlining the path to being more conscious and aware and creating a powerful reality you desire, I think of the human beings on this planet that no amount of personal conscious thought or creating reality could ever help them. I’m talking some real dire situations here. Filthy water to drink, barely enough food to eat, no proper sanitation…where do these folks fit into the “create your own reality”. It is my only hangup with this system of thought and I don’t know how to appease my belief in this thought while knowing there are a lot of people in this world that will never have the opportunities that I have no matter how much they guide their thought and try to create their own reality. Anyone have any light to shed on my psychological dilemma?
Hi Staci! Thank you for bringing up the BIG question that is on everyone’s mind when they really think about the statement, “you create your own reality.” I’ve attempted to answer it the best I am able in the blog post, but it is really only something each of us can answer on our own. No matter what I say, I can’t give you a final answer. But the first step is always the question you raise. There are lots of voices on the web in support or against the topic. I am confident you will find what you seek as long as you keep an open mind. ~Kathy
Thank you so much for the response and earnestness/honesty! Love your blog, I’m a new reader. Always seeking information and truths about the universe. Peace to you! 🙂
Staci
Your post is reminding me of being back in the 70’s when I was completely entranced with Jane Robert’s books about Seth. I couldn’t get enough of them and they turned around the way I thought about life forever. The line, “You create your own reality” is forever embedded into my consciousness. It gives me a sense of empowerment. Since then though, I’ve become more of a Tao of Pooh kind of person. I try not to analyze too much and live more in the moment. I know I create my own reality but I’m not going to stress if it doesn’t come out perfect.
Hi Rebecca! Thanks for your thoughts on this. Yes, isn’t it true that if the statement clicks with you it can be so very empowering? Of course if it comes at the wrong time it can be off-putting but for most of us I’d say it is what we need to hear at the right time. But then, as you say, our experience of it evolves past the “what’s in it for me?” idea to one of flow and co-creation. And yes, I think we also understand that if it doesn’t come out perfectly the way we think we wanted it to, it comes out just the way it is supposed to for our highest good. ~Kathy
Thank you for a thought-provoking piece. It’s always good to spend at least a few moments each day reflecting on how we are co-creating our reality. It’s so easy to get caught up in the “day-to-day” and forget.
Like you, I find a lot of what’s said in “The Secret” just doesn’t do this approach any favors. People confuse wanting control over specific events and specific things with dream fulfillment.
But it’s not about the glass slipper — it’s only when Cinderella loses it that she gains so much more.
When we embrace non-duality, trust uncertainty, and let go of our glass slipper, we are choosing to participate in true co-creation.
That’s when I feel I’m creating my own reality … and I really feel it when I’m doing it well, deep down in my body and spirit.
Hi T.O. Weller! Welcome to SMART Living and thank you for your ideas about this. I love your statement, “People confuse wanting control over specific events and specific things with dream fulfillment.” And then, “But it’s not about the glass slipper — it’s only when Cinderella loses it that she gains so much more.” I read somewhere a statement that said essentially, “It’s a good thing we aren’t in control of the Universe, can you imagine what a egoic mess that would be?”
Still, I do believe that The Secret can be a starting point for some people who are looking for a more empowered way of looking at the Universe. If I am honest I know I was initially attracted to New Thought from a fairly self-centered approach. But as I matured I know that my understanding (and consciousness) was able to evolve past that perspective to a far more holistic perspective of co-creation. It sounds to me that you have a somewhat similar perspective. Thanks again for taking the time to offer your thoughts. ~Kathy
The whole idea of “you create your own reality” has always rubbed me the wrong way. Mostly that’s because it’s simplistic. Concepts like karma, duality, and the “mind body connection” are far more complex than we seem to want them to be. It takes work to understand them and then to apply them to our lives. Also, sometimes, I feel like there’s some shaming going on here. There’s this insinuation that if you don’t have what you want, your own reality, then you’re unenlightened and lazy. Now that’s compassionate…
Thanks for the exposition. I will take away the experience of my reality today! You nailed it.
Anita
Hi Anita! Welcome to SMART Living and thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. I get it. I agree that just casually saying, “you create your own reality” sounds very flippant and also very possibly shaming to someone who is going through a challenge. Even if it is true that we create our own reality, it is NOT something that should be lightly expressed. And besides, it would never be about another to begin–and always our point of understanding. But like I’ve said in other comments and hopefully communicated in the post, it is mainly to consider as a start that I always have a choice about how I perceive what is going on. Always. Is it easy? Not at all. But always I can choose to see it from a more aware and empowered way.
Beyond that there is evidence in my own life that my influence is stronger than merely perception. But again, that’s me. Not anyone else. There are plenty of voices out there directing the idea both pro and con. Then again, that is my choice once more. Which do I listen to? Which way to I take my thoughts and my beliefs? IMHO the most compassionate thing I can do is to believe with all my heart that anything can be changed to the positive, but it ALWAYS starts with me and no one else.
Thanks again for your thoughts AND questions! ~Kathy
Thanks for the welcome, Kathy. I really didn’t mean my comment to be a criticism of your ideas. Just a caution for all of us, I guess. As a long time social worker, I suppose I’ve seen too much of the other side.
Best, Anita
Hi Anita! No worries. No offense taken at all! I actually loved your comment because I think so many people think the same thing. As a long time student of the New Thought philosophy I have also seen firsthand the abuse that can be used in the name of enlightenment. Asking a person, “What’s in your consciousness?” can be equally shaming as asking someone why someone created illness or even worse circumstances. If I’m honest I’m sometimes not even ready to ask myself the question. 🙂 But I do consider it empowering when I finally reach that place where I am ready to move beyond (or at least make the very best of) whatever is happening. And for that reason I think it is important to continue to spread the idea. Thanks again for your insight! ~Kathy
Creating own reality has always meant creating my view of my life. It’s true that opportunities appear and sometimes we must position ourselves better for them, but I think that for me it’s always meant to adjust my view as necessary. Profound post today!
Hi Carol! Glad you liked this one. And yes, if we can’t at least start with the idea that our “view”of what is happening is largely up to us there isn’t anywhere to go with this. Then, depending how we define consciousness, intention, and our spiritual place in the world we can go further (or not.) Probably the most important aspect to this idea is what we think/believe about it to begin with. ~Kathy
If we decide we want to change our reality we change what we believe , what we think , what we know before we can change what we do . For instance let’s pretend for a minute that the vast majority of people in America are fed up with the status quo and want peace and prosperity for everybody and everything . If we are truly sincere about wanting to stop violence , bullying , spousal abuse , child abuse , animal abuse , environmental abuse in short all forms of violence period . We have to decide to change our thinking and behavior completely. We would have to declare that no one is entitled under any circumstance to commit violence against anything or anyone for any reason anywhere . Well folks and here is the sticky wicket ! Somewhere someplace back in time it was decided that as long as GOD was on your side against evil, violence is righteous ! Folks unless we are courageous enough to challenge our belief systems and point out the flaws and are willing to change our behavior to conform to what we truly want in our hearts and minds our reality will remain the same . I will leave you with the following quote from Voltaire ” There is no greater evil than a belief that declares itself supreme and therefor claims for itself the right to kill “. Forgive me I would be remiss if I left out my German friend Van Goethe ” There are none more hopelessly enslaved than those that falsely believe they are free ” and of course Diogenes ” There is nothing more terrible than ignorance in action “.
Hi Dale. Welcome to SMART Living and thank you for sharing this twist of the conversation with us all. I completely agree that in order to change our “reality” we must change our perceptions, beliefs and habits–although I prefer to use the concept of “consciousness” because it is more encompassing IMHO. The minute we collectively agree that violence and any form of abuse happening on our planet is unacceptable, it will cease. That’s why I really resonate with the quote by John Lennon that says, “War is over. If you want it.”
And I agree that a great deal of the problems in the world are because of our erroneous thinking/beliefs and corresponding actions. Your quotes are excellent and important reminders. But I also believe we all must be careful believing we have the right and best solution to all the world’s problems. Anytime I think I’ve got the best one and if everyone just listened to me the world would be fine is practicing the same sort of confirmation bias as pointed out in your quotes.. That’s why the ideas of Inter-Being and Co-creation remind me that while I personally might not have the solution, there is something working through me (and everyone) that can bring us to the place we strive for experiencing. That keeps me open and constantly in the flow of the One.
Thanks again for your thoughts on this. ~Kathy
To create my own reality means that I need to remember
-that the Holy One has given me all that I need, so I can be thankful and happy with my gifts;
-that I have at least 100 opportunities every day to say Thank You;
-we are All created in the image of the Holy One; I can rejoice with others and we have responsibilities for each other;
-I didn’t create the world’s problems, but I am not free of trying to rectify (some of) them;
-this is where the Holy One wants me to be right now.
Hi Marthajoy! Welcome to SMART Living and thanks for sharing your perception and “reality” with us all. Because the basis of “creating our own reality” is all about our individual ways of co-creating a life with meaning, peace and wellbeing, I think it is very important for us all to celebrate the unique ways we go about doing that. Yours sounds like a wonderful way to connect and experience It. We only get into trouble when we attempt to tell others that they aren’t “doing it right” or that our way is better, more spiritual or more whatever. I personally love the idea that you “have at least 100 opportunities every day to say Thank You.” ~Kathy
I’m of two minds on this one. I do believe that what you put out there is what you get back (Karma) – and that the way you react to your circumstance has a definite impact on your reality. That said, the whole LOA and “The Secret” strike me as a bit hokey. When I see people creating Vision Boards, I think… cute, but… really? Because I cut a picture of a lovely home out of a magazine and stuck it to a piece of poster board, I will magically get one of those houses? Really? 🙂
I suppose whatever makes you happy and brings you peace of mind is your business and no one elses. So, to all those Secret/ Vision Boarders… carry on!
Hi Nancy! Thank you for raising a question that undoubtedly some others have as well. Actually I completely agree that even if I made up the very best vision board imaginable that would never be enough to give me the ability to fly. I too was never enamored with The Secret for both the superficial approach AND for how they made it seem as though all you had to do was a couple of “techniques” like a vision board and “wa-la!” You can fly!
However, with that said, a vision board actually might be the tiniest little baby step toward taking airplane flying lessons–and me eventually learning to fly. After all, our imagination is but the beginning of recreating a new future for any one of us. If you can’t at least imagine something different, chances are nothing will change. But once that initial step is taken then the real effort of doing anything and everything necessary to live our dreams must come into bearing–including changing our minds, our habits and especially our consciousness. And that usually take TIME. The big problem is that most people want to get something today with very little effort or during a weekend workshop.
I do appreciate that LOA allows people to start right where they are wanting just about anything without judgement. But I feel it fails by not pointing out that the shift requires a great deal more than just wishing something would magically appear.
Speaking of a lovely new home? How’s your own vision board coming along? 🙂 ~Kathy
Kathy, you had perfect timing. I have a relative who has been struggling for the last few months and just called to complain that things had gone from bad to worse. It seems like a snow ball effect for him. I wanted to point out that all he’s done is focus on the negatives. Each time something bad happened he would say “what’s next” I can’t help but think he is bringing on much of his misfortune through his mindset.
Hi Lois! Sorry to hear about your relative. Unfortunately it is just about ALWAYS easier to see trends and patterns in the people around us than it is in our own. And once the momentum of a negative pattern gets going it is like trying to stop (and turn around) a fast moving train. And while it could be that circumstances really are out of your relative’s control in this situation–one thing is certain that a negative expectation will do nothing but make it worse. The challenge for all of us is knowing when what is happening is really something we have the ability to change. I like how Byron Katie says it. She says there is God’s business, other people’s business and our personal business. When it is our personal business, then yes we almost always can “create” something positive out of it. ~Kathy
Very thought provoking. I think this whole concept I would have liked to ponder when I was younger but I think it requires a level of maturity. Never too late, I can give it proper ponder now!
Hi Haralee! I’m glad I got you thinking about this because you KNOW that’s a big intention of mine 🙂 And I agree, I think maturity helps to put this idea into a holistic perspective of our place and sense of the world. And that might also explain why The Secret was so very successful on a purely materialist perspective. When we are younger it is VERY easy to get caught up in how we look, what we own, our image and more superficial ways to look at the world. One of the best blessings about aging is an understanding of the deeper and bigger issues of life here on planet earth–both spiritual and psychological–and the awareness that Life that is so much more fascinating. All fun to ponder for sure! ~Kathy
You know that I agree with you that how we respond to a situation is our choice. And, the choices we make have a great influence on our happiness and our relationships.
Interesting, though, I spent the last few days with a group of people whose lives were negatively affected by childhoods full of alcoholism and dysfunction. It made me realize (once again) how very blessed I was/am to have been raised in a loving and nurturing home. I try never to loose sight of how my childhood, my parent’s financial situation (not rich by any means, but comfortable), where I grew up, etc. – things I had no control over – gave me a foundation that many other people didn’t have. I like to think of myself as positive and resilient, but also try to have empathy for those who find that way of being more of a struggle.
Hi Janis! Thank you for pointing out the paradox of this idea. I agree that it is a lot easier to accept that we “create” something when things are going smoothly and we had it pretty good to begin with. Meanwhile, when we see others who have obviously not be given the advantages that some of us have, it does make us question how something like that can be even possible. We all like things to seem “fair.” But even then I have to ask myself, I were in those difficult circumstances, would I find it more helpful, hopeful and possible to believe that I was stuck or that I could influence my future in a positive way? And for me, I think I would still prefer to believe that I could influence, if not completely alter, my circumstances. And beyond that, perhaps the best kind of empathy is remembering that if Viktor Frankl, a man in the most horrible situation possible was able to say, “The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose ones attitude in any given circumstance,” then just about all of us can uplift the quality our lives in a better way.
What it comes down to is that maybe we shouldn’t be so surprised that some people are able to overcome tremendous odds in spite of their very difficult beginnings. Maybe the surprise is that when so many of us have it really good to begin with, that we fuss or whine about anything! ~Kathy
Kathy, Thank you for this thoughtful and thorough piece! I’m finding, more and more, that this process of co-creating involves listening to the whispers in my consciousness. Whether the whispers are divine guidance or emerging from my own inner being, they invariably lead me toward that which is for my highest good. I am getting somewhat better at living within the circle of ease and grace from which I hear and pay attention to whispers…and then recognize the persons or circumstances that soon manifest. It’s such a more peaceful way to move through life than the anxiety that used to consume me! Nancy
Great post. “Creating your own reality” does have a mystical connotation to it, as if we can mold the world around us like the Matrix! In actuality, there is a reality that we have no control over – like the laws of nature and the circumstances we find ourselves in. The important thing is to understand the choices you do have to make the best of your own life. This, as you say, is empowering and keeps us from passively letting life slip by. It’s about approaching life more as an artist than a factory line worker. Creating your own reality comes back to being intentional!
Hi Michelle! Thank you for your ideas on this topic. I agree that by at least coming from an awareness of how we influence everything that we go through we are better prepared to “approach our lives like artists.” And while that doesn’t always mean it is easy, just that distinction can make all the difference. And yes to the idea of making it intentional. I like how LOA says it, we can either live deliberately or by default. ~Kathy
One of my favorite quotes about creating our own reality is from Deepak Chopra, and I think it’s worth dwelling on: “We lack nothing because our essential nature is one of pure potentiality and infinite possibilities.” Whenever we slip into negativity and self-limiting thinking, that’s a good centering thought to shift our attention to. The true nature of life seems so elusive and abstract at times because we forget “We’re spiritual beings having a physical experience,” to quote Wayne Dyer and others. By becoming too preoccupied with the physical aspects of our existence, we tend to shut off some of those infinite possibilities. Albert Einstein summed it up nicely when he said, “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”
Hi Joel! Welcome to SMART Living. And thanks for adding even more to the ideas in this post. I so agree that we can “slip” out of that place of connection if we don’t stay focused. And yes, if we become too “preoccupied with the physical aspects of our existence, we tend to shut off some of those infinite possibilities.” Of course the message of our physical aspect is constantly in our face (and often our consciousness) so the real challenge is knowing the “spiritual” or non physical reality as much (or more) than the material. I LOVE the Einstein quote because he too acknowledged the challenge! Thank you again for your thoughts. ~Kathy
I love the insight that many people think creating their reality is really creating control and comfort in their lives! I’ve never realized it, but how true! In the last few years, I’ve been more intentional in my thoughts and actions- what a great tool that bit of perspective will be to me when I’m evaluating choices. Great piece!
Hi Tacy! Yes I too found that fascinating. But it makes sense doesn’t it? I think the vast majority of our actions are attempts to make sense of, stay in some semblance of control, and to be safe. Caroline Myss says we often do that with our illnesses and any time we blame others. She believes that even when we hang on to victimization (regardless of whether it is justified or not) we often get stuck using that as control over what we perceive to be the “uncontrollable.” As you say, I think a real key is being very intentional with our thought AND being as honest with ourselves as possible. Thanks for adding to the conversation. ~Kathy
I am a big believer in utilizing Source to co-create my life and every part of my life: where I live, my job, my relationships are a result of this co-creation and manifestation. But sometimes I get caught up in what my ideal is and then I’m frustrated, sometimes even angry before I recenter and remember “It all unfolds in divine order.” I had one of those frustrating days yesterday and was having a hard time finding that center until I opened my email and there you were.
The teacher is always given to us when we need her the most. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, your gift, your insight.
Hi Laura! Thank you so much for your thoughts on this. Isn’t it always a “dance” to remember what we know and then move forward? Thom and I are taking tai chi and it’s challenging me now to move forward and “learn” a new way of expressing myself. Sometimes in certain parts of doing the movement I feel very confident and in the “flow” and other times I’m jerking my head around trying to figure out what comes next because I’ve totally forgotten. Your comment reminded me of that “dance” and how we can’t beat up on ourselves (okay we do, but maybe we shouldn’t!) and just remember to support and inspire each other. I am happy to support you and so very much appreciate your support of me! ~Kathy
Interesting outlook. I continually strive for a balance between being aware of the thoughts that “I’ve chosen” to entertain and trusting in a higher being. This balance keeps me sane (and safe from my insecurities).
Hi Mona! I agree that we should all find a place where this works for us and brings value and purpose to our lives. Staying sane is good! I think the reason I like the idea of creating my own reality for myself and others is that it empowers us and keeps us connected to our Source (whatever that might mean) in ways that are much more intimate that most religion teach. Finding that place that feels right to each of us is so very important. Thanks for your thoughts on this! ~Kathy