Retirement is a big topic for many of us in midlife. The usual approach is to figure out how much money you can possibly save up so that you can continue the lifestyle you have created for you and your family. The other approach is to downsize and sacrifice so you can live on whatever you think you’ll be forced to get by living on and with. There is another way. Several years ago Thom and I came up with what is a middle (and we think better) way that is seldom mentioned. That way is to “right-size” your life as soon as possible. Then whether you choose to finally retire, or decide you will continue creating in some capacity for as long as you live—your life will be filled with qualities and activities that bring you happiness, purpose, and peace of mind.
So what is right-sizing and why will that help? To keep things simple I came up with two main steps to creating a right-sized life. The first step is to approach right-sizing from a psychological and holistic perspective to creating a quality life. Here are what I believe are critical questions to ask yourself:
* What kind of a life do you want to live? Okay, I’ll admit that this one sounds obvious. But I’m constantly amazed that more people I know don’t seem to have a clue. Life seems to happen “to” them and they spend all of their time and energy reacting to whatever comes along.
Of course Thom and I started out that way ourselves. We sort of had an idea what we wanted, but we were as susceptible as most people to cultural messages telling us that the way to be happy was to make lots of money and buy lots of stuff. Still, something within Thom knew he wanted to be self-employed at just about any cost. Fortunately, finding work was never a problem for either of us. However, finding work that would pay us enough to live on was something we struggled with for many years.
Gradually we developed the talents and consciousness that enabled us to create work that paid well. And because we had lived modestly for so long, we didn’t go too crazy buying a bunch of stuff on credit or a humongous house that sucked up every bit of that income. However, although we managed to live within our means, we still spent pretty much every dollar we made, and our lifestyle came at a cost of a mortgage, plenty of bills and corresponding stress.
Then five years ago we came to the conclusion that the debt we were carrying around was sucking all the enjoyment out of the lives. Sure we had a nice house, nice cars, nice stuff—but at what price? Was all that stuff really that important to us?
So for the next six months we sat down together, did a lot of soul searching, and started imagining a life filled with activities and experiences we felt would bring us happiness, purpose and peace of mind. We’ve since learned that taking the time and being clear about this is essential. What kind of life do you want to live? Without looking at how others do it, or watching a TV program and dreaming about it, sit down with a piece of paper and really figure out what’s important to you.
* If you did retire, or could do whatever you wanted all day, what would you do? A friend named Pete loves restoring old motorcycles. When he retired he bought a home where he built a large motorcycle shop attached to his home and he works day and night on those motorcycles. He also purchased a home near a popular and spectacular location for riding motorcycles, so when not working on them he spends time riding them. By deciding what was important and what he loved spending time on, he has right-sized his life.
You’ve probably heard the question: What would you do if you didn’t have to make money doing it? This is the same question with a slightly different perspective. It asks, what would you like to spend your days doing if you didn’t have to worry about money? The real answer to that question can tell you more than you realize.
We all need purpose and meaning to live a happy and fulfilled life. Unfortunately some people seem to think that merely leaving an unhappy workplace will make them happy. Wrong! Lazing around, playing golf or bouncing grandkids on your lap might work for a while, but unless those activities are so bound up in your sense of fulfillment, purpose and happiness, boredom will likely set in—and yes, kids do grow up and don’t like to be bounced!
* Make a list of all the things you love doing that don’t cost a dime. When you think about it, we aren’t asked this question very often. Most of the time, we are being sold on new exciting items that we supposedly need to buy before we can even think about being happy. But chances are good that there are numerous things that you enjoy doing that cost nothing. For example, a few free things that I love to do are: a) take a walk with Thom and Kloe just about any where we are; 2) go to free community concerts or lectures; or 3) sit and write an interesting blog post; 4) work in my garden; 5) catch up with friends; etc. Okay your turn. What do you like doing that doesn’t cost you a thing?
* Figure out what activities stimulate you so that you could do them for hours on end. For example, I LOVE to plan vacations. I can sit for hours on the Internet figuring out a weekend trip out of town, or a month long vacation. In fact, I get about as much pleasure from planning vacations as I do actually taking them. Another friend of mine loves to cook and will spend hours pouring over recipes planning healthy and inexpensive meals for her friends and family. What is it that grabs your attention and keeps it occupied for hours?
* What experiences are you most excited to tell others about? Photography has always been something Thom enjoys. Once you have invested the money in a camera (and no it doesn’t have to be the most impressive one out there) he spends hours taking photos, working with photos, reading about photos online and studying how other people do it—and then he loves to talk to other people about photography. What is it that YOU love to tell others about?
* Do you like where you live? Where else have you always dreamed of living? One thing I’ve noticed about people is that we all enjoy different locations. Some people prefer cold weather. Me? I could live the rest of my life without it. Some like the desert, some like ocean, some like the mountains. Figuring out the place you feel best is simple—having the courage to move there, no matter what, is the challenge. Oh, and don’t pick a location just because you want to be near someone else like family or a new lover. What happens if they move away or lose interest? Where is your place on the planet?
Another side to this question is how does your living location fit your dream lifestyle. For example, even though Thom and I used to live in a very nice “gated community,” it actually felt very divisive. When we bought our new home we wanted to live close to a local “village” area where we could walk and bike to stores, the library, restaurants, parks and all sorts of other services. What’s important to you? Do you need to be out in the country so you can have a huge garden? Is seclusion important to you? Again, never settle on a location because it sounds good, or worse yet—you can buy it cheap. Instead, seek out what will make your smile on a regular basis.
* How do you like to give back to others? As has been said, those who are most happy in life have figured out a way to be of service to other people. What service have you provided to others in the past that not only makes you feel good about yourself, but is fun, inspiring and uplifting in the process? Getting in touch with this quality adds immense value to your life and doesn’t usually cost a cent.
* What kind of people inspire, uplift and make you feel healthy, happy and valuable? There are dozens of reasons to select a location and live around people who feed your soul. Science now shows if you hang out with overweight people you are very likely to be heavy yourself. By the same token, if you hang around unhappy, unmotivated, unloved people you too will feel that much of the time too. Don’t assume only a significant other or family will love you into your future—make the kind of friends that bring out the very best in you, make you smile and lift you up.
As I write out these questions I’m aware of how basic they seem. I’m also aware that so many people I know really don’t take the time to answer them. But remember—THIS IS OUR LIVES!!! This is what will either become a happy memory—or a life of regret. Taking the time to focus in on what it is that will give our lives purpose and positive direction is critical. Unfortunately, we aren’t taught this and I can’t remember my parents even suggesting that it would be good to know. But regardless of what you did or didn’t do in the past, the present is here and now. With the right motivation every one of us can create a life that is happier, more purposeful and stress free. In other words, we can create a right-sized life.
So your homework for this week is to decide if you really want that kind of life—and if you do, take some time to think through these questions by yourself or with your significant other. Then next week I’ll share ideas about the financial aspects necessary to Right-size Your Way To Retirement—Step Two.
Right-size Your Way To Retirement–Step Two is now available
Final Thoughts On Right-Sizing Your Life Right Now! is also available
Its a hard one,I know that in Australia the retires can be seen out and about towing Winnebago across the country often referred to as the gray nomads. Time to put the feet up
Hi Rino! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living and leaving a comment. I had never heard that about retirees in Australia–gray nomads. That’s not all bad you know? And yes, certainly a way to put the feet up! ~Kathy
Great thoughts Kathy, have you read “The 40hr Work Week?” The author actually suggests taking several “mini retirements” throughout life. And do things like live on a boat for a year, or in a foreign country for 6 months etc… What do you think about that?
Hi Tamara! Thank you for coming by SMART Living and joining the conversation. No I haven’t read the 40 hr work week. It sounds great though. That idea about having several mini retirements sounds brilliant. And wouldn’t people feel better about their work too if they knew they weren’t stuck in it for 50 weeks a year just to get a two week vacation? AND I would think that would help people approaching retirement to even decide if they would want to be out of work forever or just take extended vacations as they go. Thanks for those great ideas. And I will have to take a look at the “40hr work week.” Thanks again for coming by. ~Kathy
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and personal experiences about retirement. It does make a difference to see how others approached their retirements. Thanks for the pointers! Passing this along. Cheers.
Hi! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living. I’m glad you found these helpful and interesting. I’m sure you’ve read and heard about all sorts of ways to approach retirement so I’m happy you think these might be useful to others. And thanks always for your comment. ~Kathy
You are such an inspiration, Kathy. We’re not quite ready to make these drastic changes, but I like the idea of simplifying very much.
Hi Sharon…I am honored to be considered an inspiration! 🙂 But I’m mainly happy that Thom and I were able to make some changes in our lives that have led us to greater happiness and peace of mind. And while I don’t know for sure that what we’ve done would work for you or your family… I do believe that most people would benefit by getting very clear about what is important to them and eliminating the rest. Thank you for coming by joining the conversation! ~Kathy
Kathy,
Like you I think it is important to take the time to think though our choices not just let life happen to us. You have drawn up a good framework to help make positive retirement decisions. My belief that the default process is making decisions based on money but ultimately it is not about money but about crafting a life that fits real not imagined needs. Thanks for starting the discussion on crafting a bountiful life.
Hi Christine…I know you recently wrote about retirement and that got me thinking about what it is I think is important. As a person who reads a lot on the net I happen to believe it would be good to think about and imagine our future (whether we plan to retire or not) as much as possible. I find it VERY interesting that more people spend time and money planning their wedding than they do planning their lives. So, like you, I just keep throwing my thoughts out for anyone who might find them useful. Thanks as always for stopping by! ~Kathy
This is such a creative and enlightening process to go through. It is certainly not a one hour exercise but a long process of exploring the things that feel right. Because for so long we have been told what we should want, we lose track of what WE really want. So it takes time to dig deep and find them. Thanks for the outline!
Hi Kelly…Thanks for stopping by SMART Living! I realize that this isn’t the easiest process to go through and will certainly take time. That’s probably why so many people don’t do it! Plus as you say, it requires we dig deep to find things and sometimes those “things” can be a little painful, especially if we discover that we’ve been headed down the wrong path for a long, long time. Still what’s the alternative? As the saying goes, if you’re riding a dead horse, it’s best to dismount! ~Kathy
Great points Kathy – its not about how much you have its about what you do with you do have, what is important to you. It can be confusing knowing exactly what it is we need with all of the advertising showing the beautiful people with the beautiful things and us erroneously equating that with happiness. I was lucky early in my career to realize that if I wanted to spend time with my family, my path would be different than if it was all about the bucks. I chose a less glamorous, lower paying job but because of that decision was able to witness first hand multiple baseball games by my son and sit in the front row for many ballet performances by my daughter. I would not swap those experiences for anything. Enjoy!
Hi Dave….thanks for stopping by SMART Living and sharing some of your experiences with what surely sounds like a “right-sized” life. I read several of your blog posts on your site and can tell you’ve been doing this a while yourself. And on one of your blog posts you rightly pointed out that living a more simple life isn’t a sacrifice–it is definitely living a life that is focused more on what brings us happiness based upon our individual needs and personalities. And how great for your children that you were there spending time with them rather than showing them that the way to be was to slave at a job you disliked rather than spending time with them. Please stop back by and continue sharing your insights…it’s great learning from each other. ~Kathy
I’m a long way from retirement – only 5 years into my career. But I did start a list (mid way through your article) of free things I like doing, and before getting to your point about vounteering, it’d already featured heavily on my list! I had a blast selling raffle tickets at a church lunch yesterday, and I love handing out platters of food in the same context. I relished the chance to help in my food co-op’s stock take. I love ‘giving back’ so much, and not just cause I should, but because it enriches me so much. Then walking, walking is lovely, especially at sun rise or sun set. Thank you for helping me continue to identify things I can enjoy for free, even whilst working
Hi Sarahn….thanks for pointing out that right-sizing can be beneficial to anyone at any age. I sure wish I’d “gotten it” at younger age. You have such an advantage of not being sucked into the status quo early on 🙂 If you can avoid thinking that you have to work like a maniac at a job you don’t like just to make money to buy a bunch of stuff you don’t really need or enjoy, then you are doing great. Unfortunately it too me a few years to figure out that the things I enjoy the most don’t cost much and when I focus on, and look to experience those things, my happiness and peace of mind increases.~Kathy
Thanks for this comprehensive list. So much to think about! But retirement cannot be on a whim…and I’d imagine the better thought- out it is, the better it’ll be.
Hi Sheryl….Yes, it does seem to be a long list…but I continue to run into too many people who are either contemplating retirement or already there who seem like they’ve never even thought some of these ideas out. Just like the saying, “If you don’t know where you’re headed, you’ll probably just end up in any old place.” That’s not good enough for me and I’ll bet there are lots of others out there too. ~Kathy
Super questions to ask ourselves, wherever we currently are in life. I think for so many they aren’t the directors of their life at all, as you say it just happens around them. Trouble with that is we can end up with leftovers. Being clear on how we want to live and what that looks like is an absolutely must if we’re to live the life of our desires.
And we all deserve that.
Thanks Kathy for your inspiring article.
Hi Elle….I’m glad you enjoyed this post and agree that a “right-sized” life is good at any age and with just about any circumstances. I so agree that many people end up with leftovers–or even worse, they get what they think they wanted and find out that they have paid far too high a price. Of course you write about this stuff on your website all the time too–but I don’t think we can reminder ourselves of it (and each other) too much. ~Kathy ….p.s.stay tuned for Step #2!
Great job in putting it all down and planning out retirement. Planning always helps. My husband and I are already in retirement; however, even with the planning we did we didn’t cover all the bases when it came to $. It has been beautiful though with how it’s all working out.
I think the key, at least for me, is cultivating the relationship you have with your partner. We’ve had up and downs and we’re still there for each other and without the fast pace and chase down the hill commuting to a job I’ve learned to tune in and listen to so many things I never heard before — the energy of the mountains, the sunsets, hummingbirds, fawns — ebb and flow of life and how precious it is. I’m learning about myself and changing and loving this retirement life. If I can write and eventually attract some interest to my stories it will be a plus.
BTW, thank you for pointing me to the Dr. Rachel Remen “kitchen table” wisdom stories. I’m on her second book, “Grandfather’s Blessings”. I love them — they have so much meaning for me. I have you to thank for that.
Hi Pat….thanks for your perspective as a person who is living on the other side of the choices and decisions regarding retirement. AND for pointing out that the relationship you have with your life partner is a big key. Of course those of us who love to write have a big advantage too because we can do it as long as we can move our hands right? And SO glad you like Rachel Naomi Remen…I just knew when I read the first of your many blog posts that you shared so much. She and you have such a lovely way of sharing wisdom. ~Kathy
Okay, Kathy. I’ve copied this to my Evernote notebook. I’m going to take each question, reach inside myself for the answer, and see what comes up. Love this post. So much wisdom. I need this right now. I’m almost aching to have this figured out. I think I know some of the answers but they are all just bouncing around in my head. I need that magic that only happens when I wrangle them down and put them into words. Thank you for writing this and for being you!
Hi Ginny! I’m glad you find these questions helpful 🙂 I worked all week coming up with questions I wish that someone would have told me me were important years ago and I think these cover quite a lot! But I’m not sure that any of them have a “final” answer because they are like onions, that as you peel away one layer there is something underneath that becomes known. Just staying with the process and working with what comes up can be very valuable. Please let me know what some of your thoughts are as you explore them–either here or on your own blog okay? I think we ALL learn from one another and am thankful we’ve connected 🙂 ~Kathy