One of the best words I came across this last year during my reading was the word “nexting.” Used by author and research scientist Shane Lopez in his book Making Hope Happen, it describes the act of planning things in the future to look forward to, in a positive way. I’ve also been doing a lot of listening to Abraham-Hicks and the Law of Attraction where I’ve been continually reminded that what we think about and focus on is “attracted” automatically into our lives. In addition, as a long-time student of New Thought, I know that what I dwell upon often becomes my day-to-day reality. So with summer upon us, I think it might be SMART for each of us to spend some time nexting the positive events we hope to experience during the coming months.
When you really think about it, taking the time to anticipate a positive future might be one of the highest priorities we can have. Like I mentioned last week when talking about the concept of essentialism, if we don’t prioritize our lives, some one or some thing else will. Nexting helps us create our lives by design rather than default. Plus, by first recognizing the importance and then following through with the action of nexting, we are narrowing the playing field towards what we would like to experience.
Where Did The Idea of Nexting Begin?
Shane Lopez believes that nexting is a big part of making hope happen. As a research scientist dedicated to helping school systems come up with a better way to encourage students to learn, Lopez says nexting comes naturally to kids. He first came up with it when walking and talking with his son. Lopez says, “By encouraging (my son) to talk about the future, I find out what he is excited about. I learn about his plots and plans, and I help him come up with lots of ideas for how to make things happen.”
But it isn’t merely just a nice way to talk to his son. Lopez uses nexting to check in with his son to see how he is feeling about his future. Lopez says, “When he is feeling positive, his mom Alli and I do our best to ‘fluff him up’ even more. We know the emotional lift helps him think about ways to make his performance better, the best it can be. When we see that he is nervous or fearful, we try to figure out why, and whether we need to intervene or let him work it out.” But Lopez is also quick to point out that he never offers quick fixes or automatic cheerleading tactics. Instead he believes the process of nexting helps his son realistically address the inevitable challenges everyone goes through on the way to achieving their goals and dreams.
One of the most attractive things about Lopez’s version of nexting is how it works side-by-side along with a hopeful attitude. I’ve already covered those ideas more fully in an earlier post so if you want more info, go to my article: Why Hope Matters. Ultimately Lopez teaches that nexting helps us each experience more hope in the world.
More Than Just Common Sense
Although nexting sounds like good common sense, there is actually more and more science in the area of positive psychology to back it up. Author Shawn Achor in his book The Happiness Advantage cites a study in which people who just thought about watching their favorite movies actually raised their endorphin levels by 27%. He says, “Anticipating future rewards can actually light up the pleasure centers in your brain as much as the actual reward will.”
Alex Lickerman, M.D. and author, agrees. He says, “…anticipating something pleasant seems to have almost unequaled power to make our present glow.” In fact, as Lickerman admits, “Anticipatory joy is often greater than the joy brought to us by experiencing the very things we anticipate.” Lickerman is so convinced that this anticipatory joy is a good thing that he says, “Anticipatory pleasure is so important to my sense of well-being, in fact, that I now plan my life in such a way that I almost always have something to look forward to.”
Probably the most recognizable version of nexting happens when any of us plan a vacation. Called “vacation anticipation,” a study done in the Netherlands and published in the journal Applied Research in Quality of Life reports that the biggest boost of a person’s happiness levels occurs in the eight weeks leading up to a vacation. And while the trip itself is usually a happy experience, shortly upon return the vacationers didn’t feel any happier than those who had never taken a trip to begin with. Interestingly enough, the length of trip didn’t seem to increase happiness levels at all. Based on the data, study authors suggest that shorter and more frequent trips will make us happier than one long vacation once a year.
In addition, a research study done at the University of London by A.K. McLeod, and C.Conway in 2005, concluded that subjects with expectations of future positive experiences were more likely to measure higher on a scale of subjective well-being. Basically, those who anticipated the future in a positive way experienced a larger social network (more friends), had a high number of steps in plans to achieve goals, and even had a slightly higher household income. These are all good reasons to keep nexting for sure!
And let’s not forget the power of nexting in the medical field. A study in 2011 entitled, “The Effect of Treatment Expectation on Drug Efficacy: the Analgesic Benefit of the Opioid Remifentanil,” confirms what many of us have suspected for some time. It reports: “On the basis of subjective and objective evidence, we contend that an individual’s expectation of a drug’s effect critically influences its therapeutic efficacy and that regulatory brain mechanisms differ as a function of expectancy. We propose that it may be necessary to integrate patients’ beliefs and expectations into drug treatment regimes alongside traditional considerations in order to optimize treatment outcomes.” In other words, what you next about your medication and your treatment will influence the outcome of your healing. Wow!
I think most of us know on some level that nexting is a great way to focus on creating a more positive future. Unfortunately, I also think many of us forget this simple practice to give ourselves a “well-being boost” no matter what we are experiencing in our lives.
Nexting actually targets our thinking in a way that activates certain parts of our brain. As Tali Sharot, author of The Optimism Bias says, “A brain that doesn’t expect good results lacks a signal telling it, “Take notice — wrong answer!” These brains will fail to learn from their mistakes and are less likely to improve over time. Expectations become self-fulfilling by altering our performance and actions, which ultimately affects what happens in the future.”
But What About The Power Of Now?
Okay, I can hear all the Eckhart Tolle fans asking, “What about living in the now?” From my viewpoint, it is similar to the paradox of the yin and yang, the both/and, or a Zen Koan. While I’ll admit that it can be problematic to mentally live only in the future, my life experience proves that I can live quite happily in the now and also anticipate the future with great pleasure. I personally like how Abraham-Hicks says repeatedly, “Feel happy with what is, and eagerness for what is to come.”
As many people who know me personally know, I am quite a planner—especially when it comes to planning my vacations. Through the years I’ve had quite a few people criticize this quality saying I lack spontaneity or that I miss the experience of wonderment when I travel. I think nexting proves how very wrong that criticism is. In fact, because I “next” my travel plans so thoroughly and enjoyably, I am actually boosting my happiness factor for a much longer period of time than most people.
From all I read and from my own direct experience, I think it’s safe to say that those of us who are able to “next” a positive future on a regular basis have an advantage. Indeed, to repeat what Dr. Lickerman says, “…anticipating something pleasant seems to have almost unequaled power to make our present glow.” The SMART news is that this is something every single one of us can start doing today. So what are nexting right now?
Hey Kathy,
Thanks for the great article. After some recent set backs in life, I’m glad to back on the path of thinking positively again. At the end of the day I know that I do have a bright future ahead of me. By the way I’m a huge Abraham-Hicks fan too.
Hi Phil! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living. And yes! let’s all do our best to stay positive. ~Kathy
I have always used anticipation to get through my days. It helped a lot to be able to imagine a peaceful future, but it’s something I can’t do anymore. I can’t think of anything positive or negative ablout the future or even the next day.
Hi Nikky! I am so sorry that you are in a place where it is very hard to see the positive or anything good about the future. A while back I wrote about being either an optimist or a pessimist and learned that sometimes it is best to just hunker down where you are rather than try to force yourself into feeling different than you do. (here’s the link: http://smartliving365.com/promotion-prevention-whats-focus-matters/ ) While that might seem counter-intuitive, sometimes the harder we try to change something, the harder it becomes to change.
With that said, I hope that you find something that allows you to move effectively through your days in the best way possible. Hopefully you have friends or loved ones that can support you. If not, seek out others that can be of help. Be well. ~Kathy
Without knowing there was a name for it, I think I’ve used “nexting” my entire life to get through times I wasn’t that happy in. I’m pretty content right now in my present, but nexting is still rewarding. Just spent 4 months in southeast Asia and Hawaii. Next up: Europe and South Africa.
Hi Suzanne! Thanks for coming by and sharing your thoughts. You’ve pointed out two of the big ways I think NEXTing helps best of all. It’s definitely a GREAT way to help all of us get through tough times. And it is also EXCELLENT when approaching a vacation. Sounds like you’ve got those both figured out perfectly. Your trips sound like so much fun. Keep Nexting! ~Kathy
Hi
I do agree with all your points. You are right nexting is cool idea and one just need to do it with its true spirit.
Self-contentment is the basic source of happiness in life but it should not be above the limit otherwise a person following this rule may get a little lethargic and fail achieve what he must have to.
Hi Mi Muba! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living and joining the conversation. I’m glad you appreciate the idea of NEXTing and how it can increase our happiness and contentment. I don’t really see it limiting us much at all. Quite the contrary, I think it engages our imagination and passions and helps push it forward in many ways. It’s best when used to help us plan PLUS to follow through with the action. Thanks again for your thoughts. ~Kathy
I plan cross country trips 2 years in advance. I am working on # 4 and it makes me feel so good to have something big like this planned. I have always been a planner and my spouse and I along with our “best friend couple” always go with us. It gives us things to do (planning, checkout out new sights, etc.) Makes me feel so good!
Hi Rena! Wow! It sounds like you have your NEXTing down pat! Good for you. And because of your “commitments” to your mom and life, having something positive to look forward to is doubly important. And how great you have found friends to do it with over and over. I’m sure we’ll be hearing bits and pieces of your trip through your writing. That’s something we can all look forward to as well! ~Kathy
Kathy, I’m nexting a short vacation to Orange Beach, Alabama in a few weeks. I’m going with a couple of girlfriends and we’re going to see the Goo Goo Dolls and enjoy some sun and nice dinners. I love having something to look forward to….
Hi Lisa! Wow! You have this Nexting thing all figured out! 🙂 Isn’t it fun and exciting to have something wonderful to constantly be looking forward to? I don’t need to tell you that you’re going to have an amazing summer! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
Really its an amazing and wonderful post.!!!!
I read this article completely and again i appreciate to your thoughts.You have described completely in this article that how can we make a best future planning in a positive way.
Thanks for sharing…keep it up….i am waiting for one another your informative post.
On The Go Mimico Condos
Hi Sunnybatra! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living and I’m very glad you found this post helpful. Keep Nexting and carry on with your positive future! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
This is my first visit on your blog and really I’m impressed!!!;)
What an amazing post and i liked the idea of nexting and yes in our life we always anticipating about our future, After reading this i found a lot of things that are really helpful for us .
Thanks for sharing.
keep posting.
Hi! Welcome to SMART Living and thanks for leaving a comment! I’m glad you liked the post. Keep Nexting! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
Great post. I think for me it’s been a fine line of the looking-forward stuff and the learn-to-be-happy-in-the-moment stuff. There was a time, years ago, when I exclusively looked ahead — it was a great motivator, but it did rob me from lots of present-day joy. Then the pendulum swayed back and I was all in-the-moment, but lost sight of my future. This wasn’t great either because it quashed my ambition. Striking the right balance is an art and a science, I think. 🙂
Hi Nancy! I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. I am happiest when I manage to do both effectively. I do love to plan, but only when it increases my NOW moments of joy. If it takes me out of the moment, then it’s a big problem. The big key is to strike balance as you say. And like I tried to communicate in the post, being able to hold the paradox of “both/and” and yin/yang is critical. Even Eckart Tolle says that it’s okay to do what needs to be done (including planning) but never when you sacrifice the now. Just be mindful of that as an activity you are generating in the moment. It’s not always easy to stay that aware but I believe it’s possible because I’ve managed it more and more in my life as I go along. Being happy with what “is” and eager for the future is my favorite way to be. ~Kathy
I love this idea. I recommend something quite similar when talking to women about their libidos–without realizing there was a more scientific theory. When we think about having a fun sexy interlude with a partner, and take some time to plan and set up the excitement, then our brains and bodies seem more engaged. We create arousal on more levels. Clearly there is a science to this-Yea! Thank you for giving me another body of work to read!
Hi Walker! You are absolutely right! Nexting works for just about any activity–including a romantic interlude with a partner. The more we looking forward with positive anticipation, the more we not only enjoy the “present” but also the experience when the time comes. Glad to introduce you to the idea Walker….I’m sure you can come up with SEVERAL ways to work this into your blog and coming posts! ~Kathy
Hey Kathy…it is strange that the concept of attracting what you need has taken on this magical universe association and I resist that type of thinking. But when you simplify the term to simply be that what we think about happens, it removes the wizard-like associations and makes it concrete and believable and actionable.
I love how you say we can create our lives by design rather than default. It is true that when we don’t plan life just happens to us. And I agree with you that planning for the future makes the present more colorful and satisfying. When I have no goals life feels a little beige but explodes with color when I set my sights on a new experience.
Hey Kelly! Nice to hear your thoughts on this. I agree that the idea of “attaction” can be taken to extreme and that has all sorts of implications. And even when some of that makes sense, it has to stay practical and useable for me to “buy that pony!” I KNOW without a doubt that when I keep my mind focused on the outcomes that I prefer they mostly happen. I also know that when I slip up and start worrying and fretting about things, the very experience of that is ucky (regardless of whether bad things happen or not.) So yes, NEXTING seems so down-to-earth and practical that every one of us can use if we want. Can’t get any better than that in my estimation. And I LOVE how you say, your life “explodes with color when I set my sights on a new experience.” Keep nexting!!! ~Kathy
Yep, I did! He was born two weeks ago and I couldn’t be more delighted. I’m not sure if I mentioned it on my blog or not, but now you know! His name is Harry. 🙂
Wow! Congratulations for sure Sarah. I’m looking forward to hearing and seeing all the nexting of Harry in the days, months and years to come. And apparently you both are well and happy so that’s all good too. May all your “dreams” continue to unfold as positively and amazingly as possible.~Kathy
No I had not heard the application regarding travel planning before. I had experienced it for myself, but had always been told that spending too much time thinking about the future would detract from living in the moment. Perhaps it doesn’t matter quite so much…
Hi again Michelle….yes, I know there are LOTS of reasons to stay in the present…or in the moment….but this is living in the moment AND planning for the future 🙂 And have you ever heard the statement: the mind doesn’t know the difference between a vividly imagined thought and reality? In that case keeping our thoughts (right now) on something pleasant and happy sounds pretty good to me. Give it a try for a while and report back. ~Kathy
I love this post! The tension between living in the moment and positively thinking about the future kills me on a daily basis, seriously! I never know when I’m actively pursuing happiness by planning, and when I’m “future-tripping,” living in a future that hasn’t happened yet in order to avoid a less-pleasant present. It’s comforting to know that we can actively take a hand in our futures, and can enjoy the prospect of getting there, without losing sight of where we are now. In fact, I think one of the best things about my day to day is getting to see current endeavors add up, bit by bit, to future dreams. Love this post, so excited to get back into your blog (now that my little man has arrived!). Thanks, Kathy
Hi Sarah! Did you just have a baby???? I don’t remember reading anything about that on your blog! Congratulations if that is so–you will definitely have all sorts of new topics to write about now!
And yes, I am also finally learning to embrace and appreciate my “inner planner!” Even Thom has learned to love that part of me. Of course in the beginning my planner was pretty inflexible. I would plan–enjoy all the positive anticipation of it–but if things didn’t go as planned I would often freak out! The key to me has been to plan and then be flexible or “not attached to the outcome.” As I learn to just enjoy the plan for planning sake, and then spontaneously flow with it, it always seems to turn out good (no matter what!) Perhaps that’s the best way to enjoy the now of it, you think?
I like how you put it, “I think one of the best things about my day to day is getting to see current endeavors add up, bit by bit, to future dreams.” That is nexting (and being hopeful) in the best way possible. Thanks again, and be sure and me know if I understood your message about the baby! 🙂 ~Kathy
“Nexting” is something we did regularly to get us through our draining work during Peace Corps service- we just didn’t have a term for it. We deliberately planned at least one thing a month that we could look forward to, and it really helped sustain us through the challenges.
I, too, love to plan travel- possibly as much as I love to BE traveling! It was interesting to think of that with the concept of “nexting.” And I hadn’t thought of the applications nexting would have on medical recovery, but it makes sense. I wonder if I subvert my own recovery by being skeptical about whether the treatment will really work.
Thanks for sharing!
Hi Michelle! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living. That’s great to know that “nexting” is something routinely done by those in the Peace Corps. I so believe that the process is helpful on several levels, when we’re kids certainly, but even then long into old age. Think about it, about the only person who doesn’t have positive plans for what they want to do in the future are those who are really depressed or really old. And maybe a key to never being depressed or really old is “nexting”????
Had you heard that bit about vacation anticipation before? Because you write about travel yourself, you likely have. I think it can be such a lovely way for us to get so much more from our travel, don’t you? And yes, without a doubt I think science is starting to prove more and more that our expectations of healing to influence what happens. While it might not be a “cure” it certainly changes the experience. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
I have always felt the power of ‘nexting’…[ interesting word] though I have known it more as anticipating…
If we observe children carefully, they are all the time eager to take the next step and are often successful, whether they concentrate or are casual about it…the potential lies in the power of ‘nexting’ as you have so rightly pointed out. As we grow up, this positive power keeps increasing and lies behind all the dreams and inventions. All successful people possess this instinct.
I had read about the healing power of medicines long ago and learnt that when it is combined with the anticipation of getting well with that treatment, the effect of medicines multiplies. Some time we call it willpower too, it seems ‘nexting’ is the child of willpower!!
I enjoyed reading this very thoughtful article. Thanks for sharing. May your ‘nexting’ glow with you and your plans!
Hi Balroop! Yes, technically I think NEXTING is the same as anticipating…but the name is sort of catchy and that might help me/us remember it more. You are so right that children tend to be eager and curious about everything. So often as we age we lose that and tend toward safety or comfort. Nexting reminds us to look ahead with positive expectation.
And while I suppose you can call it willpower as well, but I like to think of it more as using our imagination to create something positive. Willpower sounds like work to me, while imagination sounds like play. Either way, I’m glad you liked the post and I hope your weekend plans GLOW too! ~Kathy
I love this idea. I think it’s important to have something to look forward to. Not only that but a plan to face challenges and decisions such as how Shane talks to his son. This reminds me very much of how my partner relates to his son who is in his early 20’s. They often sit and talk about ‘stuff’ and what to do in certain scenarios i.e. saving for a house, where to look for a job (when he graduates). So, I guess they’re ‘nexting’ on a consistent basis. Another great topic, Kathy. Thanks!
Hi Lisa! It certainly sounds like your friend has developed his own version of nexting with his son. I find it REALLY helpful when talking with friends who sometimes head off in directions that are less than positive in their conversations. Obviously there are tactful ways to introduce the ideas and sometimes people want and need your support–but if they’ve stayed too long in a negative position, I think the kindest thing we can do is help them is to “next” something to look forward to that will help change their reality. And honestly, I VERY MUCH hope that people will do that with me if I start heading down any slippery slope toward the negative. Thanks for your comment! ~Kathy
Yes! I love “nexting,” whether it’s a vacation, an event, even the next episode of “Mad Men.” Even getting up each morning is an act of “nexting” for me, wondering what the day will bring. It’s so important to keep ourselves excited and optimistic about the future.
Hi Sharon! You point out something else that is important–it doesn’t have to be BIG to work! It’s really, as you say, all about the staying excited and optimistic about the future! Thanks for your input! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
Wonderful indeed, as always 🙂
I liked the detailed study and research you did for this one, and enjoyed how Lopez practices the art of nexting with his son, so apt, and yet it gives him enough space to grow.
I would go with what you mentioned too if I were asked, just as you said- Abraham-Hicks says repeatedly, “Feel happy with what is, and eagerness for what is to come.” I think a little planning does no harm and in fact you feel much better that ways as you are more focused on the present, yet know about the future, at least a wee bit.
Thanks for sharing. Have a nice weekend 🙂
Hi Harleena! Glad you liked this one too. After reading YOUR blog for a while I know that you are an optimist and practice “nexting” on a regular basis.
What I think I’ve learned the most is that even though I’m a great planner, and derive quite a bit of pleasure from doing that, the key for me is to plan, and then be flexible and not attached to the outcome. When I was younger I stayed attached to the “plan” and caused myself stress because of it. Now, I realize that while the planning answers one need I have, staying flexible and nonattached to the outcome answers another. As long as I can hold that space I can be in the now and enjoy the journey. Does that make sense?
Thanks for coming by and may you too have an awesome weekend! ~Kathy