One of the stories I can vividly remember my father telling me years back was related to his pride at managing his money in retirement. At the time, both my father and mother lived on their social security and some modest savings held in a 401k. Dad frequently bragged that he lived better, traveled more, and seemed to have more fun than many of his friends who retired with big homes and generous pensions. From my perspective, at least at the time, their lifestyle seemed more humble and restricted than I felt necessary. Yet now, less than 20 years later, I recognize that their simple and minimal lifestyle afforded them tremendous benefits that millions of other “hope-to-be-retirees” could learn from—including myself.
A couple of weeks ago I read an article about how for some people, any kind of retirement may just be another form of magical thinking. On top of that a recent Google Consumer Survey done by gobankrates.com says that almost 50% of all baby boomers and those older have only $1,000 or less in savings. Naturally those thoughts led to even more questions. Is retiring well and happy even possible for the majority of us in the world? What about retiring early? Or will you and I be able to afford to take care of ourselves until the end?
Eventually, those questions led me back to what I’ve learned about minimalism and the many advantages of a more sustainable lifestyle, no matter what our age. A couple of years ago Thom and I started using the word “rightsizing” to describe the minimalist direction our life was taking. Many use the word, downsizing to describe that action. But downsizing implies that you are sacrificing or giving up something better, for something worse. Rightsizing instead implies you are making a move that looks and feels “right.” Big difference.
By the same token, I’ve also realized how valuable an example my father provided. Looking back he taught me three big things about the concept of rightsizing or simple living that I think would benefit most of us in our world today. Those three things are:
1) Live below your means. If you knew my dad you’d know that he would laugh to think that it was even necessary to share this tip. Dad always lived below his means even when mom or we four daughters were against it. Dad carefully budgeted all of the family’s expenses, but most especially when they retired. Even after mom had several mini-strokes, developed Alzheimer’s and would ask for certain extravagances, Dad firmly decided when money would be spent. From the outside, it may have seemed less than kind to my ailing mother. But due to my father’s careful money management, they both were able to live comfortably in their own home for the remainder of their lives and never needed outside assistance, from us their children, or the government.
On the other hand, a friend of mine told of a very different story as her parents aged. Both her mom and dad had well-paying government jobs with generous pensions. When they retired they did nothing to alter their lifestyle. All was well until they aged and physically deteriorated. That’s when they began spending the majority of every day on the Internet and QVC buying things for entertainment. Naturally they used their credit cards to make those purchases. Before long there was no money in the bank for anything. That’s when their children had to step in, take away the credit cards, slowly begin paying off her parent’s now considerable debts, and virtually support her parents for the remainder of their lives.
Living below your means might not sound like making the most of your life today—but it is resisting the urge to spend money you don’t have, to buy things you probably don’t need, to impress people who you don’t even know. Worse yet, it is spending money to entertain yourself because you’ve forgotten what really matters and is most important to a happy life.
2) Your happiness has nothing to do with all your stuff. Again I can hear my father laughing at this one, but as simple as it sounds, I think we all know people (hopefully we aren’t one of them) that end up buying more and more stuff, and then often just throwing it in the closet. I have a friend who recently lost her job and then her 5,000 square foot house. After moving to a much smaller home, she is now in the process of sorting through and selling what she can’t even afford to store. Not only can you see how giving up that stuff is painful to her, but she still insists on telling you how expensive it was to buy and how much she still owns, as though her identity would disappear without it.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with buying stuff, especially stuff we need. But what happens is we start associating those “things” with our happiness and wellbeing. Then without them, we often don’t know who we are or what matters to us. Believing that we need any material possession to give value to our lives is setting ourselves up for a fall. And even if we end up holding on to our stuff for as long as we live, chances are good that when we pass on, it will be sold cheaply at a yard sale, given away, or simply tossed in the trash. As a Joe Hearn, author of Intentional Retirement.com says when talking about settling an estate after people die, “I’ve never been to one that didn’t involve a dumpster.”
3) Trying to impress or keep up with others is a waste of time. My father was far from perfect but he never struggled with trying to impress others. I know he liked nice things (don’t we all) but he vastly preferred the freedom and peace of mind of knowing he lived below his means. Up until the time he passed, he lived modestly in a free and clear home, drove a free and clear car, and had a bit of money in the bank. But what was far more important, he passed on with dozens of good, long time friends, and a family that loved him—and the knowing that he’d left the world a bit better by his life.
My husband Thom and I are not yet retired, but we do consider ourselves rightsized. Even better, because of our rightsizing we can comfortably retire whenever we choose. As I’ve written about before, rightsizing is taking the time to focus in on what is most important to you and then eliminating everything else. Our journey to rightsizing led us to sell our big home and move to one that fits just the two of us perfectly. We also got rid of stuff that didn’t matter much to us, and instead started focusing on quality experiences. If and when we decide to retire, we already know how to live below our means and that real happiness has nothing to do with what we own. Finally, the richness of our life has absolutely nothing to do with what anyone else thinks. That’s why it is probably SMART to remember that simplifying your life, getting rid of the clutter and rightsizing is the best possible thing you can do for your retirement.
Enjoyed your article, Kathy, Written 2 years ago and still quite pertinent.
My father has similar spending habits to yours, and some of that has rubbed off on me.
I buy good stuff that I will use and enjoy and don’t spend on things that don’t give good use or pleasure. I’m grateful to have never been much of a stuff person, although I can still get in trouble in a bookstore.
I’m retired from practicing medicine, although still working as a trauma therapist part time. Years ago, an older patient of mine came in for his appointment and said “Doc, why are you still driving that old brown Honda? You need to get a “Doctor” car. My response to him is still true, I’d much rather be able to work less and travel when I want to than have a fancy car. And that old Honda, now 26, is still being driven by a niece (who would like a newer car, but ol Rhonda still runs).
Hi Stephanie! Thank you for your comment and for your great car story. Isn’t that the truth? So many people think they have to live up to an image! So much more liberating AND financially sound to put all that “image” stuff aside and reach for what makes us most fulfilled and happy. Good for you for keeping that car and then passing it on to someone else. And obviously, the lesson in that will no doubt affect her for her life as well. ~Kathy
Good stuff, Kathy…and you are so right, you and I were on the same wavelength in thinking about our dads. You made a very good point of living below your means. Just because you have the money doesn’t mean you should spend it all.
Shellie
Hi Shellie! I do think this is SUCH an important topic that I wish everyone would write about it don’t you? It’s far too easy in our culture to get sucked into thinking that a big mortgage payment (not to mention a big car payment) is just what people do. When the freedom of going debt free or at least living below your means is so FREEING! Let’s keep writing about it okay??? ~Kathy
I love these 3 tips. I too am “right sizing”. We’re finally making enough money to live below our means after struggling through for many years. You father was a wise man!
Hi Angela! Thank you for stopping by and joining the conversation. And good for you for finding a way to rightsize. I think there are dozens of ways and reasons we get there, but once we do I don’t think we can ever go back to the way it was. ~Kathy
I really enjoyed this article. I can truly relate. It took the loss of a job for me to reexamine what was and wasn’t important for me to live with, but I feel more comfortable now in my living situation. There is more peace and comfort. No more nagging feelings of having to have everything new and shiny.
Hi Wendy! I think most of us need a trigger to help wake us up to what is truly important. It’s so easy to be lulled into the race mind of what our culture tells us we need or what we should do. Good for you for waking up as early as you did. And what a nice way to put it, “No more nagging feelings of having to have everything new and shiny.” ~Kathy
Some really good advice here! Although they might sound simple to you or I there are so many people who waste years and dollars chasing an illusion. I hope this wakes some of them up. Buying things to feel better, to show off, or to appear to “belong” is so definitely not a smart thing to do. Living below you means doesn’t mean that you are destitute on the contrary it means you are comfortable where you are in your life. You don’t need all the glitter that spending lots of money can create.
Hi Rena! Just knowing you through your blog I know that you already make most of your choices and decisions in life based upon a rightsized model. Good for you! In some ways it might be easier for those of us who had both good role models or never had so much that we felt like we had to keep up appearances to impress anyone (including ourselves!) While I’m probably just “preaching to the choir” as they say, I’m hoping that anyone who is on the fence or overly worried about eventually retiring can see the huge benefit of rightsizing NOW. Thanks for your thoughts on this as always! ~Kathy
This is so pertinent to my life, Kathy. I’m not at retirement, but not that far away either. Of course I’ll always write, but am scaling back my editing already. So I’m chewing on how to go about things, and your Rightsizing is just wonderful!
Of course, as an author all of my life, I lived at poverty level for a good while. LOL. So I know how to do that. But even this last decade, when I no longer have to, I live low on the food chain 🙂
This is really very helpful for me, so thank you!
http://www.susanmarymalone.com/21-things-to-be-happy-about/
Hi Susan! If you’ve been living as a rightsized life as an author then chances are good you know how to make the most of the life you have. And I personally believe the trade off being able to do the work you choose and hopefully love is worth it don’t you? Then hopefully as we age and when it comes time to retire we will be able to adjust in ways we sometimes can’t even image yet. For example, Thom and I have two vehicles. There just might be a time where one is enough and that would be a big savings right there. There is so much pressure to save up so you can “live like you are living now” but we might not want or need to. By planning certain things like where we live and who we surround ourselves with, we can possibly make different choices. Much of it is just the awareness that it takes and it sounds like you already are headed in the right direction. ~Kathy
So true, Kathy! I just love your perspective on all of this. It’s given me a lot to chew on, and that’s a fab thing!
http://www.susanmarymalone.com/it-was-breathtaking/
This is such a great post Kathy.It totally sums up how rightsizing early on can prepare us all for later on financially by building sustainable habits and learning to appreciate all the good stuff in life that doesn’t rely on constant spending.
P.S. Your dad sounds a wonderful guy for the way he prioritized finances to care for the family 🙂
Hi Laura! I know YOU get this because you’ve structured your life in this way too. And I appreciate how you point out that so much of it is “sustainable habits” and “learning to appreciate all the good stuff in life that doesn’t rely on constant spending.”
And yeah, I didn’t always appreciate my dad growing up….but I’ve so come to appreciate all that he did for us that we didn’t even recognize. ~Kathy
Holy cow, if this stat is true, that is crazy! — “almost 50% of all baby boomers and those older have only $1,000 or less in savings.”
I actually find that having too much stuff makes me irritable. Less stuff, clearer head, more creativity. That’s my formula!
Hi Laura! Yes, isn’t that statistic shocking? I think it’s easy to read about all these baby boomers traveling around the world and living these awesome lives, but I don’t think that necessarily includes the vast majority. While I think my husband and I are reasonably comfortable and live a “rightsized” life, we are so much more frugal than most people our age that we know (of course we do live in a very affluent area). But I wonder what will happen if/when these people want to retire? And as you say? Isn’t the freedom and peace of mind by NOT having all that stuff wonderful? All we can do is keep putting the message out there and hoping the right people will hear at the right time. Thanks for your thoughts. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy – I have no trouble downsizing myself and find that doing so on a regular basis opens all kinds of ports to clarity. However, after moving cross country (and selling my home and re-allocating most of my possessions to others), I am now faced with the aspect of downsizing my parents who are in their 90’s (and have been married for almost 75 years!) This is a whole new lesson in empathy and patience. I will keep you posted!
Hi Mindy! I know you’ve undergone some BIG changes in your life and in some ways you have even further to go. Dealing with parents…. ah, the joys and the challenges. I do miss both of my parents who have been gone for some time now but I don’t miss some of the “stuff” that came up during the end. Yes to empathy and patience. However, I can’t help but believe that your habit of rightsizing will serve you no matter what happens. I’m looking forward to reading all about it on your blog! ~Kathy
We have lived this way all of our married life. We still have some apprehension about retirement even though we are debt free and live beneath our means. Our home seems to always need something that costs a lot. Next up is a new roof and hopefully once that is done we can stop pouring money into this little nest of ours! Great advice to everyone. I’ve never been one to want a lot of stuff as it seems to more of a burden than a blessing. Rightsizing is a great way to approach life no matter what stage you are in.
Hi Molly! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living and sharing your thoughts. And good for you for RIGHTSIZING your life early on. I think it is normal to have questions about whether or not we’ll be fully prepared for retirement when the time comes. But I do think that the single most important thing we can do is find a home that “fits” us and our lifestyle and then get it free and clear. If we do we are better off than so very many who aren’t. It also sounds that you’ve been able to focus on things that bring you joy and happiness without having to spend a lot of money so chances are that will serve you no matter what happens. I think those that have always lived BIG and then are forced to reduce that have the hardest time. Thanks again for your comment. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy, I think we had similar male role models. 🙂 I grew up believing that one should buy the best but only what we needed. Shoes were bought if they could be resoled and of quality workmanship to hold up for years. But buying the best quality also meant not wasting money on things we didn’t need so as to have the money for necessities and our savings. Savings was the most important thing in our family. I grew up with my grandparents, only my grandfather worked and he retired the year I was 15. Retirement wasn’t much different in how they lived, the biggest change was the car was home most days. 🙂 They traveled before retirement and continued to do so but even then they set a budget for how their money would be spent. And the savings came in handy for medical expenses later on that wouldn’t be covered by insurance.
I’m currently reading Born to Buy which in the second half goes into detail about a study of depression and anxiety with consumerism. The results of the study showed that consumerism (as we know it today) actually leads to depression and anxiety and that we are not satisfied or happier with the products we are led to believe through advertising would have brought that happiness.
Hi Lois! I think I must have known that your family was very sustainable from who you have become. It sounds like they too knew the value of living well below their means and that the freedom and peace of mind that comes from that can be incredible.
And I’ll have to take a look at the book “Born to Buy.” It certainly makes sense that consumerism is an addiction with all sorts of repercussions. I’ll be sure and read your book review. ~Kathy
This is awesome advice, Kathy! Although I’m not in retirement age yet, it’s always a good idea to think ahead. I like stuff. I’ve also learned I don’t need as much as I previously thought. I learned that lesson during my divorce. Your father was a wise man! My Beau and I live without kids in an apartment and we both laugh and say when we die no one is going to want any of this stuff. It will lose it’s value when we’re gone. Honestly, my Beau is the wise one of the two of us and embraces this way more than me.
Hi Lisa! Thank you. And if you’re young and already understand why this can not only bring you great happiness, but loads of peace of mind too, then you are way ahead of most people IMHO! Even with my mom and dad, who were both pretty frugal, when they passed on there was TONS of stuff that us children didn’t know what to do with. It’s not that people shouldn’t have certain “treasures” but some people have closets and garages (and even storage units) filled with stuff they haven’t seen in years and no one cares about except them. Letting it all go is SO-O-O freeing and then lets you focus on what REALLY matters. In this case, listen to your Beau! 🙂 ~Kathy
Kathy, reading this post brought back so many memories of my father. Every day of my life I can hear his wise words in my head. One phrase he repeated often was, “Live well below your means today, so you can live well tomorrow.” He and mom lived in several homes–all quite different–but the one that our family seemed to enjoy the most was a humble lake house. It was 1,000 sq ft on the main level, with a walkout basement the same size. Every single inch of that home was well planned and utilized. Lots of nice windows to enjoy the views, a huge deck, and fireplaces on both levels provided so much pleasure. The bedrooms were tiny by today’s standards, and the bath in the basement featured painted concrete walls, but it was a delightful home. It was the first home dad and mom were able to buy without a mortgage, which made it all the sweeter. As my husband and I plan for our retirement, I try to remember all those valuable lessons dad and mom taught me. Thanks for sharing this post with us!
Hi Pam! What a sweet memory you have of your dad and his wisdom. Isn’t it funny how some of the things we are taught by our parents never came from what they tried to drill into us? Instead, it was the examples they gave us. I think we all pick up subtle (and sometimes not so subtle!) info from family, friends and those around us. That’s why I think it is important to hang out with people who see and process the world similar to the way we do. While I love being social and traveling and meeting new people, it is those that approach values and concerns the same as me that help me to navigate my world on a day-to-day basis. Thanks for your thoughts on this! ~Kathy
Great advice Kathy. I have never had the personality that could spend more than I made. I never understood adding that kind of pressure to my life. Seeing the joy of fabulous presents on a loved one’s face if it puts me into credit card debt, it’s not worth it for me.
Hi Haralee! Good for you for not being sucked into consumerism. I suppose it is worse in certain areas of the country. Here in southern California I think it is particularly strong. Fortunately, I do believe that as many of us age AND mature, we realize that any look of pleasure on someone’s face as a result of an extravagant gift is actually only has a short shelf-life AND should never be done when it compromises our financial health. Thanks for your thoughts! ~Kathy
I downsized from 4000+ square feet to a small apartment about 3 years ago. It was a lot of work! Now, I feel like I still have too much stuff! It’s seem so funny to me! The less I own, the less I WANT to own. It’s a refreshing feeling. Thanks for a great and timely article.
Kimberly XO
Hi Kimberly! WOW! Going from a 4,000+ house to a small apartment was quite a challenge I’m sure. But I agree that it becomes almost a habit to feel like you need to keep getting rid of stuff! The best thing of course, is even when you are out shopping or going to art fairs or anywhere and see something attractive that you’d like to own–all you have to do is tell yourself, “I don’t have room.” We have saved SO MUCH MONEY by not having room for it (along with no desire to clutter our space.) I’ll bet you are the same. ~Kathy
We are spending the next 4 years downsizing our accumulation. I had parents that held onto things so desperately…I can’t wait to let go!
Hi Tracy! Good for you for working on your “rightsizing.” But 4 years? Wow! You must have had a lot to go through. It sounds like you too learned something about it from your parents. Keep using that to guide you. I sure do! ~Kathy
This is a great post Kathy! I kept having associations to my own life as I read it. The funding gap is an issue. The federal and provincial governments in Canada pay on average $15000 per year after age 65. They have also initiated a retirement matching plan which will benefit people who start in their 40s to save in it. (Not useful for me) So technically with those features maxed out, they can provide about $27000 per year so the rest is up to the individual. I have reasonable funding to consider not working. If that fails my house value can more than compensate for the gap. Retirement experts tell you not to count on that but I am going to anyway because the value is significant because of the housing increases over the last 20 years. I also put a 2 bedroom apt in basement space that I was not using and I live near the University and that provides an ongoing significant stream of revenue to augment my own funding and the government funding.
That said, retirement also looks very different than I thought it would. I am back at school doing a Masters and they are sending me on a research grant to Shanghai and India over the next two years. So funding travel over the next years will be minimal. Plus there are paid teaching posts available throughout the Masters and PhD acquisition. I still write blogs for a couple of lawyers as well and that provides a stream of income as well. 🙂
What I am getting to here is that retiring with inadequate income is still possible. There are engaging streams of income that make life interesting in a way that working for that same money was not. I have a sense of stumbling along and falling into opportunity. But opportunity is defined differently than it ever was before. Things that inspire and engage is my idea of opportunity now!
Hi Kelly! I hope you are doing well! It certainly sounds like you’ve been busy. And thank you for sharing some of your thoughts on your future–especially from your place on the planet. As you mention, you have an advantage that you own property ( I can only hope with no mortgage or at least a small one) so that will continue to help as you go. And yes, I do agree that income does not have to be what most retirement counselors tell you it does to have a good life or retirement. My dad was my example of that. And as you say, life does provide us with ongoing opportunities to contribute AND bring in income no matter what our age. Being inspired and engaged as we live is so very important. Thank you for adding this to the conversation. ~Kathy
P.S. I would love to hear more about your travels to Shanghai and India in the future!!!
Kathy! Hope you’re doing well! I am very interested in this post. Rightsizing seems so difficult, but I’m working really hard to “rightsize” my brain so I can do a better job rightsizing my stuff. I.e. really considering what kind of mindset goes along with rightsizing your world physically. I’m very susceptible to new things, possessions that will supposedly improve my life, and so on. Do you have any advice for how to get out of the cycle of materialism while I’m younger?
On a related note, I’ve noticed that my generation – millennials – are super into thrifting and upcycling, which is great for the environment. BUT I’ve noticed it doesn’t necessarily address the consumerism issue by itself. Again, you need to rightsize your mindset first. I know your audience isn’t primarily my age, but do you have any tips for getting out in front?
xo Sarah
Hi Sarah! How are YOU? I am doing great and still happy with my website redesign thanks to you! And good for you for even THINKING about the possibility of rightsizing at your age. I SO agree that the mindset must first change and then the actions will follow. Awareness of your own patterns is critical but I think one of the BEST things anyone could do at your age is surround yourself and associate with others who put experiences and purpose above status and owning things. As we all know, it’s much easier to make any change or live any lifestyle when those closest to you honor and value what you do as well. If you hang around people who only care about how they look, what they own and their “image” it would be very easy to get sucked into that as well. But then, knowing you from your writing and work I can’t image that being a problem. Just be careful as your children age because I’ve seen TONS of mommy’s who get sucked into the consumerism in a big way. Plus I think the example you set for your children will help them as they grow.
Thanks for bringing up this question. Good luck! And I hope once your life settles down a bit to see some more of your work on the web soon. ~Kathy
I’m good!! Making it day by day! Yes, I’m excited to get some work up and going again soon too. Hopefully within the next few months to a year. Having kids is kicking my butt, but in a good way.
And thank you for the thoughts. I’m thinking a lot about this kind of thing lately, so I loved hearing your thoughts today! I’ve had a little more time these days, so I look forward to following along with your blog a bit more closely!
Kathy, this is SO timely as Hubs and I begin planning the next phase of our lives (which will involve moving from our 4-bedroom home into something more right-sized). We’re a few years away from actually moving, but after a recent visit to help an elderly aunt move (a QVC junkie and hoarder), I’m chomping at the bit to purge and get rid of “stuff” now! You beautifully articulated the reasons why it’s the right move!
Hi Roxanne! I don’t diminish how difficult it can be to let go of your treasures. But taking one step at a time you will get it done and likely wonder what took you so long! Having your aunts example should be helpful 🙂 I think there are more people doing that than we know. When did shopping become the #1 leisure activity of Americans? Just know that when it comes time to sell your home and rightsize that it can be truly one of the best things you ever do! ~Kathy
I “rightsized” a couple years ago. Not only am I happy I got rid of so much stuff, I don’t have to pull out my wallet as much… 🙂
Hi Karen! Good for you too! I think more of us need to share the freedom that comes from getting rid of stuff. I know so many parents that are still “storing” stuff (aka “junk”) for their kids, because they are sure sometime in the future their kids will want it. Uh, guess what? 90% of all of it will go in the dumpster when the parent finally says, “No more!’ And YES to not needing to spend the extra cash as well. Thanks for your thoughts. ~Kathy
Hah…this post makes me actually feel smart! We just downsized to a smaller place, because what’s the use of having so much room & stuff? We’d rather go out to eat with friends and be together!! jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
Hi Jodie! Good for you for “rightsizing” into a smaller space with less stuff. It sounds like you are pretty SMART to me too! ~Kathy
I love every word of this Kathy – it’s exactly how I approach life – living with some money in the bank, not spending everything we earn, living debt free. There might be a few luxuries we’re missing out on, but I couldn’t tell you what they are off the top of my head. I love our life and I love that we can afford to live on so much less than our wealthier friends need to fund their lifestyles. Thanks for being such an advocate of this type of thinking. ~ Leanne
Hi Leanne! Thanks for letting me know this resonated with you. I think there will ALWAYS be people who buy things that we admire and like but maybe shouldn’t spend money on, no matter how financially secure we are. Let’s face it, unless we are uber-rich we can’t (and likely shouldn’t) be buying every little thing that catches our eye. You and I can still appreciate nice things when we see them, but we realize that the trade-off to own them probably isn’t worth it. Knowing what works for our own happiness is the key to rightsizing. ~Kathy