The late afternoon has always been my favorite time of day. So this weekend when I found a quote by Carl Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist and founder of Analytical Psychology, it grabbed my attention. He said, “The afternoon of life is just as full of meaning as the morning; only, its meaning and purpose are different….”. Intrigued I continued to read how Jung believed that the approximate time between ages 56 and 83 offer each of us the opportunity to make the process of aging a positive and life-enhancing experience. Regardless of whether we find ourselves only approaching that “afternoon” of life, or deep within it, the SMART perspective is to learn and stay conscious about what we can do to live an ongoing life of quality and purpose.
Dr. Carl Jung was known for seeing the mystical, metaphorical, archetypical and cyclical aspects of life and then teaching, writing and using them in practical and relevant ways for a meaningful experience. So it’s no accident that as he aged he explored what that meant from those various viewpoints. Another quote that sums up his introspection states, “A human being would certainly not grow to be 70 or 80 years old if this longevity had no meaning for the species to which he belongs. The afternoon of human life must also have a significance of its own and cannot be merely a pitiful appendage to life’s morning.” So for Jung, the aging process was not one of inescapable decline of body, mind and relevancy, but instead a time of progressive refinement of what is essential.
In aid of that development was Jung’s ongoing focus on self-awareness, individuation and wholeness. Jung said, “An ever-deepening self-awareness seems to me as probably essential for the continuation of a truly meaningful life in any age, no matter how uncomfortable this self-knowledge may be. Nothing is more ridiculous or unsuitable as older people who act as if they were still young — they lose even their dignity, the only privilege of age. The watch must be the introspection. Everything is revealed in self-knowledge, what is it, what it is intended to, and about what and for what one lives. The wholeness of ourselves is certainly a rationale…”. In other words, as we grow older we are all offered the opportunity to find meaning and purpose in becoming whole and wise. Perhaps instead of aging we could call it, “sage-ing.”
This sounds logical, but unfortunately what we all to often witness in our culture is an obsession with youth, activity and productivity for as long as a person lives. That’s why it is important to note that aging successfully is not always the same as aging consciously or well. Most of the time when talking about aging in Western cultures there is the implication that the “best” way to age is to do everything we can to continue doing what we’ve always done for as long as possible—and to look equally young while doing it!
Author Lars Tornstam, in his book Gerotranscendence emphasizes the problem with that by saying, “…we sometimes erroneously project midlife values, activity patterns and expectations onto old age, and then define these values, patterns and expectations as successful aging. Maybe our projections are not just rooted in midlife, but also in western culture and white middle-class hopes for ‘success’ to continue into old age.” When you think about it, what makes us think that we will be the same person with the same desires at 80 as we are at 50? And why would we want to be the same?
Like Jung, Tornstam instead believes that aging offers us the opportunity to redefine our self and relationships in order to arrive at a new understanding regarding fundamental existential questions about life. This possible natural progression towards maturation and wisdom is a stage he calls “Gerotranscendence.” Tornstam explains that those who achieve this state often become, “…less self-occupied and at the same time more selective in the choice of social and other activities.” This time of life can offer us, “… an increased feeling of affinity with past generations and a decrease in superfluous social interaction.” When a person strives for “gerotranscendence” he or she will likely be less interested in material things and crave “solitary meditation.” And like Jung and his striving toward wholeness, Tornstam says, “There is also often a feeling of cosmic communion with the spirit of the universe and a redefinition of time, space, life and death.”
But what happens if a person doesn’t reach for wisdom, wholeness or gerotranscendence in elder years? Unfortunately, for those unable to respond to this new call for inner growth there is a tendency to experience depression, despair, fear of death and regret. Yet our western culture ignores that and continues to spread the idea that aging is best either denied or concealed, making it obvious that the biggest denial of all is the inevitability of death. And in spite of the goal of us all to hopefully avoid disease, disability, waning mental and physical functioning along with some disengagement with life, there will likely come a time when some, if not all, of those aspects become a part of our experience.
Ultimately it will come down to us answering these questions for ourselves: Does our continued existence at our increasing older age have value? Do we have something to contribute over and beyond just existing in a fairly well preserved body and mind, with enough resources to keep us reasonably happy, until it’s over? Will we as elders have a purpose that can benefit the world and others, no matter how fit, able and active we are?
Jung addresses these questions by saying, “For the most part our old people try to compete with the young.” He further illustrates the denial of older people to take on the role of wise elders by pointing out that most men instead strive to be a brother to his sons, while mothers hope to be the younger sister to their daughters. Rather than step eagerly into a stage of life where we dive deep into self-discovery and then mentor from wisdom, most of us hold on as tightly as possible to what we used to be, and continue thinking the way we used to think.
Instead of glorifying the roles we played in the “morning” of our lives, Jung recommends that we let go of what we were and optimistically welcome where we are and where we are going. He said, “…an old man who cannot bid farewell to life appears as feeble and sickly as a young man who is unable to embrace it. And as a matter of fact, it is in many cases a question of the selfsame childish greediness, the same fear, the same defiance and willfulness, in the one as in the other.”
One reason I’ve always enjoyed late afternoon is the beauty I see in the spreading shadows at that time of day. There is also a sense of fulfillment of the day’s activities and the chance of reconnection with friends and family over food and camaraderie. Clearly different from the ever-increasing light of the morning or the bright midday sun, late afternoon offers us time to pause, reflect and be thankful before night falls. Maybe that is what Jung understood when he urged us to use the later part of our lives to become more whole by discovering who we are and wisely sharing it with others. And perhaps it is SMART for all of us at any age who want to age well to remember, as Carl Jung said, “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
Laura Lee Carter says
May 11, 2018 at 7:24 AMGreat piece Kathy! I found Jung’s denial that there were some important psychological changes that came along with midlife fascinating. He didn’t change that view until he hit midlife himself! Aging can be like that. How can you know how you feel until you get there?
Try New Things says
June 3, 2016 at 1:03 PMGreat piece Cathy. Jung makes this time so full of hope and optimism….maybe fights our own systemic ageism when you read him. It is not an easy read….any thoughts on a version that might be easier to get through?
Thank you for reminding me that he is out there with all his wisdom just waiting for me to rediscover it!
Kathy Gottberg says
June 3, 2016 at 3:16 PMHi Kelly! How are you? Aren’t you in China now??? I actually found this part of Jung’s approach to aging rather inspiring. Of course I haven’t read all his work on this so maybe that is what you are referring to? I believe coming to terms with the stages of our lives is a good thing for so many reasons and I believe that all those stages have both good and challenging parts to them. Staying focused on that good and making the most of what we have been given is available to us all at just about any time. Did you have some other perspective? Let me know and we can chat! ~Kathy
Jane Gramlich says
October 6, 2015 at 4:40 AMThank you for a beautiful piece, Kathy, and for the great discusion.
Jung has always resonated with me, so thank you for highlighting his thoughts here on aging well.
One of my own greatest pleasures of growing older is seeing the obvious untruths in many of society’s “norms.” If I’m paying attention, these misconceptions stand out in stark contrast to what I know in my heart to be true.These days I choose to believe my own truth.
Kathy Gottberg says
October 6, 2015 at 12:25 PMHi Jane! I think a lot of us appreciate Jung’s perspective on most things. I think he reminds us that there is always a deeper more symbolic way of looking at things in our lives so aging is no exception. And I appreciate your adding how age allows for “misconceptions (to) stand out in stark contrast to what I know in my heart to be true.” The sooner we can learn to believe our own truth the better! ~Kathy
Annette says
October 2, 2015 at 11:00 AMKathy – a thoughtful article highlighting my hero, C.G. Jung. I, too, use his ideas for my women’s midlife retreats. The purpose of aging and sage-ing is to find our true Self, let the other stuff fall away (including the outer, beauty focus of our younger years, etc), find our true identity which is much larger than the identity we held as younger adults. We also get to identify the true legacy we want to manifest through our life and bring out our essential creative gifts to ourselves and the world.
Kathy Gottberg says
October 2, 2015 at 2:24 PMHi Annette! I so agree that once we identify and embrace our true Self, the other stuff falls away. And YES what a well-spring of creativity and inspiration is there when we do! I’m so hoping we all learn to look forward to that experience as we grow older. ~Kathy
G Angela says
September 29, 2015 at 1:50 AMI loved this sentence in your post …..Instead of glorifying the roles we played in the “morning” of our lives, Jung recommends that we let go of what we were and optimistically welcome where we are and where we are going. This is truly a challenging …. mainly because not wanting to let go … beautifully written post and I re read this post a couple of times, and enjoyed every bit of it. Thanks for sharing this Kathy and the quote is beautiful …
Kathy Gottberg says
September 29, 2015 at 8:58 AMHi G Angela! Thank you so much for letting me know you appreciated this post. I know that it certainly got me thinking a lot about how I approach life and aging and I did my best to share that with others. There is such a paradox with the idea of letting go that is the most challenging–at least for me. I think we often believe letting go is giving up–and NONE of us want to do that. But letting go can be proactive too and that’s what I hope to embrace as I age. ~Kathy
Laura Zera says
September 24, 2015 at 9:34 PMYour posts are always so timely for me, Kathy. I was just grappling with some issues around aging last week. Although, to be honest, I was more preoccupied with the deflation of my boobs than inner growth. But I do find that inner growth actually keeps me feeling energized and purposeful because I know that I have so much more to learn and discover, so I feel compelled to get to it because there is a deadline of some sort in place.
Kathy Gottberg says
September 25, 2015 at 9:46 AMHi Laura! hahahaha! I guess our issues with aging shows up in all sorts of ways. 🙂 And I’m happy to say that we can likely do something more about our inner growth (and inflation!) than pieces of our physical body! And thanks for mentioning the “deadline” aspect to aging. I’ve read many positive things about how that actually serves as a constant reminder to make the most of each day, and the “gift of life” that we’ve been given. Isn’t that aspect represented by vampire stories? While they seem to have everything and technically live forever, they miss the bittersweet aspect of knowing that life is only temporary.~Kathy
1010ParkPlace says
September 23, 2015 at 6:44 PMI can’t imagine reaching for new things to learn and goals to achieve. I’m a Type-A, so depression would surely set in if I didn’t continue to be a seeker of new experiences. Great post. Brenda
Kathy Gottberg says
September 24, 2015 at 2:44 PMHi Brenda! I’m exactly the same way because I can’t imagine not reaching for new things to learn regardless of my age. Without that I’m sure life would seem very dull to me too. But then who knows what we will feel for sure in 20 or 30 more years? I think staying optimistic and open is a good way to be. Thanks for your thoughts on this. ~Kathy
Katy Kozee says
September 23, 2015 at 7:56 AMI love the idea of being in the peaceful afternoon of my life. I definitely feel more grounded and wise and also more open than when I was younger. I can’t wait to see how the rest of my afternoon unfolds.
Kathy Gottberg says
September 24, 2015 at 2:42 PMHi Katy! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living and sharing your thoughts. And wouldn’t it be great if all of us had that same thought, “I can’t wait to see how the rest of my afternoon unfolds”? ~Kathy
Kathy Marris says
September 21, 2015 at 2:09 PMI really think Carl Jung was spot on. Being in my late 50s I am probably the most content I have ever been in my life. I think we come to a point where we no longer have to compete with others or worry too much about what others think of us and that frees us of a lot of baggage.
Kathy Gottberg says
September 21, 2015 at 3:39 PMHi Kathy M! Good for you for finding yourself in a good place at your age. When you think about it, it is kind of silly for any of us to try to be something we’re not. While I’m all for staying healthy and enjoying life while contributing to the world, I think a big part of peace of mind and wellbeing is going with the flow of life wherever you are. We’re often told we should “fight” anything we don’t like in the world and that’s certainly evident with aging. But maybe the real trick is to embrace the changes while directing our hearts and minds toward ever-increasing possibility of something new? Ha! I’ll bet you wondered how I got off on that tangent from your comment but your statement about not worrying what others think inspired me. Thanks as always for your thoughts on this. ~Kathy G
Rena McDaniel says
September 20, 2015 at 4:28 PMI loved that last quote at the very end. I have never understood people who want to appear younger and as my children reached their teenage years I found myself pulling away from many friends who were more interested in being friends with their children than parents. To be that is one of the most selfish things we can do to our kids. I like the idea of considering this time of life as an hour of the day and it has always been my favorite time. When you can relax and take in a sunset while you consider all that you have accomplished in a days time or in life in general.
Kathy Gottberg says
September 21, 2015 at 9:54 AMHi Rena! I think it is great when parents and kids enjoy spending time together. That is surely a sign of love. But I’ve also recently read that many when parents get too “buddy-buddy” with their kids they lose the ability to be honest and share their wisdom because they are so afraid they’ll “lose” that friendship. I think it is important (with or without children) to remember that true friendship is a two-way street. After all, if you give someone money, do everything they want, constantly encourage without criticism, and support them in absolutely everything they do, is that really love or “enabling?” I think the idea of tough love is necessary in every relationship. Not always easy for sure, but ultimately good for the relationship. And when you think about it, sages and great teachers from every tradition nearly always modeled that type of wisdom to everyone they encountered. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. ~Kathy
Jodi Aman says
September 20, 2015 at 12:52 PMKathy,
I love your line of thinking. You can make any part of your life as meaningful as you want. I want to travel and love big!
Kathy Gottberg says
September 21, 2015 at 9:46 AMHi Jodi! Thanks. I do believe it is so important to keep reminding each other that we do get to “make any part of your life as meaningful as you want.” Even though our perspective can and usually does change, that doesn’t mean it isn’t equally as good (or better!) Yes to traveling and loving big! ~Kathy
[email protected] says
September 18, 2015 at 11:00 PMlove this (as usual) and I didn’t realize Jung was so profound when it came to the aging process. I love the afternoon and I am going to embrace it now. I also particularly liked where you said “aging offers us the opportunity to redefine our self and relationships” it is so true if we use this time wisely. I’m going to have to use one of those Jung quotes somewhere on my blog down the track – will link back to you of course 🙂 Leanne
Kathy Gottberg says
September 19, 2015 at 8:54 AMHi Leanne! Yes when I came across these quotes I KNEW I had to write about them from some angle. And there are actually a lot of different ways we can think through and share these ideas so go for it. Since I’ve written this it has been on my mind a great deal and I’m convinced it is a message that we need to hear over and over again. I’m looking forward to seeing what you write about it. ~Kathy
lisa thomson-the great escape says
September 18, 2015 at 5:49 PMThis is a beautiful reminder, Kathy. I feel I want to embrace my age but I can’t help but sometimes wish for the body I had at 20…or the face…or the arms etc. It’s superficial, I realize but to say I always embrace my age would be a lie. I appreciate Carl Jung’s quotes here and they really make the message clear. We gain wisdom and dignity with age…YES, I love that. You can’t buy that stuff or get it surgically altered.
Kathy Gottberg says
September 19, 2015 at 8:52 AMHi Lisa! I don’t think it is necessarily easy for any of us to let go of what we were before but I do think it is important. I’m always reminded of the Bruce Springsteen song, “Glory Days” and the fact that it would be so sad to live your life thinking the best was behind you. I prefer, and yes I believe it is a choice, to believe the best is yet to come. Knowing your writing I believe you think that too, but again, not always easy to let go of things and look forward to trust and optimism–that’s why us bloggers can be of help to each other and the world. We need to spread this message! Thanks for your thoughtful comment. ~Kathy
Gary says
September 18, 2015 at 3:22 PMAnother thought provoking post which I really need these days since I am “sage-ing”.
Kathy Gottberg says
September 18, 2015 at 4:41 PMHi Gary! Yes, isn’t it nice to think of ourselves as sage-ing? Of course a lot of that has to do with our cultural fear or denial that aging is happening at all! Like the post I wrote about relevancy, no one wants to believe that their life is without purpose. That’s why I love how Jung pointed out that surely our aging should mean more than a “pitiful appendage to life’s mourning.” Let’s spread the word. ~Kathy
Haralee says
September 18, 2015 at 12:13 PMGerotranscendence, a new word for me. Thanks Kathy. This brings up the idea to me of legacy. What do you leave to the world. What can you do now that you couldn’t or didn’t know how when you were young.
Kathy Gottberg says
September 18, 2015 at 4:38 PMHi Haralee! Yes, isn’t gerotranscendence an interesting word? I think it takes the idea of gerontology to a whole new height (NPI!) In one of the articles I was reading as research I found that many of the scientists who study gerontology found that much of what they “thought” was important became much less important or “true” when they actually aged themselves. Sometimes we don’t even know what we don’t know. Maybe that is our “legacy” as you say, or maybe gerotranscendence is what happens? ~Kathy
Susan Mary Malone says
September 18, 2015 at 10:26 AMOh, Kathy, I just ADORE this! How sorely needed this perspective is today! In a culture that worships youth, what wisdom and power of the wise elder gets missed.
Sage-ing. I do believe a movement is born!
Thank you so much for this!
http://www.susanmarymalone.com/the-weeping-woman/
Kathy Gottberg says
September 18, 2015 at 4:32 PMHi Susan! So glad you liked this one. I think it is good for each of us to keep reminding ourselves than NONE of us will get out alive anyway, so what would we like to be remembered for anyway? And wish I could claim the “sage-ing” word but I’ve heard it a couple of times before…just can’t remember where. Do feel free to pass it on! ~Kathy
Janis says
September 18, 2015 at 7:00 AMI also love the late afternoon. When I was working I often wasn’t able to enjoy it because I had to think about what to make for dinner and what needed to be done before work the next day. Now, I can enjoy the beautiful light (photographers call the period shortly before sunset the “magic hour” or “golden hour”) and think about the day with calmness and clarity. I love the way Jung describes this time of our being. I’m not sure anyone would describe me as a “wise elder” but I have little interest trying to compete with the young. Great post.
Kathy Gottberg says
September 18, 2015 at 10:25 AMHi Janis! You know I certainly don’t think of myself as anywhere close to being a “wise elder” either but could that be part of the problem? I think in other cultures it is such a part of the “aging process” that people easily accept that role AND title without thinking it strange. But here in the U.S. and other western cultures I think we’ve pushed it away because it “sounds” old and God knows we don’t want to have much to do with that! Since I’ve been thinking about this article all week I’ve really tried to see where I push it away because I’m trying to keep up with what our culture — and even our generation thinks–about aging. We so denigrate it in so many ways. How will it ever change? As Gandhi says, “we must be the change we wish to see in the world.” Gulp! ~Kathy
Cathy Chester says
September 18, 2015 at 6:11 AMIn trying to become more whole in midlife I find myself doing it differently than others. For a variety of reasons. But late afternoon is a meditative time for me.
Yesterday I sat in our backyard, which is quiet and peaceful, and tried to quiet my mind from all that is going on in my life. The light on the trees, the sound of the early evening birds and crickets, all enhanced my experience.
I love what you wrote about Jung…well, I love this entire post. Thanks, Kathy. It’s quite timely for me. You are always an inspiration.
Kathy Gottberg says
September 18, 2015 at 10:22 AMHi Cathy! I think the nice thing about wholeness is that it is probably best if we do it all differently! Surely the path to becoming ourselves is the road less traveled. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one that just loves late afternoon. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here. ~Kathy