Last week I explored a few of the fascinating theories being tossed around in the scientific world to explain why women shop. As to be expected, I heard from several women who love to shop, and just about as many who said they don’t. And although there are exceptions to everything, statistics show that approximately two-thirds of us regularly enjoy the experience—especially when we have the time. That fact is just one more piece of the puzzle that explains the attraction to shopping. This week I offer more insight into the complicated motivations behind the urge to shop—all with the intention to help us become more conscious and responsible consumers.
From what I have been able to uncover, five big reasons to shop exist for women:
#1 Somebody has to do it. As mentioned in Part 1, women remain the primary family caregivers. As Forbes author Bridget Brennan says, “In virtually every society in the world, women have primary care-giving responsibilities for both children and the elderly (and often, just about everybody else in-between). In this primary caregiving role, women find themselves buying on behalf of everyone else in their lives.” She continues with, “I sometimes think entire industries would collapse overnight if women stopped being so thoughtful.”
Regardless of whether women enjoy this responsibility or the fact that men are stepping up to help, women still carry the majority of shopping responsibility for the family. Thankfully, due to instinct and practicality, most women manage to handle the task in addition to their always-busy lives.
Unfortunately, the dark side to this obligation is those women often spend more than they planned. According to the 2012 Shopper Engagement Study by POPAI, a trade association for the marketing and retail industry, the in-store decision rate for shoppers climbed to 76% in 2012. Retail merchandizing expert Castretail says about the study, “The average shopper misjudges the amount they will spend — in either direction — by 35%, and even when accounting for impulse purchases 57% spend more than they planned. Those who said they “overspend on impulse items” do so by more than 200% of what they expected to spend on such purchases.” In other words, everyone is susceptible to impulse buying—especially when tired, hungry or in a hurry.
#2 Defining ourselves and maintaining an image. Plenty of scientific evidence exists that confirms that both women and men buy items to define themselves and maintain an image. According to Jennifer Escalas, associate professor of management at the Owen Graduate School of Management, “…consumers use possessions and brands to create their self-identities and communicate these selves to others and to themselves.” In other words, in many ways we are what we buy.
Interestingly enough, the way that each sex goes about displaying their identities and image by what they buy is different for men and women. A study by Y. Wang and V. Griskvicius explains about men’s purchases that, “Luxury goods are known to serve an important function in relationships for men by helping to attract romantic partners…. (and) men’s tendency to seek and display luxury possessions is believed to have enhanced their reproductive fitness.”
But what about women? According to the same research by Wang and Griskvicius, what we buy not only communicates our status to others, but it also sometimes serves as a “signaling function in romantic relationships.” Who are we primarily signaling? Research says that women signal other women and the quality of their relationships by conspicuously displaying luxury goods in a way that is called “mate guarding.” The more prevalent the mate guarding, the more luxurious and visible the product. So while men buy products to impress the opposite sex, women often buy items to impress other women.
Even more fascinating is how people in general use shopping to broadcast their status in their community. Yet another study explains, “even when purchasing mundane products, consumers can signal status on the basis of the size of their selection within a set.” So depending upon your neighborhood, buying a supersized burger looks more impressive and signals status to your peers. It all depends upon who you think you need to impress.
#3 Emotional regulation and feeling better about ourselves. Research done by Professor Karen J. Pine from the University of Hertfordshire in 2009 spreads light on this issue. Pine found that:
Women shop more when emotions, both positive and negative, are running high.
A significant portion reported that, “they shop to cheer themselves up”, usually providing momentary pleasure but long-term regret.
Women felt that negative emotions like depression or feeling a bit low were frequently triggers to go on a spending spree—often going into debt to do it.
Women sometimes feel that shopping is “compensatory consumption,” or makes up for a lack of something missing in their lives.
Women admitted they sometimes shopped out of boredom or to give themselves something to do.
Positive emotions like feeling good can also trigger an urge to shop.
Women admitted to going on a spending spree and spending money they didn’t have when treating others (75%) and to impress others (52%) including loved ones.
#4 Instant gratification or lack of control. Unfortunately, impulse shopping happens with both men and women. According to Martin Merzer at CreditCards.com, 75% of us will admit to buying impulsively on occasion. Merzer goes on to say, “Of the impulse buyers, 16 percent said they spent $500 or more on the purchase, and 10 percent spent $1,000 or more. Those purchases came because we were excited (49 percent), bored (30 percent), sad (22 percent), angry (9 percent) or intoxicated (9 percent).” Men were much more likely to admit to buying while intoxicated, while 28% of the women confessed that sadness was their trigger.
At some point it is very possible that impulsive shopping becomes addictive. Donald Black, MD, professor of psychiatry at the University of Iowa College of Medicine says, “Like other addictions, it basically has to do with impulsiveness and lack of control over one’s impulses. In America, shopping is embedded in our culture; so often, the impulsiveness comes out as excessive shopping.”
A shopping addiction can include:
continually buying over budget.
compulsively buying more than is needed.
hiding the purchases;
lying about purchases and how much money was actually spent.
#5. Hormones—that’s right, hormones. It’s common knowledge that hormones affect our lives in numerous ways throughout our lifetimes. What wasn’t known until relatively recently that women’s buying habits are also affected.
According to research done by Professors Karen Pine and Ben Fletcher, “Spending was less controlled, more impulsive and more excessive for women in the luteal phase, or the further on they were in their cycle, compared to the earlier, follicular phase.” Pine and Fletcher continue with, “Women report mood swings at this time, increased irritability and impulsivity, as well as impaired memory, concentration and motor coordination. It is therefore unsurprising that women in this study who were in the premenstrual phase reported some dysfunctional behavior with money. This manifested in them feeling out of control, spending more money than they had intended to, and a greater incidence of unplanned spending or purchasing of items on impulse.”
Of course hormones to a greater or lesser degree influence everyone. But research like this suggests that it is just one more trigger for us to be conscious about—especially if it triggers behaviors that we later regret or find problematic.
I’m pretty sure I personally have shopped for nearly all the reasons listed above at one time or another during my lifetime. But now with a clearer understanding about why women (and men too!) typically shop, it is much easier to understand common motivations and triggers. Again, there is nothing wrong with shopping or not shopping. However, anytime we use shopping to cover up a deeper issue that needs to be resolved, or spend money we don’t have, it’s time to try to discover what it is we are really seeking. It is also important to remember that most retailers have analytic departments set up to understand our buying habits so they can separate our money from our purse. In the end, becoming more aware and conscious about why we shop or do anything on a regular basis is just plain SMART.
Photo Credit: Orin Zebest on Fliker Creative Commons
#3 and #4 have been my shopping MO until I started making a shopping list and sticking to it. Not just grocery shopping either. Whenever I have to go buy something, I list what I am looking for and that is what I get unless I can’t find it. And never grocery shop when hungry. The list goes out the window then.
I must not be a woman because I actually REALLY HATE SHOPPING, unless it’s for food… If I have to go grocery shopping, yeah, I could be in there for DAYS just roaming the aisles! ha ha
Hi Gigi! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living and sharing your thoughts on shopping. Yes…I don’t particularly like shopping myself but I can get lost in a grocery store…especially one like Whole Foods! Still, I think that is that same instinct–just hopefully focused in a healthier way. Thanks again for your comment! ~Kathy
Wonderful post! Thank you for doing the research! I find it really interesting how women’s spending habits and their relationship with money is almost identical to our relationship with food. Instant gratification and lack of control, constantly going “overbudget” is almost like binge eating and going over our calories for the day. It feels great in the moment but you feel SO GUILTY the next day.
Hi Karama! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living and sharing your thoughts on shopping. And YES isn’t that interesting that money and food have many similar ties with women? In some ways I think it is more about being in “control” of what brings us pleasure (at least in the moment) and that instant flood of good feeling makes it very hard for us to stop. Either way, there is definitely the “guilt the next morning” to deal with. I think it is so important for women to find other and healthier ways to be happy and feel more in control of our lives. Thanks again for your comment. ~Kathy
Wonderful and detailed post Kathy. Man takes the shopping spree of a woman as fun, but only a woman knows the temptation and desire to purchase something and some of those moments, when you need to control that. Sometimes, shopping too much and the guilty feeling later on is also an emotional aspect, women suffer from.
Hi Twinkle! Welcome to SMART Living and thank you for sharing your thoughts on this post. Yes, it IS hard to explain to others right? And of course there are always exceptions but it can be a very emotional experience that men seldom understand. Thanks again for your comment. ~Kathy
I have to say, with all the snow we have in the NE, I’ve wanted to shop just to a) get out of the house and b) buy home decor to make my house look nicer since I’m spending so much time inside!
Hormones is one I would have never guessed. I wonder what is it about shopping that soothes us in a state of hormonal flux? What did hormonal women do before mega malls? LOL!
Hi Toni! Yes, isn’t that interesting about hormones? In so many ways it really isn’t a surprise is it that hormones can trigger a need to do something for a “boost?” I don’t think men are any different in the fact that they too feel that tug at different times and for different reasons. I just think it is helpful for us all to remember that what’s happening to us physically can make us want and crave certain things which may or may not be good for us. Just good to know don’t you think? ~Kathy
See, and it’s the opposite in my family. I almost never buy cards for Ed, and yet he always has a beautiful and thoughtful card attached to gifts he gives me. Talk about role reversal. 🙂
Hey Nancy! Yes, isn’t the greeting card bit interesting? But I think that Ed must be unusual in this regard. Thom can’t STAND looking at cards and I find them entertainment! ~Kathy
All these reasons seem on target. I can suggest one more. Women shop more than men b/c, essentially, they are on expense account. Historically, they have not been the ones who had to go out and get dirty and take orders and suffer all the humiliations of doing a job to earn money, and then be responsible for covering the bills. So for women, shopping is fun. For men, it’s an exercise in increasing their financial obligations, meaning they have to work more, work harder. Obviously, this is a generalization — as are all the others — and I also think this has been changing for the past 4 – 5 decades, partly b/c work conditions have gotten better and partly b/c more women have been going to work and taking on more of the financial obligations.
Hi Tom! Thank you for your perspective on this. I did not see any research on this idea but that could be because of my own confirmation bias as well. But on a personal level, I imagine that might be some of it could be because I’m not sure you can understand the emotional pull of shopping that many women have on an instinctual level. It isn’t even the “buying of stuff” although that can be problematic. It is more the activity of shopping. Repeatedly the research says, “Women see shopping an activity, men see shopping as a mission.” Generally men don’t shop for entertainment–while many women do it all the time. But it’s more than that too. It is a sense of the responsibility to find and secure things for the family that goes WAY-AY beyond being merely fun.
And while I do agree a great deal of pressure was extended to men (which is changing for sure) to be the primary ones securing the financial resources for the family in the past, any suffering and humiliation is very subjective. To assume women don’t take on an even greater burden much of the time in raising a family and handling the details of family life is seeing only one side of the picture. In the best relationships it is a partnership. For example, according to my husband, he feels he could not do what he does effectively in the marketplace without my doing what I do to balance it–we both make our family happy and secure. And while some women may not hold up their side of the partnership, obviously some men do not as well. And surely I don’t need to start quoting all the stats that women put in more hours overall including their household obligations, all the while making less money for the same exact work? As you said, thankfully this is changing but it isn’t happening very fast.
Obviously this is a HUGE topic and we both could write blog posts about our perspectives until we are blue in the face. But there is something generally very different about how women and men approach shopping and I thought it might increase awareness or get people to think. Hopefully I did that with you and others. ~Kathy
This is really interesting. I agree that a most of the social expression industry is supported by women. (That’s fancy talk for greeting cards).When I stopped sending birthday and Christmas cards to my husband’s siblings his sister was mad at him. She didn’t realize, or didn’t acknowledge that all these years it was me being thoughtful. I wanted to say, Duh, how many men do you know remember to send cards to their sibs?
Hi Haralee! You are SO right. Thom thinks cards are so unnecessary and like the women I quoted in the article, entire industries would fall collapse if women didn’t buy some of the stuff they buy. ~Kathy
Very
I n t e r e s t i n g!
I shop because it feels GOOD inside my mind and body. I never go over budget & I adore CLEARENCE racks. xx
Hey Kim! I’m glad to hear that you enjoy your shopping but know how to stay in your budget. That is really a big key. And yes, I think the big attraction to clearance items is that it makes us feel so darn good about our tasks. All sorts of emotional needs being me there! Thanks for your thoughts as always! ~Kathy
One of the bad traits I inherited from my mother was emotional shopping. I don’t go out and browse stores necessarily, maybe book stores. But, I know that during the bad years of my marriage I substituted things for love. It’s something I’ve mostly overcome and it was never a real problem but I know those tendencies to compensate for an (perceived) unloved childhood through gifts are there.
Hi Walker! Good for you for recognizing some of your triggers. Even when I indulge in a bit of “retail therapy” I try to be very clear about why I am doing it and what I hope to achieve. In some ways, much of it is just a habit that can be redirected. Now that I’m living in a much smaller home I literally don’t have room for “stuff” so I just don’t think about adding to it (plus both Thom and I dislike clutter and that helps a lot. Once you’ve gotten clear on your triggers you can then change those habits to better serve you. ~Kathy
Definitely! Being more conscious while shopping about the ‘why’ is so important. Thanks, Kathy 🙂
Very interesting, Kathy. Looking at my friends (and family) who shop, sometimes compulsively even when they don’t have the money. I see both numbers two and three as the main motivation.
I also think that the changes in how we live contribute to our need to define ourselves through our possessions or feel better as a result are tied to the disconnect we feel. No longer do we get together for weekly nights with friends or visit with neighbors over the property lines. We are now indoors on computers or other gadgets and have less face to face time resulting in depression and loneliness.
Hi Lois! Yes, it’s all connected isn’t it. Because our image of ourselves is so tied to what we own and what we look like, and then how that looks to others, shopping can be very destructive. And yes, shopping can definitely be a cover for feeling depression or loneliness, but probably just like drinking too much, it’s hard to tell someone who thinks they need it to be happy, that it is in fact a big part of the problem. That’s why awareness is so important in my opinion. ~Kathy
Unless I’m looking for something in particular, I think I mostly shop for recreation. Fortunately, the urge doesn’t happen very often and I never over-spend (well, maybe once-in-awhile). I have known several women who shopped for reasons that eventually got them in terrible debt. I found it sad that they couldn’t find a more positive way to feed the emptiness they were feeling. I can’t imagine shopping if I felt depressed… everything would look awful!
Very interesting facts, Kathy. Kind of sad though. This post has taken the fun out of shopping, LOL. Next time I shop I’ll be asking myself “are you depressed?”. It’s interesting the reasons women buy stuff vs. why men buy things. Great post!!
Hi Lisa! Hahaha! I hope I didn’t take ALL the fun out of shopping experience for any of us who can keep it in perspective. Again, I don’t think there is anything wrong with shopping–or not shopping. It’s just another thing to stay awake and conscious about. I think we all have our “problem” areas–mine is probably travel. I love it and it’s tempting to go overboard with it rather than budget and plan carefully. But in the long run I KNOW that my experience will be better because I don’t over extend myself and stay awake and aware about how I’m doing it. So please, keep shopping if it is rewarding for you! ~Kathy
Fascinating, and as always, I enjoy the research in your pieces. I shop for many of the reasons cited. And mostly because I love a good deal.
Hi Lisa! I’m glad to hear you enjoyed reading my research. And yes, I too love a good deal. That is probably related to the same “high” a gambler gets when he wins or how other addicts get a boost from their experiences. Hopefully even when we do feel that boost we don’t keep going even when it’s not good for us. ~Kathy
I’m sitting here nodding my head to all of the above. I definitely shop for all of those reasons. It makes me feel so gratified (until the credit card bill arrives) and I do lie about my purchases! Now you need to write a post about how to stop compulsive shopping!
Hi Kathy M….When I found and read these I have to admit they all made sense to me too. I think when you consider how most of us have been raised to accept shopping as something we do with thinking about it, it’s probably no surprise that some of us can get into trouble with it. From what I read, a shopping addiction is very similar to most other addictions and the treatments are also similar. Unfortunately that’s above my “pay grade” but I know that help exists out there for any of us who get in trouble with it. And from my perspective, being willing to admit and stay aware is an excellent place to start. ~Kathy
Shopping also boosts production of the neurotransmitter dopamine. Dopamine is our “motivation molecule”. It makes us feel good. People do all sorts of things for their dopamine hit — shopping is among them. Accomplishing goals is a healthy way to get dopamine. Alcohol, drugs, caffeine, sugar, gambling, and shopping in excess are unhealthy ways to get more dopamine.
Hi Blue! Thank you for stopping by SMART Living and sharing your thoughts on this. Yes. That is definitely part of the high that we get when doing anything pleasurable. I was just fascinated to see how it was also triggered by reproductive hormones. And yes, of course when that gets out of control or relied upon too much we spiral into addiction. Dopamine can be a good thing when focused in the right way. Thanks for input. ~Kathy
Shopping definite provides an emotional high, I know that for a fact from my own experience.
Hi Carol! I do think that “emotional” high can be fun — or addictive! The trick is to know the difference of course. ~Kathy