In the nearly eight years that I have been writing posts here on SMART Living 365, I’ve done my best to not make it about me. With a strong intention to share ideas with others that I find inspiring and helpful towards living a happy and fulfilled life, I prefer to point out things I’ve discovered, read or stumbled upon rather than talk directly about myself.
But recently a new blogger friend named Karen posted an article on her blog asking questions of her readers. She titled her post: 25 Totally Terrifying Meaning of Life Questions Worth Asking. Her motivation was to invite others to contribute as a way that encourages everyone to get to know each other on a deeper level. And as a person who loves a challenge, especially any called “terrifying” or “scary,” I decided to give it a try and share some of my answers with all of you.
Of course, in true rightsizing fashion, I took her three lists of not-too-scary, slightly-scary and totally-terrifying questions and answered the ones I thought most appealing. I hope that you find some of my answers interesting and that they inspire you to think of how you might answer them for yourself.
Here goes:
What is your favorite quote? Why? My favorite quote has always been, “Life is a daring adventure or nothing,” by Helen Keller. The full quote is, “Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold. Faith alone defends. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.” For a woman who was deaf and blind to have such insight is amazing and inspiring to me.
What is something about you that people might not know? In my heart, I am actually a very happy-go-lucky person who is almost nauseatingly optimistic. I love to laugh and have fun even though most of my writing is very serious and often heavy. Experiencing joy and wonder on a regular basis is as important to me as eating.
What are you curious about? I am insatiably curious about all sorts of things, but mostly I love learning—and writing about, why people do what they do.
Thom & Kloe
What is your most prized possession? While I don’t consider my husband Thom or Kloe (my dog) to be possessions, they are extremely important to me. About the only “thing” that I would want to save from a burning building is my computer. But I can always buy another one of those.
What are you known for or would like to be known for? As someone who inspires others and reminds others of who they really are on a soul level.
What kinds of people energize you and what kinds of people drain you? People who are interesting, fun, creative and inquisitive as I am (or more!) energize me. People who are self-absorbed, pessimistic and small-minded drain me.
What’s the best piece of advice you have ever been given? Before I met my beloved Thom, I was dating a guy and we were going to be married. Right before announcing it to the family he told me he wanted to date others and I was devastated (okay I was only 21). But a dear older friend told me that something similar had happened to him when he was young and that he ended up finding the right (and better!) person soon after. He was right. I met Thom a month or so later and we’ve been together for 41 years. That advice reminds me constantly that things are ALWAYS working out for me, even when I can’t see it happening.
What trip have you taken that had a huge impact on you? When I was in high school I took
Practicing the musical/pantomine play we took to Europe in 1972. Can you tell which one is me?
drama. I have no idea why except it sounded fun. I wasn’t very good at it and only managed in four years to get a few bit parts. But during my junior year, it was announced that the drama class would be going to Europe that summer and putting on a short musical/pantomime play. Anyone in class who wanted to go, could. That is, they could go if they came up with $1,700. Back in 1972 that was a big deal. I asked my parents knowing they couldn’t/wouldn’t afford it. They told me I could go but I would have to get a job and earn the money myself. Dad referred me to a friend of his who owned a smorgasbord and I became a hostess. I worked there for about nine months saving it all for the trip. That adventure was my first taste of international travel. (And yes I LOVE to travel!) Best of all, I learned that if I worked for something I could pretty much go and do whatever I dreamed of doing.
What is your body telling you? That I need to keep moving and not sit so much!
What have you collected? I have a cross collection. No, I’m not Catholic, but I saw so many creative and interesting crosses when traveling in Mexico that I started a collection years ago. Since then I have brought crosses home from across the U.S., Italy (the Vatican), France (Notre Dame), all over Mexico and yes even an Aukh from Egypt (sort of a cross.) My crosses are a wonderful reminder of “as above—so below” and “as within—so without.”
What is most important to you at this time in your life? Next week I turn 63 and I am feeling a deeper calling to be completely okay with myself, exactly as I am. Like the song by Walt Whitman, “I celebrate myself, I sing myself…. There was never any more inception than there is now, Nor any more youth or age than there is now. And there will never be any more perfection than there is now. Nor any more heaven or hell than there is now.”
Which culture, other than your own, speaks to you? I have a special affinity for Mexico. Not sure why other than the language seems natural to me, and the people and the culture are relaxed and gracious. I love traveling all over Mexico and have never been afraid. Of course, I was also drawn to Egypt during a recent
This is what I remember after climbing all 248 steps to the top of The Pyramid of the Sun outside Mexico City.
visit.
What in your life might make other people envious? My deep relationship with my husband.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Prudence….cautiousness.
If you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today? Spend the day talking, laughing and cuddling with Thom.
What did you start over again? My life has been a constant example of reinvention. Thom and I started several businesses and then started over when those didn’t lead us where we wanted to go. We moved several times—first from North Carolina to Colorado, then Colorado to California, and then several times within California. Every move started us over again. I’ve also started over as a blogger. I started writing about the environment and then switched to lifestyle on SMART Living 365. Who knows what I will start next?
When was the first time you were afraid? I am not a fearful person by nature. Sure, I’ve been nervous at times like learning to speak in front of groups or speaking up in certain situations. And skydiving was a pretty amazing adrenalin rush. But if I was to claim a fear, it would be related to feeling rejected by others—others finding me strange or not liking me, or feeling I was not part of the cool group. Still, I do my best not to let that ever keep me from doing what I feel called to do.
What do you yearn to give, and to whom would you give it? I long to give away my friendship to those who would value who I am. I’ve always believed that the more you give away the more you have.
Under what circumstances are you willing to lie? I recently listened to a talk from Abraham Hicks that explained that any time we hope to influence others with our words we are effectively editing ourselves to elicit the best response. When we aren’t presenting our true self to others, that manipulation could be considered a lie. I would hope that I would only lie when I thought it most compassionate and helpful to another’s life, not my own.
What was your biggest mistake? I don’t believe in mistakes. The only time there is a mistake is when you don’t learn from what’s happened and I always do my best to learn the lesson I have been given. Even when difficult, that always pays off.
Giving a talk on Rightsizing at a local museum.
What is your purpose in life? How is it reflected in the way you use your time? I have felt for the longest time that my purpose was to communicate what is in my mind, heart, and soul to those who would benefit. Sometimes I speak it, but most of the time it is by the written word.
Describe an experience that led to personal growth. Where do I start? I believe that every experience leads to personal growth if we stay awake, aware and willing to follow the path. My most recent experience is showing up optimistically at jury duty and having the willingness to speak what was in my mind and heart.
What is your biggest problem or issue right now? I don’t consider it a problem, but I do hold the desire for ongoing connection to others. As a writer, I spend a lot of time by myself and I would like to be part of a larger community of friends and people who are supportive, interesting and generous.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? That I stop caring what others think of me and wanting others to like me. Most of the time I speak up and do what I want, but I still have a little voice in the back of my head that criticizes me and tries to get me to be a “good girl.”
If you could choose just one thing to change about the world, what would it be?That all people would realize that we are all interconnected and that what we do to the least among us, we do to ourselves.
What activities make you feel really useful, alive, and strong?Writing does this for me. And discovering new, inspiring and helpful ideas that create a better life and world for others.
What will you need to do differently if you are to live the life you truly desire? Learn to listen to my Inner Being without distraction and to follow that guidance.
To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? LOTS….I have made many choices that have directed my life. But probably the biggest one was to pick Thom over the decision to have children. No regrets.
What will be your legacy? I would like to hope that my writing will be my legacy…that and my quality of relationship with Thom.
What question would I add to this list? What sustains me? I’m not a religious person, but I do consider myself to be deeply spiritual. I’ve developed my understanding based on my own experiences, lots of reading, and years of workshops and classes. Everything that happens in my life, the good and anything I judge as less than good, fits into my benevolent “story” of the Wholeness of all Life. I know most everyone else has a different version, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is how I am sustained every day by what I believe.
Albert Einstein said, “The important thing is to never stop questioning.” But sometimes it is SMART to sit ourselves down and honestly state what we believe to be true today—all the while knowing that tomorrow will bring new questions and their corresponding answers. Meanwhile, let’s do our best to enjoy them all!
Okay, your turn? What question did you like the most, why, and how would YOU answer it? Which did you like the least? Why? Also, is there any question that should be added? Oh, and for all 75 questions Karen asks, pop over to her blog Profound Journey and check it out.
Hi Kathy: as you know, I have already responded to this post on Karen’s blog, but rereading it here, I have a couple more comments.
I smiled looking at the Pyramid of the Sun photo. I climbed that pyramid in 1985 and accidently left my Swiss Army knife on the top of it. (This was back in the days when you still could fly with things like a Swiss Army knife in your purse.) My first husband and I had climbed to the top of the Pyramid of the Sun, and in true frugal fashion, ate our bag lunch of bread and cheese and fruit at the top of the pyramid, while enjoying the view. Somehow the knife got left behind.
On a more serious note, I have to disagree with the sentiment behind the statement “things are ALWAYS working out for me, even when I can’t see it happening.” Of course your life is your life, and I don’t disagree with your feelings. But for many people around the world, in war-torn zones and in refugee camps and in places where there is famine, life DOESN’T work out well for them despite their best efforts and positive thoughts. That is not to say people shouldn’t try hard and think positively, but it is all too easy to make that little extra leap of thought and blame individual people for their circumstances without taking into account the social and structural factors that can make life very difficult.
As a personal example, my first husband passed away at a young age. After a long period of grieving, I picked myself up and got on with my life. Decades later, I now enjoy a happy, fulfilled life, as you know from reading my blog. But I would not describe this as things just “always worked out for me.” The pain of his death will always be with me. And furthermore, I am acutely aware that things might have gone in a very different direction for me if it wasn’t for the support my children and I received from others, and our good fortune to have be born into a privileged first-world country.
Perhaps what I am actually disagreeing with is the general North American focus on individualism, which can lead to a kind of blindness toward social, political and community factors, and as a consequence, a tendency to blame and disengage. (Which is NOT to say that this is what you are doing or supporting!!)
Hi Jude! Thank you for bringing up what is certainly one of the more “challenging” statements I made in this post. I agree that on the surface level it does sound like it could only come from someone who is incredibly privileged. The saying is actually a quote from Abraham-Hicks. The first time I heard it I really had to think it through on many levels beyond the basic. It doesn’t mean that everything that happens to me is good. It doesn’t mean that bad things don’t happen to me or other people. It doesn’t mean that life isn’t filled with suffering or challenges. What it means is even then I will move through it–I will survive and life will be rewarding again. Maybe not the way I want it to be, or the way I imagined, or even the way I hoped. It will be and I will be okay.
Now I realize that I have had great privilege in my life compared to many. But I also think that the majority of us have as well. Of course that doesn’t mean I haven’t had great pain or suffered great challenges. I have. But I am not the sort of person who dwells on that. I prefer to focus on the present or the future and by believing that it serves me. In some ways it is similar to the statement from the Bible, “All things work together for good.” We can’t and don’t know for sure what the future will hold for any of us, so staying empowered, rather than powerless, is nearly always better if it comes naturally to a person.
I also agree that believing that good will eventually prevail doesn’t mean that I don’t do my part to help create a better world. But again, I believe feeling empowered, rather than hopeless or overwhelmed is always best. I do believe that it comes down to a person’s personal beliefs and orientation. So what I guess I’m saying is that it works for me.
Of course, all that said, I would NEVER say it to someone struggling or going through pain. I can’t know what another person is dealing with. I can only say it for and to myself–and blog about it when it fits. 🙂
So thank you for asking and for helping me explain it in a deeper way. I certainly don’t expect all the readers of my blog or my books to agree with me–so feel free to call me on my stuff! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy! Thanks for your thoughtful and detailed response. What you say makes sense. The part that I do strongly agree with is the idea that during times of struggle when things look bleak, to keep in mind that there will be moments of happiness and joy again at some time in the future: “even then I will move through it–I will survive and life will be rewarding again.” I think this wisdom tends to come with experience, and it can help to make terrible things bearable. Unfortunately, it is an idea that people with clinical depression may not believe, due to the nature of their illness.
I liked Hellen Keller’s quote kathy, she always inspired me.I liked question no.s 20, 21& 22. I like the way you have answered no.20 and 21 I would say my purpose is to explore and utilise the capacities that are within and live life to the fullest… I am in process of living out my truest expression of life. Thanks for sharing- I learnt a little more about you:)
Hi G Angela! Nice to hear from you. And isn’t Hellen Keller amazing? I also believe that the “purpose” question is one of the most valuable that any of us can ask ourselves. Isn’t it nice to be clear about what is most important to us deep inside? With that as a foundation, we can handle just about anything that pops up in our lives. May your purpose continue to unfold in expected (and even a few unexpected ways) as it brings peace and happiness to your life! ~Kathy
Deep answers to some deep questions. I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on some of Karen’s questions, Kathy. I answered a few questions of the first series in a comment on Profound Journey once, and the full middle series as a tribe story. I hope to tackle the last one at some point as well. This is material for discussions in person. I especially liked your answer that we all make choices (and influence our lives that way) to get where we are and do what we want.
Hi Liesbet! I was inspired by your’s (and others!) answers on Karen’s blog so thanks for that. It is definitely a great exercise…and like you mention, would be wonderful in person as well. Thom even said we should put a group of us together and do it in person–maybe when we get together in the fall???? Still hoping you (and maybe a few others) can join us! The questions offer a little window into each of us showing what motivates us and what is most important. ALWAYS a valuable experience. Thanks for your comment. 🙂 ~Kathy
I relate to the question about what is your biggest issue right now because, as a blogger, we tend to be isolated. I go to a networking event once a month not to promote my business but simply to socialize. I thought all the questions were great but you’ll never see me skydiving. LOL
Hi Rebecca! Good for you for finding a group that helps you to connect. I too have been taking proactive steps to get myself out there to meet new people and stay connected. It isn’t easy. My natural tendency is to stay at home where I’m comfortable but the need to connect with people is stronger so I’m letting that guide me. While being around the wrong people can be draining, I still get so much out of connecting with like-minds that I know that it is important for me. As far as skydiving goes…once you jump out of an airplane it does make most everything seem tame by comparison!!! Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. ~Kathy
Oh nuts! I wrote a long comment and then it vanished. If you get it as well as this one, please delete this one, Kathy.
Somewhat more succinctly than the last time – Thank you so much for taking up this challenge and posting such thoughtful answers to the questions I asked. Like you, I used to avoid personal writing, preferring to focus on research and thoughts rather than personal experiences and emotions. And like you, as evidenced by all of these great comments, I found that people really appreciate when we open ourselves up a bit and are willing to be vulnerable.
Thank you also for allowing me to repost your questions and answers in a few weeks. While we share some readers in common, there are many members of the Profound Journey tribe who haven’t met you and should!
Hi Karen! Sorry that you lost your LONG comment. Doesn’t that drive you crazy sometimes? It always seems so unpredictable too. That’s why I TRY to remember to always copy my comments before I hit reply…and then I forget and they disappear. Thank you for sticking around to do another one! And yes, I don’t mind being vulnerable and opening myself up, but I sometimes think that some bloggers share TOO MUCH all the time and that’s not what I want for my blog. I’m just happy that people are seeming to like this one and was very thankful for the suggestions. And I look forward to seeing my post on Profound Journey when it fits your schedule and introducing myself to some of your readers.. I will be linking it on my Facebook page for sure in case some of my readers missed it. So nice connecting with you OL and look forward to when we can do IRL!!! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy. Just want to say that I completely agree about the oversharing that happens on some blogs. My publisher wanted me to have a blog when I was writing my books and doing keynotes and workshop facilitation. I was happy to write practical ideas and research tips for educational topics, but they thought I should talk about things like walking my dog around the pond. I could never understand why anyone would ever care about such mundane things so I wouldn’t do it. I’ve clearly shifted quite a bit from that opinion, but am still very mindful of the dangers of oversharing. It can be an interesting tightrope to walk.
Hi Karen. I hope you didn’t think I meant you when I mentioned that about oversharing! 😉 I haven’t been following you for more than a few months but I definitely don’t think that. And I agree that a blend of personal and professional is always good to promote books or workshops too. I think you do a wonderful job of that. Hmmm….writing about that tightrope walk would make an interesting post huh? So many topics, so little time! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy. No, I didn’t think you were referring to me, although thanks for the reassurance. This topic of what’s appropriate to share and what isn’t is something that is never far from my thoughts. Your earlier reply just brought it to the surface again so yes, I agree, it’s probably something that will appear in a future blog post for either or both of us 🙂
Yay! Your site finally let me in (perseverance does pay off). It was totally worth the wait. Like so many others, I really appreciated your dip into a highly personal post. I have loved discovering new things about you….and look forward to following up on some of them when we meet again in October!
Hi Donna! Yes, I’m SO-SO-SO sorry you got blocked!!!! And I’m even happier that I got it figured out. And aren’t the questions great? I know you were one of Karen’s early adopters so you know the fun and value of them. And yes to following up more in October. I’m already looking forward to it. ~Kathy
Hi Tom! Yes, quite the homework assignment…should you choose to accept. Would love to see some of your answers as well and I’d bet your readers would too! ~Kathy
I love that you decided to take a little side road and write a more personal post. Even though we’ve met in person several times and I consider you a good friend, I learned some new things about you and have discovered even more things we have in common. I love your choice of Karen’s questions and love even more the thoughtful (not that I would have expected anything different) replies you gave to each of them. Oh, and I love your cross collection! I’ve picked up a few of those myself in Mexico.
Hi Janis! Thank you for letting me know that you appreciated my answers. I honestly wasn’t sure how everyone would respond. But in the last year or so I’m getting better and better at just writing what I feel inspired to write and trusting that the right readers will be okay with it. I know that I don’t do what “blog experts” say is the best by picking one theme only and writing about that. The good news is, that I figure most of my readers are a flexible and curious about things as much as I am or they would have been long gone by now. And, something tells me that those of us who continue to read each other’s blogs through the long haul have more in common than we know! I look forward to seeing what crosses you have collected sometime in the future. ~Kathy
Kathy, so wonderful to learn more about another child free, good girl who hopes her writing is part of her legacy! Your articulated purpose is something I need to think more on….I feel a strong synergy with how you stated it…the first time a purpose statement has resonated with me personally. I haven’t been blogging nearly as long as you, nor have as many connections, but there is something in how you’ve said it! I am in the process of completing my own response Karen’s questions. Glad to see someone else did a pick & choose response too.
Hi Pat! hahaha…I never used that title before, “childfree good girl” before. I suppose if I was really concerned about being a “good girl” I would have gone ahead and had kids because as you know, that’s what we all were “expected” to do when we were growing up. It’s probably that tension between wanting to be thought of as a good girl and doing whatever the heck we felt we needed/wanted to do, right? And thank you for saying that my statement about purpose resonated with you. I actually came up with it in a workshop many years ago–just sort of popped out–even when I wasn’t quite sure how I would go about doing it. I was writing, but not nearly as much as I am now. So I think I have sort of evolved into it. And yes, do go ahead and do some of Karen’s questions! I just started with all 75 and went through as many as came out naturally. I actually did more than 30 but I thought 30 was definitely enough information about me in one go-around! 🙂 I’ll look forward to seeing your answers on Karen’s blog in the future. ~Kathy
I think at the end of each day, we need to ask ourselves if we reached a goal, if we helped someone, if we were kind. And most importantly if we showed love to those who depend on us. Hope to see you on Boomer Highway, Beth
Hi Beth! Yes, I so agree that life is more meaningful and rewarding when we ask (and answer in the positive) the questions you pose. Thanks for stopping by. ~Kathy
30 questions are a lot I can’t imagine answering 75. Your answers are thoughtful and lovely like the person you are!! I like #28 because I have always known to a degree and as I get older what is important to me and to be true to myself.
Hi Haralee! Ahhhh….who says you can’t find loving and supportive friends online that you haven’t met in person? Thank you for your kind words and your friendship through the years. I can’t even remember how long I have been following your blog but it has been at least 4-5 years I’m thinking? On Karen’s blog she has a lot to say about friendship and I agree that sometimes people just click and who knows why? Just from reading your blog for so long and the other emails we shared, I KNOW that we would hit it off magnificently if (or when?) we ever meet in person. And may we both continue to know what is important to us and be true to ourselves as the years go by. ~Kathy
Oh … I feel such s connection with every answer … my primary difference is seven months ago my husband of 41 years died completely unexpectedly …. my heart is shattered and I stumble through my days but I honestly feel him with me every day. I just keep asking him …. sometimes screaming at him “what the hell am I supposed to do now”? I turn 68 in July. I am healthy and somehow I think I am still supposed to live life …. I just don’t know where to freaking begin. My question for you is …… what the hell am I supposed to do now???
Hi Vickie. I am so very sorry to learn about your husband. I won’t pretend to know what you are going through. And yes, it is tempting to imagine that there is a simple solution–but I know there isn’t. I so hope that you have people close to you to talk to that are giving you the support and love that you surely need right now. And I also hope that you have a sustaining belief that will help you through this most challenging time. Please know that I am sending you all my love and yes, prayers, for the days ahead. Be gentle with yourself and NEVER give up. ~Kathy
So many wonderful questions here, but the one I will focus on is #7, “That advice reminds me constantly that things are ALWAYS working out for me, even when I can see it happening.” (although you may mean ‘can’t see it happening) Many people forget this, and in doing so, allow themselves to have a much more difficult life. Wow, Kathy, I loved this post!
Hi Diane! Yep! That was supposed to be a “can’t!” Thank you for catching that. Don’t you just love that statement? It is actually something that Abraham-Hicks says all the time and from the first time I heard it I resonated with it. Thom isn’t that crazy about it–although he likes Abraham AND Byron Katie who actually have similar beliefs. When I hear it (or say it to myself) it is a powerful reminder that NO MATTER WHAT I will come through the experience and that there will be good on the other side. I KNOW that isn’t easy but I can’t even imagine living with an opposite belief. Thank you for letting me know that this post resonated with you. ~Kathy
What a thought provoking exercise! These are all really great questions. The one I think about a lot right now is What is your purpose in life and how is that reflected in what you do. That is what I am trying to learn and to do. It is not an easy question!
Hi Michele! I’m glad this exercise resonated with you too. Give it a go on your blog as well if that seems valuable. I am happy to see that some of you are responding well to it. As far as purpose goes, I agree that it does take some soul-searching and time. I’m reading a book right now that has a LOT of good stuff in it (and yeah I’ll be doing a post on it very soon) by Stephen Cope called,”The Great Work Of Your Life–A guide for the Journey to your true calling.” While most of the book focuses on BIG callings, I think it is important for all of us to have a sense of why we are here and what our contribution to life is. Whatever you decide, I hope you find something that fills you with hope and satisfaction. ~Kathy
I can relate to #17 – fear of rejection. That little voice still pops up on occasion. Fortunately, it lost a lot of its impact on me after I did some good and hard work to understand why it was there in the first place. There were good logical reasons for it.
Hi Marne! You too huh? Of course, if I was a betting woman I’d say a LOT of us deal with that issue. But like you said, the fortunate part is that by the time we get to our age we have learned how to better deal with that “voice” and like you said, understand why it is there in the first place. Thank you so much for sharing that with all of us. ~Kathy
Hi Karen! I’d didn’t know that you were childfree too! I have only been reading your blog for 6 (?) months now so you’ve probably mentioned it before but I missed that. But no wonder that you are so attached to your rescue dog too. I think it is very easy for many childfree women to be especially attached to their pets (if not their husbands!!!!) And congrats on your 35 years together! I trust that your’s have been as wonderful as Thom and mine. Another reason for us all together sometime in the future! ~Kathy
I saw these questions on Karen’s blog and thought you’d have to be brave to tackle them – it doesn’t surprise me at all that you were willing to take them on Kathy – and to be so self-aware in your answers! Maybe I’ll have a go at them sometime – I’m not sure I’d do as good a job as you though!
Hi Leanne! Oh do try, Leanne! I think it might surprise you at how life-affirming they can be. And Karen makes it so easy! Who can’t find a bunch to answer if you get to pick and choose from all 75 that she has! As far as how good a job you do (or I did for that matter!) is that the reward is in the doing. I’m just grateful that enough of you are appreciating my answers without being put-off! 🙂 Thanks for letting me know what you thought. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy! So nice to learn a bit more about YOU! I love this idea and I especially love the question about experiences that have led to personal growth. I would have to say hitting bottom in my late 40s caused all sorts of personal growth and change. Heck, I am still changing everyday because I stopped for just a year or so to ask myself all of the important questions about who I am and who I want to be before I die. After that, one thing led to another until I now find myself in my perfect place. I did begin to listen to my heart at that point and trust in my inner wisdom. That is not to say that I don’t question myself all the time, but slowly I am getting better at finding where I belong.
Hi Laura Lee! I’m glad to hear you enjoyed my answers. I thought this was quite a departure from my usual…and to be honest it was a REALLY easy post to do (I didn’t have to do any research!! 🙂 ) And I’ll bet your answers to all of the questions would be equally interesting…you ought to give it a go on your blog. And because I’ve been following your blog for a long time I am not at all surprised to see that you are drawn to the question about personal growth and what you have learned from those experiences. I happen to believe that those of us who appreciate self-awareness and personal growth realize how very life-affirming it can be. Thanks for your thoughts on this! ~Kathy
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Hi Kathy: as you know, I have already responded to this post on Karen’s blog, but rereading it here, I have a couple more comments.
I smiled looking at the Pyramid of the Sun photo. I climbed that pyramid in 1985 and accidently left my Swiss Army knife on the top of it. (This was back in the days when you still could fly with things like a Swiss Army knife in your purse.) My first husband and I had climbed to the top of the Pyramid of the Sun, and in true frugal fashion, ate our bag lunch of bread and cheese and fruit at the top of the pyramid, while enjoying the view. Somehow the knife got left behind.
On a more serious note, I have to disagree with the sentiment behind the statement “things are ALWAYS working out for me, even when I can’t see it happening.” Of course your life is your life, and I don’t disagree with your feelings. But for many people around the world, in war-torn zones and in refugee camps and in places where there is famine, life DOESN’T work out well for them despite their best efforts and positive thoughts. That is not to say people shouldn’t try hard and think positively, but it is all too easy to make that little extra leap of thought and blame individual people for their circumstances without taking into account the social and structural factors that can make life very difficult.
As a personal example, my first husband passed away at a young age. After a long period of grieving, I picked myself up and got on with my life. Decades later, I now enjoy a happy, fulfilled life, as you know from reading my blog. But I would not describe this as things just “always worked out for me.” The pain of his death will always be with me. And furthermore, I am acutely aware that things might have gone in a very different direction for me if it wasn’t for the support my children and I received from others, and our good fortune to have be born into a
privileged first-world country.
Perhaps what I am actually disagreeing with is the general North American focus on individualism, which can lead to a kind of blindness toward social, political and community factors, and as a consequence, a tendency to blame and disengage. (Which is NOT to say that this is what you are doing or supporting!!)
Jude
Hi Jude! Thank you for bringing up what is certainly one of the more “challenging” statements I made in this post. I agree that on the surface level it does sound like it could only come from someone who is incredibly privileged. The saying is actually a quote from Abraham-Hicks. The first time I heard it I really had to think it through on many levels beyond the basic. It doesn’t mean that everything that happens to me is good. It doesn’t mean that bad things don’t happen to me or other people. It doesn’t mean that life isn’t filled with suffering or challenges. What it means is even then I will move through it–I will survive and life will be rewarding again. Maybe not the way I want it to be, or the way I imagined, or even the way I hoped. It will be and I will be okay.
Now I realize that I have had great privilege in my life compared to many. But I also think that the majority of us have as well. Of course that doesn’t mean I haven’t had great pain or suffered great challenges. I have. But I am not the sort of person who dwells on that. I prefer to focus on the present or the future and by believing that it serves me. In some ways it is similar to the statement from the Bible, “All things work together for good.” We can’t and don’t know for sure what the future will hold for any of us, so staying empowered, rather than powerless, is nearly always better if it comes naturally to a person.
I also agree that believing that good will eventually prevail doesn’t mean that I don’t do my part to help create a better world. But again, I believe feeling empowered, rather than hopeless or overwhelmed is always best. I do believe that it comes down to a person’s personal beliefs and orientation. So what I guess I’m saying is that it works for me.
Of course, all that said, I would NEVER say it to someone struggling or going through pain. I can’t know what another person is dealing with. I can only say it for and to myself–and blog about it when it fits. 🙂
So thank you for asking and for helping me explain it in a deeper way. I certainly don’t expect all the readers of my blog or my books to agree with me–so feel free to call me on my stuff! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy! Thanks for your thoughtful and detailed response. What you say makes sense. The part that I do strongly agree with is the idea that during times of struggle when things look bleak, to keep in mind that there will be moments of happiness and joy again at some time in the future: “even then I will move through it–I will survive and life will be rewarding again.” I think this wisdom tends to come with experience, and it can help to make terrible things bearable. Unfortunately, it is an idea that people with clinical depression may not believe, due to the nature of their illness.
Jude
I liked Hellen Keller’s quote kathy, she always inspired me.I liked question no.s 20, 21& 22. I like the way you have answered no.20 and 21 I would say my purpose is to explore and utilise the capacities that are within and live life to the fullest… I am in process of living out my truest expression of life. Thanks for sharing- I learnt a little more about you:)
Hi G Angela! Nice to hear from you. And isn’t Hellen Keller amazing? I also believe that the “purpose” question is one of the most valuable that any of us can ask ourselves. Isn’t it nice to be clear about what is most important to us deep inside? With that as a foundation, we can handle just about anything that pops up in our lives. May your purpose continue to unfold in expected (and even a few unexpected ways) as it brings peace and happiness to your life! ~Kathy
Deep answers to some deep questions. I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on some of Karen’s questions, Kathy. I answered a few questions of the first series in a comment on Profound Journey once, and the full middle series as a tribe story. I hope to tackle the last one at some point as well. This is material for discussions in person. I especially liked your answer that we all make choices (and influence our lives that way) to get where we are and do what we want.
Hi Liesbet! I was inspired by your’s (and others!) answers on Karen’s blog so thanks for that. It is definitely a great exercise…and like you mention, would be wonderful in person as well. Thom even said we should put a group of us together and do it in person–maybe when we get together in the fall???? Still hoping you (and maybe a few others) can join us! The questions offer a little window into each of us showing what motivates us and what is most important. ALWAYS a valuable experience. Thanks for your comment. 🙂 ~Kathy
If we’re around in the fall, we’d love to be part of the get together! We’ll see what happens. 🙂
You KNOW we would all love that 🙂
I relate to the question about what is your biggest issue right now because, as a blogger, we tend to be isolated. I go to a networking event once a month not to promote my business but simply to socialize. I thought all the questions were great but you’ll never see me skydiving. LOL
Hi Rebecca! Good for you for finding a group that helps you to connect. I too have been taking proactive steps to get myself out there to meet new people and stay connected. It isn’t easy. My natural tendency is to stay at home where I’m comfortable but the need to connect with people is stronger so I’m letting that guide me. While being around the wrong people can be draining, I still get so much out of connecting with like-minds that I know that it is important for me. As far as skydiving goes…once you jump out of an airplane it does make most everything seem tame by comparison!!! Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. ~Kathy
Oh nuts! I wrote a long comment and then it vanished. If you get it as well as this one, please delete this one, Kathy.
Somewhat more succinctly than the last time –
Thank you so much for taking up this challenge and posting such thoughtful answers to the questions I asked. Like you, I used to avoid personal writing, preferring to focus on research and thoughts rather than personal experiences and emotions. And like you, as evidenced by all of these great comments, I found that people really appreciate when we open ourselves up a bit and are willing to be vulnerable.
Thank you also for allowing me to repost your questions and answers in a few weeks. While we share some readers in common, there are many members of the Profound Journey tribe who haven’t met you and should!
Hi Karen! Sorry that you lost your LONG comment. Doesn’t that drive you crazy sometimes? It always seems so unpredictable too. That’s why I TRY to remember to always copy my comments before I hit reply…and then I forget and they disappear. Thank you for sticking around to do another one! And yes, I don’t mind being vulnerable and opening myself up, but I sometimes think that some bloggers share TOO MUCH all the time and that’s not what I want for my blog. I’m just happy that people are seeming to like this one and was very thankful for the suggestions. And I look forward to seeing my post on Profound Journey when it fits your schedule and introducing myself to some of your readers.. I will be linking it on my Facebook page for sure in case some of my readers missed it. So nice connecting with you OL and look forward to when we can do IRL!!! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy. Just want to say that I completely agree about the oversharing that happens on some blogs. My publisher wanted me to have a blog when I was writing my books and doing keynotes and workshop facilitation. I was happy to write practical ideas and research tips for educational topics, but they thought I should talk about things like walking my dog around the pond. I could never understand why anyone would ever care about such mundane things so I wouldn’t do it.
I’ve clearly shifted quite a bit from that opinion, but am still very mindful of the dangers of oversharing. It can be an interesting tightrope to walk.
Hi Karen. I hope you didn’t think I meant you when I mentioned that about oversharing! 😉 I haven’t been following you for more than a few months but I definitely don’t think that. And I agree that a blend of personal and professional is always good to promote books or workshops too. I think you do a wonderful job of that. Hmmm….writing about that tightrope walk would make an interesting post huh? So many topics, so little time! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy. No, I didn’t think you were referring to me, although thanks for the reassurance. This topic of what’s appropriate to share and what isn’t is something that is never far from my thoughts. Your earlier reply just brought it to the surface again so yes, I agree, it’s probably something that will appear in a future blog post for either or both of us 🙂
I knew you girls would get along. 🙂
Yay! Your site finally let me in (perseverance does pay off). It was totally worth the wait. Like so many others, I really appreciated your dip into a highly personal post. I have loved discovering new things about you….and look forward to following up on some of them when we meet again in October!
Hi Donna! Yes, I’m SO-SO-SO sorry you got blocked!!!! And I’m even happier that I got it figured out. And aren’t the questions great? I know you were one of Karen’s early adopters so you know the fun and value of them. And yes to following up more in October. I’m already looking forward to it. ~Kathy
Oh boy, lots of interesting questions. This is going to keep me busy all weekend!
Hi Tom! Yes, quite the homework assignment…should you choose to accept. Would love to see some of your answers as well and I’d bet your readers would too! ~Kathy
Yes. That connection thing. For sure. Xo
Hi Carol. I imagine that a lot of us feel the same way. Let’s talk! ~Kathy
I love that you decided to take a little side road and write a more personal post. Even though we’ve met in person several times and I consider you a good friend, I learned some new things about you and have discovered even more things we have in common. I love your choice of Karen’s questions and love even more the thoughtful (not that I would have expected anything different) replies you gave to each of them. Oh, and I love your cross collection! I’ve picked up a few of those myself in Mexico.
Hi Janis! Thank you for letting me know that you appreciated my answers. I honestly wasn’t sure how everyone would respond. But in the last year or so I’m getting better and better at just writing what I feel inspired to write and trusting that the right readers will be okay with it. I know that I don’t do what “blog experts” say is the best by picking one theme only and writing about that. The good news is, that I figure most of my readers are a flexible and curious about things as much as I am or they would have been long gone by now. And, something tells me that those of us who continue to read each other’s blogs through the long haul have more in common than we know! I look forward to seeing what crosses you have collected sometime in the future. ~Kathy
Kathy, so wonderful to learn more about another child free, good girl who hopes her writing is part of her legacy! Your articulated purpose is something I need to think more on….I feel a strong synergy with how you stated it…the first time a purpose statement has resonated with me personally. I haven’t been blogging nearly as long as you, nor have as many connections, but there is something in how you’ve said it! I am in the process of completing my own response Karen’s questions. Glad to see someone else did a pick & choose response too.
Hi Pat! hahaha…I never used that title before, “childfree good girl” before. I suppose if I was really concerned about being a “good girl” I would have gone ahead and had kids because as you know, that’s what we all were “expected” to do when we were growing up. It’s probably that tension between wanting to be thought of as a good girl and doing whatever the heck we felt we needed/wanted to do, right? And thank you for saying that my statement about purpose resonated with you. I actually came up with it in a workshop many years ago–just sort of popped out–even when I wasn’t quite sure how I would go about doing it. I was writing, but not nearly as much as I am now. So I think I have sort of evolved into it. And yes, do go ahead and do some of Karen’s questions! I just started with all 75 and went through as many as came out naturally. I actually did more than 30 but I thought 30 was definitely enough information about me in one go-around! 🙂 I’ll look forward to seeing your answers on Karen’s blog in the future. ~Kathy
I think at the end of each day, we need to ask ourselves if we reached a goal, if we helped someone, if we were kind. And most importantly if we showed love to those who depend on us.
Hope to see you on Boomer Highway, Beth
Hi Beth! Yes, I so agree that life is more meaningful and rewarding when we ask (and answer in the positive) the questions you pose. Thanks for stopping by. ~Kathy
30 questions are a lot I can’t imagine answering 75. Your answers are thoughtful and lovely like the person you are!! I like #28 because I have always known to a degree and as I get older what is important to me and to be true to myself.
Hi Haralee! Ahhhh….who says you can’t find loving and supportive friends online that you haven’t met in person? Thank you for your kind words and your friendship through the years. I can’t even remember how long I have been following your blog but it has been at least 4-5 years I’m thinking? On Karen’s blog she has a lot to say about friendship and I agree that sometimes people just click and who knows why? Just from reading your blog for so long and the other emails we shared, I KNOW that we would hit it off magnificently if (or when?) we ever meet in person. And may we both continue to know what is important to us and be true to ourselves as the years go by. ~Kathy
Oh … I feel such s connection with every answer … my primary difference is seven months ago my husband of 41 years died completely unexpectedly …. my heart is shattered and I stumble through my days but I honestly feel him with me every day. I just keep asking him …. sometimes screaming at him “what the hell am I supposed to do now”? I turn 68 in July. I am healthy and somehow I think I am still supposed to live life …. I just don’t know where to freaking begin. My question for you is …… what the hell am I supposed to do now???
Hi Vickie. I am so very sorry to learn about your husband. I won’t pretend to know what you are going through. And yes, it is tempting to imagine that there is a simple solution–but I know there isn’t. I so hope that you have people close to you to talk to that are giving you the support and love that you surely need right now. And I also hope that you have a sustaining belief that will help you through this most challenging time. Please know that I am sending you all my love and yes, prayers, for the days ahead. Be gentle with yourself and NEVER give up. ~Kathy
So many wonderful questions here, but the one I will focus on is #7, “That advice reminds me constantly that things are ALWAYS working out for me, even when I can see it happening.” (although you may mean ‘can’t see it happening) Many people forget this, and in doing so, allow themselves to have a much more difficult life. Wow, Kathy, I loved this post!
Hi Diane! Yep! That was supposed to be a “can’t!” Thank you for catching that. Don’t you just love that statement? It is actually something that Abraham-Hicks says all the time and from the first time I heard it I resonated with it. Thom isn’t that crazy about it–although he likes Abraham AND Byron Katie who actually have similar beliefs. When I hear it (or say it to myself) it is a powerful reminder that NO MATTER WHAT I will come through the experience and that there will be good on the other side. I KNOW that isn’t easy but I can’t even imagine living with an opposite belief. Thank you for letting me know that this post resonated with you. ~Kathy
What a thought provoking exercise! These are all really great questions. The one I think about a lot right now is What is your purpose in life and how is that reflected in what you do. That is what I am trying to learn and to do. It is not an easy question!
Hi Michele! I’m glad this exercise resonated with you too. Give it a go on your blog as well if that seems valuable. I am happy to see that some of you are responding well to it. As far as purpose goes, I agree that it does take some soul-searching and time. I’m reading a book right now that has a LOT of good stuff in it (and yeah I’ll be doing a post on it very soon) by Stephen Cope called,”The Great Work Of Your Life–A guide for the Journey to your true calling.” While most of the book focuses on BIG callings, I think it is important for all of us to have a sense of why we are here and what our contribution to life is. Whatever you decide, I hope you find something that fills you with hope and satisfaction. ~Kathy
I can relate to #17 – fear of rejection. That little voice still pops up on occasion. Fortunately, it lost a lot of its impact on me after I did some good and hard work to understand why it was there in the first place. There were good logical reasons for it.
Hi Marne! You too huh? Of course, if I was a betting woman I’d say a LOT of us deal with that issue. But like you said, the fortunate part is that by the time we get to our age we have learned how to better deal with that “voice” and like you said, understand why it is there in the first place. Thank you so much for sharing that with all of us. ~Kathy
#28. “…probably the biggest one was to pick Thom over the decision to have children. No regrets.”
Ditto! After 35 years of marriage I sooo appreciate this decision and am just now connecting with others who have also followed this rare path.
Hi Karen! I’d didn’t know that you were childfree too! I have only been reading your blog for 6 (?) months now so you’ve probably mentioned it before but I missed that. But no wonder that you are so attached to your rescue dog too. I think it is very easy for many childfree women to be especially attached to their pets (if not their husbands!!!!) And congrats on your 35 years together! I trust that your’s have been as wonderful as Thom and mine. Another reason for us all together sometime in the future! ~Kathy
I saw these questions on Karen’s blog and thought you’d have to be brave to tackle them – it doesn’t surprise me at all that you were willing to take them on Kathy – and to be so self-aware in your answers! Maybe I’ll have a go at them sometime – I’m not sure I’d do as good a job as you though!
Hi Leanne! Oh do try, Leanne! I think it might surprise you at how life-affirming they can be. And Karen makes it so easy! Who can’t find a bunch to answer if you get to pick and choose from all 75 that she has! As far as how good a job you do (or I did for that matter!) is that the reward is in the doing. I’m just grateful that enough of you are appreciating my answers without being put-off! 🙂 Thanks for letting me know what you thought. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy! So nice to learn a bit more about YOU! I love this idea and I especially love the question about experiences that have led to personal growth. I would have to say hitting bottom in my late 40s caused all sorts of personal growth and change. Heck, I am still changing everyday because I stopped for just a year or so to ask myself all of the important questions about who I am and who I want to be before I die. After that, one thing led to another until I now find myself in my perfect place. I did begin to listen to my heart at that point and trust in my inner wisdom. That is not to say that I don’t question myself all the time, but slowly I am getting better at finding where I belong.
Hi Laura Lee! I’m glad to hear you enjoyed my answers. I thought this was quite a departure from my usual…and to be honest it was a REALLY easy post to do (I didn’t have to do any research!! 🙂 ) And I’ll bet your answers to all of the questions would be equally interesting…you ought to give it a go on your blog. And because I’ve been following your blog for a long time I am not at all surprised to see that you are drawn to the question about personal growth and what you have learned from those experiences. I happen to believe that those of us who appreciate self-awareness and personal growth realize how very life-affirming it can be. Thanks for your thoughts on this! ~Kathy