You might think it strange that an optimist like me, on an encouraging and uplifting site like SMART Living 365, would ever ask the question: “What do you do when things fall apart?” And yes, there is a best-selling book by Pema Chodron with the title When Things Fall Apart. So what makes me think I can add to the brilliant words offered by that woman? Because I’m human. And because even though I’m not an expert, I do believe we are all more similar than not. Plus, because even when we know better—even when we think we are better, stuff still happens. Then, when it does, we have the option of taking our experience in one of two ways. My recent experience in Mexico offers the perfect example.
First off, as some of you know Thom and I have been visiting Ajijic, Mexico (pronounced Ah-hee-heek) for the last three weeks. I love Mexico, the culture, the people and just about every location we have ever visited here. We’d heard about Ajijic and the Lake Chapala area for years. This summer we took the opportunity to fly down and stay in an apartment. The weather is near perfect. Our apartment is clean, spacious, attractive, and comfortable. The location is ideal. The neighborhood is close-in enough to easily walk to shops and restaurants, but surprisingly quiet for Mexico. There is a solar-heated pool that makes lazy afternoons wonderful. And the people here—expats and locals, are all very friendly and interesting. Sounds like a perfect vacation huh?
Stuff Happens!
But remember I said that “things happen?” At the end of our second day here I was rushing around the apartment closing curtains and slammed my thigh into a chest at the end of our king-sized bed. Damn it hurt. Bad. I yelped out loud and Thom came running and told me to immediately apply Arnica crème. Which I did. Unfortunately, an hour later my thigh ballooned up as tight as a drum. That’s when applying ice occurred to me.
Research hound that I am I immediately googled “bad bruises” and found that I needed to continue to apply ice periodically. It was also recommended that I elevate the leg and stay off my feet. What??? I can barely keep my FOMO in check as it is (FOMO=fear of missing out) so I knew this would be tough. I barely slept that first night trying to get comfortable but figured that if I laid low for a couple of days I would be back to tearing around like usual. I was wrong.
I knew from my research that as long as I could still walk, even if somewhat sore and uncomfortable, that I hadn’t broken anything. Okay, that meant patience was the remedy. But, like many control issues, we are okay with being patient as long as it applies to someone else. Or, as long as it happens in the time frame we deem acceptable. I gave it a couple of days. It is now one week later.
Of course, it’s not like I’m completely stuck. After giving it one full day off, I started hobbling around a little to lunch and/or dinner. We also managed a little sight-seeing in our immediate area and joined the local expat group called The Lake Chapala Society (LCS). We met a dozen or more interesting people who now call Ajijic and nearby towns their home. And with the help of a driver made it to the dentist’s office for a great tooth cleaning experience (me) and a new crown (Thom).
A couple of days later I limped to the pool for an afternoon dip. I read that swimming was a good way to rehab my leg. Unfortunately, I forgot I was wearing my $1,600 hearing aids and dipped my head under water. And while I immediately pulled them out and dried them as best I could—who knows whether they will ever work again?
Then yesterday. Thom happened to mention that my eye was red. I occasionally have allergy issues that affect my eyes, so I used my drops and didn’t give it another thought. But by evening it was really itchy and sort of sore. I looked in the mirror and what did I see—a sty. WTH? I have never had a sty in my life! Again, I researched and it said that keeping it clean and periodic warm compresses are the best way to heal them.
Okay. So, we go to bed and for some reason my leg ached badly (did I walk too much?) so that there is no way for me to get comfortable. I was up and down all night. My eye is goopy and stuck together. You don’t need any more details than that to know that I wasn’t my usual happy personality at this point. In fact, I sort of felt like I was falling apart and I wanted to cry in frustration and surrender.
So, What’s The Point?
What happened next is the focus of this entire post. It doesn’t matter if you have ever found yourself in Mexico, with a bum leg, ruined hearing aids, and half-blind or not. It doesn’t even matter if you are completely healthy and something just happened that caught you by surprise and threw the course of your life in a completely different direction. It doesn’t matter if you recently lost someone close, your job, or your sense of self. What does matter is that you have the awareness of mind to ask yourself—what’s next? Where do I go from here?
As I was laying there at the edge of tears I had a moment of clarity. What? Here I am lying next to a man I love and who would jump up in an instant to help me if I called. I am in a town, on a trip, that is filled with good people, beauty, fun and adventure. I have an overall healthy body, sufficient resources, great friendships, and my life is filled with purpose and meaning. What do I want to focus on in this moment?
That’s it really. When things fall apart, or we feel we are falling apart, we can either focus on the broken aspects of the moment and can:
- Cry (although crying can sometimes alleviate a little pressure!)
- Post your troubles on FB and get everyone to feel sorry for you
- Complain to everyone you can find to listen
- Blame someone or something
- Fight it
Or, in those same moments we can:
- Do what you can, with what you have, right where you are
- Remember all that is good in your life and what you have to be grateful for
- Know that this too shall pass
- Accept the present moment and know you are not in control of everything!
- Find peace in the situation
As for me, I got up and took a Tylenol. I also put a warm compress on both my leg AND my eye and went back to sleep after doing some gratitude exercises. And you know what? This morning not only did my leg and my eye feel better—so did I! It’s a beautiful day in Ajijic and I know I am healing. Plus, after two days of drying out in a bag of rice, my hearing aids work as good as new.
Now some people might insist that such a clear choice isn’t possible for them. Others might say that I’m denying reality. But while I’ll agree that sometimes no matter where you are or what you are doing things suck—I still believe our perception of reality is more malleable than we usually accept. So, while we might not be able to change our circumstances, we can always change how we perceive them. In addition, I had a wise teacher once who recommended, “If you are going through hell, don’t stop and buy a condo.” Keep going. Choose the light.
I don’t know if this idea is helpful to you, but it works for me. And while I have Pema Chodron’s book at home, I didn’t refer to her words of wisdom to write this even though I’m sure she’d have some more wonderful advice. My big take-away from all of this is that when things fall apart, we mostly have two big choices to make. Do I give in to the pain/frustration/falling apart—or do I do my best to find peace in the situation and move forward. I believe the SMART path is to look for the good and remember, as Chodron’s says, “You are the sky—everything else is just the weather.”
- It is now three weeks later and I am 90% healed. Stay tuned next week when I share some of the best parts (and people) we met during our three-week vacation in Mexico.
Okay, your turn. Have you ever felt your life was falling apart? What got you through it? What advice can you offer the rest of us to help us find the “light” when going through tough times.
Hello Kathy,
I’m glad to hear you were able to make the best out of a crummy situation. I find myself having a pity party when things like that happen to me, but I also remember all the things I have to be grateful for and it does help change my outlook on the situation. When I feel like my life is falling apart I spend time with my family and my dogs they always make me feel loved.
Hi Nikki! Gratitude AND dogs are a perfect way to turn my thoughts around too. Thanks for adding that. ~Kathy
This post is an example of why I like this blog so much. Kathy’s humor make her blog so easy to read. The acronym FOMO was a new one to me, but I found it funny how many people including myself experience this without knowing what to call it. However, when life happens, Kathy’s tips offer a way to lightly cope with small troubles rather than sulk.
Hi Marlene. Thank you. It’s always nice when you find someone who get your humor. I do tend to believe I have a good one, but it doesn’t always come out in my writing. And thank you also for telling me you find some of my thoughts helpful. Obviously, I try to write about what I have found useful in my life but it’s always nice to know others benefit from them too. ~Kathy
Isn’t it strange how bad things tend to come in clusters (3’s or 7’s)? Life has its ups and downs, and much as we don’t like the downs, they do happen, and I believe that they actually are good for us. 1. They help us notice and feel grateful for all the good things in our lives that otherwise we just take for granted (e.g., good health). 2. The minor setbacks (e.g, bad bruise) give us a chance to develop skills that we can then apply to help cope with more major challenges in the future, such as a life threatening illness or the death of a loved one.
Jude
Hi Jude! So true. Since my experience, I am so very grateful that I am healing quickly and that I am as strong as I am….AND you can be sure I won’t make that same mistake again. I’m doing my best to slow down some and pay attention to my surroundings. ~Kathy
Well, you were allowed to be a little grumpy, Kathy, that was a trifecta of bad stuff! And on vacation no less. When I got my first ever sinus infection in Baja on our vacation, I snorted a lot of sea water while windsurfing, which helped. I went to town doctor in La Ventana who actually spoke good English and he fixed me right up. Cost a whopping $7! Then we drove to another teeny town to the pharmacy and picked up antibiotics for mere pesos. I’m surprised you didn’t take advantage of the health care system while in Mexico. But your message is clear. Be happy and grateful for everything you have, because those experiences create lasting memories. Glad you are back and looking forward to your next adventures!
Hi Terri! Awww…thank you. I do try to keep my grumpiness to myself though! Fortunately, it never seemed to need a doctor’s care but on other trips, I have used a doctor and agree that the price for both the doctor AND the prescription was incredibly cheap compared to what we pay here in the U.S. And I also tend to believe that when something “silly” like running into furniture lays me up, it just might be because I am “running” too much. Sometimes slowing down and taking it easy is the best solution. And yes to our next adventure! And you’re back in school right? Be sure and share all your great ideas with your students. ~Kathy
I like it when you figured on how to deal with the problem there. When things fall apart, there is a chance we will rise stronger.
Always think positive. It’s easier said than done but it’s always work for me. No matter how bad my situation, I am pretty sure someone else is more unfortunate than me. There is no illness that cannot be cured except death.
Hi Mat! Thanks for your thoughts on this. I agree that it isn’t always easy but consider the alternative. And yes, looking around, we can usually see others who are dealing with MUCH worse stuff and that can remind us of how good we do have it. Whatever works! ~Kathy
This is such a positive and uplifting post, Kathy. Sorry you had some bad weeks there, but with an approach like yours, still realizing the wonderful aspects about where you are/were in that moment, it, too, passed, or will pass completely. That’s an amazing way to look at things, but I also think it’s not so easy for some of us. Sometimes, an accumulation of “shit happens” can make it feel like it’s getting too much. Especially when “bad luck” is repeated for weeks on end. Yet, it will pass. I also believe you need to be with two in a relationship, being positive and looking forward, which can be tough as well.
Of course, things have fallen apart in my life, like in everyone’s life. My reaction is usually: feel sorry for myself for a few moments, cry if needed, wonder what to do about it, sulk a bit more, think about things that cheer me up or things I should be grateful for, come out of the pit,deal with the situation or move on.
Hi Liesbet! I’ve read your memoir so I KNOW you’ve had your ups and downs. And yes, some of us take a bit longer to “bounce” than others. But consider the alternative? I would far rather “be” the person, as well as surround myself with people, who can recover (however slowly) than those who stay stuck in the past or wallowing in their misfortune. Again, that isn’t to deny that sucky things happen to us (and some really horrendous things at times to others) but it is an acknowledgment that we are likely much stronger and more resilient than we normally realize. I also agree that it does help when your partner or those closest to you respond in the same way. Thom and I don’t always have the same optimism at the same time, but we do somehow manage to be the “cheerleader” for the other when things are going rough. He was a real sweetheart when I was struggling with my leg and that alone is something that makes it easier.
Thanks for your thoughts on this Liesbet and I hope you are enjoying your time in the Pacific Northwest! ~Kathy
What do I do when I feel like my world is falling apart? I go to my “cow theory”. I was going through a time of angst and looking out at the cows in the pasture thinking that they had it made. All they had to do was graze, drink, walk, rest, eliminate, repeat. Of course, I was resisting the situation at hand and feeling mad at even the cows in the pasture! Then it struck me; I could practice the cow theory. Now, when things get out of hand, I take control of what I can. That includes resting, maintaining my fluid intake, eating healthy foods, tending to exercise. As I tend to these activities, I regain a sense of control over my life. Sage advice:
*Do what you can, with what you have, right where you are
•Remember all that is good in your life and what you have to be grateful for
•Know that this too shall pass
•Accept the present moment and know you are not in control of everything!
•Find peace in the situation
Hi Mona! I LOVE the idea of the “cow theory.” It brings up such a good visual for me, although I think a cat or dog theory would work equally well. Can’t you just a small herd of cats lounging in the sun without a care in the world. But I have to agree, when you aren’t ready to see the “bright side” of the situation it’s easy to resist and feel resentful of those cows. Thank you for sharing how you deal with “stuff” when it comes. As we all know, it does happen, so it’s good to know what works for us. ~Kathy
Wow, Kathy, timing is everything. I read every word of your recent journey. You are strong and the gratitude moment must have sent you down a healing path. However—was there a doctor on vacation that you could have consulted about your bruise? I am sure there is medical care in Mexico. But it’s your body and you knew best. As for your eye, you could have had conjunctivitis and the only real cure that I know of, is medication. That happened to me when being a Boy Scout chaperone for my son–and we were far from medical help. But the first thing I did when I got home was get the meds. Warm compresses might make your eye feel better. But that was 3 weeks ago. Hope all is well!
Hi Beth! Oh it is VERY easy to see a doctor in Mexico–at least all the places we’ve visited. There was even a 24-hour clinic up the street from us. But from all my research (and yeah I’m a master of it) I didn’t feel like it was anything I needed to do. And as for my eye…I researched that (with photos!) so I gave it a day or two. If it had lasted anything longer I would have sought help. I’ll bet that I was closer to good medicine than your son was while camping! Thanks for thinking of me though….and for pointing out that what happened to me could have happened anywhere (even at home!) ~Kathy
I love that quote ““If you are going through hell, don’t stop and buy a condo.” The next time I’m throwing a pity-party I’ll have to remember that one ?
Each event on its own that you experienced was likely manageable – just annoying – but the cluster of events is what made it overwhelming. I’m glad that ultimately there was a happy ending to the story even if it was traumatic at the time.
…. and what’s up with the sty? I too had never had one before and I’ve had 2 now in the past 6 months ? Add it to the annoying list.
Hi Joanne. Thanks for pointing out the fact that we all do fairly well with one or two disruptions–but when they feel like they are piling up it gets more challenging (at least for me!)
And wow! you’ve had two sty’s too? Weird. I’m almost sure it was allergy related. I put my anti-itch drops in for several days and also used a q-tip drenched in saline solution to clean all around the lid (up, down and corners) and it went away in a day or two. Then before we left I felt it get sore again and once again cleaned it carefully with the q-tip. Maybe my eyes are more sensitive these days? Not sure but since we’ve been home there’s been no problem. I hope yours stays away too.! ~Kathy
Interesting – I did the exact same thing. I cleaned all around my lash line twice a day and used a lot of eye drops to keep my eye moisturized and relieve the itching. The gooey stuff was really nasty but thankfully it didn’t last long. It didn’t occur to me that it might be allergy related. The itchiness probably should have been my clue. Hope I don’t have to deal with that again!!
Great and inspiring blog, Kathy!
Life does happen, doesn’t it! There’s always the invitation to “turn the other cheek,” which I think means to turn my attention in another direction, just as you did.
That book, “When Things Fall Apart,” by Pema Chodron came into my experience about 18 years ago – and was like a life-line for me. It was my “go-to” for several years and I still refer to it in some of my Sunday messages. (BTW you can privately e-mail me if you prefer – re: where did you get hearing aids for $1600? Mine cost more than double that, and at a supposed “discount.”
Hi Karen! Yes, I think we all need to be reminded that “stuff happens” but there are ways to carry on no matter what. Chodron’s book is excellent. And as far as my hearing aids go, I got them from Costco. I’ve had them 3.5 years now and they are still doing wonderfully despite my abuse. Did you read my blog post about hearing aids? I strongly recommend Costco for their prices and service: https://www.smartliving365.com/do-my-hearing-aids-make-me-look-fat/. ~Kathy
Sorry to hear about your problems, but glad you made it through. You’re absolutely right, attitude is crucial, and sometimes a person’s reaction to a bad situation is more important than the situation itself. That being said, what’s the point of having a spouse if you can’t complain to them every once in a while?!?
Hi Tom! Thank you! I can ALWAYS count on you to provide a bit of levity to the situation. And yes, if you were to ask Thom he might confess that I whined a bit throughout it all. Of course, wine helped a bit too. ~Kathy
What wonderful choices we have when things go wrong! I especially liked these two: “Know that this too shall pass” and “Find peace in the situation”…very powerful! Thanks for this wonderful post, Kathy, and welcome back! As it happens, this Sunday I am announcing a break of a few weeks, but will pop in to other blogs and continue reading and commenting. Hope your recovery continues.
Hi Diane! Yes to having at least two choices! And enjoy your break. I find that for myself, and other bloggers who have been doing this a long time, that it REALLY helps to take a break and recharge our batteries. I think then we can come back with renewed energy and enthusiasm. I look forward to hearing how your break goes. ~Kathy
Well crap Kathy, I am sorry that your vacation was tested but sounds like you pulled through and then some. Yes Ice, Advil, elevating the leg are all good for the contusion. Sounds like it could be pink eye. I will have to wit until next week if my diagnosis is correct. I really loved seeing the pictures you posted, especially the food and the costs! Really looks like a great bargain.
Hi Haralee! Hahaha…yeah, I think life is like that isn’t it–even with the best-laid plans. My word for 2018 is “flexible” and while I am doing my best to make my body that way, it’s mostly my mind that I want to keep that way. Practice comes every day in so many ways. And yes, to next week’s sharing of many of the good and fun lessons I learned while away. ~Kathy
Hi, Kathy – Reading this post fills me with gratitude. I’m grateful that you’re back, grateful that you are 90% better (and counting) and grateful that you so articulately share your positive perspective with others. Your spirit is contagious!
Welcome home!
Hi Donna! Yes to being better 🙂 And thank you for your encouragement. I’m so looking forward to getting together with you next month here in my community. I think you’ve had a busy summer and I’m looking forward to catching up in person. ~Kathy
Kathy I love your story. I can relate with my recent experiences of moving and all the floods in the last couple of weeks. I admit to having moments of self-pity, partially fueled by exhaustion, but then I found my way back to my usual optimistic self, as did you. I loved your line, “our perception of reality is more malleable than we usually accept.” That is so true. Our attitude makes us miserable or helps us to get through something in a more pleasant manner.
I’m sure you went through a lot of discomfort but hey, you aren’t buying condos in pessimist land! That was another great line by the way- when you are going through hell don’t buy a condo! Ha!
Hi Michele! I’ve read some of your posts about your recent move and the floods and I can honestly say you have good reason to throw a pity-party. But then what, right? We still have to deal with the situation and might as well start looking for ways to redirect our thoughts. It sounds like you are a lot like me because you know that after the momentary release of self-pity, I tend to feel worse if I let it continue. Far better to just refocus my thoughts and find other ways to “comfort” myself. As for me, I read two enjoyable novels that I probably wouldn’t have “had time for” if I hadn’t had to stay off my feet. I also didn’t do much cooking and thoroughly enjoyed Thom waiting on me for a day or two. If we look for them, there are almost always bright spots, right? I hope your moving saga is finally winding down. I’ll have to pop over to you blog and check it out. Thanks for being part of the conversation. ~Kathy
Kathy
I can relate to your experience. I have been in the poor me situation many times. The more I fight to right the wrong, the longer and harder the experience tends to be. Let it Go! Wait a minute, things will change! What can learn from the situation? Create a gratitude list. Just several of my methods to get through the rough stage
Thank you for the reminder
Jamie
Hi Jamie! I think we all have our “down days” and sometimes it feels pretty good just to do a little wallowing…but fortunately I’m not the kind, and it sounds like you aren’t either, to stay stuck there. And I completely agree with your statement about whatever we put our focus on grows and either get better or worse depending upon the direction! Thank you for your sharing your suggestions about how you deal with things falling apart: remembering things will change, learning from the situation, and gratitude. May we all remember them next time the need arises! ~Kathy
When I was dealing with cancer-treatments, my oncologist said “it’s OK to briefly visit funk-land, just don’t take up permanent residence”. It made me laugh, as did your “don’t buy a condo”. Sometimes we need a little bit of complaining to let off steam, but you are absolutely right to focus on all that is good and recognize most of those bad things will pass. All I can say is ouch (leg), and ouch (ear), and ouch (eye). My mom always said things come in three’s! Hopefully there were three wonderful things you’ll share as well.
Hi Pat! It sounds like your doctor was very encouraging. I know some people like to have their hand held when going through troubles–and I certainly appreciate support as much as the next person. But for me I also need the reminder that I will get through this…whatever “this” is. That’s why I’ve always liked the quote, “All things work together for good.” The good news is that my hearing aids are working perfectly and my eye cleared up within a day or two. Hopefully within another week or two I won’t even remember I hurt my leg! And YES! I have many more good things to share for my post next week. ~Kathy
Love your perspective Kathy — attitude is so important! So sorry you experienced all of the issues you did, but glad that you could focus on the good and make the most of your time in Mexico. Look forward to your future posts on the great time you had in between your ‘suckie’ parts.
Hi Janet! I’m obviously a big fan of attitude. I suppose it is both my personality type, my spiritual/psychological beliefs, AND my attitude. Of course the most important aspect (for me at least) is that it works 99% of the time. It gets me focused on what and how and where I want to experience my life and keeps me more balanced and optimistic. While I doubt it is the ONLY perspective to consider, and I would never suggest we should all think/feel/experience life the same, I do believe it’s important to evaluate how our perspective works–and if it isn’t giving us the kind of life we want, then perhaps a change is in order. The good news is that YES I had some great experiences and met some wonderful people on our trip so next week will be filled with as many photos as I can squeeze in! ~Kathy
Oh, how I love this post! I’m certainly not above a little self-pity now and then but I find that picking myself up and moving on is the best way to handle set-backs. Obviously, some set-backs are larger and more life-changing than others but, no matter how impactful they are, dwelling on the negative will never make them easier to deal with. I have a few Facebook “friends” who love to post their troubles and they seemingly wallow in the pity they receive. I’ve never understood this but I guess it makes them feel attended to. Anyway, I, like you, prefer to deal with my troubles as best I can and move on. I’m happy to know that your leg is better.. that sounds like it was a nasty bruise!
Hi Janis! Yes, I was a bit in denial about how badly I bruised it….maybe still am? It really messed with my yoga practice though and I hope to start back up next week but there are ways it just doesn’t want to bend! Still, what is the alternative? I know that LOTS of people have it far worse than I do with all sorts of circumstances AND what’s the point of complaining? I guess that is why I’ve always been drawn to the work of Carolyn Myss. She puts much of the responsibility for our healing on our attitude. Even when we can’t change things (maybe especially when we can’t!) we ALWAYS can change how we see it and where we go from there. And yes, next week the fun part! ~Kathy
Welcome back Kathy. Yes, we probably will have health issues and “stuff happens”. And more “stuff” we have, the more can go wrong. I usually need to “be human” and complain at least a bit to someone but then work on the healing and gratitude. Look around, we have so much to be grateful for!
Hi Gary! You are so right! The more attached we are to our “stuff” (which includes our bodies, our minds and yes everything material in our world) the more likely something can go “wrong.” And yes, throwing a pity-party isn’t wrong either–as long as we call an end to the party before too much time passes. And as far as being grateful, THANK YOU again for your great guest post last week and for returning to reply to everyone’s comments. It was a true pleasure to know SMART Living 365 was in good hands while I was gone. ~Kathy
Thank you again for the opportunity.
Absolutely beautiful! It’s all about attitude. Once we allow ourselves to sulk a bit, we can move towards gaining a different perspective.
I had that experience when we went on a vacation and never got our luggage. We had nothing but the clothes on our back for 10 days. Once I got over the ‘awfulness’ of it, I realized we were safe, healthy and in a beautiful place so waste time feeling terrible about what we didn’t have; that’s when I came to truly realize that it’s all just stuff/things. We bought a few new items of clothing (a fortune but oh well) and madethe decision to have a good time despite and not allow the lost luggage to ruin our trip.
Hi Harriet! Thank you for your perspective and your great personal “travel” calamity. I appreciate you adding in the word “Sulk” because it can feel helpful at the time….I tend to call them a pity-party 🙂 And while that short period of self-indulgence can feel good–but after a while, it does nothing but hold us back I think you’d agree. I love that you realized when you lost your luggage that you could let it ruin your vacation or still have a wonderful time. Sounds like life huh? ~Kathy
Ahhh such wise words Kathy – it’s hard to remember to look for the silver lining when you’re wallowing in self pity. I have laryngitis atm and my husband is away for a few days – I’m so over myself and don’t have anyone to pat me and tell me I’ll be okay. So it’s up to me to pat myself, remind myself that a cough and crappy voice aren’t the end of the world and to shut up and let it heal itself. The hardest part is the shutting up! Glad you’re feeling back up to speed and the hearing aids were salvagable – there’s definitely always a silver lining if we look for it 🙂
Hi Leanne! Yes we all have challenges, big and small–and when they happen to us they seem HUGE! But wouldn’t you agree there is a big difference between practicing self-care and kindness and indulging in long-term suffering? I have also noticed that some of us like to have huge crowds around us when we aren’t feeling well….and others, like me and maybe you?…who prefer to nurse our wounds in private. That likely makes a big difference too. It seems silly to have to remind ourselves over and over how good our life is…but it SURE HELPS when we are struggling with something painful. ~Kathy