During the entire month of August, I took a sabbatical. I nearly just wrote that I took a much “needed” sabbatical. But that wouldn’t have been true. I didn’t need one, I wanted one. And that level of honesty became much more important to me after I read the book Untamed by Glennon Doyle. For the most part during the last month I only read light fiction as a treat to myself. However, when I was able to grab a free copy of Untamed through my library, I jumped on it. It was just what I needed to dig deep and give myself permission to take my writing to another level. What’s that you might ask? I now hope to un-tame and un-cage my inner cheetah and let her roam wherever she wants to go. And hopefully my actions and my thoughts will encourage the same in you.
Have you read the book? If not, I suggest you get your hands on it any way possible. If you are unfamiliar with Glennon Doyle, she first became well known from her blog Momastry which she started in 2009. Because I’m not a mom I’d never even heard of her. Her blog became so popular that she started writing books and headed out on the lecture circuit. Obviously, a big part of her writing is about her experiences as a mom. However, I’m guessing her large audience grew because she is funny, insightful and almost painfully truthful. She also writes about her faith and challenges as a Christian, along her overcoming both bulimia and addiction. So, while those traits obviously made her a draw for certain readers, those topics were never in my radar.
Then came Untamed. I first heard Doyle’s name in a Brene Brown interview back in May. During that interview I learned that at one point, after publishing her second book, she decided to divorce her husband. Why? Primarily because at a promotional conference to promote that book she met and fell instantly in love with a woman named Abby Wambach. (Yes, Wambach is that two-time Olympic Gold Soccer player.) To make matters more complicated, the book, Love Warrior told the story of her husband’s infidelity, the betrayal she felt and the healing redemption necessary to move past it. Still, although that story tells how she and her husband found peace and the space of forgiveness, she was compelled to step out of it in a big way and follow her own path to true love. Talk about courage!
So, what does the story of a women who is a mom, married, divorced, Christian and now married to a woman have in common with me? With you? One of Doyle’s greatest gifts is being able to share the deep common thread that all women (and I’m guessing many men) have about what it is to live authentically in our world today. To have the courage to wake up, break out, and flee from any and all of the cages that we’ve built around ourselves (or more importantly allowed to be built around us.) To finally listen to our inner voice and follow that advice rather than what the world tells us we have to be.
I tend to believe that I’m a pretty honest person and say what I’m thinking, but Doyle takes that honesty to a new level. What attracts me to her current message is her deep authenticity and fearless approach to being real. And even though I don’t have that much to lose by being completely honest, Doyle was willing to blow up her entire family, jeopardize her success as an author, speaker and income producer, and to tell the world about it in no uncertain terms. Surely that takes profound integrity and grit.
But, although her personal story of overcoming addiction, facing motherhood, dealing with her relationship with her kids, her husband, family, her church and her eventual love story with Wombach is certainly compelling enough—Doyle has much more to say. What I found most inspiring was her SMART insights about what it means to be a human in today’s world. She asks, and then does her best to answer, “Who was I before I became who the world told me to be?”
Clearly, a big theme for Doyle is the journey to discover our true self and then how to reveal that. I’m reminded of the book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz who spends a good portion of his story reminding us that we are all “domesticated” to live agreeably in our culture. Most of us are asleep to the fact that we are living in a fog or a dream called a mitote and completely conditioned by the erroneous belief systems we inherited. Doyle says something along the same lines with, “It struck me that in every family, culture, or religion, ideas of right and wrong are the hot cattle prods, the barking sheepdogs that keep the masses in the herd. They are the bars that keep us caged.” Like a caged and trained cheetah, Doyle realized that much of her life she ignored her inner voice and became domesticated. While throwing that all away was painful, it would have been far more painful to keep trying to be someone she was not and living a lie. Like the late movie, The Stepford Wives, Doyle woke up and realized she was living the life of a programmed robot. She wants us to wake up too.
As with many books that I read that I really appreciate, this one is full of great quotes. A few of them are:
- “Every life is an unprecedented experiment.”
- “Rebellion is as much of a cage as obedience is. They both mean living in reaction to someone else’s way instead of forging your own. Freedom is not being for or against an ideal but creating your own existence from scratch.”
- “I am a human being meant to be in perpetual becoming.”
- “Consumer culture promises us that we can buy our way out of pain…. Consuming keeps us distracted, busy, and numb. Numbness keeps us from becoming. “
- “We should consult not what’s in front of us but what’s inside us.”
- “I can’t imagine a greater tragedy than remaining forever unknown to myself.”
- “I lost myself when I learned how to please.”
- “Maybe Eve was never meant to be our warning. Maybe she was meant to be our model. Own your wanting. Eat the apple. Let it burn.”
- “You are not crazy. You are a goddamn cheetah.”
The cheetah story in the book is really quite powerful. I’ll leave that to you to read yourself. Just know that any cheetah in a zoo can be trained to accept the cage, and live smaller than they are meant to be. But deep inside lurks their true self. The same is true for you and me. Obviously, some of us are more domesticated than others, but we are all caged to some extent. Maybe it is time to let that cheetah run wild and forget its training? If not now, when?
So, what does the story mean for me, my blog and my writing? I am hoping that at this stage of the game I start opening up more and more to reveal my true self. Yes I am, and will remain, an optimist so I am committed to finding the Light whenever possible. But something else I deeply admired with Doyle is her commitment to social activism and her willingness to not only speak up about it, but to get involved. Since she began the organization “Together Rising” she and her group have raised over $25 Million to help “change the world in revolutionary ways.” She is also very vocal about human rights, domestic violence, systemic racism, the environment, and so much more—and she is fearless about speaking out about what is currently happening in our country.
In the past I have avoided writing about issues that I didn’t think fit into the SMART perspective—but I now believe I’ve been too guarded. The world needs more of us to use our voice for good and I can no longer sit by quietly. I think that is a problem for many of us (especially women?) and so does Doyle, she says, “We want to be liked. We want to be trusted. So, we downplay our strengths to avoid threatening anyone and invoking disdain … we apologize for…everything….We want to be respected, but we want to be loved and accepted even more.” Isn’t it time for a change?
I realize I am in the unique privileged position to use my voice and this blog to speak out more when necessary. Like Doyle, I don’t intend to stop encouraging others to be everything they can be or stop writing about how we can all live more happily and peacefully. However, I am hoping my writing can offer a bigger net than it has in the past.
As always, I am grateful to any of you who have taken the time to read this and I hope you will continue to find something of value in my words. But in the end, I want each of us to wake up from any illusion that may have held us in the past, break out of our cages, and start listening to our own SMART voice within. After all, as Doyle says, “You are not crazy. You are a goddamn cheetah.”
Kathy, I have enjoyed reading Glennon Doyle’s books and her blog. A friend of mine turned me onto her years ago. Like you say, insightful, funny and especially truthful. “Fearless” is another great word. In the short time I have known you, Kathy, I do see how you feel strongly about social issues and you want to be involved. I greatly admire this. Yes, you are a cheetah. xx
Hi Erica! Yes the word “fearless” definitely applies to Doyle. And YES I have always felt strongly about intolerable social issues but I think I feel the need to speak out more forcefully in these times so my inner cheetah feels heard. Thanks for the encouragement. ~Kathy
I like to believe I’m an “uncaged cheetah”, but that would probably be a lie, as everyone tells themselves lies to feel better. Freedom to do what I want, feel what I feel, and go where I please has always been important to me, but there are still entrapments to consider. To be totally free and totally yourself, I think you have to be single, for example!
Glennon Doyle is a smart, inspiring, and brave woman who has accomplished a lot and seems incredibly busy making the world (and herself) a better place. I’m looking forward to seeing how the cheetah in you looks like, Kathy! 🙂
Hey Liesbet! I agree that no matter how liberated we think we are, there are always limits to our thinking. Doyle quotes a poem, A Secret Life by Stephen Dunn that address it. https://www.acottagebythesea.net/poems/a-secret-life-by-stephen-dunn
But I’m not sure I agree that you have to be single to be totally free and yourself. I tend to think that it is possible. (not easy but possible) to be authentically yourself in every relationship. What I mean by that is you might choose to compromise something important to you because you value your relationship enough not to insist on always getting your own way. If you are honest about your feelings and needs, and yet realize that every relationship is a give-and-take, you are still being true to yourself but again, not insisting on getting your way. Of course there is a fine line between consciously choosing to compromise and just going along with something to keep the peace…and again only we know deep inside where that line is. But I’m still believing it is possible. What do you think from that perspective? ~Kathy
I understand your perspective, Kathy, and ideally it works that way, because we all have to compromise to make our relationships work and keep them healthy. This would make a great topic for discussion!
To be honest, I’ve always felt stronger and more myself when I was not in a romantic relationship. Yet, I value my current relationship and marriage a lot. Yes, I am totally myself, but I still feel restricted and influenced a lot. Compromises made and it’s all fine, but if I’m totally honest – and your piece is about being totally honest with ourselves, those compromises do temper my inner cheetah!
Cathy, there are so many valuable gems here, but the quote that speaks to me is ‘perpetual becoming.’ The minute we stop learning and growing is the minute we accept existence and become a follower. Every decade someone comes along with a message of ’empowerment’ wrapped in a different package.The Art of Selfishness, 1986 was one of the first books that I ever read which challenged conventional thinking. Ayan Rand’s books also presented a different school of thought – very different from my upbringing. The fact that we ae still searching speaks volumes. I am #32 on the list at my library and look forward to reading. As always, thanks for a thought provoking post. I hope you enjoyed your brief hiatus.
Hey Suzanne! Yes it is so true that if we we aren’t constantly becoming we are stagnating! What’s the expression? “Grow or die.” Unfortunately there seems to be quite a few people who are happy being comatose. While I doubt they think of themselves that way, if you talk to them for any length of time it is fairly obvious. Fortunately there are enough of us to keep encouraging one another and sharing what we’ve learned and experience. Thanks for sharing a couple of books that have inspired you. ~Kathy
Jen Hatmaker’s work is both funny/entertaining as well as thoughtful/meaningful/challenging. I imagine you might appreciate her book by the title “7”. I pick and choose from her podcast episodes depending on what topics interest me.
Thanks! I’ll check it out.
“We should consult not what’s in front of us but what’s inside us.”
Thanks Kathy for encouraging us to let our cheetah out!
Hi Gary! You’re welcome. As you know we ALL need reminders to follow our inner cheetah and let her/him out! ~Kathy
Welcome back, Kathy – You’ve been greatly missed. I love your passion, your lifelong learning and how you generously share your reading and new ideas with us. I look forward to following where you go with this. The takeaways that you have shared here sound very thought-provoking and liberating.
Hi Donna! Thank you for saying you missed me :-). It is nice to be missed isn’t it? There are so many great resources in the world that it is nice to be able to share what we find with our friends. I promise to continue doing that as well as I can and count on my many friends to share their SMART thoughts with me as well. ~Kathy
Thanks for this book recommendation. The author is familiar, I think through Jen Hatmaker’s podcast perhaps. I find the caged/cheetah metaphor very compelling!
Hi Michelle! You’re welcome! I am not familiar with Jen Hatmaker’s podcasting. Is she someone I should check out? ~Kathy
This is good….this is very very good! You certainly had a blessed month. I look forward to sharing your journey ?
Hi Frances! Thank you. I did have a very nice month. And I look forward to your feedback as we both move forward! ~Kathy
Wow! Sounds like a great book! I took special note of the part about rebellion being just as much of a cage as obedience. I’m feeling a little rebellious now, and very much in a cage because of Covid. Hmmm. Made me think.
Hi Diane! Yes, isn’t that an interesting perspective? Thom also pointed that one out as one of his favorites. In these days it seems particularly relevant to remember. I try to remember that fighting anything tends to re-enforce it. Of course that doesn’t mean I always manage not to fight it, but when I remember that it really helps. ~Kathy
Although it will be a while (#225 on 60 copies), I now have my hold request in at our library. I’m intrigued with a possible shake-up on future blog topics (as you know, Bob Lowry had a similar personal need to speak out). The world needs more cheetahs and fewer cheaters, that’s for sure.
Hey Janis! Like I mentioned to Elle, you might get it faster than you think. #225 on 60 copies could go pretty fast if some of those readers get it and can’t handle the subject matter. I’m guessing that a few of her former readers might be extremely surprised at the latest turn of her life. When you are done I’d love to hear what you think of it…and yes, I follow Bob too and admire his new outspoken approach both on his blog AND his FB. We’ll see how far I go!!!! ~Kathy
You go girl!
Hi Deb! hahahaha…I’m going my best. Who knows where I’ll go with it? ~Kathy
I keep hearing about this woman and her book, and now from you. That seals it! I have to look this up at the library.
Thanks, Kathy!
Deb
Hi Deb! Now you have no excuse. I usually like whomever Brene Brown recommends so this one was no surprise. I guess the only surprise was that I hadn’t heard of her at all before now! Let me know what you think if you read it. ~Kathy
Will do! I’m on a wait list at the library – 21 weeks wait for this book!!!!
Rrrrrrroar!!! Yay, you!
Glad you chose some rest time, discovered a powerful book of inspiration (I’m going shopping), and glad you are embracing that cheetah! Have always enjoyed your blog and long sensed you were holding back. I can hardly wait to hear what you share with us… though I do expect some of your followers may be scared off by the blood! In the early 1990s, I was inspired by “What You Think of Me is None of My Business” and “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.” They were life changing books that helped me transition from victim to survivor to becoming a thriver. I’ve never seen you as a victim but I have sensed you holding back. Looking forward to the roar!
Hey Ezme! hahahaha…thank you. Your comment reminds me of that song by Katie Perry. Love it. Interesting that you felt that I was “holding back.” And I will definitely admit that I’ve avoided certain topics because I wanted to stay with my “brand.” But I’m starting to believe that no one else cared as much about that as me! We’ll see where I go with. I’m hopeful and “what else do I have to do” besides keep “becoming”? ~Kathy
It is good to hear you enjoyed your reprieve month. This book is now on my library request list! Can’t wait to get it (I’m in line #132) so I think the word must be out! 🙂
I look forward to your transition and future writing.
Wishing you a blessed September.
Hi Elle! Wow…#132 is quite a wait. But it seemed like that I got it faster than I anticipated. I’m guessing that some of her followers from the past might have had an issue with it and not finish. (and turned it back in pretty quickly.). It will be interesting to see how fast you get it. Oh, and it is an easy read so anyone can get through it fairly quickly. May your September be blessed as well. ~Kathy
Kathy, I am putting it on my to-read pile as it sounds intriguing. I’ve been working on releasing self-limiting beliefs and allowing my authentic self to come out, so this will be an added nuance in that work, I am sure. I’ve struggled a bit with “blowing up my world”… I’m not sure I could ever go that far with things, even to be more my authentic self. It’s an internal conflict that maybe this book will help me sort through a bit more.
Hi Pat! Yes I agree with the idea of “blowing” up our world sounds a bit overwhelming. I am guessing that she realized that so much of her life she had denied her cheetah that it took a big thing to really bust her out of complacency. Hopefully you and I aren’t in quite that position!!! But I do believe that all of us can benefit by realizing where we’ve denied ourselves and what is in our “shadow.” Let me know if you read it what you think. ~Kathy
Thanks for this post Kathy. I’m pleased to hear you had an interesting/inspired break. I’ve mostly ‘been myself’ – spoken up/out, been an activist. Some people don’t like it (me), others do. What I’ve learnt if I cage myself (allow myself) to be caged in – I feel sad, bad, angry, regretful that I’ve let myself down. I believe we know what is right and best for ourselves and usually it fits in with what is best for our communities/the environment etc. But a bit of inspiration encourage is always welcome, so you’ve inspired me to purchase Doyle’s book.
You won’t lose me as a reader!
All the very best in your brave adventure.
Hi Mary! Glad you liked it. And yes, I think we must acknowledge that when we squelch our inner cheetah those emotions will pop out in harmful and often physical ways. But she does say something like it is too easy for us to get so used to being caged and out of touch with our true selves that we often just go numb. That’s when addictions and other troubling behaviors kick in. I would love to hear what you think of the book if you read it. ~Kathy
Wow Kathy – she certainly inspired you – and that speaks volumes to me because you always have such a thoughtful and considered approach to the books you consume. I’ve just downloaded a copy to my Kindle and will challenge myself to read it over the next couple of weeks. I’ll be interested to see how her story sits within my own thoughts and belief system.
Looking forward to following you into your new direction with your blogging. 🙂
Hi Leanne! Thank you. I would love to hear what you think of it. Please be sure and email or PM me on FB if you write a blog post about it…and I’ll bet you do! ~Kathy
Fabulous post, Kathy. I’ve seen the title of Doyle’s book on various lists for months, but haven’t looked into what it’s all about. Your post has convinced me I need to read it! The confluence of stuff happening in the world and in my life at this age/stage says it’s time to claim my inner cheetah!
Hi Roxanne! Thank you. And obviously the only reason I read her book was because of that interview on Brene Brown’s podcast. (it’s a good one if you don’t have time to read the book.). Interestingly enough she doesn’t mention the GOP or #45 whatsoever. She takes on issues and puts her efforts there. (at least from what I could tell.). Maybe that is a good strategy? Would love to hear what you think of the book if you do read it. ~Kathy