Those of you who may be new to this blog might be unaware that the “T” in the acronym SMART stands for thankful. I included it precisely because I know without a doubt that the practice of gratitude and thankfulness is essential to a happy, fulfilled and content life. At the same time I am also aware that just about every person I know and every blog I read with a focus on happiness, simple living and minimalism reports that a fundamental concept to the philosophy is appreciating what you have right now (in other words, “gratitude.”) What I find a bit surprising is that even though so many of us admit that it is important, something holds us back from the actual practice of it on a daily basis. Could it be possible that practicing thankfulness every day and making thanks living a habit, is the key to creating both a great minimalist lifestyle and a happy life?
I started asking this question after my post last week for my SMART Living 30-Day Gratitude Challenge. For this one month I am asking everyone to put a special focus on gratitude and I’m helping by linking gratitude posts from dozens of different blogs around the blogosphere about the subject. I figure that if we each read one every single day that will help us keep our awareness on this important practice. Then last week my post was “Fifty Things I’m Grateful For Today” where I also suggested that each of our readers (you!) make your own list. While the feedback from the post has been positive, what I’m not hearing is that everyone is taking the time or making the effort to create a list of their own. Why is that?
We’re busy—I get that. We’re stressed—I get that too. But if I were to ask any one of you if you wanted to feel more happy, less stress, and more appreciative of what’s in your life right now, how many of you would say no? With that in mind, I’ve decided there are three gratitude blocks that keep most of us from taking on this relatively easy yet effective technique to make their life more rewarding.
a) They don’t believe it’s that easy or helpful.
b) They don’t think they deserve to have a happy and content life.
c) They are afraid of how different their life would become if they actually loved their life right now.
So what do you think? Do any of these feel familiar? If not I’d like to hear other reasons in the comments below. But let’s assume that one of the above gratitude blocks is the reason you haven’t gotten started on this gratitude challenge. Just in case, I’m going to address each issue with some compelling motivations that might highlight why some of us don’t live gratitude as fully as we could.
Let’s address block #1 first. It’s possible that you’ve never read about the many benefits that practicing gratitude can add to your life. So here are several scientifically proven results you can expect:
a) You’ll feel significantly better about life as a whole and more optimistic about your future.
b) You’ll have fewer health complaints like colds or flu—along with a revved up immune system;
c) You will probably exercise more (nearly 1.5 hours per week);
d) You’ll sleep better and longer;
e) You’ll be less materialist—appreciating experiences and relationships rather than “stuff”;
f) You’ll have more connections to other people and the world around you;
g) You’ll be more alert, enthusiastic, determined, attentive and energetic;
h) You’ll be more likely to reach important personal goals;
i) You’ll be better able to stay in the present moment and focus on the good you are experiencing right now in spite of any difficulties you might be experiencing.
Anyone who reads this list can hardly say the benefits aren’t worth it. But is it easy? If you consider the amount of time required by all the studies, the investment is relatively easy in light of the overwhelming benefits. So what are you waiting for? Here is a link to a few practices to get you started.
So what about gratitude block #2? Do you really believe you deserve to have a happy and content life? While I’m sure there are many approaches to this question, several studies suggest that people who don’t feel deserving of good or happiness have the lowest self-esteem. Think about it—if you don’t feel good about yourself for many reasons, even if you agree that developing a gratitude habit would be beneficial—you won’t do it because you don’t believe you deserve the reward.
Another argument people use to support ideas of not being worthy of happiness is that they are afraid too much happiness or contentment will lead to a disaster. Some believe that as long as they don’t get too happy, or thankful, or content, they will never be pushed into a place where that gratitude is challenged. But thinking your life is better or safer because it is only mildly happy, is like locking yourself in a padded room and thinking that is a full life. Gratitude allows us to appreciate the moment in front of us no matter what. While it doesn’t keep challenges from happening, it does make us see those challenges in the best possible light. And that is a powerful tool to have no matter what.
The final gratitude block is fearing what our lives might become if we embraced the benefits of gratitude in every way. The truth is, if we embrace the fullness of gratitude in our every day lives, it will change. While most of us would say that is a good thing, it’s easy to imagine how such a change could turn some people’s lives upside-down. For example:
- You’d have to stop complaining about anything.
- You could no longer hold regular pity-parties for yourself.
- You’d have to stop worrying about having, being or doing enough.
- You’ll have to come up with new conversation topics.
- You’d have to stop comparing your life and circumstances to everyone else.
- You’d have to give up feeling righteous about your sacrifices.
- You’d have to stop being judgmental about other people and their actions.
- You’d have to give up being a martyr for fairness.
- You’d have to start appreciating the mystery of Life just as it is.
Okay, so I’ll admit that some of these could definitely shake up a person’s life. But again, remember the benefits and make your choice.
In case you are wondering where I came up with these three “gratitude blocks” it’s fairly simple—I found them in my own head. These are some of the things I’ve used in the past to not to live as fully grateful as I could. And because I’ve used them, chances are good, so have you. The big question is, do we want to let them hold us back?
Let’s face it, many of us have gotten used to our lives they way they are—good or bad. And many of us would rather keep things the way they are than change them, even for the better. Living every day filled with gratitude will change us, there’s no doubt about it. But many believe, me included, that it is worthy of the time, effort and focus to make it happen. Ultimately, if we want to live SMART for the next 365 days, today is the day to put gratitude to the test and just do it!
Bonus Video: I Look Where It Is Good by Alice Herz-Sommer
This a beautiful idea. Gratitude is the key of life.
Felt good reading your blog.
Welcome to SMART Living! So glad you enjoyed this post. Come back often. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy, Its me only, Janet is my pet name, friends who know me very well call me janet, otherwise officially I am Genevive Angela, (that is why you will find the name as G Angela) You can call me Angela, no problem even if you say genevive… nice to connect with you. thanks and have a nice day !
Hi Angela! I was wondering for sure and now I know. It is so nice connecting with you and I so enjoy reading about your life on the other side of the planet. ~Kathy
I love the enthusiasm you have to write… something that I pick up reading your blog, thanks for sharing and happy thanksgiving day to you !!
Hi G Angela! This is you isn’t it? I read on your site that you sometimes goes by Janet too.. now just “G”…you’ll have to tell me what you would prefer to be called 🙂 Thank YOU so much for coming by and sharing your gratitude and thank you for the Thanksgiving good wishes. It has been a VERY GOOD day! ~Kathy
People do find it hard to be grateful and they resist it. Some like to wallow in the negative as it is a temptation in a strange sort of way. Who do people gawk to see an accident? Why do people, in the States, run down other people, on black Friday, just to buy a TV on sale? I could relate mostly to the first one you mentioned because I sometimes find it hard to come up with 10 never mind 50:) I love what you wrote and it is inspiring
Hi Birgit! Thank you for coming by SMART Living and sharing your thoughts about gratitude. i agree that many people make negativity a habit so much so that I don’t think they even know what they are doing. I personally don’t get why people would stand in line (not to mention fight) to buy junk they don’t really need on sale either so can’t help you there. 🙂 But I do believe a lot of the studies that are being done that demonstrate how beneficial gratitude can be for us all–yet more importantly is how much it helps me stay on track and increases the experience of my life on a regular basis. Thank you so much for coming by and adding to the conversation. ~Kathy
I am grateful that you came by TToT this week. You just saved me countless therapy sessions. Seriously, I know what you are saying is true about gratitude. It is something that I have been working on with my self, my husband, and my therapist. Quite the support system eh. I know my life is wonderful I am working on getting to the place where I can accept that it is mine and I deserve it.
Hi Pattie! Thanks for coming by SMART Living and sharing your TToT! I’m getting ready to do an ENTIRE month of TToT as my Third Annual SMART Living Gratitude Challenge starting Saturday. It really is such a GREAT idea for all of us. Thanks for including me and getting me started! ~Kathy
Well, I think you’ve found some like-minded folks here at the TToT! So glad you joined in!
Hi Sarah! Thank you for stopping by SMART Living and sharing your TToT! I have been doing a “gratitude” challenge for the last couple of years on my blog during November and I started looking around and found TToT. I think it is an awesome way to grow the gratitude and I’m looking forward to making it a practice and sharing it with everyone! ~Kathy
I think that many still do not practice gratitude because they do not feel the motivation once those curve balls hit. They have to see that one has to practice gratitude to attract the positive.
Hi Michelle! Thank you for stopping by SMART Living and sharing your thoughts on gratitude and thankfulness. I think we have to make gratitude a habit for it to really impact our lives as much as it can. People who don’t just haven’t yet realized how empowering and transformative it can be. As you say,
“They have to see that one has to practice gratitude to attract the positive.” If they can get past the learning curve, then they will never go back!!! Thanks again for your comment. ~Kathy
How did I not know about this place? I could hang out here! Thanks for joining in the TToT! This was an awesome post!
Hi Zoe! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living and sharing your gratitude! I’m really new to the whole TToT thing but so glad I found it because I so believe that being grateful and thankful lead to a happy and SMART life! Thanks again for your comment. ~Kathy
71 weeks into the Ten Things of Thankful blog hop, and the people who show up week after week after week can CERTAINLY attest to the benefits of gratitude as a skill for life 🙂
Hey Considerer! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living and sharing your gratitude! I’m new to the TToT obviously but so believe in its power to turn our lives around for the better. ~Kathy
Taking time even just once a week to remind yourself of what you do have…..
By participating in Ten Things of Thankful blog hop… I have turned many a weeks I thought were bad weeks into pretty decent weeks if not out right good weeks.
Hi Chronicallysickmanicmother! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living and sharing your thoughts on gratitude. I just found the blog hop for TToT and know it is an awesome way to turn bad weeks into REALLY GREAT WEEKS if not just decent weeks. Our focus is SO very important. ~Kathy
I love this quote by Dieter Uchtdorf: “We sometimes think that being grateful is what we do after our problems are solved, but how terribly shortsighted that is. How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain?” You do a great job in this post of explaining the advantages of living with a thankful heart.
Hi Kristi! THANK YOU for stopping by SMART Living 365 and sharing your thoughts. That is a wonderful quote by Dieter Uchtdorf and so very, very true. I make a habit of collecting great gratitude quotes AND this is now definitely on my list. ~Kathy
Good information and good advice, Kathy. Thank you for showing us how to live better and happier.
Wanted to let you know I nominated you for the Dragon’s Loyalty Award on a post at my site (http://plaintalkandordinarywisdom.com/a-special-thank-you-dragons-loyalty-award/). I’m happy to share you with my readers. 🙂
Hi Pat! Nice to hear from you and thank you for another award! I haven’t heard of the Dragon’s Loyalty Award before so I’ll definitely be checking that one out. ~Kathy
Kathy — what a fantastic post with a great perspective on gratitude! You’re right — the benefits seem to outweigh the efforts necessary to produce them, and yet we’re still stubborn about it or put it off. I’ve been trying to understand the reasons why this is in my life and I think that blockage #2 really speaks to me. Even if we don’t say it explicitly — that we don’t think we’re worthy of a greater life or a good life, we still may live that out. I find that a lot of times, our lives are a reflection of our beliefs. So, practicing gratitude can be difficult when we haven’t dealt with that deep-seated belief. This — and your challenge — is a great start, though! 🙂 I’m so glad you contributed this to GRAD-ITUDE 101!
Hi Erika! Thank YOU for popping over and visiting here on SMART Living. I very much appreciate the link love in your blog hope because it is such a great way to find other people and connect.
And thanks for your comments on this post AND for your honesty. I think most of us want to believe that we feel worthy of a good and happy life but I suspect that there are layers upon layers of past beliefs and conditioning that make it difficult. While no one is ever wrong, it does take a while to turn it around. Thanks for accepting my challenge and hope to see you back again soon. ~Kathy
What I find sad is the people (and I know them) who can find a gray cloud for every silver lining. If there isn’t something awful or dramatic happening close enough to home, they’ll go out and FIND something.
I’m not sure it’s so much not feeling worthy (although that’s probably part of it, too) as an anxiety addiction. Some of these people grew up in highly dysfunctional homes; alcoholism, domestic violence, mental illness – so I am guessing, if something doesn’t feel a little “off,” they are uncomfortable.
Hi Beverly! I agree that it’s difficult just being around people who are always doing drama or trauma. I like how author Carolyn Myss puts it when she talks about how some people are into “wound-ology.” The way she explains it is that they get actually get a lot of their identity and personal power from living that drama over and over again that they frequently refuse to give it up. It makes sense in a way because most of us don’t want to appear insensitive for not listening to or responding to people’s troubles without compassion. So according to Myss, those into woundology use their wounds to suck in sympathy and attention–and the more attention they get–the more they crave. Of course that’s not to say that some people haven’t gone through truly terrible circumstances–but according to Myss after a period of healing we all need to move on and embrace the possibility of good.
From my perspective, I agree that it might not be a lack of self-esteem that keeps a person like that feeling grateful, but if their story is stuck in the past then it’s likely that on some level (subconsciously) they are getting more from the drama than they would from gratitude and aren’t willing to let it go and move on.
Thanks as always for adding to the conversation! ~Kathy
THanks for a very inspiring post. We all deserve to be happy; yet so many people fear change, or get so used to the status quo that they don’t feel comfortable being anything but unhappy.
Hi Sheryl….Thanks for dropping by and adding to the conversation. I agree that some people accept their unhappiness because it’s a familiar feel. But probably what is even worse are all those who are just living those lives of “quiet desperation”–not really unhappy–but definitely not feeling the joy. Just existing. That to me is almost worse. I’ll bet that deeply unhappy people have a strong story they tell themselves to justify their unhappiness. But what do people who merely exist tell themselves?
While we can always point out the issue to others, the responsibility for waking up lies on our own shoulders. As i’ve said before I know of no better way to pull out of depression or even quiet desperation than to wake up to seeing the blessings that exist right in front of us.
As always, thank you for your comments! ~Kathy
Great thoughts shared there Kathy – thanks. I guess I must be a little strange (probably in more ways than one!) but I have never had a problem or challenge with being happy and grateful for life. I wake up each morning and before I know it find a smile on my face knowing there is so much potential the day ahead has to offer. I have learned to appreciate the little things and how they are really not that little – sunsets, a loving hug, a laugh, a warm car on my lap, a nice Zinfandel – how can I not be happy! And grateful for every day. When I was 24 I was diagnosed with cancer and went through the fear and soul searching that comes with facing any life threatening event. Maybe it is because of that and surviving the ordeal that I find it easy to appreciate every moment I am blessed with. And not take anything for granted. Thankful for your words and thoughts. 🙂
Hi Dave, Thanks for stopping by and adding to the conversation. And I don’t think you are strange at all! 🙂 You are instead very fortunate to constantly remember how blessed you are. I do think that having a life-threatening illness is something that keeps gratitude in the forefront of anyone’s mind, and goes a long way toward helping a person remember not to take anything for granted.
I think one of my biggest problems is that I get busy and then allow something to throw me off base. While I am generally happy and optimistic, if anything distracts me enough I can get a little cranky. One of my goals with this challenge is to make gratitude such a “default” strategy that even when I get distracted it is the first thing I think of rather than somewhere down the line. Awareness of where I lose it is necessary and I’m just a work in progress!
Did you see where I linked your post “Giving Thanks for Growing Old” in my first article about my 30-Day Challenge. I loved the idea that we must learn to embrace all aspects of our life if we really want to be happy. I hope some of my readers followed it over and made comments. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
Lots more good food-for-thought you have shared in this post! I’ve read it twice already, and will be back to read it again, I’m sure.
I wanted to share that the other night, while tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep — and knowing my mind was on an issue that’s been causing me some stress — I stopped and consciously told myself to breathe and just think about 3 wonderful things in my life for which I’m grateful. As soon as my mind refocused, away from the stressful matter and onto the good stuff, it quieted my thoughts. I fell asleep shortly after.
It really is amazing what the power of positive thinking can do.
xoxo nancy
Hey Nancy! Thanks for stopping by and adding to the conversation! And thank you for sharing how focusing your mind on gratitude helped you fall asleep. I’ll bet that just about all of us should remember that–especially when we can’t sleep.
I’m hoping that whatever it was that was stressing you out has now resolved itself and that all the wonderful things in your life are front and center. Oh, and I’m hoping you’re sleeping like a baby every night.
Thanks as always for your comment. ~Kathy
Kathy, your point of needing to come up with new conversation topics struck a chord. I have so much to be thankful for, and yes I have a list, that it bothers me to be around people who only complain. Some have made it the central focus of their lives, they aren’t happy unless they have a complaint, and they can be so trivial. Like everyone else, I’ve had my ups and downs. Good times and some so rough I felt I needed to take life one minute at a time to get through, but what helped me in those really bad times was the gratitude list I kept close by. It does help to put things into perspective.
Hey Lois! What are you doing up so late? I’ll bet that’s how you have time to find so many great websites. At any rate I’m ALWAYS glad to hear from you.
And yes, I don’t think many people realize how dependent they are on their stories of complaints and troubles. It’s like people who can’t retire, even from jobs they hate, because they can’t imagine life in any other way. People who’ve gotten comfortable with their wounds and complaints are just like that–but if they’d only put those down for a while they would likely discover a huge world of peace and contentment. While we all want to think of ourselves as being compassionate and caring, at some point we become enablers if all we do is continue to empathize and listen to the limiting stories of other people.
Of course it is even worse if WE are the ones doing the complaining or sharing stories of troubles. The trick is to be as self-aware as possible and taking responsibility for our own outlook at all times. When we focus on the things that are going right in our lives, rather than the ones that are going the opposite, we lift ourselves out of the “darkness” and go on. Fortunately, you are an excellent example of that Lois and certainly a mentor to many of the rest of us.
Thank you as always for stopping by and adding to the conversation. ~Kathy
My family started a family habit of ‘three good things’ which we all have to come up with around the dinner table each night. It’s a great idea, and whilst we didn’t do it daily, the idea is there to break us out when we’re in the doldrums. I have bought the same phrase to my boyfriend’s lexicon, and when either of us are being a bit whingey, the other will say ‘what’s three good things’. It can be a struggle to turn your mind around after complaining about whatever struggle of that day, but it helps! The other silly (non gratitude) thing we do is when we’re in a bad mood, and we want the other to get out of it quick smart we say ’10 second dance party?’ It’s a line from Grey’s Anatomy, but the idea is, a short silly dance usually makes you both smile, and the tension dissipates just a little. who can complain about that?
Thank you, thank you Sarah! Great ideas. I REALLY like your “three good things” idea and will be using that one in the future when needed. I also like the idea of the “happy dance”. Even just thinking about that makes me happy! Whatever we can do to dissipate the tension is always good right?
But I do think that people who are gratitude blocked would still find these difficult to do because again, they likely believe that they don’t deserve to lift themselves out of a bad mood or they’d have to give up an unhappy habit if they do.
Hopefully enough people become aware of their own blocks and do things that turn it all around and start experiencing great levels of contentment.
Thank you so much for stopping by and adding to the conversation. ~Kathy
Just wanted to let you know, I’ve been working on my 50 list. It’s part of my bedtime routine to add to my gratitude list. Life is good, real good. Thank you for writing an inspiring blog.
Hi Vicki! Thank you so much for making my day! I’m very happy to hear that you’ve been making your list mainly because I really found it incredibly helpful for keeping my focus on things I’m grateful for. And you know what? Once it’s done then you’ll keep on thinking of things to add! Who says we have to stop at 50 right!
Thank you for letting me/us know–it is very much appreciated! ~Kathy
You make some very valid points that I had never thought about – especially are we afraid to be too happy because it could lead to disaster? It really challenges my thinking. Thanks for sharing your ideas. It has given me a lot to consider.
Hi Marla! Thank you so much for joining the conversation. Yes, isn’t that a juicy idea that we might be “afraid” to be happy because it could lead to something bad happening. There are a couple of authors out there who write about this in detail. One is Brene Brown who talks about how try to dampen our happiness as a mechanism to avoid unhappiness….and it NEVER works! And THANK YOU for saying I challenged your thinking….that is a huge intention of my writing. Feel free to come back and share any other ideas you have about that line of thinking. I believe it helps us ALL to bring things like that out into the open.
Thanks again for your comment! ~Kathy
Good points, Kathy!
I have a few thoughts, that I’ve learned since stress-induced crazy hives have forced me to actually deal with life (see my blog post–long story).
1. I had a hard time with gratitude, until I learned that it was a whole attitude and view of life. We can’t just be grateful for the “good” things. We have to smile at and appreciate the entire package. Yeah, I’m grateful for last night’s sunset, which was the most beautiful I’ve seen in years. But I’m also grateful that my immune system is currently attacking my skin, because it’s forced me to learn quite a few lessons.
2. Unworthiness is complicated. I think that is SUCH a journey, for those of us who have struggled with it to ridiculous degrees. I think complaining and judging are almost always symptoms of feeling unworthy. But then, just entertaining the notion that I might be more than I was giving myself credit for being, got me started on my journey out of that black hole. It is certainly possible, but it takes time.
Hi Bethany! Yes, I read your post about the skin hives 🙁 Nasty! But as you say, if you turn around the idea that they are “against” you and consider that they are your partners in asking you to look at something that needs attention–then there is a richness that deserves gratitude….but I also agree that it isn’t easy, especially when you are in the midst of the problem. The good news is that I know you to be very self-reflective so you’ll be able to move through this with grace. (And write a couple of blog posts about it too!)
And yes, I also agree that unworthiness is complicated. I almost took this post in a couple of MORE directions, but it was long enough as it was. As usual, I’m hoping to get people to THINK (whether they agree or not) and consider how their thoughts may or may not have determined their actions. I also agree that it takes time. But in the end I think this “journey” is one of the most valuable that any of us can take. You’ve certainly come a LONG way in the time I’ve known you and I’m impressed!
Thanks as always for sharing your insights by leaving a comment. ~Kathy