On any given day, many of us will wake up and face what we consider to be a huge problem. If you’ve been watching the news lately, then you’ll agree. Top that off with any personal or health problems you have, and sometimes those problems appear overwhelming. But gradually through the years I’m learning that where ever and whatever I put my focus on, grows. Most problems are like that. I also remember hearing the late Norman Vincent Peale give a talk one time when he said, “The number of problems you face shows the aliveness in your life. The only people who don’t have problems are six feet under.” With that in mind, could it be that the way we choose to look at the problems confronting us is the real problem?
I’m not the only one to ask that question. Byron Katie, best-selling author and international speaker boldly believes, “There are no physical problems—only mental ones.” Calling what she does, “The Work,” Katie asks us to identify and question the issues we face, and then analyze the thoughts behind those issues. But let’s be clear, Katie doesn’t ask us to deny reality. What she does is ask us to question the perceptions or the “movie” we are playing in our mind about our circumstances. She teaches that in the big picture, reality is neutral. However, we as individuals make up stories about that reality—either good or bad—and the way we tell those stories determines whether we are living in a heaven or a hell.
Katie says, “Since the beginning of time, people have been trying to change the world so that they can be happy. This hasn’t ever worked because it approaches the problem backward. What The Work gives us is a way to change the projector—mind—rather than the projected. It’s like when there’s a piece of lint on a projector’s lens. We think there’s a flaw on the screen, and we try to change this person and that person, whomever the flaw appears on next. But it’s futile to try to change the projected images. Once we realize where the lint is, we can clear the lens itself. This is the end of suffering and the beginning of a little joy in paradise.”
Katie, like author and speaker Eckhart Tolle, is convinced that suffering happens because we are attempting to change the “is-ness” of the situation. However, our best reaction is to become aware of how we are thinking, and then change our mind about it. Tolle says, “The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is. There is the situation or the fact, and here are my thoughts about it. Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts.”
Another speaker and author named Mary Manin Morrissey also teaches that our suffering comes from the stories we tell ourselves. Morrissey says, “If you and I attend the same movie, we will not have the same experience because the movie isn’t on the screen. The experience of it is through the lens of our own perception, through the data bank of our history, through the framework of our belief systems. We experience the same things differently, based on what we think is real or valuable. Our lives can be full of glory or empty with despair. When we choose to open our hearts to Love’s presence, we open to the magnificence of Life Itself.”
Author and speaker Wayne Dyer also routinely taught that our individual thoughts about our world determine how we see reality. In his small book, 10 Secrets for Success And Inner Peace he devoted an entire chapter to this idea. He claims, “You can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created it.” Dyer teaches that we give power to problems by seeing the illusion of separation between us and an undivided connection to the Universe. He says, “Light always dissolved darkness. Love always nullifies hate. Spirit always cancels problems. Problems exist as beliefs of your ego mind, which is unable to conceptualize an awareness of your spiritual mind, just as darkness has no concept of light.”
But lest you think only self-empowerment authors follow this line of thinking, consider Albert Einstein, one of the greatest minds of the 20th Century. Einstein said, “ We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Also like Wayne Dyer, Einstein believed, “A human being is part of the whole, called by us ‘Universe’; a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest—a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. “
In Einstein’s mind, a problem isn’t something to be fixed or to avoid. Instead he declared, “The mere formulation of a problem is far more often essential than its solution, which may be merely a matter of mathematical or experimental skill. To raise new questions, new possibilities, to regard old problems from a new angle requires creative imagination and marks real advances in science.” In other words, problems can open the door to new possibilities. It’s all in how we see them.
I realize that it can be very difficult to see problems as opportunities. Whenever I have been sucked into the abyss of a problem it often feels very real and insurmountable. But I think that’s why I like Byron Katie’s approach so much. She never tells anyone else what she should think or feel. Instead, she asks four simple questions and lets the person who is suffering answer them as they choose. According to Katie, it is only after arriving at a place of understanding and clarity that we change our thinking. Katie is there to help facilitate that change if a person is open and willing.
None of these authors deny that bad things happen to us all on occasion. Pain can be devastating and unexpected tragedy happens all around the world every day. Being told that your suffering exists in your mind often brings out a knee-jerk reaction of anger and shame. But what these authors suggest is that even though your pain is real, long-term suffering from it can be reduced and even eliminated.
Any of us facing a problem right now has at least two choices. One, we stay convinced that there is no solution and nothing we can do will change things. The other choice is to start noticing the thoughts and stories running through our minds in relation to the problem—and then begin the process of changing our mind. In the end, seeing the problems in our lives as a doorway for new possibilities or as opportunities to increase our awareness and understanding, is both a SMART and life-enhancing thing to do, 365.
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This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes by Henry Ford “If you think you can do it, or you think you can’t do it, you are right.” That has been a reminder to me to work through any limitations I have encountered. For me most of my problems are physical rather than health related but either way, you are right, what we focus on we get more of.
Hi Kathy !
Glad to read your profound post ! so much of learning happens when I come to your space, thanks for sharing. I loved every bit of the post. while reading your post I was thinking of lady who was always judging the neighbour dirty clothes hanging in her compound. one fine day she finds the clothes are neat and clean and says to her husband; looks like the lady out there heard my comments; for today the clothes appear neat and clean; for which the husband replies – I cleaned the glass window of our room today and thats why the clothes appear neat and clean.:)
Most of problems comes from within us; we refuse to take responsibility for having creating problems for ourselves; and we hold the outside responsible for our inner issues and then comes the blaming and stories to make it a movie… the day we take control of our thoughts and take responsibility for our thinking everything else changes… we refuse to think new thoughts, because we have got into a habit of thinking negatively thoughts which do not empower us and so the way we perceive the problem is so very important… when we start seeing the problem”as opportunities for learning as you say in your post we definitely grow mature and we will actually start thanking for the problems we encounter as it is leading us to greater awareness of self and leads us towards new possibilities of understanding our own self.
Thanks Kathy, you always trigger new thoughts in my and encourage me to think and reflect, appreciate you for sharing this post.
Hi G Angela! Thank you for that great story about the clean clothes. What’s that phrase, so often we “see through the glass darkly?” And it’s challenging too because here, barely 50 miles from where I live, there was yet another “mass shooting” here in the U.S. I do call that a problem. But what I think I am charged to do is not to deny the tragedy, but instead do whatever my heart and soul asks me to do in response. If the only thing we do is cower in fear, or even worse share that fear with everyone I encounter, or “suffer” for the condition, I don’t help anyone–including myself. But if I can face the issue, do whatever I can do to help resolve the situation, then I instead relieve suffering. It always comes down to our perception though. Usually never easy but so very important. Thanks for all your thoughts on this. ~Kathy
Ah, the stories we tell ourselves! they cam be the root of all misunderstandings with friends, family and co-workers. the point you quote mary morrissey on is one I learned as a reporter: no two people see an event in exactly the same way. it\’s good to remember that as we head for the holidays and all the family tensions and work pressures that inevitably involves. thanks for the timely post.
Hi Penny! Yes I’m so very sure that as a reporter you learned first hand how we all have such different perspectives on every single thing that happens. Remembering that will sure help me through the holidays and I hope it helps to remind others as well. Thanks for your comment. ~Kathy
This is an excellent and deeply thoughtful discussion of the issue of problems. I have to say, though, that I like my husband’s assessment of what a problem is. His outlook came from caring for a terminally ill wife (the one in the middle between our two marriages, who did not want a professional caregiver. He did everything and she needed everything.” So his bottom line is: “If you can write a check to solve it, it’s not a problem.” . For me, he put it all in perspective.
Hi Carol! You mentioned before what your husband’s bottom line was, but not the context. It sounds like he went through quite a bit and that he is so right that if we can write a check, the problem really isn’t that big. It’s all those issues when a check doesn’t come close to solving it that really challenge us. If we can remember that the problem isn’t the problem even then, we are are “enlightened” indeed. Your husband sounds like a master. I’m looking forward to meeting him one of these days. ~Kathy
This is so powerful especially given a few familial interactions last weekend over Thanksgiving
Any and my family are the former – – I’m thinking now of your final paragraph – – and not the latter. I aspire to be the latter.
Hi Carla! Oh yes! This idea came in really handy for me over the holiday as well. Remembering our choice, especially in the midst of a challenge isn’t easy. But I find it so much more rewarding than feeling powerless right? Thanks for your thoughts on this! ~Kathy
I’m chuckling over this one, Kathy. Those who know me well will tell you that I truly once was the Queen of Resistance. My metaphor was to keep pushing the river uphill, because by god, I was gonna change things!
As you know, all that got me was tired.
It really can be difficulty to see the opportunity in the problem. One thing that’s helped me a lot is to just know that it’s there–even when I can’t see it. And to shift my mind to gratitude for the opportunity to learn . . .
Just love this! Love all the teachers in this post, including you!
http://www.susanmarymalone.com/do-something-that-you-enjoy-today/
Hi Susan! I would NEVER have guessed you were into “resistance”. But then I’ll bet most of us have been there at one time or another. And I too must confess that I like things to go my own way. But as Katie continues to remind me, if you argue with reality, you are the one who loses, 100% of the time. And yes, all these teachers are some of my favorites. I consider it an honor that you include me! ~Kathy
Excellent post. It helped me a lot.
Thanks so much Kathy.
Hi Maggie! Welcome to SMART Living and I’m glad this help. ~Kathy
Because I was away, I couldn’t sit and enjoy your post at my usual time on Friday, but it turns out everything happens for a reason.
I’m struggling with a big problem, and every time I think I’m done with it, along it comes again. I love everyone you quote here and subscribe to their ideas … usually, I remind myself that a problem is how I’m thinking of it and I can turn things around.
This one, however, is a toughie … I may have to curl up with Byron Katie later today and do a bit more of The Work.
Thanks Kathy, for another great post … and nudge … at just at the right time.
Hi Tracey! Oh so sorry to hear you are facing a big challenge. It is never easy regardless of whether you know there are other options or not. Sometimes when I’m just in the midst of something a little self-care is the best I can hope for. Then when I’ve had a chance to breathe and put some distance between me and the “problem” I can see it more clearly and begin to unravel the truth about it. I don’t doubt for a second that you’ll be able to look back on this at some point and see it for what it is. Not sure you want to curl up with Katie just yet 🙂 She’s more of a Dr. Phil than a nurturer! ~Kathy
What a great piece Kathy! I have had to look at problems this way in the last year or two. Mostly because of mom’s Alzheimer’s. I can’t afford to spend to much time worrying about a problem because mom can sense the stress. Finding different ways to process problems means that I can focus on what I need to do without worrying constantly. I have found that I can actually solve more problems quicker by not focusing on them so hard. I know that may sound crazy, but after dealing with Alzheimer’s every single day it actually makes all of my other problems seem small by comparison.
Hi Rena! Thank you so much for sharing some of your perspectives on this issue because I know you deal with difficulties and challenges every day as a caregiver. If you have been able to shift your mind in a more positive way that works for you, then others can do it as well. I’m always reminded of Victor Frankl who, from a Nazi concentration camp, was able to do something similar. I would never say it is easy, but it is possible. Remembering it, and doing our very best if we can, is surely helpful to us all. Thanks again for your thoughts. ~Kathy
Understanding that there is some real, true suffering in the world, I think most of us in the First World can benefit from this mind-shift to more positive, proactive thinking. Great post as usual and thanks for the reminder to count our blessings and look for the good.
Hi Janis! I do so agree that there is real suffering in the world. But I also know that if we allow ourselves to be overwhelmed or even incapacitated by the pain of ongoing pain of it we are not capable of helping others or ourselves. Far better to be strong and resolute about eradicating suffering, right? As you say, it is a “mind-shift to more positive, proactive thinking” that can most serve others. Thank you for adding that to the conversation. ~Kathy
My husband is fond of saying “If you can write a check to solve it, it’s not a problem.”
Hi Carol! Hahahaha! I love what your husband says! Definitely a good way to think of things. Thom (my husband) calls about 99% of the “problems” that happen in our lives “high-class problems.” That means of course that it is only our thinking of the problems that makes them much of a problem at all–and to many others they wouldn’t be. Sounds like pretty close to the same way of thinking. Thanks for sharing that! ~Kathy
I love this post! How did you know that I needed to hear this today. I am a fan of the authors you quoted. I have been able to customize my own formula when my warped movie starts to play in my mind. You are making a difference in people’s lives, including mine, through your voice of writing.
Thank you Kathy!
Hi Mary! How’s the saying go? “When the person is ready, the teacher will appear?” Of course, most of the time I write things “I” need to hear and remember the most so it’s nice to just know that others are finding it helpful as well. I try to remember each and every day that the “writer, director, producer and actors” in my daily “movie” are all me!!! (some days I am better at remembering that than others!) Thanks for letting me know you found it helpful. ~Kathy
it’s scary how often we are on the same wavelength! My post was on “it’s not the problem, it’s how you deal with it” and how we need to develop resilience. It’s so true that the voices in our heads are what drive our response to situations and we can train them if we make a conscious effort.
Hi Leanne! I agree! I read your posts a lot and wonder, “how did she know I was thinking about that too?” Of course in some ways it is nice to realize that someone on the other side of the planet has similar thoughts. It’s also nice to know that realizing that the solution to so many of our issues in life lie on the inside of us–where we all are basically the same. I am definitely going to pop over and read your “take” on the idea right now! ~Kathy
This is interesting in how people perceive and see things and relate to each.I was in on some interviewing and a person looked great on paper and when we brought her in her perception of the job would be as a problem solver. When I told her no, we like people who can solve problems but we need someone who can initiate ideas and programs. I think she was playing a movie that was not in the job description. We reviewed the job description to see if we were totally wrong but yet the next interviewee was exactly what we wanted and hit the points that we thought were clear in the job description!
Hi Haralee! I think that because we don’t remember those differences in perception is exactly why we get so upset and angry with each other at times–and who knows? That could be behind why wars continue to happen. We tend to think that everyone sees and thinks the same way we do and it is VERY rare actually. I keep writing about it just so I remember! Thanks for sharing your example! ~Kathy
I could not agree with you more, Kathy. I’ve been a long term fan of the works of Eckhart Tolle an Wayne Dyer and now I’m going to check out Byron Katie. There is more distress in thinking about a problem than the actual problem so much of the time. Very thoughtful and insightful post.
Hi Molly! One way that approaching a “problem” is to see it in a humorous light–that’s something you do in your writing that I so-o-o admire. Although I tend to think I have a good sense of humor I sure don’t write that way. And if you haven’t read any of Byron Katie’s work (she does go by the name “Katie”) I encourage you to check her out. Not everyone “gets” her, but the first time I read her book I just knew she spoke to me. Let me know what you think. ~Kathy
Terrific post! Our perception of our problems is half the battle. That and the constant replay our mind loves to get stuck in. Deepak Chopra’s thinking is along the same lines as these. I’ve not read Byron Katie, but will look her up now.
Hi Jennifer! Yes I agree that Deepak is another great source for accepting the “isness” of any circumstance but I had to stop somewhere 🙂 That feedback loop in the brain needs to stop somehow and finding the right words/person/time to make that change is always good. AND I’m so pleased to introduce you to Byron Katie. There is a lot on the Internet and quite a few youtubes if you like that. Her book “Loving What Is” is an easy read and really brings home the ideas. I hope you have a great Thanksgiving. Thanks for your thoughts on this! ~Kathy
Great Post, Kathy. And you have pulled ideas from some wonderful thinkers and writers. Byron Katie is also someone I admire, though at a time in my life when I really needed her, I had not read her work or her ideas. Living the pain over and over in your mind adds to your craziness. Being able to do the WORK of what my brother-in-law called stinkin thinkin can help one heal.
Hi Beth! Thank you. I’m glad to find another Byron Katie fan. I know she is VERY direct and lots of people aren’t quite ready for that. But when a person is at the end of their rope and ready to change she can cut through all the BS and go right to the heart of an issue. And yeah, that is definitely “stinkin thinkin” and can definitely help a person heal from suffering. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving! ~Kathy