I’ve heard it said that most people spend more time planning a vacation than they do designing their lives. I’m guessing that is particularly relevant as we get older. Sure we might plan for retirement, but once we get there, then what? And I don’t know about you, but have you noticed that if you just let one day follow the other without any particular intention, the next thing you notice is that a week, month or year has gone by and not much has changed? Of course we all have a good excuse with the pandemic. And while things are looking more optimistic on that front, we aren’t completely out of the woods yet either. So while I’m all for going with the flow and not fighting what we can’t change, this morning during a podcast interview I heard something that struck me as very important—and that was the habit of reviewing and reflecting on our lives on a regular basis. After all, if we saying personal growth, life-long learning and other core values are important to us, don’t we owe it to ourselves to at least reflect and review on where we are—especially if there is a simple way to do that?
Something I’ve read on more than one retirement blog is that most people pre-retirement, long for a time when they don’t have a schedule. That they can just do what they want on the spur of the moment—or just do nothing at all. I get that, especially if you have worked very hard at your career for decades. In some way I’m guessing people often think of retirement as one long vacation without the added responsibilities or pressures of everyday work. But once you’ve been on vacation a while, what then? Perhaps it is time to reflect and review where you are and where you want to go (mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically) next.
But don’t get me wrong, I’m not just talking about those who have retired—I’m talking about us all. It doesn’t matter what age you are or whether you are still working or retired. At some point we have to decide if we are just going to let life happen to us—or we are going to do our best to design the kind of life we say we prefer. And like it or not, that choice to either just accept what we are given or to actively design our future happens over and over again—that’s where reflection and review comes into it.
Last night Thom and I selected a new tv series that looked promising. Unfortunately it wasn’t that great so I won’t even mention the name. However, during the first 15-20 minutes of the show the story was unfolding quickly over several generations and it was clear that time passes much more quickly than most of us realize. People are born, grow up, sometimes marry and have children, sometimes not, then grow older and eventually pass on. In the scope of life it isn’t that long a time. I think most of us are aware of that, especially as we get older, but we often forget it. Again, as Mary Oliver sort of says in her poem, “Just what are we doing with our one wild and precious, not to mention short, life?”
I’m not saying I am an expert in this. In fact, when I heard the recommendation of this particular practice during this morning’s podcast I realized how it could benefit my life. The practice is to pick a regular time, usually toward the end of your week like a Friday afternoon before you wind down from the day. Then take the time to ask yourself and then journal on these three questions:
- What did I learn this week?
- What went well this week?
- What would I have changed?
I tend to think I’m the sort of person who spends a lot of time thinking about things from a lot of angles. Certainly this blog makes that not only necessary, but also offers a great benefit to my life in many ways. But even then when I thought about making the above weekly practice a part of my life, I realized that while I often think a lot about different subjects, I don’t always “review” where and how my thoughts and actions fit into my concept the kind of life I want to be living. Surely any of us who want to be around 20-30-40 more years would benefit by consciously taking the time to reflect and review on their week on a regular basis?
Of course, another suggestion offered in the podcast was to remember that nothing is written in stone. It is very tempting for many people to avoid saying they want to do or become anything in particular because they then think they can never change their mind. Wrong! We can always change our mind. Setting an intention or making a plan doesn’t mean you are stuck with it if something better comes along. What it does is set the course of your day/week/month toward something you believe is beneficial, knowing you can always recalibrate that direction any time you want.
Lately I have been noticing how easy it is to say we want to have an extraordinary life. And most of us don’t like thinking of ourselves as just ordinary either. But as I grow older I have also noticed that we often are just that—living ordinary lives like mostly ordinary people. Obviously there is nothing at all wrong with either of those states. However, I think it is equally valid to ask ourselves, is that just the life we have been given or is it the life we have designed for ourselves? Do we want more of the same or different? The SMART perspective just might be to reflect and review that option while we still have plenty of days left to make a choice.
These are 3 good questions. I like the formality on a Friday eve.
What did I learn this week?
What went well this week?
What would I have changed?
Thanks,
Hi Gary. Yes, now if I can just remember to review them every week!! ~Kathy
Kathy, Yes, I’m a life by design/intent and regular course corrector too! I love the “nothing is written in stone” quote. As a recovering loyalist (I believe in long term commitments!), that’s been something I needed to work on (and have) in retirement.
I’m not sure I need to add in a weekly review as I do them quarterly and that seems to work for me. I do like the “what did I learn” component as an add. I usually focus more on what intentions I “accomplished”. My Intentions are linked to my life design and that’s linked to my core values.
I love when you share your insights and continue to nudge me on my life by design path!
Hi Pat! I just read your blog post where I saw your ability to flow and be flexible with your plans. It’s good nothing is written in stone huh! Just flowing and not being too attached is a real key. Thank YOU for all you offer all of us when it comes to setting and accomplishing our intentions! ~Kathy
The practice of preparing and reflecting brings stoicism philosophy to mind. I’m also reminded of a nursing basic – assess, plan, execute, evaluate.
Hi Mona! So very true…it is a “stoic” thing isn’t it? And then having that flexibility to flow with what is happening is also important. I can see how it would be a good skill to have in nursing (not to mention all occupations!) Thanks for that input! ~Kathy
What a timely topic to talk about. Review and reflection of our lives to check in and see if we’re accepting what’s happening to us or if we’re changing and adapting what’s happening to us. My mom always told me that time sped up as we get older. I didn’t believe it at the time – I was a teenager. But boy was she ever right! I can’t believe how fast time flies by!
And I agree 100% with nothing is ever set in stone. As human beings, we’re in a constant state of flux and adapting to new situations and plans. That’s what keeps life interesting ?! I, too, tend to think about things a lot. Trying to figure out the mysteries of the universe, I guess. Reflecting on if our life is unfolding the way we want is beneficial to tweaking those areas you do want to make some change. You have to realize that it needs to happen, though. And reviewing your life is exactly the tool you want to use.
Once again, excellent post, Kathy! Thanks for your thoughts and different ways of looking at things! Have a great weekend!
Hi Debbie! Sounds like your mom was at least trying to warn you. Yes we must watch out for just letting it speed by with being aware of whether it is really what we want to be doing or experiencing. As for the mysteries of the Universe–I’ll bet we could talk for hours if our paths ever cross! Who knows? It could happen!!! ~Kathy
Whilst I love the flexibility and spontaneous opportunities that retirement offers (not so much in the pandemic), I have a digital To Do List broken down into daily and weekly intentions (it would be wrong to describe them as tasks or chores) and during our lockdowns I have found that this more than anything else has given me a purpose. There are nevertheless occasions at present when I can’t help thinking that I sometimes spend more time planning my life than living it!
Hi Caree! I agree that flexibility and spontaneity are great opportunities in retirement. But I’m still guessing that even though many could be more flexible and spontaneous they still find themselves doing the same ‘ole same ‘ole if they are careful. Having a to do list (or an intention list as I like to call them) does keep me more focused. I also agree that offer purpose. But good observation that we can sometimes spend a little too much on the planning and not on the living! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
What a good post. Thank you! I have a list of 15 intentions and each day I write one page noting what happened in reference to any of the intentions. Sometimes I comment on 3 sometimes on more depending on the day. I started this last November. But I haven’t “reviewed” my posts yet, or developed a way to do that. I’m going to try doing these weekly questions. That might be just the right thing!
Would you send me info about the podcast you listened to about this?
Thanks,
Jackie
Hi Jackie! I’m glad you liked it. And good for you for working your intentions so well. I’ll bet that this will help to show you what is going well and you want to continue, and where you might want to make adjustments–rather than waiting for months to make those decisions. The podcast that discussed this was one named “Behind The Human” and the guy interviewed was James Clear, author of “Atomic Habits.” (Episode 132) ~Kathy
That’s amazing. I read Atomic Habits last summer. It was very valuable in helping me figure out how to fit actions that addressed my good intentions into my daily life. I even kept a “habit tracker” as he suggested for a few months and now the habits are so ingrained I don’t need to do it anymore. Thanks! I looked up the podcast and love that it interviews “people living at the top of their game.” Isn’t that what we’re trying to do??
Hi Kathy, taking stock is always a good idea, as are goals and some sort of action plan. Good questions to ask yourself each week – easy to spot inconsistencies and make corrections before things go completely sideways.
Hi Suzanne! Yes to catching those inconsistencies and issues before they go completely sideways. I’m always surprised when I hear a person say, “Well I never saw that coming!” Because most of the time the people around them could have easily guessed that would happen, right? Not that I haven’t had a few things pop up unexpectedly–but nothing big thank goodness because I do make it a regular habit to self-reflect. I’m just wondering if asking myself 3 simple questions every week will make an improvement. I’ll let you know! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy, I resonated so much with this. A few years ago, when I quit my job I realized how much I had been going through my days and weeks letting life happen to me. I was on autopilot! I wanted to live with more intention. I started with regular reflective journaling and it was life changing. It is why I wrote my book Morning Messages: 6 Minutes a Day to the Life of Your Dreams. It is a workbook to guide through a few questions every day so that you are living with intention. There is nothing wrong with floating through life if you are happy and feel fulfilled. There is also nothing wrong with intentionally designing the life you WANT to have! I choose the later.
Hi Michele! Thanks for offering your personal story as an example of both living that “autopilot” and then snapping out of it. I like the title of your book because it states very clearly that it doesn’t have to be a difficult or long drawn out thing. Just something you do regularly. And yes to floating for some people or even all of us once in a while. But knowing we have the choice is a real key to me too! ~Kathy
If this doesn’t get people thinking! 🙂 As you know, Mark and I are ordinary people, who create excitement as well as challenges with our lifestyle decisions. And this leads to a life less ordinary. Going with the flow is sometimes a part of it, but picking a direction and making something happen is always the start of a new adventure. That being said, returning to the familiar and sticking to a few habits once a year or so lets us charge our batteries. Time flies fast in any mode we find ourselves.
Hi Liesbet! I’ll bet setting intentions has been a big part of your life since the launch of your book. I know you’ve been working at it and that doesn’t come without strong direction. Good for you. And I think even setting the intention to take a break and be gentle with yourselves exploring what you love also comes from a strong intention to do that. I personally don’t think that time going slow or fast matters when we are doing what we love, don’t you? Thanks for your thoughts on this! ~Kathy
I’m not a fan of time going fast, ever, Kathy. Because life is so precious and short in general, I’d rather savor every moment of it and have it slow down. 🙂
Hi Liesbet! I so agree. Fast isn’t usually anyone’s choice (unless you we under lockdown with COVID!) but the busier a person gets the more likely it is to happen. Far better to “savor” every moment as you said.
Hi, Kathy — Like you, I’m pretty good at planning ahead and less good at checking in afterwards. For me, that’s partly because a view backwards brings out all my perfectionist anxieties. (“I didn’t do it perfectly! I should do it perfectly next time!” Yikes — what a mind.) I think the Friday check-in is a good idea. Let us know how the experiment goes for you! — Nancy
Hi Nancy! You nailed it. I am really good at the future and not so good with looking back. And in some ways I’m happy with that because it does give me a lot of my optimism. I don’t think I do it because of perfectionism though. (in case you haven’t noticed that’s really not one of my issues hahaha!) I’m going to incorporate into my daily journaling and if it does anything for me I will report back after several months. ~Kathy
I’m a big believer in making “course corrections” as one goes along their journey. I also like to regularly review where I am at…not weekly although I think that is a pretty good idea for a mini-review and I may incorporate that. Currently I do a yearly review at the time of the winter solstice, and set goals. Then I reflect on where I am at, at the other natural divides of the solar year such as the equinoxes, etc. It keeps me on track, and grounded.
Thanks, Kathy. Good advice.
Deb
Hi Deb! I’m guessing most of my readers are fairly good at “course corrections” or they wouldn’t really care for SMART Living! But even then I found myself realizing that I don’t do it very consistently. I too do a year end check in every year. But this made me think a more weekly approach would be better. And I’m guessing it doesn’t have to be more than a 5-10 minute thing. I’m going to work it into my daily journalling and it won’t take any time at all…what will be different is using those three questions. And I like calling it a Mini-review too! ~Kathy