There is always more than one way to look at things.
I’ve been an optimist since the day I was born. If you’ve read my blog for any length of time you probably think I’m either incredibly fortunate or unbelievably naïve depending upon your perspective. Yet after reading a new book, I not only understand a great deal more about what motivates me and why, I’ve also developed a much higher appreciation for those more pessimistic than me. In fact, sometimes the best approach for any of us is to ramp up our prevention-focus and practice a bit of defensive-pessimism depending upon the circumstances. That’s right, I now know that even a diehard optimist like me can benefit from being a little pessimistic.
My new appreciation comes from a book entitled, Focus: Use Different Ways of Seeing The World For Success and Influence, written by Heidi Grant Halvorson and E. Tory Higgins from the Motivation Science Center at Columbia University. They admit that optimism carries numerous benefits by saying, “Study after study shows that, compared to pessimists, optimists enjoy better physical health and recover more quickly from illness…They have more satisfying relationships and are more willing to accept a mutually beneficial compromise. Optimists are, on average more likely to succeed in reaching their goals than pessimists.” Yet, despite that glowing perspective, Halvorson and Higgins are quick to say that their research shows, “…there are those for whom the best way to ensure success is actually to believe they might fail.”
Early on the book suggests that all of us approach life with either a promotion-focus (typically an optimistic approach) or a prevention-focus (a more pessimistic approach.) Promotion-focused people seek opportunity and excel at creativity and innovation, while prevention-focused people remain most concerned about carefully meeting responsibilities, securing safety and doing the right thing. And while everyone has a little of each of these approaches within them, most of us have a dominant motivational focus that we use to routinely face life’s challenges and demands. About a year ago I wrote a blog post about these two perspectives that more clearly explains the difference. (If you want to read more you can find it here.) And while I found that previous information interesting and helpful, ideas in the new book allowed me to explore the issue more deeply and in a more practical way.
According to Halvorson and Higgins we humans are pre-programmed with two basic needs, nurturance and security. And in so many ways, that boils down to what we’ve all likely heard before, that most of our actions are guided to approach pleasure and avoid pain. The problem is, what is pleasurable and painful to me is affected by my focus. For example, as a promotion-minded optimist, I find great pleasure in filling my life with positives, trying new things, going new places, embracing new possibilities. What’s most painful to me is missing out on what I perceive as opportunity. When I read about it, even my FOMO (fear-of-missing-out) is a symptom of my promotion-focused approach to life.
On the other hand, a prevention-focused person takes great pleasure in fulfilling obligations, doing what’s right, and meeting their responsibilities. Finding peace, calm and safety is a primary goal. This type of person feels the most pain when they fail to stop a mistake, cause a loss, or receive punishment for something that should or could have been avoided. My father was a great example of a man who found pleasure in being prevention-focused, but until I read this book I never fully appreciated his motivations or understood his pessimism.
A perfect example of the differences of our dominant focus pattern occurred when I first got together with Thom (who later became my husband). Not even two months after meeting Thom, I packed up everything I owned and moved with him to North Carolina to open a nightclub. Such risky but adventurous behavior is clearly the work of a promotion-focused person who had no doubts she had met the man she would eventually marry. However, to my prevention-focused father, I was not only headed to ruin and destruction, but according to him I had likely blown any chance that Thom would ever marry me under the circumstances. Fortunately for me, Thom is as promotion-focused as I am and we were, and remain, a perfect match. Once we married, my father grew to love and appreciate Thom, at least partly because Thom showed my father that he did indeed care for me, fulfilled his obligations to me, and from my dad’s perspective, kept me safe.
What Are The Benefits Of Being Prevention-Focused?
In addition to now being able to appreciate the temperament of people like my father, Halvorson and Higgins provide plenty of incidents when it would be wise for all of us to practice a bit of prevention-focus in our own lives. Here is a list of times when a person with a practical prevention-focus can be much more desirable than an all-out optimist.
1) Any time you want something done accurately and carefully—think dentist, surgeon or proof-reader.
2) When you need to be detail oriented—like when it’s time to do your taxes.
3) When you want to buy something that is reliable and the best value for your money.
4) When you have someone else managing your money or other valuables.
5) When you need to hang on to what you have. For example, prevention-focused people take longer to lose weight or quit smoking, but are more likely to keep off the weight or avoid smoking in the future than the promotion-focused.
6) When you need to get a job done on time. Prevention-focused people seldom procrastinate.
7) When you need to consider what could go wrong because it has huge ramifications. (i.e. going deeply into debt, safety for your children, not practicing preventative medicine, gambling, going to war, etc.)
8) When you know there will be lots of distractions and obstacles keeping you from your goal.
9) When you need to ignore and persevere in spite of criticism.
What Causes Us To Be Prevention-Focused Or Promotion-Focused?
What makes a person one or the other? Halvorson and Higgins says there are four leading causes:
1) The way you were raised by your parents. If parents praised you and encouraged you when you did well, and withdrew love when you did something bad, that is promotion-parenting. If your parents punished and criticized you when you did something wrong, but overlooked and provided peace when you did something well, that is prevention-parenting.
2) Your innate temperament to be either an optimist (promotion) or a pessimist (prevention.)
3) Your culture and environment is either primarily promotion or prevention focused. Western cultures like the U.S. are highly individualized and forward thinking—making most of us, and our country in general, promotion-focused. Eastern and Latin American cultures tend to be much more focused on group dynamics and interdependence, leading to more prevention-focus.
4) Your age. Most children gravitate toward an idealistic, opportunistic promotion-focus, but we all have a tendency to become more prevention-focused as we get older.
How Does Your Focus Affect Love & Relationships?
One of the more interesting ways to consider the prevention-focused vs. the promotion-focused is in the area of love and relationships. As I explained above, Thom and I were classic in our promotion based attraction to one another in such fast, idealistic and possibly foolhardy fashion. On the flip side, a prevention-focused person approaches relationships slowly, carefully and cautiously, seeing the primary goals of a relationship to be a source of devotion, reassurance and safety.
As a promotion-focused couple seeking love, closeness and possibility, Thom and I moved in together after barely knowing each other and married a few months later. A prevention-focused person usually takes years to become engaged and then more years to marry. However, once married, a prevention-focused person is much less likely to divorce or leave their partner because their focus on relationship is so different. The prevention-focused hate the idea of losing anything they have worked hard to build—including a less than harmonious marriage.
As my own father and my mother demonstrated several times in their relationship, the prevention-focused practice a willingness to merge their own goals with one another and to sacrifice their own needs to accommodate the other on many occasions. Security, peace of mind, and loyalty mean the most to them. After reading about the differences in how prevention-focused people approach relationships, I now understand why so many people stay in relationships that from the outside look nothing more than accommodating. A prevention-focused person believes that what they have and find familiar is nearly always preferable to the unknown or the uncertain, even in relationships.
Many times when my father was still alive I found it difficult to understand where he was coming from. We clashed on several occasions when I thought he was being overly negative and a pessimist in spite of the possibilities. I’m now certain he was as equally frustrated with my ongoing optimism and what he surely judged as unrealistic foolishness. After reading Focus I am now better able to appreciate his perspective and the fact that for many prevention-focused people, how I view the world, what I write about, and my approach to life may seem nothing more than risky, superficial and naïve.
As with so many things, the truth is that there are benefits to both perspectives depending upon the circumstances. There are surely times when creatively taking chances and reaching for opportunity is called for in our lives. Other times, being cautious and careful is certainly the better choice. Perhaps as with so many things, it is both wise and SMART to be aware of our own tendencies and use them to make choices and decisions that work for us at any given time—and to appreciate and value those who see things from a different perspective.
Peter says
August 5, 2015 at 12:05 PMKathy, I’d never thought about pessimism as having advantages before. Like you I consider myself an eternal optimist. I enjoy traveling and trying new things and am fairly spontaneous. But after reading your article I notice that a lot of my recurring actions fall under that “prevention-focused” pessimis umbrella of being “concerned about carefully meeting responsibilities, securing safety and doing the right thing.”
I had never thought of those things as being grounded in a bit of self-preserving pessimism. This gives me a whole new level of appreciation for my pessimistic spouse.
Kathy Gottberg says
August 5, 2015 at 4:57 PMHi Peter! It is interesting isn’t it to think that even pessimism can be helpful under the right conditions. Of course it does help to be an optimist to even consider that! But after reading about it I so realized that when it comes to some things in my life I want to deal with a “prevention-focused” person instead of someone like me who just automatically sees things as turning out fine–no matter what. I think it comes down to realizing that ALL of us have something to contribute! ~Kathy
Deb Gordon says
July 31, 2015 at 3:05 PMGreat article Kathy! It explains why Kenn & I were engaged for 4 years before we got married! Really enjoyed this one!
Kathy Gottberg says
July 31, 2015 at 3:30 PMHey Deb! Glad you liked it….and REALLY? I didn’t know you guys took 4 years before you married? (or if I did I’d forgotten!) But I do think you must have a very nice mix of the two between the two of you or you wouldn’t have managed all the incredible things you’ve done with your life. As long as it works that’s the key right? Thanks for checking in! ~Kathy
Deepika Sharma says
July 22, 2015 at 12:11 PMKathy Gottberg thanks for informative and useful post. Looking forward to see more informative posts in future. I am regular reader of your blog. God Bless You!.
Kathy Gottberg says
July 23, 2015 at 7:47 AMHi Deepika! Welcome to SMART Living and thanks for your comment. I’m glad you found this interesting. ~Kathy
Rena McDaniel says
July 19, 2015 at 10:51 AMI love the way you put things into perspective. Taking parts from both would be a perfect harmony, but it seldom works that way. I think though like you said being aware of the differences and our own tendencies could make for smarter decisions down the road. I think my husband is the optimist in our relationship and I am the pessimist.
Kathy Gottberg says
July 19, 2015 at 12:57 PMHi Rena! How have you been?…I DID miss you! 🙂 And as for you and your husband being more opposites, the book actually said that was one of the best combinations because you can balance each out when necessary. Sometimes Thom and I get so carried away with our “promotion-focus” that we can get wrapped up in all sorts of crazy ideas. While it might be fun, your marriage is much more practical! ~Kathy
Michelle C says
July 15, 2015 at 5:44 PMAnother fascinating read! Thanks for sharing these insights.
I am definitely prevention-focused and my husband is promotion-focused. I’ve seen my prevention tendency come out frequently in my work on events and big projects. I’ve learned to communicate to my teammates (and my husband) that I’m pointing out issues not because I think we’ll fail, but rather because I’m passionate about helping the project succeed and my way of doing that is by foreseeing potential problems so we’ll be prepared to overcome them.
Kathy Gottberg says
July 16, 2015 at 8:37 AMHi Michelle! The book points out that in many ways couples with different ways to focus (both prevention and promotion) like you and your husband are very well suited for each other and can have a GREAT relationship exactly because you both carry important ways to deal with the world. It sounds like you have it worked out in a very balanced way. Sometimes Thom and I can get a bit carried away with all our promotion–fortunately we’re getting more balanced as we age. Thanks for sharing! ~Kathy
Janis says
July 15, 2015 at 2:36 PMI think I’m a bit of both too… although tending more towards optimism. My husband is the opposite, but given his former career as an engineer, his prevention-focus was key in his success. It also helps when I plunge head-long into something without enough planning (because of course it will always turn out fine) and he helps me to take a step back and consider all the possibilities – good and bad – and prepare for them.
Btw, I’m still not receiving the automatic emails of your posts, but I’m optimistic that I can figure out what is preventing them from reaching me! I may have to “unfollow” then “follow” you again.
Kathy Gottberg says
July 15, 2015 at 2:54 PMHi Janis! I would have guessed your husband was more prevention-focused than you after meeting him and learning his background. But as you say, that WORKED very well for him. The trick for us all is to balance it all out at the right times. And I checked and saw that you had two different subscriptions to these posts….so it HAS to be a spam blocker you have on your email. Have you been checking your trash/spambox? I post on Friday morning so that would be the time to check it. Try that! ~Kathy
Janis says
July 15, 2015 at 3:19 PMI’m not sure what changed. I used to get two emails (not sure how that happened) and now I don’t get any. They aren’t in my spambox either. I also noticed that, when I comment, a link to my latest post doesn’t show any more either. I always thought that was a nice feature. Obviously, something happened to break a link, but I haven’t a clue what it was.
Just so you know, I FINALLY posted a review of your wonderful book on Amazon. I really enjoyed it!
Kathy Gottberg says
July 15, 2015 at 4:37 PMHi Janis! Oh sorry the Comment Luv hasn’t been working for you! Have you had any trouble on other sites that use it? I looked at my settings and I couldn’t figure it out either. I will do some research and see what I can come up with.
And THANK YOU SO MUCH for the review of the book! I just went to Amazon and it’s not showing up yet but it is VERY much appreciated. I am working on my second one now and I know those reviews are really important. I glad to hear you enjoyed it. And again, thanks for taking time for the review. ~Kathy
Janis says
July 17, 2015 at 6:15 PMFYI, it was operator error (mine). I apparently can’t follow CommentLuv’s directions and left off the http:// in front of my website. It’s showing the link now.
Still trying to figure out the lack of emails… probably something on my side too. 🙂
I’m looking forward to your next book!
Kathy Gottberg says
July 17, 2015 at 8:32 PMHi Janis! I am so glad it’s figured out. If anyone has the same problem I’ll now know what to tell them. But did you not get today’s email telling of the new post? Let me know if you did….or didn’t. There’s got to be a way to fix. I’ll keep working on it. ~Kathy
pia says
July 15, 2015 at 7:07 AMI am both—or a combination of so many things it leaves my head swinging.
I’m basically an optimist but life has taught me…..And I leave no detail unturned.
Kathy Gottberg says
July 15, 2015 at 7:36 AMHi Pia! Yes, it can be a bit confusing swinging back and forth but in the long run I really do think it helps to know when and where it is right to use either one. Thankfully the book offers many suggestions about when it is best AND how we can switch if we’re on the wrong track. ~Kathy
Carla says
July 15, 2015 at 6:57 AMI used to be only only only an optimist. Until I learned the benefits of defensive pessimism. It change my life 🙂
Kathy Gottberg says
July 15, 2015 at 7:35 AMHi Carla! Yes, although the word pessimism is usually avoided by any of us optimists, it really does help us make better decisions in certain circumstances. Thanks for confirming that! ~Kathy
Nancy says
July 13, 2015 at 8:25 AMReading this makes me feel somewhat multiple-personality-disorder’ish, as I can relate to both, equally. 🙂
Kathy Gottberg says
July 13, 2015 at 9:03 AMHi Nancy! Hahaha! Actually as an optimist I can see that “multiple-personality” thing as a good thing! According to the book it really is SMART to be both depending upon the circumstances. Of course, knowing when one or the other is the best approach is always a good idea. ~Kathy
Haralee says
July 11, 2015 at 4:51 PMInteresting stuff!I think I am an optimist promotion focused as a person but when it comes to my work I am a practical prevention focused. I am very detail oriented, work ahead of deadlines, and conservative with finances.
Kathy Gottberg says
July 12, 2015 at 9:04 AMHi Haralee! You bring up a good point. The book does point out that we typically do exactly what you say–in some areas we can be promotion focused and in other prevention focused. It work or with our children or loved ones it is very common to be prevention focused. In other areas, especially in fun areas, promotion can be best. It sounds like you have it worked out very well. ~Kathy
Leanne says
July 10, 2015 at 10:05 PMHi Kathy – I always thought I leaned towards optimism but I seem to have many of these pessimist traits – including dentistry and managing money and completing jobs etc. Maybe it’s a bonus to be a bit of both? I’m definitely a “careful” person (and that being said…) now I’m going to go back and read it all again and learn some more! 🙂 ~ Leanne
Kathy Gottberg says
July 12, 2015 at 9:02 AMHi Leanne! Thank you for your comment….it did end up in my “waiting to be moderated” but it was still there. 🙂 I think your “prevention-focus” was making you worried!!! Ha! And yes, yes, a combination of them both seems to be best IMHO. The good news is that we can redirect our focus at most times by asking questions that focus on either the future, the big picture or asking ourselves “why” we are doing something (promotion); Or we can focus on the details, immediate now, or the “how” to do something (prevention.) We really can mix it up. ~Kathy
Laura Lee Carter says
July 10, 2015 at 8:02 AMThanks for another excellent, thought-provoking post Kathy!
It seems I started out quite prevention-focused and only in midlife realized how unproductive my illusion of control was in giving me the life I wanted. I then (and presently!) have turned to the idealistic promotion-focus, because what do I have to lose at 60 anyway?
I was miserable as a control freak and everything went to hell anyway. That’s when I changed!
Kathy Gottberg says
July 10, 2015 at 11:34 AMHi Laura Lee! Good for you for recognizing that you can change your focus (with some effort) no matter which is your dominant focus. The book clearly explains ways that we can all become either more prevention minded or promotion minded if it is in our best interest and any given time. And as you say, once you’ve learned that trying to control the Universe doesn’t work that well anyway, why not try another approach? With all the changes in your life these days, it’s clear you’ve changed your focus to being way more optimistic! ~Kathy
Nora Hall says
July 10, 2015 at 7:00 AMThere are some great thoughts in this piece. I always thought I was an incurable optimist, but now I wonder! thanks for mixing it up!
Kathy Gottberg says
July 10, 2015 at 11:30 AMHi Nora! I’m guessing most people who read my blog are optimists so I’m not surprised to hear you’re one too. However, I’m hoping that we all can recognize that sometimes it is SMART for us to pull in the reins a bit on some actions and decisions. If we can do that then I think we have the best of both worlds! ~Kathy