I think most all of us believe we are very truthful people and believe we only want the truth from others. But is that always true? I think we also believe that our “beliefs” are valid or we would never consider believing them. Really? One of the books in my bookcase that I like to pick up now and then is one by Anthony De Mello. Filled with short stories and parables, I find them very thought provoking. In his book titled, The Song Of The Bird, the story “ The Truth Shop” is one of my favorites. It reminds me that as much as I love the truth and are not afraid to question my beliefs, there are still plenty of times I’m not quite ready for it all—100%.
The Truth Shop
I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw the name of the shop: THE TRUTH SHOP.
The saleswoman was very polite: What type of truth did I wish to purchase, partial or whole? The whole truth of course. No deceptions for me, no defenses, no rationalizations. I wanted my truth plain and unadulterated. She waved me on to another side of the store.
The salesman there pointed to the price tag. “The price is very high, sir,” he said. “What is it?” I asked, determined to get the whole truth, no matter the cost. “Your security , sir,” he answered.
I came away with a heavy heart.
I still need the safety
of my unquestioned beliefs.
What about you? I’m reminded of that movie with Jack Nicholson in the movie A Few Good Men when he shouted, “You can’t handle the truth.” Can we? Are our beliefs so precious to us that we cling to them rather than even consider questioning whether they could be proven untrue? Would we ever be willing to give up the safety and security we get by believing what we already believe—or is that too high a price to pay? Are we as honest with ourselves and others as we like to think we are? I surely don’t have the answers but I tend to think it would be SMART for more of us to realize that it is the “partial” truth that we usually prefer.
Yes, I am exploring this topic as it pertains to my privilege. All my sorts of privilege. It feels like there is a revealing of the truth every time I explore my place in it all. Like once I realized all the ways I was inside the box I started to look for all the edges. But every time I am met by a new edge, a new truth revealed, it is less and less comfortable inside the box. Hard to process it all, but I’m not letting that stop me.
Hi Mary! That’s a very interesting way to take on Truth–how we are privileged in ways we are unaware of! We were just at Costco for “Senior Hours”. Definitely a benefit of being over 60. As we walked toward the entrance there were a number of families waiting on the side to be allow entrance because they were clearly under 60. At the same time a 40-something white woman with a younger daughter marched past us to the entrance where she was asked if she was 60 or older. I didn’t hear her response but she just pushed her way past that “guard” and entered the store. Meanwhile the many people waiting outside, (mostly Hispanic I might add) were patiently waiting their turn. It was CLEARLY an example of someone who not only felt privileged, but was oblivious to to it or anyone else. And you can imagine the example she was setting for her daughter. Of course I know you will enough that you NEVER shy away from uncomfortable of difficult subjects so it will be interesting to see where you go with it. Let’s all do our best to be honest with ourselves and never ignore our privileges. ~Kathy
Yes, truth is a very interesting topic. I find that it’s easier to remember what you said if you don’t lie. I like to believe that I am a truthful person. However, I would agree that I am not always 100% truthful. If it is going to hurt someone or make them feel bad, I rationalize “what’s the point of doing that?”.
To me, it’s important to be as truthful as possible and remain true to my nature while still being good to others. Love the thoughtful and well said article, Kathy. As usual, right on point and perfect for Easter weekend!! Enjoy your long weekend!!
Hi Debbie! You’re right–MUCH easier that way! Of course it is also pretty easy to just not say what you’re thinking as well. And like you point out, we usually do that because we don’t want to hurt other people. But I’m guessing we also don’t do that because we are afraid that if we REALLY said what we thought, there will be repercussions that we don’t want to face. Like telling your grown kids that they are taking advantage of you and need to be more responsible. Or that your sister talks nonstop and you have a hard time being around her. Or???? I’m guessing it is a fine line between doing it to be kind and doing it to self-protect. What do you think???? And yes, I hope you are having a GREAT Easter weekend too. ~Kathy
I couldn’t agree more, Kathy. I am sure everyone has had one scenario you pointed out or something similar. And there is a very fine line between not wanting to hurt someone and definitely protecting yourself. Dealing with the repercussions might just be worse than just keeping your mouth shut in some instances, I think. ? Very excellent points and, again, something to think about and ponder how to be the best person you can be!!
I can truthfully say that I am not always truthful nor can I always handle the truth nor do I fully trust other’s truths! So there you made me say it. Great article Kathy.
Hi Amanda! Hahahaha! Just know that we do or don’t is a big part of it, don’t you think? And your honesty about it is what is most important in my opinion! Have a great Easter Weekend! ~Kathy
I hate lies and don’t tell them. However, when you rephrase it as to do you like the truth then, and now you’ve forced me to think about it, I live a life where I probably prefer to tell and receive only part of the truth. I once watched a documentary where I recall a female minister took part in an experiment about truth telling. As a woman of the cloth she didn’t think she fibbed at all, but challenged to be completely honest in all her dealings for a fixed period of time, it was incredible how frequently in her daily encounters she hid her true feelings out of politeness and respect and to spare/support others as part of her ministry. Things became quite brutal when she could no longer compliment the homemade cakes at the Church fete, I can tell you!
Hi Caree! Great example. Especially for us women. We tend to “avoid” being completely honest so we can be kind and thoughtful. I don’t think most men have that awareness — correct me if I’m wrong– but I know I find it very difficult if I think I might hurt someone’s feelings. Of course the bigger “truth” is the one we do or don’t tell ourselves about why or how or what we are doing or saying. If we can’t admit it to ourselves I am positive we can’t admit it to other’s. Wouldn’t it be an interesting world if we were all raised to just say that we didn’t like those homemade cakes at the church functions rather than hem and ha about it? That’s for another post!!! ~Kathy
Ah yes – the truth can be scary. I would like to think I am 100% honest with myself at this point in life but that doesn’t always mean I’m honest with the rest of the world about those things…does that count? LOL.
Hey Janet! Hmmmm…I’m not sure. That’s why I used the quote I did in the box because I tend to think we just might find it impossible to be truly honest with with ourselves if we are attempting to hide it from others. Of course if you were to say that it probably starts with being honest with yourself first and foremost, but eventually I tend to think our inner and outer words and actions need to be congruent if we want peace of mind. Of course any step in that direction is a positive! Does that make sense? ~Kathy
Of course – I would never lie and I live true to myself -I totally agree that our inner and outer selves need to be congruent. Some things about my beliefs I simply keep to myself….I love thinking about it all though.
Hi Janet! Sometimes keeping your beliefs to yourself is a wise thing to do for sure….and I was pretty sure you were a VERY truthful person after reading your memoir AND your blog. Such an interesting topic though….
Kathy, thank goodness Dorothy had Toto along when she visited the Wizzard! Yes, it is good to examine our beliefs from time to time. I may not always want to accept the truth, but at least I am willing to consider another point of view.
Hi Suzanne! Don’t we all need a little Toto to pull away the curtain? I LOVE that analogy! May we all find such a sweet way for truth to be revealed to us. ~Kathy
Yes, but I agree with Ezme and Emily Dickinson that certain truths probably have to be moved towards cautiously, or indirectly; if not, they’ll overwhelm us. It requires all sorts of skills for us to absorb new aspects of the truth — maybe above all the capacity to keep perspective. We learn that a leader (or writer or thinker) whose work we admire has personal flaws or blind spots, that things we believe in have limitations, and it takes time to process….
Maybe it’s my experiences with certain kinds of thinkers (often men, I hesitate to say) who pound their negative, cynical truths so confidently. “Here’s the dark underbelly of your pretty little world,” they say triumphantly. “NOW what do you think?” Ugh.
Hi Nancy! Thanks for sharing that even if we agree that truth and honesty are valuable and worthy, they can sometimes overwhelm and often “requires all sorts of skills for us to absorb new aspects of the truth — maybe above all the capacity to keep perspective.” I’m reminded of the how it is reported how the Native American’s were so unaccustomed to the ways of the Europeans that they literally didn’t have a way to understand that they wanted to take and own their land. It didn’t fit in the world view at all and couldn’t understand the long term implications that these new people offered–to their detriment obviously. Often we don’t know what we don’t know that is a huge problem. But the main reason I like this parable is that it reminds me that I must never be afraid to question what I believe. And especially those “negative, cynical truths” that are so loudly pontificated!! Thanks for your thoughts on this! ~Kathy
Hi, Kathy – We all immediately know what truth is…until we start really thinking about it. The same thing with desiring it — we all want it 100%…until faced with the possibility of actually receiving it.
I’ve long mulled over the CS Lewis quote ““If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking.”
Thank you for another thought-provoking post.
Hi Donna! Another good quote! I love that, “…you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking.” I wasn’t even sure why I felt this would be a good thing to share with you all but again, I have always loved flipping through De Mello’s book and this one is a favorite. I am always delighted to see what others see in it as well. ~Kathy
Ah, as my old friend Emily Dickinson says, “Tell all the Truth, but tell it slant, Success in circuit lies, Too much for our Infirm delight, the Truth’s superb Surprise!” Or something like that! Her use of capitals, I cannot remember and am too lazy to look for just now.
It is astounding how truth finds its way into our believe systems (or not), sliver by sliver, if we are open to it.
Fascinating topic. To be true to ourselves and honest with others is always an adventure in mindfulness. Thanks for the reminder.
Hi Ezme! Thanks for bringing up that poem. My favorite part is actually the end when she says, “The Truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind.” Most of us can only handle truth in bits and pieces (or like you say, sliver by sliver) but what is even more problematic is the fact that we don’t know that! Most carry on like they have a handle on it. I so agree with your statement, “To be true to ourselves and honest with others is always an adventure in mindfulness.” ~Kathy
Well, I dig a little deeper when FOX or MSNBC tries to tell me what is true, because they deal in half truths. But as far as the meaning and worth of my life and my own self image? I probably believe more half-truths than I should.
Hi Tom! I agree that we should be checking all our news sources on a regular basis after the last couple of years and the assortment of misinformation that was coming from all directions. But I think that willingness to fact-check spreads across so many other areas of our lives as well. Think of our educational system, our health system, our government and our religious institutions. Unfortunately I think most of us prefer to just accept that something is true than “dig deeper” when we should. Obviously the refusal of so many people to wear masks and/or get the vaccine is evidence that people like to pick-and-choose what facts they will or will not believe. The challenge of course is not to be that way ourselves. ~Kathy