One of my daily practices is to remember to look for the good no matter what is going on in my life. It helps a great deal that I’m married to someone who does his best to remind me of this on a regular basis. It also helps that I am a naturally optimistic person, in good health, with many other lifestyle advantages. But even then, I still need to be reminded on a regular basis to stay focused on what’s good, rather than its opposite. That’s why nearly all my writing here on SMART Living 365 serves to re-enforce the positive over and over. Still, what I seldom acknowledge is the huge helping of grace that makes it all possible.
I don’t use the word grace much in my writing. I’m aware that it is a trigger for some people like my husband Thom, to a former religious perspective that created pain and skepticism rather than comfort. I certainly never intended to use the word in the title of my first work of fiction, Finding Grace. But after the main character ended up naming herself, and as her journey unfolded, no other title came even close to fitting as well. That’s how grace often works. When we follow the trail of what seems to be good, we end up with the grace of unexpected gifts.
How do I define grace? While the usual definition attaches all sorts of religious interpretations to the word, it is equally possible to accept it as a commonplace way of describing a serendipitous stream of unexpected good. In a similar way that the word graceful is used to define elegance, refinement, and flow, grace-full can be used to describe an unhindered movement toward the unexpected and unearned rewards of a happy and fulfilled life.
Without giving much away, the “Grace” in my novel is a woman who, while exploring her options and searching for happiness, eventually finds the treasure within herself. That goal is one that is worthy for us all. But like I repeatedly write, it takes a bit more than saying you agree with me to make it a habit. It takes an ongoing practice.
So what do I recommend? Five things that I think are necessary to be open to grace all 365 days of a year are:
1) Train your mind. A couple of weeks ago I explained how the Buddha arrived at the conclusion that all life is suffering. The good news was that he never expected us to stay there. Instead, he clearly taught that the experience of suffering comes to humans because of their erroneous thinking. Shakespeare agreed, saying, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
One of the best ways to “train your mind” is to meditate. Just the act of quieting our mind and training our focus on our breath teaches us that we are so much more than our thinking. A teacher I used to read and study years ago named Stuart Wilde suggested that every single day you pick a time and then go out and move large rocks across the yard. Move them all to the right side of the yard one day. Move them back to the left side the next. Why? For no other reason to get your ego under control and show it that you are consciously choosing to do something to “train your mind.”
Another way to explain this is to discipline your thinking and create habits that support you rather than letting your monkey mind run the show. There are dozens of ways to do this, but again, first you have to want to, and then discipline is necessary. Fortunately, like Arianna Huffington says, “We all have within us the ability to move from struggle to grace.”
2) Let go of the idea of original sin and embrace the concept of original blessing. Another teacher I studied in the past was a priest named Matthew Fox. Central to Fox’s teaching is an idea called Creation Spirituality where he suggests “The Universe is fundamentally a blessing.” Citing what he calls an ancient wisdom tradition that embraces both the latest in scientific understandings, along with mystical teachings from around the world, Fox celebrates the good. While traditional religions tend to see “sin” as the norm, and goodness the exception, Fox argues for the message that goodness and continuous grace are the norms, and “fallenness” the exception.
Fox doesn’t deny that evil exists, or that sin is evident in the world. Instead, he continually puts the focus on the Light, Love and Creative passion that he attributes to God. Instead of letting the dark side of humans (or God) seek to control us or beat us into submission, he suggests we celebrate and focus on the good, beauty and love that helped to create everything that exists.
Whether we choose to see the world according to Fox’s definition or a more traditional religious perspective, it boils down to Albert Einstein’s question: “Do you believe you live in a friendly universe or not?” A friendly universe overflows with unexpected goodness or grace. Our thinking decides how we see it and the choice is ours to make.
3) Stay flexible and open to change and possibility. I’ll admit that the longer I’m on the planet the more tempting it is to think I know things. Like you, I have quite a bit of experience in certain areas, I’ve read a ton of books and studied several areas of interest throughout my life. But just remember how boring it is to be around anyone who thinks they know everything. A mind that thinks it knows everything has no room in it for grace.
Learning, growing and staying open to change is actually where many of us touch our creativity and imagination. Those attributes go hand-in-hand with a mindset that believes that we all are creative beings with something unique and wonderful to offer the world. As we allow our imagination to lead us in new and unexpected ways, we often stumble upon more grace that we ever could have planned.
But remember, grace isn’t like winning the lottery. We can still be challenged and disappointed. There are no guarantees we will become rich, famous or even recognized for what we’ve done. Instead, the grace we witness enables us to see the good in the world exactly as it is, and where we fit into the whole. As Eckhart Tolle says, “To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease and lightness.”
4) Spend time in nature or a places of incredible beauty. A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the experience of awe or wonder and how important it is to our psyche. There’s a good possibility the reason it is such a necessary element to our happiness is that it leads to grace. It is almost impossible to be in a place of incredible beauty without feeling something deep within that extends far beyond the routine of every day.
Ever seen a photo of some insect or creature found deep in a rain forest or miles below the ocean surface? Just looking at the intricate design, the vivid colors or the unique features is enough to convince one that the universe is not only inherently creative, but fanciful! Grace is like that. It can show up in the oddest places and reveal a surprising and surreal result. And nowhere is that more evident that in nature. Regardless of where we see it, if we look we are reminded, as Abraham Herschel said, “Just to be is a blessing. Just to live is holy.”
5) Stay grateful every day no matter what. The more we acknowledge the beauty and perfection around us, in even the most challenging circumstances, the more we experience grace. But make no mistake, this isn’t a matter of pretending or lying to ourselves that trouble doesn’t occur. Instead, it is zooming back to look at the big picture and thankfully seeing the nature of all life as something amazing to behold and cherish. As a teacher named Ramakrishna said, “The winds of grace are always blowing, but you have to raise the sail. “
When I wrote my novel Finding Grace over ten years ago, it was with these five elements in mind. While it took my character Grace quite a few years, she eventually finds the grace she was seeking as close as to her as her own breath. I believe we all hold the same potential. And while it might not always be easy or clear, it is SMART to remember to look for goodness each and every day. When we do, we’ll see that grace has always been there waiting patiently for us to notice.
I have often pondered the word “grace”. Sam Baker, a singer/songwriter from Texas, has a song and an album titled “Say Grace”. And like you say, grace can be found in the most unexpected places. Sam will say that to say grace is to say thanks.
Hi Mona! I am not familiar with that song…or at least can’t recall if off the top of my head. I will definitely check it out. And I LOVE that definition of grace–another way of saying thanks. that reminds me of the word “blessings.” Lots of people don’t like it because it brings up old religious ideas. But I relearned it as Blessings = “to think rightly of something.” Same sort of thinking about grace. Thank you for that. And may your day be filled with grace and blessings! ~Kathy
Congratulations on publishing your first work of fiction, Kathy! “Grace” is a beautiful word with all kinds of wonderful interpretations. I look forward to reading your book! Of all your tips, no.5, perhaps is the best of all, as gratitude is truly transforming. i am glad I practice all of them, though. Thank you!
Hi Vidya! Thank you. I am quite proud of my novel and happy when others like it as well. And yes, doesn’t gratitude always make things seem sweeter? I know you write about that on a regular basis on your blog and just having that ongoing focus leads to unfolding grace. ~Kathy
I’m so glad you made the point about finding grace in places of beauty and nature. For me, I often find the most serenity when I allow myself to just soak in the splendor and let myself be one with it.
Hi Jennifer! Can you even imagine a world without the majesty of nature? But what is even more amazing to me is that even though that serenity and splendor are both free and everywhere available to us all, a huge majority of people seem to be oblivious to it all. Let’s remember to notice it every day AND to reminder each other. Okay? ~Kathy
I spend my morning walk in gratitude and meditation. I am so fortunate and blessed to live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, and to have my health, family and friends.
Hi Jackie! It does sound to me that your life is very “grace-full” and you’ve discovered the keys to what makes that so wonderful. Thank you for sharing that with all of us. ~Kathy
I live in grace every day; there’s no other way for me to live. Looking for it, expecting it, and being thankful for it go a long way toward manifesting in my life.
Hi Carol! Good for you for recognizing that we ALL live in grace every single day but not all of us know that! As you say, looking for it, expecting it and being grateful for it is the path. Thanks for your comment ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
The one thing that stuck out at me on your post is to be grateful, daily 🙂 Being grateful every day is a must if you want to have more peace in your life 🙂 Really makes a huge difference. I know for me when I started writing in a gratitude journal daily and consistently, I just felt more centered and more calm.
Great share!!!
Hi Joan! Thank you for stopping by SMART Living and sharing your thoughts on this. I so agree that gratitude is such an important part of a grace-filled and happy life. And looking back over my own life, I don’t think there has ever been a time when I was feeling really grateful that I didn’t feel that grace was active in my life. They just go together. And good for you for doing a gratitude journal. I don’t do one specifically but I do morning pages every day (journal as per Julia Cameron) and I ALWAYS finish up with a gratitude list. ~KATHY
Great post! Being grateful, spending time in nature and watching my thoughts spoke to me… Good reminders!
Hi Kimberly! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living. I’m glad you found my reminders helpful. They sure make a difference to me! ~Kathy
How beautiful is this blog and this comment – A friendly universe overflows with unexpected goodness or grace. Our thinking decides how we see it and the choice is ours to make.
Hi Teresa! Welcome to SMART Living and thank you so much for your comment. A good friend of mine is currently going through an extremely challenging time and part of me feels a bit hesitant about being so very bold to say that the choice is ours to make 24/7, 365. But fortunately, Thom brought me back and reminded me that even then, even in the midst of some of the worst pain and suffering, we still have a choice. All I have to do is think of people like Viktor Frankl, Helen Keller or Anne Frank. All of them faced far more pain and terror than most of us will ever know and yet they believed that no matter what happens, we still have the ability to control how and what we think. Is that grace or what? Let us all remember that and continue to remind each other of that truth. Thanks again for your thoughts. ~Kathy
“We all have within us the ability to move from struggle to grace.” I think I was born knowing this. Life threw me many curves and I have not complained or faltered but found my way to joy, happiness and grace. I have gratitude for all the good things & people in my life and know I have and still do make a difference in the lives of many. With advancing years comes wisdom. I live by the motto, ‘I could die tomorrow and know I’ve lived a meaningful & happy life.’ Is this grace?
Hi Roslyn! Welcome to SMART Living and thank you for adding to this conversation. YES! I so agree that being in a state where you know you could die tomorrow and believe you have lived a meaningful and happy life are evidence of grace in your life. Just having that awareness on an ongoing basis is in itself such a gift to any one of us. Sure we all have “stuff” happen along the way, but as along as we can still feel that gratitude deep within, we are living a grace-filled life. ~Kathy
What a beautiful post. It’s so important for us to remember, or take time out to focus on being positive, grateful and aware of this beautiful universe around us. Problems will always arise but if we are in the right mindset, we’ll be able to deal with them much easier.
Hi Lisa! Welcome to SMART Living and thanks for your thoughts on this. And isn’t it worth the effort? Isn’t it good for each of us to remember (and to remind one another) that we can move through any amount of suffering and find grace on the other side. I KNOW it isn’t always easy but the benefit is so worth it! Thanks for your comment. ~Kathy
No. 4 really spoke to me. You described exactly how I feel when I can behold the beautiful and miraculous.
Hi Rachel! Welcome to SMART Living. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. Yes, if we could find a moment or two EVERY SINGLE DAY to experience a bit of wonder and awe I can’t help but think we would be happier and more in touch with grace. ~Kathy
Kathy, this is a beautiful post and I, for one, choose to live in a friendly universe. Finding grace does take hard work and determination and I still strive for it – some days closer than others. I love Matthew Fox’s thinking regarding focusing on the light and the good. Staying flexible and grateful are keys towards grace for sure and being in and of nature is truly one of life’s greatest blessings.
Hi Tamuria! Thank you for adding to the conversation on this. And I LOVE the name of your blog gleefulgrandiva.com How fun is that? May we all stay focused on the light and the good and find the grace we seek! ~Kathy
I really loved this post, Kathy and admit I have been fascinated by the idea of grace, searching for a definition that really spoke to me. Although all your points resonated, I am absolutely on board with numbers 3 and 4. Yes, to living in a place of awe and wonder and curiosity, I’d add. And staying open to as I call it, ‘the future that is coming towards us”, really is something I’ve learned to embrace in my life as well. Reading this I felt you would enjoy my piece on Rediscovering Our Humanity Through Nature too. Thanks for this lovely post!
Hi Beverly! Thank you for stopping by SMART Living and sharing your thoughts with me. I agree that awe, wonder AND curiosity are so very important for experiencing grace. And I like that, “staying open to the future that is coming toward us.” I will definitely have to check out your post on “Rediscovering our Humanity Through Nature.” Thanks again for popping by. ~Kathy
Thanks for the reminder. I rather be positive but sometimes I can get sad. Thinking too much tends to be the issue. I rather not move rocks but when I clean it helps me clear my mind as well and see the gratitude of everything.
Hi Sabrina! I am exactly the same way with my “over-thinking!” That is why it is so very important for me to “train” my mind. And yeah, I agree that moving the rocks is a dreary thing and have never actually done it. But I do meditate every single day and I also do “morning pages” which are another form of meditation mixed with writing. Whatever works right. And yes, being grateful is a huge key. Thanks for your thoughts on this! ~Kathy
Beautiful post, Kathy. I love your comment: “the Buddha arrived at the conclusion that all life is suffering. The good news was that he never expected us to stay there.” The latest guest on my show shared the formulation that P. A. I. N. =
Please
Acknowledge
Information
Now
I think that resonates with the Buddha’s teaching – it’s all information, we’re not meant to stay there, in fact, the opposite: the pain is meant to help us get out of there!
Hi Reba! Thanks for stopping by and joining the conversation. And yes, that idea of “P.A.I.N” is brilliant isn’t it? Such a good reminder that we need to stay awake and aware at all times–and do as you say, not stay there when in pain. ~Kathy
Hello,
A great blog post and happy to read it. Very positive and can relate to train your mind because this is so important in everyday life. I am having a problem with website and training my brain to be positive since I am not a technical person.
Hi Lori! Ah….us bloggers know how distracting and stressful a problem on our site can be! As you say, training your mind not to obsess over it or freak out is so important. I hope you get it all figured out soon and that grace steps in exactly when most needed! ~Kathy
I love this, Kathy! And I smiled at the Matthew Fox reference. You and I have studied so many of the same folks 🙂
Finding Grace (love the sound of this novel!) in all things is something I’ve been mindful for for a while now. Not always easy, but oh, my, has it changed my life. Now when something perceived as negative occurs, I know it holds a blessing. For me, anyway, the essence comes down to I either trust the Universe or I don’t. And as Einstein said, I do believe I live in a friendly universe.
Love this!
Hi Susan! Yes I know after reading your blog that not only do we think about a lot of things from the same perspective we have also read and studied some of the same people through the years. I am already looking forward to the day that you and I can get together and talk about all of it over a glass of wine (or two!) And yes, isn’t it always about that trust in the Universe? ~Kathy
Oh, I am too, Kathy! Something tells me we would talk for days! With nice glasses of wine in hand 🙂
Yesssss.
To your first one. The older I get the more I realize the importance of training and retraining and re-training my mind
Hi Carla! Yes isn’t training our mind so very, very important? So many of us would rather work on our occupations or our health but when it comes down to it, the habits and thoughts we hold in our mind on a day-to-day basis are the start (or the finish) of everything else that happens. And I see from your post link that you are a meditator–so yes! Isn’t that one of the best ways to train your mind? ~Kathy
Kathy, I started reading ‘Finding Grace’ last night and I love it. I’ll do a review as soon as I’m done reading it, which will be soon.
Your post really resonated with me. All my attempts to be ‘good’ resulted in nought until I opened myself to grace and gratitude.
Hi Corinne! Thank you so much for taking a look at my novel. I surely hope you like it and enjoy the read. I’m the first to admit that grace comes in many unexpected ways and you surely made mine today! ~Kathy
Some excellent points here, Kathy! My beliefs in Christianity tell me that “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,” Ephesians 2:8. Many might think this is a narrow viewpoint. Since we live in a fallen world, bad things happen to good people. Will that notion beat me down? Nope. Because of this very faith, I AM optimistic and grateful for everything I have and for everyone in my life.
Hi Terri! I’m a huge fan of grace no matter how a person finds it. Whatever allows a person to live as you say “optimistic and grateful for everything I have and for everyone in my life,” then how can that not be an experience of grace? May we all find the path that works best for us. Thanks for adding to the conversation. ~Kathy
Reminds me of the old story about how we all have two wolves fighting inside of us — a good one representing generosity, compassion and optimism, and an evil one focused on anger, resentment and bitterness. Which one wins? The one you feed.
Hi Tom! Yes exactly! That wolf story is one of my favorites. I think grace is when the good wolf hangs around and becomes your companion and the other nasty wolf wanders off and finds someone else to pester! Watch out who and what we feed! ~Kathy
Another thought provoking post Kathy – there is so much we can do to help ourselves see the good in life. It’s what we focus on and how much grace we extend to ourselves and others that really counts. I never thought of you as a novelist – you certainly wear a lot of hats!
Hi Leanne! Yes I do wear a lot of hats. I like having options and enjoy writing (and of course reading) about all sorts of things…but I usually draw the line at the more “positive stuff. As you say, what we focus on is critical. The more writers like you and me who put a lot of focus on the positive the better. Thanks for your thoughts! ~Kathy
I really enjoyed this post. #2 is the one that resonated with me the most. Sometimes it is difficult to see the good in the world when so much tragedy is occurring around us. I have to remind myself to turn off the news and get away from the computer just so I can absorb what IS around me and not what is going on in the world (which can truly overwhelm your mind).
Didn’t know you had written that book. How incredible!! Love the title too.
Hi Wendy! I agree that #2 is a big one for all of us. Because depending upon how you approach that question really determines so much about where each of us can go in the future. Of course, I’m fairly certain that just about anyone who is dead-set on choosing original sin as a fundamental issue, or seeing the world as a dark and frightful place, probably doesn’t read my blog much anyway 😉 Of course if all we did was watch the news and/or read many FB posts it can seem pretty dreary. It is SO important to keep our minds trained on the positive no matter what! ~Kathy
Is this a new release, Kathy? Congrats! I love the cover and obviously a great subject. Grace is always in style.
Hi Lisa! No it’s not “new” but I don’t mention it that often and I thought it wouldn’t hurt. Besides, who can go wrong thinking about, and writing about, grace? As you say, Grace is always in style. ~Kathy
I didn’t know you wrote a work of fiction years ago. Good on you!
You are very gracious and much more full of grace and patient than I ever could dream.When I hear the negative grumblings of the privileged I want to dope slap their first world heads!
Hi Haralee! Yes, I wrote my novel years ago and at first tried the traditional publishing route with it. When that never seemed to materialize and the publishing industry changed to allow me to self-publish, I jumped on the band wagon. I know it is a bit of a niche genre but has done reasonably well during the last couple of years. I toy with writing another one because I do like to read them, but they take a LOT of work. I’m having a hard enough just putting together another blog-to-book so don’t think that will happen anytime soon. And thank you for your sweet comment about my patience and grace. 🙂 I try to keep my desire to slap certain people to myself, and most of the time I’m successful! Thank you Haralee for your ongoing support. ~Kathy
Love the ORIGINAL BLESSING versus O. Sin. Great thought, one I will cling to.
Hi Beth! Glad you found that helpful. The work of Matthew Fox is really quite amazing. He was kicked out of the Catholic Church for being too radical but that just makes me like him more. He has so much to say about a loving, kind and benevolent world that I can’t imagine anyone not liking him. ~Kathy
“When we follow the trail of what seems to be good, we end up with the grace of unexpected gifts.” I just love this post! Thank you!
Hi Lori! Thanks so much for letting me know this post resonated with you. May the days ahead of you be filled with grace at every turn. ~Kathy
To me, #2 is everything. I am constantly running mini social experiments in my head while I observe and interact with people who put more emphasis on foe than friend, and fear than freedom. It’s interesting to look at the outcomes. They’re not often happy, and they’re not often successful, either. I’m sure there’s some hard data out there to back that!
Hi Laura! Yes, you and I are very alike about the social experiment thing 🙂 It really makes me wonder why people do some of the things they do. Unfortunately, I think those who dwell on the bad have just gotten into a very bad habit and then forgotten they have a choice. And then there are certainly those who think of themselves as deeply flawed and unworthy of any good. While I doubt anything you or I write can change their minds about it, we sure don’t have to live that way either. ~Kathy
Thank you for the thoughts. It can be hard to find the blessing in the dark spaces, but it can be done.
Hi Anne! I agree that it isn’t always easy to see the good especially when we are knee-deep in “stuff.” But something a wise teacher told me years ago was, “If you are going through hell, don’t stop and buy a condo!” All of us have issues. Some more than others for sure. And yes, while I think my life has been blessed there have been quite a few bumps. Still, I would rather be looking at the view in front of me than the view from the rearview mirror. And I do believe that is a choice we all have as well. I hope your experience shows that’s true as well. ~Kathy
I so enjoy your blog Kathy. I feel like we are kindred spirits on this journey called life.
Hi Janet! Thank you! It’s always nice to know we aren’t alone in some of these thoughts, isn’t it? I’ll bet if we all got together we’d find out there are more of us than we know. Thanks for your acknowledgement. It is greatly appreciated. ~Kathy