As most of you know Thom and I have been mainly self-employed since we got together over 37 years ago. Fortunately, we are currently more financially secure and wealthy than we’ve ever been throughout our lives. Are we rolling in money? Not hardly. But not a week goes by that we don’t hear how so many others are stressed about money, how difficult are these economic times, and how financially things seem to be getting worse everywhere in the world. So what makes me feel so good about money these days? It’s probably because Thom and I take a money SMART approach to our finances.
What is a money SMART approach? Remember, SMART is an acronym for Sustainable—Meaningful—Aware—Responsible—Thankful. When you add those five ingredients together it really does change both your perceptions and reality about money (or anything else). Don’t think you can change your reality about money? Well Thom and I are proof positive that you can.
Both of us grew up in similar blue-collar background where we were told, “Money doesn’t grow on trees!” Both of our dads never graduated from high school and mostly worked with their hands the majority of their lives. While graduating from high school may have been a priority in our households, college was never even discussed. And although Thom and I have taken a variety of college classes and are lifelong learners, neither of us have a degree. With a strong work ethic to guide us, we struck out on an entrepreneurial path and never looked back. Sure, in the beginning we struggled a great deal but we learned, adjusted and grew as we went—and that has made all the difference in the world.
Here is a brief list of when and what we learned about money through the years:
Youth (10 to 15)—both our parents taught us that if we wanted spending money to do fun or interesting things, we had to get a job and do it ourselves. Thom started mowing lawns and took on several paper routes. I babysat on a regular basis as much as I could. We both saved for what we wanted.
Adolescence (15 to 19)—both of us relished in the freedom that money could bring. As soon as possible we got better paying service-related jobs and bought our own cars, clothes and travel with our own money. Neither of our parents had the money to indulge us or treat us special so we figured out how to do it ourselves.
Adolescent Adult (18 to 25)—This is when we both learned that money wasn’t just for having fun. Once we were out of our parent’s homes we learned (sort of) to start paying our own bills and taking responsibility for the not-so-fun things as well. Fortunately, widespread credit cards weren’t available to get us heavily in debt before we learned most of the hard lessons that come with credit.
Younger Adult (25 to 35)—Once Thom and I got together we spent the first 10 years of our married life trying to get rich quick. It didn’t work. While we started and failed at several promising businesses and ventures, the one big thing we learned is that no matter how clever you think you are, chances are good that you can’t trick the world into making you rich.
Adult (36 to 44) —Eventually Thom and I began to realize that it was going to take more than our courage and cleverness to survive, let alone thrive. We needed to start developing professionally and perfecting our understanding of our field (mine was writing and Thom’s was commercial real estate.) But more importantly, we needed to dig deep within ourselves and understand our motivation and consciousness about money and our sense of self-worth.
Did it take 15 years? Yes. While our financial situation gradually began to turn around and improve through the years, not only did it take that long, but it is ongoing. Some of it was learning new ways to think about worth and money, and some of it was unlearning deep and limiting perceptions that both our family of origin and our culture had planted deep within us. And oh yes, we had to work to pay off all that credit-debt we had built up!
Middle-Aged Adult (45 to 60) —Once we began getting clear about our relationship with money on a deep level, we found ourselves taking a further step. At some point we began realizing that it wasn’t really money we wanted anyway. What we wanted was the freedom and ability to create experiences that brought us meaning and joy. Getting a nice big house, luxury cars and keeping up with all the other upper middle class people we knew just didn’t mean that much to us. Once we started right-sizing our lives, money became just a vehicle that allows us to live a SMART life with purpose.
The path to “right-sizing” is well documented on this blog so I won’t repeat those steps here. But once we began realizing that money wasn’t really the destination of our journey but merely a step on the path, everything seemed to switch. In case you’re wondering, things in our lives began to look very different. That led to:
- We redefined what success and happiness means to us alone and stopped listening to the media, other people or the culture about what makes for a good life.
- Stopped comparing our lives and what we had or didn’t have to anyone else.
- Eliminated all debt. Everything we own is free and clear.
- We right-sized our home to what we needed as a two-person family, reducing maintenance, insurance, and utility costs. We also went extremely energy efficient (solar, etc.) so that our utilities are less than $50/month all year long.
Thom, Kloe and I riding our bikes in our neighborhood.
- Living below our means and eliminating debt gives us tremendous freedom and peace of mind. Most people have no idea how much time they spend worrying, thinking and planning about how to pay for all the stuff (and obligations) they think they need to be happy.
- Drastically curtailed buying stuff we didn’t need.
- Switched our focus to enjoying each other, people, experiences and Kloe rather than material items.
- Worked to eliminate fears about what the future will bring while consciously planning ahead for future experiences.
- Quit trying to hoard and accumulate stuff as a protective devise or an ego boost.
- Got clearer about work and activities that bring us the most joy and purpose.
Are we rich? I think so. But I’m well aware that my financial resources look much more modest than those in the top 1% of the world’s wealth. Still, I’m also aware that many of those in that exclusive club are more worried and frantic about their money than I am. How much do you need? That question can only be answered by you and it seldom has anything to do with an exact number.
In the end, the best way to be Money SMART is to realize that how you feel about yourself and your place in the world will determine how you feel about money. Is it is Sustainable? Meaningful? Aware? Responsible? Thankful? You decide. While I can’t tell you how to get rich, I think our experience can shows you how to be more SMART about your money. The rest is up to you.
What I learned about money from my parents would fit on the head of a pin with plenty of space left over. As the years went by I learned to be careful and how to manage, especially with four kids. Now, I’m not rich and never will be, but I’ve been debt free for many years.
Hi River! Thank you so much for stopping by SMART Living and sharing your thoughts on this. Ha! You were not alone when it comes to what your parents taught you about money. I know so many others that have had to learn on their own. Of course, even with my parents good example I had to learn much of what I’ve learned on my own just because I didn’t listen in the first place!!! But if you’ve managed to live debt free for many years WITH FOUR KIDS then you could teach us all a great deal about being money SMART!!! Thank you again for your comment. ~Kathy
Kathy I so enjoyed this article. It reminded me of the journey I’ve been on with money. This year, thanks to tapping, I’ve finally gotten past many of my money traumas to see money in a new light. I’m much more open to talking about it and planning for its arrival. Not so much to buy things, but rather to enjoy the experiences that matter to me. Like travel and food adventures.
I see my business as a vehicle to help my clients (and me) enjoy steady income for as long as we want or need. Knowing that you can always make your own money is a very comforting thought, don’t you think? Love how the site looks- fresh and inviting just like your writing.
Hi Dina! Thank you so much for stopping by SMART Living and sharing your thoughts about money! It sounds like you are well on your way to having a SMART relationship with money–good for you! And also congratulations for helping others do the same. Oh…and thanks for your kind remarks about the changes to my website. Some people might not notice but I’m happy to say that the changes are reflecting the look I wanted so I’m very happy with it. Thanks again for your comment. ~Kathy
My early experiences with money and how I earned it pretty closely mirrors yours. I had very mixed messages about money but in the end came to terms with my true feelings and no longer stress about the issue. I know the economy is in flux and it may very well affect me but for now I am content with where I am and know I have the skills and resources to make do should my finances need a boost down the road.
One experience that formed my early adult years was a conversation with my uncle who was trying to show me how successful he was. He went into a discussion about the value of their jewelry and how much it cost to insure it. I don’t think I had ever thought about the fear of loss some with the more expensive material belongings had and the emotional attachment to them until that moment. I have always preferred costume jewelry when I wear it. Should one piece break or become lost it’s not big deal but at that moment I knew I would never spend my money acquiring riches only to become trapped by them.
Hi Lois! Nice to hear from you! I KNOW you’ve been incredibly busy moving into your new place and renovating so much of it. Thanks for your thoughts on this. And I agree that you seem to have found a very SMART approach to your finances. Maybe that is why I so appreciate your blog? Like I said, it isn’t so much about how much money you have in the bank, it is much more about how it fits in your world and whether you have some of it, or it HAS you! And your example about the jewelry is a perfect one. Most people don’t even think about how much time, energy and effort goes into maintaining stuff–no matter how glittery it appears on the surface. As you know, peace of mind and feeling confident about your future is the goal in my opinion. Thanks again for stopping by. ~Kathy
We are struggling right now. My husband was forced out of his job. Our son has cancer. My MS is expensive. We can’t sell our home. Shall I go on?
My husband works freelance from home and teaches at night. For now we have no vacations, no purchases, etc. It’s the most difficult time in our marriage. Thank goodness it’s a strong one, and our son is the best.
I long for nothing big, just to be able to downsize and move south out of the cold. But that seems far off for awhile.
Reading this post was hard for me. But I’ll keep writing away to make money, and focus my energies in a positive way. And my husband is networking and getting more and more work. My son is on a good path with his cancer – thank G-d.
Thanks for listening. It’s great about you and Thom; I am very happy for you.
Hi Cathy, Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts on this issue. I’m so sorry to hear that things are tough for you right now and unfortunately I can somewhat relate because Thom and I really DID have a rough time of it ourselves for many years. I’m just so proud that we have so switched our lives around and hope to encourage others, especially young people, to learn what they can while younger so they possibly avoid some of the things we’ve both had to face.
Of course I realize every family is different and every situation is unique so my heart goes out to you. Illness definitely adds a whole new complication. But it sounds like maybe things are turning around for you-??? I really LOVE the Abraham quote, “Things are always working out for me.” And maybe that one will work for you too? I really do believe that growing a positive consciousness about money is a real key as well, and I know you are reading and listening to a lot of teachers with positive messages so all those should contribute to your outlooks and experience in the future.
And lastly, when Thom and I were struggling we NEVER talked about money to ourselves or others–I think people would rather talk about their sex life than their finances!!! So, I think bringing money out into the open and talking frankly with each other about it removes the stigma of how we relate to the issue in the first place. We are NOT our finances! We are NOT the money we have (or don’t have)—I believe we are so, so much more than that. (and I definitely know you are!!!) And I hope that sharing a perspective on what I’m calling Money SMART shows that money is just one reflection of energy in our lives and that if we remove some of the stickiness of it we can open the door to much more peace of mind. For example…you have MS, but you are not MS. By the same token, you and I are NOT our bank accounts–we have them, sure–but we are MUCH more than that. Having love, purpose, and peace of mind are all things we can embrace while our financial world is working out. ~Kathy
I keep making mistakes, but abundance has allowed me to make mistakes and there is so much good that came from them so that is OK anyway. I wish I knew before what I know now about money, but maybe I wouldn’t have learned withouth doing it! Would have been nice to have the SMARt method before having to figur it all out, but I like my path too. We all get to the same place.
Thank you!
Hi Jodi! I don’t think anything is a mistake as long as we learn something in the process. What’s the old saying, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” And I agree we all eventually end up in the same place but the road we take can be made a LOT easier when we attempt to make it SMART! Thanks for stopping by Jodi! ~Kathy
Great post, Kathy! I can relate to so much of what you say here. We have made many mistakes along the way and are still clawing our way out of them. Some of them could have been prevented by a simple series of conversations when we first got married about expectations. Thank you for sharing your experiences and congratulations on what I agree is a “richness” that a bank can’t calculate!
Hi Paula! Thank you for stopping by SMART Living and sharing your thoughts on this. I think any of us who’ve been around a while have made a mistake or two…the trick is to learn from them right? And isn’t that the truth that it would be so very helpful if we learned these lessons as early as possible. I actually used to complain that my father was so “frugal” with his money but now I so admire him. He actually taught me more than I knew…but sometimes we do have to learn it ourselves–especially that “richness” level that is beyond a bank account. Thanks again for your thoughts. ~Kathy
For the last couple of years we struggled because my husband was laid off of a job he had worked at for over 18 years and I got very sick and couldn’t continue to work any longer. We went through our savings paying medical bills that totalled $184,000. We started over with what we could fit in our car and moved 400 miles from home. We worked hard to get ourselves out of debt and to start a new life and we have done it. There are a few things we are still working on but we are getting there. I don’t worry about money anymore. We both have always lived very frugally and that hasn’t changed. I am just thankful that it all happened after the kids were married and on their own. I don’t know how we would have survived if they had still been at home. Now we are better than ever.
Hi Rena! I’m sorry to hear you had a rough time of it for a while. Medical bills can definitely push people over the edge with debt. I’ll bet what has been your saving grace through it all has been your ability to live frugally through it all. I’m hoping more people learn that early on because it can definitely make all the difference in the world. Thanks for sharing some of your path. ~Kathy
What great advice! I particularly like number 1 & 7. I have also learned in the past year that the simple things in life make for a happier life rather than all the material possessions we accumulate.
Hi Kathy! Glad you liked my advice. It’s definitely one of the advantages of our “age” that helps us realize what we REALLY value right? And YES! travel is definitely a big one for me too! Now I’m going to go and check out your post on Australian Beaches! Thanks for your comment. ~Kathy
Yes Kathy, when Mike and I met at age 50 we totally clicked in the responsible with money department. I actually asked him within 2 hours of meeting him what his approach was to money! I started saving for retirement at age 22, and that investment is now worth 16X what I put in by age 24! Mike has done the same through the years…
Hi Laura Lee! Yes! Doesn’t it make such a great difference when the person you love and live with is on the same page as you money-wise. I think money is one of the biggest areas of contention in marriage (maybe that and how to raise children) so when you find someone who approaches it the same as you, you avoid so many areas of conflict. It sounds like you’ve gotten it worked out well with Mike, which very much explains how you are able to retire so young and experience life together! ~Kathy
My husband and I have very similar approaches to saving and spending money, which has served us well over the years. Our focus now is on right-sizing and travel. Travel is easy… not so much getting rid of stuff. Even looking at my desk right now, I see a bunch of things I don’t need just taking up space. Fortunately, we aren’t adding to the pile anymore. It’s amazing, though, how hard it can be to let go.
Hi Janis! Thanks for jumping in here and sharing your experience with this. Yes, getting rid of stuff and staying free of that is much harder than travel! 🙂 I tend to approach the “stuff” problem from a sort of fung shui perspective. What I know about fung shui is that the stuff you do have should all help to increase your happiness, peace or well being or it needs to go. Anything sitting on your desk or in your living room, etc., that causes you to feel less than happy, needs to go. So to me it isn’t a question of how much–but rather a question of how that is either increasing the quality of your life or detracting from it. And we are all so different. Of course, it also helps to hang out with others who are also “walking the walk” right? Thanks for your perspective AND for contributing to the awareness. ~Kathy
Good stuff as usual Kathy. The all too common obsession with money and things is an unfortunate reality these days with all the advertising that bombards us and the perfect people we “should” want to be dangled in our faces. The sooner you realize things don’t equate with happiness the better off the rest of your life can be. Back when I was 26 I was diagnosed with Hodgkins Disease. When I heard I had cancer it rocked my world . The one positive side effect was my learning to appreciate all the little things we too often take for granted in our daily lives. I figured out way back when money is not the answer. Now I enjoy and appreciate each moment and the wonderful people that populate my life. Enjoy! 🙂
Hi Dave! It sounds like you learned early on what took Thom and I a while to absorb. 🙂 One of the best things for us was that we are both on the same page about this philosophy of life. We also hear stories of how other couples aren’t as fortunate–with one or the other wanting toys or stuff and the other wanted to go more minimal. That’s hard for sure. But with both of us in it together it really makes things easier on our finances AND on our marriage! Plus, our friendships tend to mirror these ideas as well. Thanks for your thoughts as always! ~Kathy
I like your approach to money Kathy, we need only that much which makes us happy, enjoy the company of each other and live a comfortable, stress free life.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Hi Balroop! I’m glad you liked our story although after reading your blog for a while now I KNOW you already now and practice much of the same ideas in your life. But I’ll bet you also know people (like we do) who haven’t woken up to them yet. Together we just continue to spread the word, right? Thanks for your thoughts as always! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy, your 10 point list is great. For me, I think #s 1 and 2 are the most impactful. Deciding what is really important to you is such an important first step. And right behind that is the crucial next step of stopping the comparison to others. I think when people get in a good place related to those two steps, the other stuff will fall into place. I’m in a good place on #2, but still working to define what #1 looks like exactly for me. Thanks for another insightful post.
Hi Nancy T! Yes isn’t it funny that we don’t grow up being taught that the #1 point (redefining what makes each of us individually happy) is such a key? One can only imagine how our lives would have been different if we’d started out that way? Still, better late than never in our books! And it makes me sad when I hear so many people who do struggle with money and they are still living back in that adolescent adult or adult consciousness–at our current age. That’s why I hoped some of our story would help encourage others as well. ~Kathy
Good points, Kathy. For me, the turning point was reading “Your Money or Your Life” in conjunction with “Simplify Your Life.”
Now we are content with Less . . . and Less is More.
Hi Nancy R! Yes, the book “Your Money Or Your Life” is a classic and so important for helping turn people around. And YES! Less is definitely more in our house! ~Kathy
Thanks for being a great example and sharing this story. We are finding that we can get by on a lot less and have more freedom by living simply and traveling.
Hi Michelle! Glad you can appreciate our story. While I don’t think the lessons learned are earth-shattering, we are proof that things can change dramatically when you stay aware and make the effort. Good for you for learning at such a young age the freedom to live simply and travel is so much better than grinding it out just to buy stuff. Let’s keep sharing the message huh? ~Kathy