Who are you? I mean who are you, really? I think it is easy for all of us to forget sometimes that we are more than the skin-encapsulated egos that we wake up as every morning. Even when we stop and pause to remember that we are more than our minds and egos, it’s far too easy to fall asleep and slip into our frequently unconscious way of living. That’s why the practice of mindfulness holds such promise. In fact, reading the new book The Mindfulness Edge by Matt Tenny and Tim Gard, Ph.D., helped me go beyond merely understanding why heightened awareness is so beneficial, to a deeper edge of the practice itself.
In case you are wondering, I have meditated on and off for nearly twenty years, and now consistently every single day for over ten. I’ve read dozens of books and hundreds of articles about meditation and mindfulness, so the idea isn’t new to me. I’m well aware of the many benefits that meditation offers and the research into how valuable mindfulness can be for all sorts of situations and conditions. When offered the book The Mindfulness Edge for review, I was a bit skeptical. Would it really offer me anything new? The good news is yes.
What is Mindfulness?
In case some of you are new to the concept, mindfulness is simple and slightly different from the practice of meditation. Some of it connects, but there is a difference. Tenny describes the action of being mindful as, “Being nonjudgmentally aware of what is being experienced—including thoughts and emotions—in the present moment.” It is an awareness that includes self-awareness. The thing is, we don’t just decide to be aware. Mindful self-awareness is a skill needing development.
Unfortunately, most of the time, most of us go around living life as our thinking minds and our egos. Some neuroscientists call that unconscious perspective the default mode network (DMN). The DMN filters all of our perceptions based on past experiences, our reoccurring habits, and any beliefs or opinions we have formed throughout our lives—regardless of whether it’s true or not. The problem is, unless we are mindfully aware, we can’t tell the difference between the truth and a huge error in our minds.
Making matters worse, according to the book, 47% of the time our minds are wandering or daydreaming rather than being focused on what is in front of us. Even if we manage to grasp some awareness now and then, we don’t usually hold on to it very long. As Tenny says, “We spend most of our time being that voice inside our heads that is constantly analyzing, judging or just blabbering about nonsense, and which is often accompanied by mental images that capture more of our attention than the outside world.”
Think you are better than most? Tenny offers this, “People who think they are completely free from habitual, conditioned ways of thinking, deciding and acting are often those who are the least free from their programming. The more unaware we are of our conditioning, the more unconscious we become.”
Why is mindfulness is so beneficial?
#1 It helps us make better choices and decisions for others and ourselves.
One of the biggest problems with habitual DMN thinking is that it limits our choices and decisions. Rather than considering whether something is a genuinely good or bad for us, we just act on whatever comes by default. Then the more ingrained the habit becomes, the more we do it again and again without making clear or conscious choices based upon our own best interests. Tenny cites studies in his book where just two weeks of mindfulness training reduced mind wandering and helped with focus. Even better, it allows people to keep their thinking creative, agile, and to make clearer choices regarding money and resources.
In addition, mindfulness training allows our brains to work more efficiently. Studies done using brain scans from mindfulness practitioners show that they experience more efficient executive control. Practitioners also displayed better mental performance when given tests after mindfulness training. An added benefit by Dr. Gard is, “…findings suggest that mindfulness can reduce normal age-related decline in fluid intelligence and integration of functional brain networks.”
#2 It provides a space where we are free from conditioning.
Ever get your buttons pushed? Regrettably most of us go through life reacting to what we see on the news, who said what to whom, and what’s going on moment by moment. Mindfulness gives us both the awareness and space to actually choose how to respond rather than operating out of habit or unconsciousness behavior. As author and neurologist, Viktor Frankl said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.”
#3 It allows us to be more emotionally intelligent.
Ever been in a situation when you got angry and then later regretted it? Ever started to cry and really wished you didn’t? Do you startle easily? Studies show that people trained in mindfulness have greater emotional control than the general population. Other research done by the U.S. Military highlights how such training can help reduce stress, chronic pain and even help people recover faster from things like PTSD.
On the flip side, this type of awareness practice helps people become more familiar and comfortable with change, less dependent on what others think of them, and more resilient in the face of any unpleasant emotions. Again, mindfulness creates space around our emotions allowing us to process them in a way that is beneficial rather than automatic.
Mindfulness training not only helps us to be more emotionally mature, it also increases empathy, compassion and altruism. Research shows that only eight weeks of training is enough to increase our ability to empathize with other people significantly, and to take compassionate action.
What does it take to be more mindful?
Practice, practice and more practice. Sorry, there is no pill or simple action to achieve the desired result although the book does offer simple steps to take. What is essential is the need to “stabilize awareness” and that requires ongoing practice. Tenny suggests over and over that, “we are training to be aware of our thinking, instead of being pulled into becoming our thinking.”
This is where meditation can help. Although there are many ways to meditate, the practice of sitting and watching our thoughts in the here and now without judgment or comparison is a good place to start. Sounds simple, right? The problem is that most of the time we aren’t living in the present time, we are worrying about something that’s going to happen or fussing about something that happened in the past. Our thoughts run around like a wild monkey in our brain. Again, mindfulness allows us to put “space” around our thoughts so that we can let go of comparison, judgment, and control of the outcome. Want to let go of your busy and overthinking mind? Create the space, breathe, and let it go.
It’s difficult to say what particular suggestions in this book made the biggest impression on me, but I do know that my appreciation of mindfulness has deepened from where it was before. Of particular interest is the idea of the “space” around my thoughts and emotions. The book also reminds us of our interconnection with everyone and everything. Again, though not a new idea, it reminded me that each one of us is so much more than just our thinking or our egos. I’m not certain whether this book can help others know who they are on the deepest level. But I’m positive that the practice of mindfulness can point us in the right direction. And asking and attempting to answer those questions with awareness is a very SMART thing to do.
Hi Ethan! Thanks for your thoughts on this and even some of your own struggles. I think we ALL can relate to them at least sometimes. Yes, I do think mindfulness, true mindfulness, is more difficult that meditation. Maybe that’s why it is something I really need to put time and focus on for myself. I was reading another article about it this morning that mentioned that it is really all about the focus and awareness. Mindfulness trains our minds to focus with awareness in the present moment. And yeah, lots of teachers teach that, but the only way for us to ever really get there is to do it ourselves. Let me know if you do start and what your progress is…..I’m working on it too and would be happy to know I’m not alone! ~Kathy
Personal experience creates our mindfulness. You are so right, that there is no recipe for it but only practice. For example, I cannot persuade you how to be open minded when you come from a different cultural background. For me, I see mindfulness as a meditative state without having your eyes closed. That took me years of practice, to be present and embrace the world around me for what it is. Thank you for this fantastic article Kathy!
Zaria
Hi Zaria! I like how you describe mindfulness as “a meditate state without having your eyes closed.” I consider myself just a “beginner” when it comes to that deep a state but I’m working on it one day at a time. Thanks for that insight. ~Kathy
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Ethan. I’ve found that I see benefit much more quickly when I let go of seeking any benefit and become curious about what’s happening now.
Hey Matt! Thanks for jumping in here and helping to answer questions and comments–obviously you know your work AND your book better than I do. And yes, thanks for the reminder that a big part of it is letting go of outcomes or benefits while resting in a place of curiosity about the now. Lots of good stuff in the book and very helpful. ~Kathy
My pleasure Kathy! Great post!
Hey Matt,
Thanks for joining the conversation! That’s great: Don’t try hard to “reach” the benefits, just enjoy and be curious in the moment. I guess this applies to both mindfulness and meditation. I’m still working on it though (cos like I said, I’m an overthinker). This is a solid case of facing a problem head-on, although slowly, instead of looking for workarounds.
A great point all in all, thank you. And congratulations on your book 🙂
Thanks Ethan! I’m an overthinker too and have found it helpful to remain curious during sitting still practice by keeping the question alive “is there any thinking now?” with each in breath and out breath.
I’m an overthinker for sure. I used to practice meditation and it really did make a huge difference. You’ve inspired me to start meditating again! Practicing mindfulness is excellent advice. That darn ego will get ya every time! Thanks much for this post. It was wonderful.
I’ve practiced self-hypnosis and guided imagery for 20 years. Mindfulness is a byproduct of finding your stillness. My best girlfriend is a Buddhist and practices mindfulness since we were in our 20s. She has the most calming, steady, reassuring nature, and you always know she hears… really hears what you say. She’s never openly judgmental, but finds an open way of letting her feelings be known. Incase you think she might be timid, she’s one of the most powerful women I know, but it’s a quiet power that commands respect. Brenda
Hey Brenda! Thank you so much for contributing you personal experience with mindfulness –through your girlfriend. It sounds like she embodies all the very best that the practice has to offer. While I’m certainly not there yet, I hope to be some day. How could anyone not see the benefit? All it takes is the discipline! Oh yeah…that’s the hard part!!!! ~Kathy
I’m glad to see this, Kathy. The term is so misused, but this is an easy guide and a good explanation. I wish I could quiet monkey mind more often!
Hi Carol! So great to meet you in person here in Las Vegas and connect with you. I know that you practice a lot of this as much as I do and while it might be a bit challenging here in Las Vegas, it is still something that will benefit everyone who has the opportunity to practice it. ~Kathy
This is very timely, Kathy! I have read so much on mindfulness and constantly strive to practice it but of course I struggle. That overthinking, overanalyzing ego?…yep that would be me. The constant worrying and over the top ‘awareness’ of thoughts and judgement around me are exhausting. It’s when I reach that extreme when my consciousness drives me to calm down and try Mindfulness for a change. I guess our soul always knows when it’s in bad need of balance. Thank you for this!
Hi Joy! I think if we are all honest most of us in this day and age struggle with an “overactive” mind. Most of the time our lives are filled with stimulation from the media and technology that it’s difficult to escape. I found this books approach to be very simple and straightforward so I am recommending it to everyone. It ties in what is happening in a person’s brain while listing all the benefits that comes from mindfulness. How great is that! Let me know if you do read it. I would love to hear if you found it as helpful as I did. ~Kathy
Hi Joy. You are not alone in your struggles. The mind is an amazing tool, but very hard to train!
Great post. I personally never looked into the concept of mindfulness but might give it a go. That stat about daydreaming and not being focused is so true though. I was having trouble focusing and meditation helped me. I will look into this book. Thanks.
Hi Jeff! Welcome to SMART Living and I do think that this book would be a GREAT introduction to the idea of mindfulness if you aren’t that familiar with it. Learning to focus and stay in the present moment when we want to is so incredibly helpful. If you get the book, let m know what you think of it. Thanks for your comment. ~Kathy
Excellent post. I’m reading a lot of good things about mindfulness and it’s benefits.
But I think my mental monkey is a gorilla, or possibly an orangutan? Something more ponderous, at least, and less frantic. Yes, I spend a lot of time thinking, and not paying much attention to what is going on around me – to the point where people say, “I saw you yesterday and you looked right at me, and I waved, but…” The thing is, I was probably thinking about how I would approach someone on the opposite end of some thought spectrum in such a way as not instantly put them on the defensive, or maybe I was immersed in the problem of what past experiences could possibly cause a character I’m working on to behave in the way the plot requires them to behave, or – a current favorite – working on how to construct a world without money. Mindfulness is great, it seems to me, for helping people to be more calm, more peaceful, more aware of the beauty that surrounds them, more grateful for life. But it doesn’t seem to me well suited to promoting complex analysis, or deep thought, or – I hesitate to say – serious creative thinking. I do think mindfulness is good. The world could use more of it, in general. But before you decide to banish the monkey altogether, I suggest trying to teach it to do something more useful than fretting about superficial things that are hurtful or that don’t really matter. (And of course, there are times when I catch myself doing exactly that kind of fretting, and I have to stop and slap the monkey’s hand. And there are times when I literally stop to smell the roses. Perhaps I should do that last thing more often.)
Hi Carol! Thank you so much for pointing out that important perspective. The book is very clear that a major benefit of learning to be mindful is that it will help us think more clearly and creatively when we want and need to do it. The authors call it, “increased mental and cognitive agility!” They go on to say, ” …if we want to be more innovative, we need to develop the aspiration to challenge the status quo and learn to be more resilient to the opposition others have to unique ideas we want to advance.” Also of benefit is becoming more “intimately familiar with the deep inner workings of our minds.” That includes recognizing and accepting our strengths and our weaknesses. I think it naturally encourages curiosity and openness to the new and unfamiliar. A big part of it is not silencing the monkeys (or gorillas!) but instead training them to participate and focus if and when wanted. The way I see it, most of the time our minds and egos are doing whatever the hell they want and the real us, the “witness” to all that is, is setting back not having a clue what to do about it. Mindfulness reminds us that the witness is where the REAL power and creativity is, and if we can train the mind and ego to behave, then the unlimited nature of our true self can shine through. Of course I’m not there yet, but I do believe it is something to reach towards. Oh, and stopping to smell the roses , just because, is plenty of reason too. 🙂 ~Kathy
Great comments Carol! I think Kathy leaves a fantastic reply here.
Another book for my list! I have only recently begun to meditate and it isn’t as easy as I had first thought. Practice, practice, practice is exactly right!
Hi Rena! Congratulations on your desire to start meditating. I am certain it can be beneficial to you with while you deal with taking care of your mom and all the other ups and downs in life. Practice is certainly the key. And if you need some more encouragement, I do recommend this book. I look forward to reading a post about your progress on your blog in the future!!! ~Kathy
Thank you for sharing this needed message. I look back over my life and see that I missed many special moments because I was somewhere else rather than present.
Hi Mary! I’m glad you found this helpful. The book was such a clear reminder to me about how much time we spend thinking about the past and/or worrying about the future. And yes, “duh”!!! How then can we ever be happy or appreciate the now when we do that??? Thanks for pointing that out! ~Kathy
Interesting post! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve attempted to be more mindful only to be over-run by monkeys. And squirrels! Those squirrels that suddenly appear and grab my attention. It’s as if I have a whole menagerie up there in my brain. Perhaps meditation is something I should look into to quiet down my furry friends.
Hi Janis! I so agree that it sometimes seems like a squirrel nest in my mind too! I’m trying to help my sister sell/buy a house and get about 200 other things done at the same time. I normally sleep VERY well but the last couple of nights I’ve had to really work on my mindfulness. Yes, meditation can help. But I was also pleased to read in this book about ways to use your meditation practice more effectively in order to benefit more mindfulness. You might see if the library is going to carry it if you don’t want to buy it. Good luck quieting those furry “friends”! ~Kathy
I’ve read a bit of Eckhart Tolle’s stuff and he is very focused on mindfulness and being in the moment – it’s something that I have to remind myself about all the time about letting the hamster wheel inside my head stop long enough to enjoy the scenery around me.
Hi Leanne! Yes I read a bunch of Eckhart’s stuff too and know that he’s all about the NOW. Unfortunately, I find it challenging to remember all the stuff I know so it really helps to practice it over and over again. This book gave me some easy to grasp ideas about how to do it so that’s one reason I found it so helpful. Getting off that hamster wheel, anyway we can, is ALWAYS a good idea. Thanks for your thoughts! ~Kathy
Very interesting Kathy. On award shows I see some actors who are very much in the moment or at least they appear to be to me, of course they are actors, but, I am always amazed because nerves and excitement can take hold of mindfulness.
Hi Haralee! I do think that some people come by a more calm and present-moment awareness than others, so that may or may not be why some like actors on an award show can be so calm and collected. Or they might also practice mindfulness. There is a lot of publicity about it these days (rightfully so in my opinion) and more and more people are taking classes and practicing it. I tend to be a person who is an “open-book” and my emotional filter hasn’t always been as good as I would like, so I’m finding the practice very helpful. As I age, I particularly like being more in control of my emotions and less reactive. I’ll let you know how it goes! Thanks for joining in the conversation. ~Kathy
Looks like we both had mindfulness and meditation on our minds this week! Great post Kathy. I’m just grateful for my autopilot – I wouldn’t get anything done if I only had my rowdy mind telling my body what to do. BTW, my post is “Taming My Rowdy Mind, Ten Seconds at a Time”; for those of us who have not mastered the discipline practice of meditation yet. 🙂
Hi Kate! YES! I don’t think I (or anyone really) can hear, read or think about mindfulness too much. The more I do, the easier and the more helpful and encouraging it becomes. I loved your idea of “Taming your mind” (gotta watch those monkeys for sure!) Thanks for letting me know about your post…and here is a link for anyone who is interested… https://katespencer17.com/2016/04/06/taming-my-rowdy-mind-ten-seconds-at-a-time/ ~Kathy
Hi M D Malik! Thank you. I hope I’ve been able to make the idea intriguing to everyone. It’s too easy to get caught up in all the “facts” about it (isn’t that just another way to get stuck in the mind and the ego) rather than just rest in the experience of it. While not always easy, I do think the many benefits of the practice just can’t be ignored for anyone who is int self-awareness. Thanks for letting me know you found benefit in my post. ~Kathy
The DMN is an interesting concept, particularly as something to comprehend and/or dismantle. On a smaller scale, I always wonder if how I’m perceiving something through a lens colored by my experience or background. On a grander scale, it gets me thinking about the nature of reality and the role our consciousness plays in its construction.
I wonder if we can ever be completely liberated from a DMN of some sort. Even if we question a default, do we not then replace it with another?
Hi T.O. Yes the DMN was a new concept to me but the authors say it is a common term used by some neuroscientists. The authors also go into a rather lengthy discussion about several different mental biases that many of us hold that aren’t that beneficial to us overall. According to them, the more aware of our own biases we are, the more we can watch out for them and make better decisions. They don’t suggest we are ever free of them. What they do recommend is becoming more aware of them and then being able to rest in the “space” where we can then make better choices. Remember, being mindful isn’t replacing anything, it is stripping away everything that is just window dressing and illusion so that we can see “clearly” from where we are.
And YES! Isn’t all journeys of self-awareness a seeking into the nature of reality and the role our consciousness plays on it????? ~Kathy
Hi T.O. Great insight. That’s precisely what I recommend – training to have a new default of mindful self-awareness instead of being trapped in habitual, self-referential thinking.
****The problem is that most of the time we aren’t living in the present time, we are worrying about something that’s going to happen or fussing about something that happened in the past***
SO TRUE.
Loved this post. Thank you!!
Hi Kim! Nice to hear from you. And I so agree…isn’t that what most of our monkey mind is about? Comparing, judging, worrying, regretting…….time to tame the monkey for sure. ~Kathy