A common theme on this blog is simple living and minimalism. Those topics are all about letting go of stuff and clutter in our lives so that we can all better focus on what really matters. If you do a Google search you’ll see tons of books and blog posts around the idea, including a recent best seller called, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. And while all of that focus on cleaning up your space is important, most of it ignores how cleaning up your thinking and what goes on in your mind is even more vital. Call it magic or merely life changing, once we learn to empty and let go of the chatter and mind clutter, chances are good that the exterior space around us will be equally free of distraction.
A very useful way of looking at this idea came to me after reading the book The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer. While the majority of the book features quieting the mind, one of the chapters offers a vivid and powerful way to consider how our constant limiting thoughts and beliefs can take over our lives. Those thoughts and beliefs build upon themselves until they clutter up our interior space and destroy our well-being and peace of mind.
Singer equates those limiting thoughts and beliefs to a thorn. Just like any thorn we might pick up on our journey through life, we actually have two ways of dealing with it. We can get tough and pluck it out when it shows up. Or, we can nurse it and protect it as we try to avoid the pain of dealing with it. Unfortunately, if we baby it and cater to it, that thorn can become all-consuming to the point that we start tripping over it everywhere we go. Then instead of living fully, the thorn gradually becomes, as Singer says, “the work of a lifetime.”
Singer goes on to say, “If you do not remove the thorn, you will end up responsible for both the thorn and everything you pulled around yourself in an attempt to avoid it.” And what are the things you pull in? Even more thoughts will show up that disturb you or make you anxious and fearful. Singer continues with, “The minute you allow the core problem to stay, it expands out into multiple problems. It wouldn’t dawn on you just to get rid of it. Instead the only solution you see is to try to avoid feeling it.” That avoidance includes trying to control it and everything around it, rather than deal with the issue at hand. And need I say that all those types of cluttering thoughts in our head often out-picture in piles of stuff and destructive activites in our exterior world we can’t seem to let go of because we are trying to avoid the pain of just dealing with the issue and pulling out the thorn?
Need an example? For several years Thom experienced painful sciatica and piriformis muscle problems. If you don’t know what that is—good. Just know that it was painful and chronic and nothing he did seemed to help. After two years of determining that there was nothing physically wrong with him, and trying nearly every single suggested “cure,” he came across the work of Dr. John Sarno. Sarno is a physician and professor of Clinical Rehabilitation Medicine and author of the book, The Mindbody Prescription: Healing the Body, Healing The Pain.
While I won’t go into all the steps involved in Thom’s healing, (I’ll probably write more about it in the future) the primary premise is that pain in and of itself originates in the mind. Of course it is often a response to something going on physically in the body, but frequently what happens is that the mind starts chattering about the pain, attempting to avoid it, attempting to protect it, attempting to fix it so much so that it grows and gradually takes over a person’s life. Sarno offers dozens of examples of how just knowing where and why the pain originates, can frequently dissolve most of the painful symptoms themselves.
Of course many of us have plenty of little examples that happen in our lives as well. Any time we worry about anything, anytime we are even just a little afraid of something happening (or not happening), anytime we think we can’t handle something or need to avoid it—we build up clutter in our mind around that issue. Slowly but surely that idea will keep repeating itself over and over and we’ll connect other thoughts to it as well. Worried about what other people think? That’s a limiting thought that can get huge if you let it. Concerned about how your kids are doing in school? Yep, that’s another thought that can build a rabbit’s nest. Fearful about your finances? The jail you’ll build with that one will keep you busy for a lifetime. Freaking out about getting older? Need I say more?
So what can you do? Obviously a first step is recognizing, as Thom did, that the clutter started in his mind. Michael Singer offers an equally simple answer by saying, “How do you free yourself? In the deepest sense you free yourself by finding yourself. You are not the pain you feel, nor are you the part that periodically stresses out. None of these disturbances have anything to do with you. You are the one who notices these things. Because your consciousness is separate and aware of these things, you can free yourself.” Author Byron Katie offers a similar suggestion when she says, “Who would you be without that thought?”
While it may not be quite as easy as it sounds, learning to realize that we are not those limiting thoughts allows us to let go of them as quickly as they came on. If we can be aware enough to remember that most of the thoughts floating through our minds are just part of the human experience, we can hopefully return to a centered state where we just observe them as they float into our minds—and flow out as easily. It is only when we get attached to them, make them welcome, build a house around them and then tiptoe around that dwelling day-in and day-out that they take on a life of their own. It’s time to clean out the clutter. It’s time to let it go.
Far too many of us have built enormous structures around the clutter in our minds and become absorbed by them. Could it be that the sign of homes and lives equally cluttered by too much stuff are examples of how we hang to the bits and pieces that distract us from what really matters and who we really are at a Soul level? Ultimately, let’s never forget that SMART Living is about remembering those truths every single day of our lives.
Here’s another way to look at it:
The ego is a monkey catapulting through the jungle:
Totally fascinated by the realm of the senses,
it swings from one desire to the next, one conflict to the next,
one self-centered idea to the next.
If you threaten it, it actually fears for its life.
Let this monkey go. Let the senses go.
Let desires go.
Let conflicts go.
Let ideas go.
Let the fiction of life and death go.
Just remain in the center, watching.
And then forget you are there.
(Attributed to Lao Tzu with controversy; Hua Hu Ching, Chapter 10: Interpreted by Brian Browne Walker)
Hi kathy,
Thanks for this post. i was half way thru The Untethered Soul when i came across this post.
nice book.
decided to order the other book u have mentioned above . 🙂
thank u 🙂
Hi Rakesh! Welcome to SMART Living and thanks for your comment. I really enjoyed The Surrender Experiment and I think you will too. ~Kathy
I’m as distracted by the clutter in my mind as I am by the clutter on my desk. Sorting through it (physical and mental) is my priority project right now. It’s taking longer than I like but, I guess, a lasting change takes time.
Thank you for this excellent post!
Hi Diane! You are so right that clutter anywhere in our lives is a BIG distraction. And taking one step at a time and progressing slowly is often the best approach. Keep going! ~Kathy
Will be asking myself this question “Who would you be without that thought?” every time negative thoughts come into mind. Just as the Bible says “As a man thinketh so is he”. It’s so important for us to be conscious of our thoughts but it’s easier said than done. Thanks for the great article.
Hi Agric! Yes, that quote by Byron Katie is something I ask myself a LOT 🙂 and as you say is a good reminder to stay as awake and aware of our thoughts as possible. Not easy–but doable! ~Kathy
Awesome! I totally agree with you, I never get too attached to anything material, living simplier is living happier. Regards!
Hi Isabel! Welcome to SMART Living and thanks for sharing that staying non-attached to anything material can be a good way to go. ~Kathy
I found this so interesting that I just bought both books mentioned. Thanks for this meaningful post.
Hi Kathy D! Glad you liked the post and thanks for your comment! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
I loved this post, and agree with you, on the power of our thoughts; and its impact on our health. Most of the negative thinking causes a lot of pain and discomfort. I feel sad when I meet students coming for counseling because they are struggling with negative thinking; and do not know how to deal with it. As you rightly pointed out, letting go and de-cluttering the mind is the best thing to do…. being centred and being constantly aware of our thinking definitely helps; I find even choosing positive thoughts empower us and I do encourage students to practice positive affirmations daily. I was remembering vipassana meditation that is based on the Buddhist philosophy, that says that everything is subject to change in this universe so also in our body…. one needs to learn to observe and be aware of what’s happening in oneself which will help the person to take responsibility for everything in his/her life.. we are so used to looking at the outside.. we tend to blame the outside for the inner misery. Thanks for your thoughts, I noted the books you mentioned and hopefully I would want to read it. I recalled two more books I have read about limiting thoughts & beliefs; you can heal yourself by Louise Hay & the power of your subconscious mind by Joseph Murphy while reading your post. thanks for sharing !
Hi G Angela! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. And yes I love and have read both Louise Hay and Joseph Murphy. I’ll bet we’ve read many others that are similar as well. And yes, wouldn’t you say that the sooner we can learn to know and remember that we are “more” than just our physical selves (as well as our thoughts) the better? When stuff happens, and yes it always does, if I can go to that place where I remember I am not “that” (whatever that might be) the better. That’s definitely what meditation does for me. Good for you for helping others see beyond their stuff and negative thinking. We all need help now and then. ~Kathy
Wow, that’s a powerful piece, but by judging the comments you already know that. 😀 However, I thought I’d say it again.
My trick for clearing the mind, is to just write stuff down. Only then do you get to release if from your short term memory. And it doesn’t actually matter where I write it down, because if it’s important, it’ll present itself again.
I don’t think our brain is evolving quick enough to keep pace, with the rate of change being thrown our way. Change has never been this rapid, throughout history. Interestingly, this rapid change is moving exponentially, so I expect a society backlash at some stage, when we finally realise, it’s too much.
Perhaps, you will hear more people are having a ‘sea change’ or ‘tree change’ , in the next 5-10 years.
Hi Hammo! Thanks for your thoughts on this. I do think it can be helpful to write things down (and yes do it all the time.) But letting go of the emotional thorns that can bind us are a bit more complicated. And there are certainly plenty of reasons for the pressure most of us are under, and rapid change is a big part of it. It will be interesting to see where it leads from here, but am hopeful we can all learn to let go of any thorns that distract us from a full and happy life. ~Kathy
Being and staying in the moment is harder than is seems, but so much more pleasant! Thank you for joining us at #MidLifeLuv, we’re very glad to have you.
Kimberly
http://FiftyJewels.com
Hi Kimberly! You’re welcome. Thanks for co-hosting the linkup! ~Kathy
Very profound post. Sometimes I think letting go of our thorns is the ultimate surrender. It doesn’t matter whether it’s pain, a disagreement with another person, our thorns are what keep us rooted in areas where we’ll never flourish.
Brenda
Hi Brenda. Yes, pulling out those thorns does require surrender. But I see it almost as an ongoing process that has to be done repeatedly. Why? Because stuff happens. If we are alive we are constantly brushing up against things with thorns and if we don’t stay active by pulling them out as they show up or suffer the consequences. And as you say, how can we ever truly flourish if we carry them around with us. Thanks Brenda for your thoughts on this. ~Kathy
I’m one of those people who go ahead and rip out the thorn.
I have various painful parts of my body and have learned to ignore them and get on with doing things instead of focusing on the pain and sitting around feeling miserable. Sometimes that needs a little help in the form of a hot water bottle to ease the muscles enough that getting going can start, but I’m fine with that. I’ll do something that requires sitting while the hot water bottle does its work.
Mental clutter is something I just don’t have. I’ve never been one to worry or fret over what may or may not happen, I don’t stew over things I should have done or said differently.
I’m a “mistakes get made, learn and move on” person.
Hi River! Good for you for having a mindset that allows you to just deal with things and get on with that. You definitely have something to teach many of the rest of us! Of course maybe that is exactly why your blog is titled, “drifting through life.” You have the drift thing down very well. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us and reminding us that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. ~Kathy
I really like the idea of letting a thought come and go. I spend way too much time letting thoughts linger and going over them and trying to work out how to fix them. I think I will try the idea of letting them “just float through” and not listen to them so much. Another great post Kathy!
Hi Leanne! It definitely sounds easy to remember to let those thoughts float by without getting attached to them but I’m still a work in progress. Meditation does help because it actually requires discipline and most of us avoid that if we can! But as you can imagine, the freedom is so worth it. Thanks for your thoughts on this. ~Kathy
An uplifting post. Sometimes, we may have too much tension that may trigger imaginary stress and hallucinating as well, that destroys mental peace. I am learning to de-cluttering stuffs in life and go with the flow.
Cheerz
Hi Vishal! It’s a lot easier to go with the flow when we don’t have a bunch of stuff blocking us up, right? And while I don’t think this post was offering any brand new insights to most of you readers, I do believe we ALL need to be reminded of it frequently in today’s world. Thanks for joining the conversation. ~Kathy
I believe that our outer space (our home, porch, garage, property) all reflect our internal space. The outer physical space is merely an extension of what’s going on in our mind. That’s why the first thing I do when I’ve gone through something unsettling is cleaning my house. It gives me a chance to re-organize my thoughts and a clean slate to start with.
Hi Annette! You are so right that a house “cleaning or clearing” is an excellent way to process something unsettling. There are plenty of teachings that suggest that sort of response and yet we don’t hear that much of it from current thought huh? Thank you for adding that to this discussion. ~Kathy
We tend to think of clutter as all those physical things we surround ourselves with in our homes. You are so right to remind us that clutter can exist in our minds too. We can de-clutter our homes fairly easily by donating, selling, recycling, and tossing our stuff. It’s a lot harder to de-clutter our heads of all the monkeys that have taken up residence there – but much more important. I’m so glad that Thom was successful in his healing.
Hi Janis! We are now up in Idyllwild (in the mountains) for the month and there is something very healing about finding time and space to clear our minds. The monkeys are already much calmer for sure. Of course daily meditation helps too, right? Thanks for your thoughts on this. ~Kathy
I am a firm believer in the power our mind has over us physically. Healthy mind doesn’t always mean healthy body, but an unhealthy mind is rarely found in a healthy body. So glad to hear Thom was able to address his pain and unclutter his mind.
Hi Nancy! Your recent health experiences prove that we can’t always control what happens with our body, but how we let our minds run the show is largely up to us. I think it’s wise to remember that simplifying is as important mentally as it it materially. ~Kathy
While I agree that all the clutter in your mind can be debilitating I don’t thing some health conditions originate in the mind but truly in the muscles and joints and organs. I am sensitive to this concept. When I had cancer I had a family member say that I got cancer because I wanted it and there is a school of thought and books that say you get what you want. I did not want invasive breast cancer!
Hi Haralee, I know that it may sometimes sound like this process is meant to make your mind the “cause” of the pain or illness, but it is really more subtle than that. NO ONE would rightly cause themselves illness or pain IMHO. So please don’t think I was suggesting that. What the work of Dr. Sarno shows is how the mind interprets what’s going on in the body, and that can sometimes be a problem. For example, Thom’s back did have some pulled and strained muscles that needed care. Unfortunately for him he started over-analyzing the discomfort and pain, and that caused him to worry about it and to try to fix it fast rather than just allow it to heal naturally on it’s own. That of course made it worse, and then it snowballed from there. As they say, pain is a part of life but suffering is optional. I tend to come from the camp that says we are responsible for what happens to us–BECAUSE we are always response-able. See the difference? I totally agree that you did not want invasive cancer. Who does? But from what I can tell on your blog you have responded in an awesome way and that is something others can do as well. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
We’ve just done a major clean up of our house, complete with garage sale. We did it two years ago as well. It’s amazing how wonderful you feel after this! The Untethered Soul sounds like a wonderful book. I’ll check it out. Love the Lao Tzu poem and the idea of “monkey mind” which I wrote about on my blog a while back.
Love your blog!
Hi Betsy! I’m a fan of your blog too 🙂 so I’m not surprised you’ve written about monkey mind and Lao Tzu as well. I’m sure you would appreciate Singer’s book (and he has a follow up one too) based upon what you write about regularly. And congratulations on your your “major cleanup!” Not always easy but so-o-o worth it! ~Kathy
Thanks Kathy! A timely reminder of one of my favorite quotes: “Don’t believe everything you think.” Clearing out our last house to move into a smaller one in the past year has been an eye-opening experience in de-cluttering both my physical environment and my mind. I have changed so much in the past year as I have identified so much archaic, limited thinking and then let it go. The freedom of retiring my old rules is astonishing at times.
Acceptance releases everything is be what it already is
Hi Laura Lee! Yes, isn’t it amazing how much “lighter” we can feel when we let go of all the stuff we’ve allow to build up in both our minds and our lives. Good for you for all you’ve been able to let go of! ~Kathy