Let me tell you a little secret. I am a bit obsessed with the peeling on the manzanita tree. It’s similar to the attraction you might get after your husband or child gets a sunburn and you see their skin start to flake and peel off. The temptation to “help it along” is very strong in me. I would never touch a scab, but there is something about that flaking skin. So, every summer when we stay in the mountains and I see the manzanitas beginning their annual shedding, I just have to participate. Naturally that got me wondering. I know humans peel after a sunburn, and snakes and other reptiles peel on a regular basis. But why the manzanita? After a little research I realized how I too might benefit from an “annual shedding and letting go.” And perhaps it would be SMART for each of us to consider our own benefits from peeling away certain parts of a life we may have outgrown.
In case you are unfamiliar with a manzanita—sometimes it is called a bush and other times a tree. This evergreen plant grows wild in western North America in mostly semi-arid locations along the Pacific Coast. What makes them particularly striking is their reddish brown to orange smooth bark and unusually twisted shapes. In the spring they have tiny pink blossoms that ripen into green and then edible red berries. Food for animals and birds, these berries were also a staple of many Native Americans.
A characteristic very unique to the manzanita is their smooth bark. Often honey colored brown with red or orange streaks, it grows from the inside out. As a new layer of bark grows within and expands, the outer paper-thin layer begins to crack and peel—like skin. As it curls and sheds it reveals a new green bark underneath that will darken by autumn back into auburn. Because the wood on the manzanita is so uniquely exotic, it makes beautiful furniture and sculptures. But always best to see it growing in the wild.
So what lessons can the manzanita teach us? My research tells me that manzanitas peel to protect themselves against fungus, parasites and any other species attempting to harm them. By staying smooth and slick, they manage to stay healthy, survive and adapt in low water and poor soil conditions. Perhaps we could learn the same? After giving it some thought, I came up with three things I would like to “shed” at this time in my life.
First: I would like to stop taking things so personally—especially relationships. For much of my life I have believed that any time I had a less than positive experience with a friend, relative or even strangers—it was because of something I did (or didn’t do.) For example, for the last year I have been meeting with a couple of friends (on Zoom of course.) Then recently one of my friends said that now with things opening up again, she no longer wanted to keep our schedule. What? What did I do wrong? Did I say something that hurt her feelings? Did I not say something equally important? But rather than beat myself up any more than usual I decided to call her and ask her why she was backing away. And guess what? It had nothing to do with me at all! Right then and there I decided it was time to “shed” that behavior for once and all. I want to realize and remember that the vast majority of the time people do what they do and it has absolutely nothing to do with me.
Second: I want to stop being so compulsive about my blogging schedule. A few weeks ago I started worrying about how I was going to keep up my blogging schedule this summer with the coming road trip we hope to make. When I started this blog over ten years ago I decided along the way that once-a-week on Fridays I would put out a blog post. I have faithfully (or blindly!) kept this schedule all these years—even when it was very difficult. Why? Thom calls it my particular form of OCD. But regardless of why, I know it is my choice and I’m going to be shedding that need at least for the remainder of this summer. While I know some of you have grown to expect and appreciate my devotion, there are likely just as many of you who think I’m crazy. Just know that I’m not going away but instead learning to “flow” with the blogging experience as time goes by.
Third: Let go of even thinking I can control others or the Universe. This is a big one of course but I am reminded time and time again that the only thing (or person) I have any control over is me. Because we hope to do a road trip to British Columbia in a little less than a month, I’ve been anxiously watching the border reopening process like a hawk. But you know what? It hasn’t happened and there is a chance it won’t. Just like with the entire 
COVID experience, so many of us had to change plans of all sorts. And no matter how much we wanted it to be different—it is changing how and as it needs to. My lesson is realizing that no matter what happens, I’ll be okay and that life is still good. I am reminded over and over again that regardless of the circumstance, what I have the most control over is my attitude and thoughts. And don’t even get me going about the actions of other people!
Now I am sure that there are plenty of other things that I could shed if I take the time to root them out. Like the manzanita, I believe that my shedding will make me healthier within and better able to resist fungus and parasites! As I wrote several weeks ago, it is SMART to remember that nature has a great deal of wisdom to teach us about life—and the manzanita is no different. And I’ll bet that if any of us took the time, we might be able to come up with one or two things each of us could shed this summer.
Kathy, I just looked it up (Mr Google, of course), and what we all Arbutus trees here are a branch of the same species as your Manzanitas and Madronas. (I see Ann also commented on this.)
I, too, love Arbutus trees. In Canada, it is fairly unusual to have a broadleaf tree that keeps its leaves all winter. And it sheds its bark. In this part of Vancouver Island, the Arbutus tree is part of a very endangered ecosystem that includes Garry Oaks and Camus Lilies. I happen to live right in the middle of this special ecosystem, and I feel very lucky.
Jude
Hi Jude! I look forward to seeing Canada’s version of the manzanitas this summer (assuming all goes as planned.) And good that they are protected if they are endangered. Having nature around us (with it’s wonderful gifts) is a very wonderful benefit when possible. Having seen where you live before, you are indeed very fortunate. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
Thank you for the interesting post. I really like your thoughts about taking things so personally … especially relationships, and for thinking I control others, or the universe! What a joke! I absolutely know it is not about me, but tend to need continual reminders. I have such an ego! I would like to shed a few things that bring me continual frustration and preoccupation with things I cannot change.
I enjoy reading your blog, and the vlog last week with Thom was very inspiring! While I look forward to Fridays I do understand your absence when you don’t have a post. Take Care and as always thanks for sharing your thoughts and life!
Ruthie
Hi Ruthie! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this post. And may we both shed what we need to in the days ahead. And thank you so much for your appreciation of my blog (and vlogs!) Not sure what the next couple of months will bring out of me but I LOVE to know that there are people like you out there who take the time to read and reflect on things I’ve written. Please have a great summer yourself. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
Great analogy!! And I loved all the comments as well. You are so insightful to see a value in something as simple and natural as a tree shedding its bark to protect itself from fungus and parasites.
I, too, have been working on the “it’s not about me” habit. It’s a bad one however I have found that as I realize I’m really not as important as I seem to think I am (LOL), it makes relationships easier and they flow so much better. And, yes, letting go of things and people that no longer serve you is a good practice. It’s no one’s fault. Sometimes, you just grow apart. Your lives just take different paths.
I agree there is a huge difference between being selfish and setting boundaries. This has probably been my biggest challenge in life. Basically, learning when to say no and not try to save everyone. Jamie said it best “they need to learn to toughen their own bark”.
Good for you for taking a break from blogging and comments. Taking care of what you need to grow in your life is so important. More people should realize that spending time with yourself, nature and self reflection is very helpful and as necessary as breathing I think. I have to admit, though, I’ll miss reading the weekly posts and all the comments. I always get so much inspiration from all of them. I’ll be interested to hear how it went and your thoughts on the process.
Hopefully, the scheduled re-opening of the border will remain for July 21. It’s been a long time for everyone. And then you can take your planned trip to beautiful BC.
Once again, an interesting and perceptive blog!! Thanks, Kathy, and enjoy your schedule-free summer!! 🙂
Hi Debbie! I’m surprised to see so many other people seem to have the problem of taking things personally….I thought it was ONLY me..hahahaha! Hopefully I am getting better and better at it…which does seem to happen as I get older. I wish the same for us all.
And not sure how I will be “taking a break” this summer. i just wanted to put it out there that I will be traveling and trying on a new way of doing things this summer. Thom and I hope to do another vlog or two, (on the road) and we nearly always like good quotes to go with our photos. And I’m not saying I won’t write anything…just attempting to let go of any kind of schedule.
Yes please open the Canadian border. If not, chances are I’ll be doing a LOT more writing! Thanks as always for your encouragement! ~Kathy
Kathy,
I too have been working at “shedding and peeling” just did not have a name or analogy for it, until now. I have been working at letting go of thoughts about relationships, some very old. Relationships that served a purpose during their time and despite my futile efforts to hang onto them, they no longer serve me or the other person.
I am also letting go of the need to control outcome for my family. I can suggest and make sure they are safe, I need to let them try and succeed or fail on their own. I am only limiting their ability to toughen their own “bark”.
Enjoy your time.
Jamie
Hi Jamie! Yes, as you say it is good to remember that some relationships just need to evolve in their own way–no matter how hard we try to hang on to them. And of course that includes family as well as friends. I realize that we all need people and relationships, but if those relationships are toxic or merely just dead, then it is surely time to replace them with those who really resonate and support the “us” that we are today. At the same time I really like that idea of letting others “toughen their own bark” as well as doing that myself. Thanks for your thoughts on this! ~Kathy
Kathy, Love the analogy you pulled from the shedding tree. I really do need to shed the “it’s about me” and realize that most of the time “it’s NOT about me!”.
And yeah, I’m stressing this week about getting a post out as I too feel compelled to do a once a week posting. I compare myself to folks who do 2-3 posts a week or are consistent in their once a week posting (with brilliant thinking like using a tree as an analogy for life) and feel the need to keep to that weekly posting schedule. Maybe I will have a flash of brilliance today or tomorrow… or maybe I will shed this feeling that I must post weekly!
Hi Pat! Thanks. Of all the bloggers I follow I get the sense that you and I hold ourselves to a pretty strict schedule. And you post MORE than I do. So my goal is to take a couple of months just doing what comes easy and see what happens. And like I said to Leanne, during that entire time I am going to turn off comments (as much as I love connecting and hearing form all you) and see how that feels for a while. As you know it too is a big responsibility and time consumer. I think just knowing it is intentionally going to be a “trial” period of a few months helps. After that I can always go back to do it “on schedule” if I want–or not! Let me know if I can support you in any way on your experiment too. ~Kathy
I liked all three of these sheddings Kathy – the first is a particular problem for me too. I tend to personalize a lot of stuff and need to constantly remind myself that “it’s not always about me” and that other people make their choices and I need to go with the flow. I’m finding that blogging is losing a little of its appeal for me these days – not the writing, but more the time suck component of it. I’m easing back and finding that in the process people fall away, but that’s okay too. Life is in constant flux and I’m coming to terms with that and the opportunities that change brings with it – to adjust my sails….
Hi Leanne! Thanks! I’m glad you liked the post. And yes to us both realizing that what other people do and say is seldom about us and much more about their needs.
And actually you’ve inspired me to take a break from the comments while I’m traveling for the next couple of months. As you say that takes as much or more time than writing sometimes! And while I too love comments, just the desire to respond to people can be challenging. How is that going for you? Definitely adjusting our sails as we go is very important. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy – re:turning off the comments – it’s been a mixed blessing. I love that I’m not constantly in and out of my blog for the days after I hit publish (saves me quite a lot of time – and also thinking about how to respond to each individually and with thought and connection). I don’t think many people return to read the response – they were just being polite and leaving a comment. The flip side of the coin is that a surprising number used it as a “get out of jail free” card and haven’t connected anywhere else. It’s been an interesting exercise and one I intend to continue with for the foreseeable future – those who come to read are still coming, so that’s a nice outcome 🙂
Hi again Leanne! Thanks for your feedback on not doing comments on your blog for a while. I agree that many people don’t “check back” after leaving a comment so it is a bit discouraging to go to the time and effort to respond to them in the first place. I do think it helps that I have a plugin that allows people to leave a comment and just be notified when there is a response to that one comment. Other blogs if you say you want a response you get the whole bunch of them and that floods the email box far too much. But still, like you said, if they are only leaving a comment so you will come and leave a comment on their site, (and when they can’t, they don’t) then it sort of seems like a job doesn’t it? I think that now that I’ve passed my 10 years of doing this blog I’m starting to realize that my time is getting more and more precious to me and I have to be the one to decide what I feel is more most important. Continued good luck with your experiment! ~Kathy
I think these trees are called Arbutus in Canada. They are awesome.. so facinating in the colours and shapes. Good analogy for people.
It is tough when people leave our lives. Some grieving is necessary to process the change. I don’t like it either when people decide to go in a different direction. It’s a emotional adjustment. My favourite saying is “It’s not about me”. Not sure if the tree analogy works. Maybe it is the constant change with the seasons and growing deeper roots?
I have a hard time processing a lot of information these days with so much going on/not going on so less frequent blogs are good for me. And you can always write another book in the meantime.
Hi Ann! I’ll have to check out your “trees and bushes” when we visit to see if they are the same. They’ll probably be done peeling but if not, I’m sure they will accept my “help.” hahaha.
And yes, that statement “It’s not about me” is a GREAT mantra. People do what they need to do for themselves…not to particularly hurt or of disappoint us. There is a great quote by Coco Channel that goes something like, “I don’t care what you think of me because I don’t think of you at all.” it always makes me laugh and reminds me that most people aren’t really “thinking of me” to begin with!!! And yes to writing as when the timing is right AND another book. Thanks for the encouragement. ~Kathy
I also love this post, Kathy. It’s incredibly wise, timely and relevant. I could shed some of those same behaviors. Thank you for this food foe thought!
Hey Donna! Glad you liked the post…and I have to THANK YOU for all your ongoing support and encouragement about both the border reopening in time AND taking a blogging break when necessary. Isn’t having friends who offer you good role models the best? I’m hoping to see you (in person) in less than a month!!! ~Kathy
Thanks, Kathy – Richard and I are looking forward to seeing the four of you soon!
I love this so much, Kathy! I could hear our recent conversations in my head as I read it. The manzanita is a beautiful tree that automatically knows what it has to do to stay healthy. Sometimes it seems that we humans think too much and, rather than act in a way that keeps us healthy, we overthink, over analyze, and debate with ourselves until we are paralyzed into inaction. Bravo for you to make this commitment to shed thoughts and behaviors that don’t serve you well. I’m pretty sure all of us have a thing or two that we could shed that will allow us to live happier, healthier lives.
Hi Janis! Thank YOU for the great idea. I’m not sure I would have thought of it if you hadn’t pointed out my (obvious) obsession with it during your recent visit. And oh yes, that overthinking is a big problem for me…even though it sometimes does lead to a good blog post. Let me know when you come up with any other good blog post ideas! Talk soon….Kathy
I remember manzanitas so well from my grad school years in California! Here, our birches do the same, and I think it’s so beautiful as the top layer curls back. (Also, the dried birch bark makes great fire-starters for the fireplace in the winter.) It’s fun to think about as a metaphor for certain kinds of emotional growth: we may look patchy and scaly for a while, and the new skin underneath may be a bit fragile, but it’s part of the process!
Like you, I’m working on not being too, too disappointed and anxious about the border opening. It may not happen. We’ll survive. But it makes me wish I’d planned a trip to Iceland….
Hi Nancy! I’m not familiar with the birch but if it has that lovely peeling skin I’m SURE I would love it too. And yes, even if we do look patchy or scaly it is for our good in the long run. But still optimistic about Canada so keeping my fingers crossed. I’m sure I’m not the only one! Thanks for your thoughts on this. ~Kathy
I’m not familiar with the manzanitas, but I love this post because as you say, we all need to peel to protect ourselves “against fungus, parasites and any other species attempting to harm” us. I think one of the lessons of our Covid quarantine is that we don’t always need to fulfill other people’s desires or needs. We can say no to requests, turn down invitations, skip the meetings, avoid the social pressures — all to focus on what’s important to us and our loved ones. We don’t want to be selfish, but we do need to concentrate our energies. Thanks for the message!
Hi Tom! Yes we need to watch out for those parasites, fungus or anything that pulls us down and away from living a healthy and happy life. And I tend to think there is a big difference between being selfish and setting boundaries and taking care of ourselves. Of course a lot of parasites like to guilt us into thinking we are being selfish so it REALLY helps to know the difference don’t you think! ~Kathy