This last weekend I faced a big choice. Just over five miles from my home in La Quinta, CA a mega-concert aimed at Baby-Boomers called “Desert Trip” was scheduled. Legendary rockers like The Rolling Stones, Paul McCarthy, The Who and Bob Dylan were slated to perform. Sure, the concert was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to hear some amazingly talented icons in the business. However, the prices to attend for a good seat were equally astonishing—at least for me! I did make an effort to buy tickets online within my budget, but when those tickets sold out, I decided to make the best of the situation and try something else I’ve always wanted to do—rent out my house on Airbnb. Did I make the right decision? For me, yes. But how I arrived at that decision is something that I need to remember over-and-over as time goes by.
How many times do we all tackle a similar decision, or make one, and then face either regret or FOMO? (fear-of-missing-out) I’ve talked about both FOMO and regret in other posts, but never aimed directly at the choice point of either. What helps us decide? How do we ever know if we’ve arrived at the best choice?
The Power of The Bigger Yes!
Most of the time I think people believe that if they want to live their dreams, they need to learn to say “No” to the things holding them back and “YES” to those choices they want. But when you think about it, not only do we have to say no to many of the more obvious things, we also have to say no to a lot of choices we often want as well. Know what I mean?
There is part of me that knows I would have enjoyed going to Desert Trip, especially if I could have done it with friends. I love music, am deeply familiar with the songs of the artists and mix that up with friends and I’d be happy. But when I didn’t get the tickets I wanted for the price I wanted, and most of my friends didn’t either, I had a choice. Do I want choice #1: to pay a lot more and perhaps limit my other options for travel or fun? Or, do I want choice #2: to turn this around into something that not only intrigues me, is financially rewarding, and also a fun experience? I choose #2.
When it comes down to it, most of us are faced with dozens of choices every day. Do I take the day off or go to work? Do I spend time writing when the weather is so perfect, and I’d rather be outside? Do I call a friend to chat or instead knuckle down and do that thing I’ve been putting off for a long time?” Do I stick with my diet or eat that yummy chocolate cake? Do I read that book that’s on my list or just turn on the television? Every single day we are faced with lots of choices about things that would be fun, interesting and doable. Unfortunately, most of us are usually wishy-washy about our priorities in life, and then we run around saying “Yes!” to a lot of things that may be good, but not our “best.”
Stephen Covey, the author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, says it perfectly with, “You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage—pleasantly, smilingly, non-apologetically, to say “no” to other things. And the way you do that is by having a bigger “yes” burning inside. The enemy of the “best” is often the “good.”
Knowing The Difference Between The Little Yes And The Bigger Yes
A great example is a good friend of mine named Jack who is always juggling about ten great opportunities grabbing his attention. He is fun to talk to because he’s filled with passion and enthusiasm—and many of his ideas are quite good. The problem is, nothing changes. If I talk to him next week, the only thing different will be the description of the opportunity. Unfortunately, Jack’s “best” is nearly always victimized by his abundance of “good” ideas.
Writers regularly face the same choice. The best way for a writer to succeed is to write. But it is amazing how many “good” excuses we all can come up with to distract us. The same thing happens with those who say they want to rightsize or go debt-free. Even if you agree that rightsizing and going debt free are “best” for you, if you are distracted by all those actions that sound “good” instead, you’ll never live your intentions or achieve your goals.
Finding Your Bigger Yes!
Before we can ever choose the bigger yes, we need to take the time to discover what it is that is most important to us. Sure, we can say we’ve always wanted to be a writer, a good parent, travel the world, or weight a certain weight, but unless we make it a priority we will always be sacrificing that “best” for something merely good. And if you think about it, that “good” is usually an impulsive “want” that tickles our fancy in the moment. So how do we find our bigger yes?
- We must learn to prioritize. I offer plenty of ideas here on SMART Living 365 or in my book about Rightsizing.
- We must clearly analyze our trade-offs in light of our priorities. (For more, see my post on Trade-Offs.)
- We need to have the discipline to say no to the sorta-good stuff as much as the bad. And as I remind myself regularly, “Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.”
I know some people who attended Desert Trip last week and the photos and descriptions on Facebook sound fantastic. But like much of what we see in the media, on Facebook, or other social outlets, most people only share the highlights or the best possible perspective. Unless it’s notoriously bad, people seldom talk about the cost, the heat, the dust, the traffic or 75,000 people all jammed together to watch a concert on a screen from miles away. Again, I’m sure that for some people it was a big YES and they enjoyed it. But more importantly was realizing it was just a small yes for me.
If we think about it, we can’t have every single thing we’d like to own or do every single thing that happens in the world around us. We have to choose. Learning to feel good about our choices and selectively say yes to those things that are bigger and best for our individual lives is what I call rightsizing. But regardless of what you call it, it is always SMART to know the difference between the little yes and the big yes, and consciously choose the best every single time.
I always think deeply and then come up with a big yes for a particular decision. You have also suggested something really great. Thanks for sharing it with us. 😀
I have often thought that some event or experience sounded great only to be turned off by the price. Even if it’s affordable, the decision needs to be made whether it’s a good way to spend ones money/time/energy. It sounds like you made a great decision FOR YOU (which is what counts) and have no regrets. I’d love to hear more about your Airbnb hosting experience… can you turn it into a SMART lesson?
Hi Janis! Oh yes! I do tend to use about everything I do as a SMART Lesson so you all will be hearing about it in the days to come. We have also signed up to do a home exchange for a place in Mexico in March so I’m not sure if I’ll lump them together or not. 🙂 Ultimately it comes down to making that choice as Stephen Covey says, “…have the courage—pleasantly, smilingly, non-apologetically, to say “no” to other things.” May we all be that mindful AND courageous when faced with our decisions. ~Kathy
Great article. I agree that we have to keep our own priorities in view when competing ones pop up. I want a new pricey purse to go on an upcoming RV trip to Napa. But, I also want to retire sooner rather than later. I remind myself I don’t need that cute little purse. It’s not so easy, but that’s what I like about being an adult – I get to decide.
Hi Deb! Thanks for checking in on this and sharing just one of the choices that had to make in favor of your priorities. And yes, it is a benefit to being an adult…and I call that SMART! ~Kathy
Isn’t it amazing the endless choices we seem to have in our leisure? Impulse can be the death of good decisions, or obligation to another person’s desires. Part of yes, includes a good conversation weighing he options. You are so SMART, Kathy, and I thoroughly enjoyed this post!
Hi Terri! Hahahaha! I’m glad you think I’m SMART but honestly I’m just a work in progress. I use SMART as the “best” I can be but I’m often seduced by the good as much as anyone. But like you, I do feel that we are so fortunate as writers and bloggers to be able to write about our highest intentions and then share that with anyone else who is interested. Thanks as always, for popping by sharing your thoughts. ~Kathy
I was offered (very expensive) tickets by 2 different groups going to the concert. While we could have afforded it- with some pain- I simply could not justify it. The only performer I’m sorry I missed was Neil young! Hope you made some good $$ renting out your home ?
Hi Sharon! Thanks for throwing in that perspective of “justifying” what it is we want to do. While many of us may or may not be able to afford it, do we want to? And like I say in the post, “just because we can, doesn’t mean we should.” Frankly, I would have been pretty cranky if I’d originally paid a bunch of money and then found out later that they were dumping the tickets for the 2nd weekend at a fraction of what people paid originally. Call me frugal, but that bothers me. So yeah, lots of considerations. That’s why I think it’s good to really think our purchases through before we make them. So much of what we all do these days seems to be impulsive rather than thoughtful. I’m working on mindful at this stage of my mind. And yes! We did make some decent cash on the rentals and plan to use the money to get a hot tub–something Thom’s been pushing for the last year or so. Definitely as big YES for our family. ~Kathy
Aw gee, I thought you were going to say that you used what you made through renting your house to help defray the cost of the tickets!
But I do understand trade-offs, and I like the concept of the bigger “yes” as a way to establish one’s priorities. And people’s priorities aren’t all going to be the same. Would you agree that, for some, the concert might have been the bigger yes, depending on their life history and current circumstances?
Hi Carol! Oh yes. I do know some people who thought going to that concert was the best possible thing they could do with their time and money. But I just realized I wasn’s one of them. And yes, I did consider using the money that we made from our rental to go–and actually would have about broke even for some really good seats. But, because I rented my house out for both weekends and didn’t want to impose on friends or family, we had to leave the area to find a place to stay. Sometimes when you follow your priorities you start down a path that doesn’t easy change. That’s okay too. Plus we are all so very different so what works for one might not work for another. That’s why I love rightsizing so much. It truly reminds me that we all need to find what brings us satisfaction and joy and then live out of that–and let others do the same. Thanks for your thoughts! ~Kathy
It’s always a balance, no? And boy, did your post come at a great time for me, Kathy. I’m deep into revisions of the new novel, and literally don’t want to do anything else. I’ve put down lots of gainful employment of late, and am feeling guilty about it (a girl does have to eat!). But what I needed to hear right this very minute was this.
And a great reminder as well: The enemy of the best is often the good.
Time to retape that to my computer!
Thank You!
Hi Susan! Thanks for throwing in the balance word because you are so right–it usually comes down to that. Good for you for recognizing that you need to stay focused on your new book. Not always easy while things are clamoring for our attention–but about the only way to get important things done. And as I think you know, I don’t think it’s about the money either. It is always about your priorities and what deeply resonates within you. So sure, you could take on a few more clients but in the end, you’ll be happier with your book done. Let’s not let that “good” keep us from our “best”. ~Kathy
I am all in favor of the BIG yes. I would have done the same thing you did.
Hi Michele! Thanks! I’m am so very grateful that I have a blog and am a writer because it allows me to process all this and then share my thoughts in case they might be helpful for anyone else. We writers truly are fortunate that way aren’t we? ~Kathy
Sometimes I find if I delve into the latest fads and internet theology, I misplace my decision making skills. And it can be difficult to follow your own path if you are saturated with information. As we all know technology and the media can influence our decisions. Thank you for reminding us we truly do have the right to feel differently about our lives. The right yes can be gratifying for longer than the immediate pleasure of the wrong yes.
Hi J. Jones! YES! Thanks for adding that we can all be distracted and entranced by what we see on the internet and this concert is a perfect example. Those photos look awesome (although most were taken by professionals sitting right up front!) and it’s so tempting to think that encompasses the entire experience. Asyou say, “it can be difficult to follow your own path if you are saturated with information.” I really, really have to work on being mindful about what is important to me on a daily basis. Of course that took me nearly 60 years but I’m just happy I can allow that space to happen now. And I hope to help others as well. Thanks for your thoughts. ~Kathy
The reality of putting in a couple miles of fence or digging a new well has always helped me to choose the big yes over the little yeses. It’s like choosing to eat only those things that you would rate a 10 and not succumb to the 5’s and 7’s. I have made the decision not to go to those concerts that I have to watch on a screen or through binoculars. I would rather use the $$ to purchase the music and listen to it in the comfort of my own home. And I’ve learned to like what I can afford.
Hi Mona! YES! Thanks for your example of food. I always feel that if food isn’t at least an 8 or more it doesn’t warrant the calories or the expense. I do have to keep a lid on my FOMO (fear of missing out) factor and Thom helps me with that a lot because he is pretty clear about what he wants and doesn’t want while I overthink it all by thinking of both sides (it’s the Gemini in me I guess.) But in case anyone is wondering, we are going to use the money we made from Airbnb to buy a hot tub for the house and that is something that we both really want. Thanks for your thoughts….~Kathy
What a fantastic post! For our family ours was a very big YES! We felt like this was an opportunity not to be missed for our children. However, the expense was over the top and I think what you did was brilliant. If I had lived closer I would have done the same thing…but I would have spent the money on the concert!
Hi Suzanne! Thank you. I know you had an absolutely fabulous time with your husband and your kids so I completely understand why it was such a big yes for you. And believe me, it was tempting a couple of times, especially when they advertised how the prices dropped in the last couple of weeks. But I really had always wanted to see if renting our home on Airbnb was viable, especially because we live in such a tourist heavy area. And I rented both weekends right away at what I considered a very good but high price so it was worth it. But then because we don’t have a 2nd home, we did need to find other places to go during the weekend. We didn’t want to move in on friends or family–especially with our dog Kloe, so it was a bit more complicated. Best of all really, was me understanding how what was important to me and as always, writing this blog post helped. Thanks for your thoughts on this! ~Kathy