This last week I passed a friend and her young son while taking Kloe (my dog) for her morning walk. We paused to chat, from a distance of over six feet apart of course, and immediately Joey the son began to excitedly recite what was on his Santa List. After listening for a few minutes about Joey’s ambitiously long list, we said our goodbyes. Then as Kloe and I headed for the nearby park, I couldn’t help but feel grateful that my little girl has never developed the habit of making a Christmas List. Of course, even if she did, it would likely be far different than the vast majority of young children in the U.S. Would you agree?
I’ll bet there’s no surprise that Thom and I view Christmas quite differently from many others. Years ago we gave up giving presents to ourselves or our friends and family. It isn’t that we can’t afford to do that, thank goodness. It is instead the conscious choice to take the holiday emphasis off “getting” and instead make it more about the feeling. We aren’t always popular among family members, but we’ve never regretted the decision. And yes, we do celebrate—just not with presents.
All those thoughts about lists and presents got me thinking about how dogs, or any pet, would likely offer some advice about the holidays that might be useful for us humans. And let’s face it, 2020 offers its own unique twist. With that in mind, here is my imagined list of what Kloe would put on her list. And perhaps not surprisingly, I’m guessing that what she wants for Christmas isn’t much different than what we all want and really need.
- Spending quality time on demand with those close to her. I doubt I have to tell any pet owner that the single most important thing to any of them—yes even cats—is quality time with their humans. Kloe is a bit particular about when, and with whom, she wants to cuddle with and doesn’t like being held. And yes, like humans, all pets are different with different needs. But research shows that in order to stay healthy, happy and sane, we all need quality time with those closest to us.
- Always being included. It doesn’t really matter where we go—it’s pretty obvious that Kloe thinks the pack needs to stay together at all times. If she had her druthers, she would stay glued to us 24-7 and I’m guessing she can’t imagine why we wouldn’t want that as well. Being included. We all want/need to believe our presence matters.
- Having her boundaries honored. Boundaries are important and Kloe is very clear about hers. Even with other dogs, she lets others know when touching or sniffing her is acceptable and when it isn’t. Plus, she never seems to feel guilt or the need to live up to anyone else’s opinion of her choices. Kloe can teach me a lot about boundaries.
- Sticking with her routine. Like most pets, Kloe loves her routines and is visibly unhappy when we don’t stick with them. She gets up just about the same time every morning, lays in the sun while I do my journaling, expects her walk soon thereafter, and so forth. She knows what to do when it’s time for meditation and loves it when it’s time to snuggle on the couch in front of the fireplace after dinner. I can’t help but believe that while many of us love adventure, we also like to have a degree of certainty in our lives that we can count on happening. 2021 will be no different.
- Staying active and taking daily (or more) walks. I’m not sure whether Kloe needs her walk more than I need mine, but the day just doesn’t seem right if we don’t. Of course, I think Kloe could walk much further than I typically do because after all, until lunch time the only other thing happening is a nap. The lesson of course is that we would all do well to keep moving, stay active, and find some way to move our bodies as a gift to ourselves in the days ahead. Oh, and take plenty of naps in between.
- Stopping to sniff the flowers along the way. Okay, as far as Kloe is concerned it doesn’t need to be flowers. Besides, it isn’t the fragrance of the flowers she is after. But what she reminds me to do is to pause, take your time, and enjoy the journey.
- Morning massages on demand. The ecstasy on Kloe’s face is obvious when Thom gives her a morning massage. It is also evidence that most of us crave the touch of another. Whether it’s a loved one, a pet or a family member, receiving caring touches is one of the often-overlooked needs that makes our lives work. Maybe this should be on everyone’s list?
- Confident our meals will be on time. Kloe has never gone to bed hungry but I doubt every child in the world can say the same. While it is easy to take this one for granted, I am certain that having this assured in our lives is one of the greatest gifts we can receive.
- I’ll have what you’re having. This is one thing Kloe will NOT be getting for Christmas. Just because certain food looks good (especially when Thom and I are eating it), that doesn’t mean she should eat it. She does however get a few chosen treats on a regular basis.
- Peace in the home leads to peace in the world. While it doesn’t happen often, if Thom and I raise our voices toward one another—even if it is to just discuss something vigorously—Kloe crouches and leaves the room. I’ll bet human children do the same. Yelling, anger, frustration, disagreement or vocal unhappiness is a contagion that disrupts the peace in any location. I’m guessing peace in the home and around the world should be on everyone’s list this Christmas.
I could probably come up with more things that Kloe likes to put on her list, but overall it is a reminder that it is the simple things on most days that make for a good life. Sure 2020 has been hard on many people, and it isn’t over yet. But as Kloe reminds me, it is likely SMART to remember that merely having food to eat, a warm and safe place to sleep, and people who love and care for us is the fulfillment of very satisfying gift list. I think Santa would agree.
Maya agrees 100% with Kloe’s list, Kathy! 🙂 I love, love, love this post and agree with your list myself.
We don’t really celebrate Christmas, except with some good food, and never buy each other gifts (that’s for birthdays), but… I do enjoy getting others something special. I might have mentioned it before, but over a decade ago, I created the habit of making personalized calendars (every month has a different photo of Mark and I – and now, Maya – taken that year at different locations) for family, so they have us around “all year,” since they rarely see us in person.
The 2021 calendar needed extra help as we barely traveled this year. Luckily, we have some nomadic friends around who could “make up” for my lack of photos and shoot a few more in Arizona, so I could incorporate 13 pictures! Mission accomplished. Now, let’s hope everyone receives their calendar before the end of the year! 🙂
Hi Liesbet! Thanks for confirming that Maya (and you!) agree with Kloe on her Christmas list. I am inspired everything time I hear of how different your own upbringing was regarding the holidays. It shows how differently it CAN be done if we raise children in a culture that doesn’t put the emphasis on consumption and “more.” And I love your idea of a calendar as a way to share your travels and adventures with your family. Even though your travel hasn’t been nearly as extensive this year, just seeing your faces in your surroundings would be gift enough. Whatever you have planned for the big dates, I hope it is filled with lots of doggy cuddles, good food and love. ~Kathy
This is such a wonderful post for so many reasons. Firstly I love the concept of no gifts. We don’t celebrate Christmas as we are Jewish but when our kids were small we used to give vouchers as gifts. Home made vouchers and still do this actually with each other. An hour of foot massage. An evening playing Scrabble, making a favorite meal etc. Not only does it eliminate all the stress of gift giving but eliminates the gross consumption so associated with the holidays
And then life and gifts from your dog Kloe’s perspective… perfect! As a dog lover I really enjoyed reading each and every aspect of this.
Peta
Hi Peta! And vouchers make EXCELLENT gifts don’t they? It doesn’t really matter what the holiday–they speak of the sentiment behind the desire to give. And don’t you think our pets offer us so many good life lessons? My challenge is to remember to pay attention. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this! ~Kathy
Some have loved 2020: Pets.
Peace in the home leads to peace in the world!
Hi Gary! Yes our pets have definitely liked 2020. In fact Kloe is as co-dependent as ever and hopes it NEVER end. But she also likes me to be “peaceful and happy” so I guess she’ll accept when things finally turnaround. 🙂 At least I’m hoping so. ~Kathy
We haven’t exchanged gifts for years. We also got some pushback from a few family members and friends but I would suspect they were also slightly relieved. No presents = less stress. Kloe’s gift list sounds perfect. She’s one smart pooch!
Hi Janis! I’m betting some of our family members were also relieved. By us taking the initiative we let others off the hook. Of course children aren’t quite in the same position because I can’t remember ANY of the kids getting us presents to begin with. So we figure we’ve been pretty lucky with Kloe. She has no expectations beyond her routines and that fits me perfectly! ~Kathy
One of the wonderful things about having pets is that their preferences and needs remind us to slow down and appreciate the basics – naps, walks, meals, cuddles.
Jude
Hi Jude! Yes so very true. So you’d think it wouldn’t be hard to remember, right? ~Kathy
All I can say is … brilliant!
hahahahahaha! Kloe will be so happy you think so!
I was putting my own Christmas list together, and buying presents was pretty darn low. The only gifts I give anymore are book store gift cards to my great nieces and nephew, hoping it stimulates a love of learning. Most of the other things were about spending quality time with people (virtually), and enjoying the season – music, food (there’s the foodie in me!), light displays. I’m certainly not doing my part to boost the economy with retail shopping. (Hah!)
Hi Pat! I think buying book gift cards is one of the things that will encourage people to read, don’t you? And I’m guessing that you and many of those on this blog aren’t helping to drive the economy–at least as related to consumer goods. But perhaps gift cards to some of our favorite restaurants would help keep those businesses going AND create an “experience” with those we love? Hmmm…I hadn’t really thought about that before (and vastly prefer to go with them when we can again eat out.) Perhaps that is an option too. Especially for those of us who enjoy food! Thanks for your comment. ~Kathy
Great analogies between lists for children and pets. I especially love your comment about peace in the home. After a career in children’s mental health and child welfare, I know too well how the emotional tone at home affects children. Sadly, too many people forget that children absorb everything around them!
Hi Jeanette! Thank your for offering your professional experience to confirm something that I think we all “know” deep down but don’t always do. As a person who doesn’t have kids, it does make me wonder if parents forget this or simply don’t know. Thanks for your comment. ~Kathy
Another great post. A few simple routines and some thoughtful love go a long way – for pets and people. Thanks, Kathy.
Hi Mary! On the surface it seems silly that we need to remind each other of these things AND pay attention to how our pets model them huh? But if we don’t, who will? Thanks for your thoughts. ~Kathy
Oh my goodness Kathy – I want what Kloe wants too – and that’s exactly what we all need. I’m not a fan of Christmas excess (and I’m not a very materialistic person – where gifts for the sake of gifts are just a waste of money and storage space!) We don’t buy for the adults in our family and so the only presents I’ve bought are for the grandgirls (in moderation) and a box of chocolates for my kids and husband – for me it’s about time together, remembering the reason for the season – and staying away from the consumerism.
May we all have Kloe’s Christmas xx And I shared this on my FB page because I love it xx
Hi Leanne! Thank you. Kloe is happy to share her list with everyone–anywhere in the world! And I’m guessing the majority of people who read my blog are also less interested in consumerism than the average population. Good for you for recognizing that it is the “feeling” we crave not the stuff. May the “time together, remembering the reason for the season” be wonderful for you this year! Merry Christmas. ~Kathy
HI, Kathy – I love Kloe’s Christmas Wish List — I’d love to order the same thing myself. I especially love your last line – peace in the home leads to peace in the world.
Wishing you, Thom and Khloe a warm, happy and healthy holiday season and a peaceful year ahead!
Hi Donna! Thank you. And I too hope that Kloe’s wishes are fulfilled (cuz I get the advantage of them right?) I also believe the entire country — the world actually — could benefit from more peace in our home! ~Kathy
Everything I learned about contentment, I learned from my dog…. Thanks, Kathy & Khloe!
Hi Nancy. They do show us how to stay in the moment and just be happy in the now…don’t they? ~Kathy
She is one smart dog !
Hi Haralee! Shhhhh….she already thinks she is the queen of the house. She doesn’t need more praise! ~Kathy
Yay for Kloe! We should all take lessons from dogs and the natural world. We’d be happier and the world would be a better place.
Deb
Hi Deb! Yes Kloe teaches me so much…all I have to do is pay attention! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy, Christmas is so much better when the pressure of purchasing gifts is off the table. We don’t exchange gifts and prefer to spend time doing simple things. Decorating the Christmas tree, baking, playing games, enjoying light displays, and having special meals together make the holiday festive enough. I am sure that would be different if we had grandchildren – what child doesn’t want something special for Christmas. Kloe definitely has her priorities in order for Christmas! Best wishes.
Hi Suzanne. I so agree that when we stopped fussing about what to buy who (and how did we really know what they wanted or needed?) that we began enjoying the experience of the holiday so much more. It also inspired me to be more creative about ways that we could “create” moments with those we cared about rather than just buy them something to assuage the expectation. I get that kids like presents–I sure did–but I believe that is a cultural expectation that we plant in children in our society. Other countries don’t do that so the children have different expectation. Of course if they watch tv or social media that also shows how advertisers doing their best to “promote” the idea of gifts. It isn’t always easy to go against the crowd but I can’t help but believe in many ways it would be for the better. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and may you have an awesome holiday! ~Kathy