The short answer is YES! But I often find myself needing to explain why because so many people equate the idea of it with square footage. In reality, a rightsized life has little to do with size, and is instead about so much more. Then last week I had the opportunity to chat with Krista O’Reilly Davi-Digui about rightsizing during an interview for her YouTube Channel. Krista is the author/creator of the blog named A life in Progress (links below) and while we talked about rightsizing, we also talked about self-awareness, writing and living a values-based life. Afterwards I came to the conclusion that while we didn’t speak exclusively about rightsizing, all of those topics lead to what I consider to be a rightsized life. Sure many people are introduced to rightsizing by the thoughts of sustainability, getting rid of clutter and downsizing their living space—but once those are considered, the journey of a rightsized life continues on and is open to everyone at any age.
I can’t tell you how many people I have talked with about rightsizing over the last few years who balk at the idea of moving into a smaller home. Even when recently talking with a close friend I’ll call Carol, she clearly let me know that while shopping for a new home, she “Wasn’t into the rightsizing thing.” The thing is, I believe Carol is and will continue to, live a rightsized life because:
- Carol knows precisely the sort of home she is looking to buy.
- She has specifically narrowed down the location of the communities she wants to live in (and in some cases the exact neighborhood.)
- Carol can easily afford the price range and all costs associated with living that lifestyle.
- She has a complete list of the amenities she wants in a new house. And I know her, she won’t buy anything unless all of these elements are there.
- Carol and her husband are both in alignment with their requirements—it’s not one of them pushing for something that would not be welcome by the other.
- She also knows that every choice we make is a tradeoff and she is ready and willing to make those tradeoffs only if the property of her choice is available.
- Carol is self-aware enough to buy only a home that satisfies her and her husband’s needs and desires, and won’t make any choice based upon what anyone else thinks.
- She, nor her husband, are willing to make the change just to have something happen in their lives right now. If it isn’t “right” they won’t do it.
Of course in Carol’s current situation, living a rightsized life is mostly about real estate. But I think many of the considerations I put under the “rightsized categories” apply exactly to other choices that all of us constantly make in our lives. Choices like:
- Our job or how we spend the majority of our time. Does our occupation or volunteer work match all of the above considerations as closely? Did we study for or take a job because family or other people told us it was a good way to make money? Are we taking any work just for the money or does it match our values, our family needs and our financial obligations? Do we hate our jobs, but feel stuck to satisfy others or even our own ego? Do we hesitate leaving a volunteer job because of what others might think?
- Our relationships. Are we as clear about committing to our relationships in the same way? Are we deciding to live with or marry someone with the same considerations? Are we stuck with someone we don’t really love but can’t leave because of how others might view it? Are we choosing to have children by asking ourselves similar questions to those above? Are we overlooking how some of our friends and/or family don’t match our values or needs, but continue to keep them in our lives just to keep the peace?
- Our finances. Do our finances match our needs, values and tradeoffs, or are they only an afterthought to what is left over after we struggle to pay our bills? Do we consistently strive to live within our means and buy only what we can easily afford? Or do we allow our emotions or marketing companies to trigger us into buying things we really don’t need to numb ourselves or impress others?
- Our time. Do we squander our time in meaningless tasks to please others? Do we numb ourselves with addictions like shopping, drugs, alcohol, or toys just to get through the day? Do we put off things our souls long for while letting others decide how we spend our days?
- Comparing our lives to others. Are we constantly choosing not to make choices or decisions based upon what other people value or think is important? Do we refuse to compare our life to what others are doing or have, or get sucked into keeping up with the Jones’s even when it isn’t what we want or is possible given our circumstances?
Living a rightsized life has been instrumental in creating the type of lifestyle that brings both Thom and I tremendous freedom. But far more than that, it is finding deep peace and satisfaction in living a congruent life with our values, our needs, and our desires. It has never been about what you buy—a big house or a little house. Instead it is a focus on why you consistently make those choices and is it “right” for you.
Sure we have been more fortunate than other people in some ways, but we have also done our share of struggling and it hasn’t always been easy. What changed was a deep dive into thinking about and answering questions about how we wanted to live our life—and then having the courage to make choices and decisions that consistently answer those needs over and over again.
As I written before, rightsizing is not a destination, it is a direction—a journey. I do believe that everyone has the ability to live a rightsized life, but that life will never and could never look like any other person or family’s life. There is never a wrong way to do it—only the way that you personally choose to create the life you want. The SMART thing to remember is that the choice is always yours to make.
You can find the YouTube Video of my time with Krista here: A Rightsized Life You can find more about Krista on her blog A Life In Progress
Such a helpful post to read! I love how you’ve distilled such an all-encompassing philosophy into one helpful article, with specific areas of life summed up so neatly. Our family of 5 has been on a right-sizing journey for years, and I think that’s partly how we’re now surviving pandemic life relatively well. I’m currently working full-time from home with three kids learning from home (6, 10, and 13), while my husband teaches in-person and on-line simultaneously. Our jobs have changed radically as has school/play life for our kids, and our routines seem to be constantly re-forming as soon as we get into them. If we hadn’t already trimmed so much excess, so many distractions, and have already halfway built a focus on what was really important, I think we’d be in a much worse place. As it is, daily life is often bumpy and at times an outright slog, but we have a measure of underlying peace to ground us.
The reminder that right-sizing is a direction (I love that!) rather than a destination is just what I needed. We’ve allowed some creep of late as we get tired of Zoom school, Zoom work, rainy and cold days limiting our time outside, and I’m realizing we need to readjust some areas. There’s been more “treat” spending and increasing “because I’m tired” screen time, for instance. There are also some people I’ve been spending more time with at the park or online just because they’re in the neighborhood, right age kids, etc., but I’ve been struggling with how the negativity they give off affects me for days. And I’m realizing how precious social time is now that I have so much less due to time and access constraints. I also continually struggle to be compassionate with myself and not kick myself for allowing this creep to happen–still working on cutting myself slack for being human! I’ve bookmarked this post to revisit–thank you for your insightful, compassionate posts!
Hi Laronda! WOW! First let me start by saying how much I admire you. To be raising three kids well is hard enough–then throw in COVID and I am humbled. I don’t know that I could do that. Thank you for confirming that making the right decisions about focusing on what matters and cutting out the rest has helped you during these times. But yes, it is a journey NOT a destination.
And I also want to confirm that even though rightsizing is an ongoing “practice” it needs to be flexible with the times. Self-care is always important and sometimes you just have to treat yourself. What I love about what you shared is that you know you are doing it. I don’t think most people are aware when they do it and it is such a habit that they get themselves into trouble over the long run. I’m impressed with your awareness of some of your choices AND some of the times you aren’t living up to the ideal. Hey, it doesn’t get any better than that! And yeah, I also sometimes crave being around people more but it usually doesn’t take me long being around some people to know that their presence isn’t doing me any good. Better to zoom or call a friend if you have the time, right?
Anyway, thank you so much for sharing some of your personal story with us. Again I applaud you for the steps you have taken and offer you as much encouragement as I can to keep living your rightsized life. ~Kathy
Very interesting, and all I can say is YES! My early attempts at minimalism and right-sizing were based on satisfying others’ expectations. I tried living on one income, making my food from scratch, following Fly Lady’s housework schedule, etc. I ended up realizing that we all are much happier with two incomes. We signed up for a laundry service and a meal prep service and acquired a Roomba! I still get to “play house” in the summer, but our new routine works very well for me!
Hi Bethany! Good for you for being able to consciously choose what works best for you and your family. That is a big key to living rightsized as far as I’m concerned. There are lots of people talking about minimalism and simple living, but if it only leads to frustration or guilt then a person won’t keep it up so that’s not really a solution. Far better to take the time to figure out what your needs are and how you can flow with it. And it sounds like you have! ~Kathy
I totally agree. We do what we must. I’m grateful that right now I have the luxury of choice. Sadly, so many don’t.
Hi Janet! I am grateful every day for the choices I have in my life and realize that not everyone, everywhere have the same ones. But I do believe that we all have choices to make even when they might be limited choices. Perhaps a gift we can offer others is to show them or help them find more choices that they didn’t even know existed? Thanks for this idea! ~Kathy
Your post might focus on housing, but you point out considerations in “rightsizing” our lives in all aspects. I love your use of the word congruent. I sometimes think in terms of integrated. You describe a life in which all the facets are in harmony, without conflict. My daughter, in making an important decision recently, was talking to me about why she might choose one direction over another. I could see that she was emphasizing one aspect over others because of a friend’s advice. But it seemed to me that she was leaving out some other aspects that I thought were important to her. I didn’t tell her what to choose, of course, but I did suggest that she look more holistically at her choices and how they would affect all parts of her life over time.
We can tell, I think, when we are rightsizing our lives. We don’t have to convince ourselves or force anything. There is a sense of peace and confidence. And a willingness to trust ourselves after duly considering all pertinent advice. Thanks for a great post.
Hi Galen! Yes, rightsizing is very much about a balanced, harmonious life. Very Zen huh? And there is that wu wei again huh? In fact you have given me an idea for a different post about the similarities that I imagine in the two practices to write sometime in the future. I’m always thinking of different approaches. Thank you! ~Kathy
Kathy – I think this is one of your best articulations of right-sizing yet! So often “right” seems to mean less. Maybe it’s the current societal fascination with de-cluttering, down sizing, minimization. While our new home is slightly smaller in size, it still has a lot of “stuff”. I’ve had to realize that “right sizing” for us, right now, is to still have all the stuff – It’s almost essential to my hubby’s mental health. But when we selected our last 2 houses, we really did focus on how we wanted to live our lives – the lifestyle we want to live, at this moment of our life journey. We do spend time doing the things we enjoy. Our new FL house allows us both so much more outside living. While I am still too much ‘compare and despair’, I have never allowed those feeling to impact our financial security. Net, while we are still cluttered (in others eyes) and certainly not downsized or minimal, I do think we are rightsized!
Hi Pat! Thanks…glad you liked it. And you’re right, most people see the process as having to “give up” things they love. It’s never about sacrifice or “leaving” but instead a conscious choice to move “toward” those things that matter. Some people get a lot of enjoyment and satisfaction from having their stuff around them, especially during a pandemic. To imply that it isn’t “right” is to try to shame or control them. My only argument with “stuff” is buying it to escape something like real feelings or purpose or meaning. But who can judge for another. And because financial freedom means so much to me, I tend to think of debt as slavery so surely that cannot be helpful. Even then, some might see debt as a path to something they need/long/hope to fulfill. Rightsizing is such a great word because it always brings me back to what is most RIGHT for me and my family (not anyone else.) And it so sounds like you and your husband have found your rightsized life too! ~Kathy
Hey Kathy – another great post! I’d have to say that I almost made a non-right-sized decision earlier this month when I considered reneging on my promise to myself in 2015 to “never be an employee again.” While there were valid reasons to consider the offer, I could not get over how it would throw my efforts to right-size my time completely out of whack! I’ve recommitted to my promise – unless, of course, I have NO other options to keep food on our table and a roof over our heads.
Hi Janet! I’ll admit that it isn’t always an easy choice. And it is perhaps necessary at times to pick what appears necessary rather than what is completely within our values. I think the real challenge is then when we have the freedom to choose again, do we return to our values or not? We had a friend once who absolutely hated her job. She had just about decided to quit when they gave her a substantial raise. She said, “The bastards gave me a raise.” Knowing that they “bought” her time and energy for a bit longer. She stayed…but eventually worked up the strength to leave. If it is a choice between food and taking a less than desirable job, then do what you must. Just never let it be what you stay with when you can let it go. ~Kathy
Such a great explanation of rightsizing! I think many people’s minds go right to thinking they’ll have to give things up and that’s not it at all. I love that you said that it’s not a destination, that it’s a journey. As we move on in life, our direction/journey changes. What worked at 30 may no longer serve us. Even now, at 65, I see that our direction is slowly changing. Whether this could lead to a change in scenery, I don’t know. But I do know that, whatever we decide to do, it will be the right size for us.
Hi Janis! YES…as you point out…it’s so tempting to think that once we get it “right” then it’s a done deal. Rightsizing happens over and over and over again. Every time we make a choice we face a crossroads about how and when we will decide what comes next. Do we go toward what “fits” us or do we go toward what others expect of us, or what is considered acceptable? Isn’t it great that by the time we reach our age we hopefully find the choice easy? ~Kathy
Kathy, I agree with everything you are saying, and we live it, for the most part. We were much better at managing our finances than our relationships in the early days, but we have always tried to stay true to our values. Difficult choices must be made and those choices depend entirely on values, self-knowledge, and the support of a like-minded partner. Thank heaven, Malcolm and I are mostly on the same page in every aspect of our lives. We believe in the concept of a side by side ‘partnership.’ At some point, we all have to evaluate what works for us and more importantly, why we live the way we do. I love the example of your friend Carol. If she applies the same thought to other aspects of her life, I’d say she is the poster child for ‘right-sizing.’
Hi Suzanne! Good for your for finding your way to Rightsizing. And I completely agree that having your spouse as a “partner” makes a huge difference. Like Thom and I always say, we might not always be on the exact same page but at least we are in the same book….I don’t think that you can say the same for every couple. Plus I think that the journey is a lot more interesting and fun when you are! And as for Carol…she teaches me something all the time! ~Kathy
Hi, Kathy – Thanks to my friendship with you, I feel that I have a good understanding of rightsizing — and I’m a big fan (of both you and of rightsizing). The concept that you have shared above has allowed me the confidence to say “I choose this” and “I will pass on that” regardless of what may be popular at the moment with my friends or others. This is an incredible freedom. Thank you!!!
Hi Donna! Awwwww….thank you dear friend! It is so much about staying conscious of the choices we face daily isn’t it? And it is also very clearly about the choice of friends we make time (and spend time) with on this journey of life. So glad you’re on mine! ~Kathy P.S. Doesn’t that sound like a valentine post???
It absolutely does. Thank you!
Rightsizing = joy and freedom!
Hey Mary! Yes! And recognizing that so early as you and Kevin have done is equally as wonderful! ~Kathy
My sister-in-law commented on envying my ‘retired life’ and all I could think was…..if she and my brother lived within their means, they could have retired years ago. It all comes down to choices – and if we choose wisely it echoes through the decades ahead and life continues to get better and better. Great post (as always) Kathy x
Hi Leanne! Thanks Leanne. I’ll admit it is sometimes difficult to let other people make their own choices when it is pretty obvious to us (and everyone else) where many of their choices created problems. However, as I know you know too, just keeping my attention on my life and my choices is really all I can control. I know from your blog that you’ve been on the “rightsizing” journey for a long time too and isn’t it great to know that because of our willingness to make the “right” choices, our future is sure to continue the best it can be. ~Kathy
What an excellent way to put it, Kathy – right sizing. My husband and I are, also, in alignment and want the same things out of life. Neither one of us has any desire to keep up with the Joneses. And as far as toxic or non-productive relationships be they family or friends, we have chosen to keep the people in our lives that nurture us and challenge us on some level. These positive relationships keep us thinking about the future and how things will progress. Right now, we live on 4 acres and are thoroughly enjoying (especially with COVID). However, we have talked about getting something more manageable in the future. We plan on traveling more and, possibly, wintering in Europe or somewhere warm. An acreage is not practical when you plan on being away for that length of time. I agree that right sizing is all about making your choices to make your life the best you want it to be. As a society, we need to stop comparing ourselves to others and, sometimes, coming up on the short end of the stick in our own minds. I am reminded of the phrase “be grateful for what you have” because there are others who are not as fortunate.
This article was spot on and couldn’t have stated it more clearly. Thanks, Kathy, for sharing your thoughts on right sizing your life!!
Hi Debbie! I love it when another couple are in alignment with where they want to go in the future. I can only guess how difficult it would be otherwise. And hopefully by the time people get to our age they are willing to accept that not everyone sees life the same, and that’s okay. It sounds to me that you have an idea of how you want things to go in your life and while it might still keep changing, you are staying mindful and doing it together. That’s rightsizing for sure! Thanks for sharing your personal experiences with us! ~Kathy
In retirement I think a lot of us step up to volunteer, and then one thing leads to another, and suddenly we’re over-committed and not enjoying it anymore and not really doing our best either. We have to extend our self-awareness, and our right-sizing, to that part of life as well, and focus on the things that matter to us, not the things that we get dragged into even with the best of intentions.
Hi Tom! Thanks for pointing out that volunteering (or at least participating in your community) is also something to consider. I didn’t mention but that is one reason that Carol and her husband are mainly considering a move. They are VERY active volunteers and are finding as years go by they don’t want to be driving nearly as far. However, if the house doesn’t fit, they are patient and will wait until one does. It IS all about what matters most to us and like you say, it is easy to get dragged into doing otherwise even with the best intentions. ~Kathy
One of your best articles yet. I don’t comment often, but I very much enjoy your articles. This article hits the nail on the head so to speak. When my husband and I retired 6 years ago and moved from Michigan to New Mexico, we felt that the size home we had in MI was what we would like in retirement: not big, not small, 1600-1700 sq ft. But we came upon a home that happened to be much larger, with a large room with walk in closet and bathroom on a lower level (our house is built on a slope) that for the first time in my life would give me a dedicated space for my loom and sewing machines. It has been pure joy to have that space…for now. But it wasn’t just that that sold us on the house. It was in our price range, it was close to the amenities that we felt would be valuable as we aged, and most of all it was located in a community that had 75 acres of open space within the homes with paved trails that ran throughout nature. It had one tennis court for Jon, a dog park, a community garden, a little free lending library in a tree. What I didn’t know would happen, was that a back injury from before I retired, would 6 years later mean walking with a cane. Those trails to walk our dog on still allowed me to be in nature even though I couldn’t hike in the mountains anymore. I just acquired an all terrain rollator (Trionic Veloped) that allows me to walk even further and faster and under all weather conditions and I will get to go on those mountain hikes again (with the Veloped) as I build strength and stamina on our trails around our home. We just turned 70 but we do plan to “right size” again as we approach our 80s and expect that our needs will change. Because we’ve lived modestly, our money keeps increasing in retirement and we might treat ourselves to a condo on the beach for our final years. Having money in the bank also means that we can afford good care if either of us needs it in our elder years too. We have always kept a contingency fund for that purpose. Thank you Kathy for the many articles that I enjoy and that give me food for thought.
Hi Nanci! Thank you so much for stepping in here and sharing your thoughts on this. And I love how your life example shows perfectly what it means to find a “fit” that works for you on so many levels. And thank you also for mentioning how important all those amenities are when selecting where to live. Thom and I actually picked our house of it’s location to community as much as anything else. And something else…the “design” of a home is critical. We looked at houses much bigger than this one but some of them were laid out so poorly that the space was wasted. Paying attention and being mindful of our needs and wants is so important. And again, thank you for taking the time to read my posts and let me know they get you thinking! ~Kathy
A great reminder that at every stage of life, we consider our options carefully with a vision of the future, Kathy. I always enjoy your posts on rightsizing because we have lived this lifestyle before we knew what it was. We added on to my small house in Northern California with no intent to sell, and Hans fixed up and improved a lot! Suddenly in 2019, we got the urge to move on. We bought a half acre of land near Spokane, WA, and as you know, we are in the process of building a manufactured home. Still waiting (im) patiently, but this was a right size option. With what we did to improve the previous home, it sold quickly and well above asking. It was smart to move during a pandemic and we couldn’t be happier. We’re managing life in our RV and super excited about the future and new opportunities. I hope folks read your advice about rightsizing and really consider its options.
Hi Terri! Yes you and Hans are GREAT examples of a rightsized life. You know what you like, why you like it and can easily manage your choices. I am excited for this current move and look forward to following along on this next adventure. It may or may not be a final move for you, do any of us really know for sure about that? But it is “right” for now for so many reasons! ~Kathy
Yes, what an excellent way to put it. We have a couple of friends who have a fairly big house but who’ve always had extra kids living with them, etc., because they’re naturally hospitable and generous. Instead of moving, they renovated the ground floor into their space (plus the group kitchen) and zoned the heating for the upper floor. Their daughter and her husband (and their baby) moved in early in the pandemic, so that new mom and baby are getting lots of attention and support. It’s been a win. And when they renovated, they put in that type of heat that works with the natural ground temperature. Very smart.
Hi Nancy! Yes it is all about usage in my opinion. If you have a reason for a big house and can easily afford it then go ahead. But again it applies to everything in our lives and is great reminder to stay aware of our choices on a regular basis Thanks for sharing your thoughts! ~Kathy