Mom & me in Hawaii in 1983 a few years before I became a quitter. And yes, Mom has a cigarette in her hand.
Yes, I’m a quitter—smoking that is. No I won’t pretend it was ever SMART or healthy. Unfortunately back when I was a smoker we didn’t think much about it. But just like how eating too much sugar is considered bad today, every time I’d cough I suspected there would be a price to pay. Thankfully I quit over 25 years ago and hope I’ve compensated for the risk. Sadly, my mom wasn’t as lucky and paid for it with her life. That’s why today I’m a strong supporter of the Great American Smokeout (GASO). I agree with the GASO theme for 2014, which states, “Quit Together. Win Together.” I don’t regret much in my life but I do regret not being able to help my mother quit so we could both have won against this addiction together.
The facts today are undeniable. According to Cancer.org, “Tobacco use remains the single largest preventable cause of disease and premature death in the US, yet about 42 million Americans still smoke cigarettes — a bit under 1 in every 5 adults. As of 2012, there were also 13.4 million cigar smokers in the US, and 2.3 million who smoke tobacco in pipes — other dangerous and addictive forms of tobacco.” The problem isn’t that we don’t know it kills us; the problem is we do and don’t work together to help each other quit.
Mom knew it was killing her—we all did. She stopped several times but something always happened that drove her back to the addiction. Towards the end of her 60s she suffered a number of small strokes, which slowed her down and kept her from her love of painting and sculpture. After that, about the only thing she seemed able to do easily, was light up a cigarette.
I grew up in a household that smoked. Mom and Dad both smoked when I was born and out of four daughters, I was the only one that ever took up the nasty habit. I was one of the rare ones who actually liked the taste of cigarettes and started when I was 18. When I met and married my husband I told him, “Just don’t ever ask me to quit smoking.” He never did. Likewise my father never asked my mom to quit either. Looking back, maybe that was the wrong approach. It’s possible that as with any addiction, being too nice only makes things worse.
My father quit smoking several years before I did. He had nasal polyps making it impossible for him to continue. I managed to quit around age 32 when I could no longer pretend that it wasn’t harming my health. Like my Dad, I made up my mind to do it and followed all of the good advice I could find to get it done. I’m proof it is possible. Once successful, I became a reformed smoker and tried to convince Mom to do the same. When I told her she could no longer smoke in my house, she got very angry and we were never as close again.
I could tell you how things got toward the end after Mom was diagnosed with esophageal cancer but I’ll spare the details. What’s important to note is that smokers know that what they are doing will likely kill them. But the grip of the addiction is very tight. Just like the lure of alcohol is to an alcoholic, drugs to an addict, or even food to the morbidly obese, it is difficult to say no. It takes help. That’s why one of the best ways to handle addiction usually involves other people. Again, that’s why “Quit Together—Win Together” makes so much sense to me.
Fortunately, no one has to be a quitter all alone. For the last 38 years on November 20th the American Cancer Society sponsors GASO. As always, their message is to encourage smokers to commit to quit or make a plan to quit on that day. They remind us all every year that by quitting, even for one day, smokers take a critical step to a healthier life that can reduce the risk of cancer. The Great American Smokeout website is full of information that can help you quit, or you can call the GASO at 1-800-227-2345. And for all you Facebook Fans there is even a Quit for Life Facebook page. Remember, you don’t have to do it alone.
And let’s not forget all the other “wins” that come when you quit smoking. Here on SMART Living 365.com I write a lot about ways to be money SMART. Not wasting money on a product that actually kills us is a good place to start. Plus, a huge benefit besides being healthier, is actually feeling more healthy. Right after I quit smoking I started walking and/or exercising 5-7 days every week and now I am far healthier than I was 25 years ago. Even the big excuse of weight gain can be avoided if you start exercising and moving once you’ve quit. Best of all, after I quit my husband Thom stopped telling me I tasted like licking an ashtray whenever we kissed. How’s that for motivation? Go here for even more news and information about quitting.
Here on SMART Living 365 I don’t usually get on the soapbox about topics but this one was near and dear to my heart. I still wonder if there is anything else I could have done to help my mother end her addiction to cigarettes. Next Thursday (the 3rd Thursday of November) is the Great American Smokeout. If you are a smoker, or know others who are—why not start calling yourself a quitter instead? It’s too late for my mom but I’ll bet there are other moms out there who just might hear the message and quit.
This post represents a sponsored editorial partnership with the American Cancer Society.
All storytelling and opinions are, of course, my own.
Marco Auciello says
July 15, 2016 at 12:23 AM“I hate being a slave to anything”
Amen to that! This is an ambitious goal but I think you’re arming yourself with the right tools and attitude. I’m glad you’re writing about it, too. It will give you something to look back on when you’re doubting your decision. Continued good luck!
Edward Smith says
June 17, 2015 at 7:04 AMEverything depends on you. I was a serious chain smoker for the 30 years. I tried almost every tools but those did nothing for me. Finally I realized that it’s all about my mental addiction. Terminating mental addiction is the best as well as the fastest way to quit smoking.
Anne Alexander says
June 9, 2015 at 11:03 PMReminds me of all those years I wasted away in the bottle. Not just smoking- alcohol needs to go away too forever-for good. I often think of where I would be know if my friends hadn’t dragged me to the addiction treatment program in Calgary that changed my life. I am very, very glad that you got over your smoking addiction, and I do agree that if you want to prevent your loved ones from going down the wrong path of addiction, you need to take action.
Lydia says
May 5, 2015 at 2:57 PMcongratulations to you and your achievement of quitting and staying in the smoke-free lifestyle. I truly wish everyone would make the choice and quit too, but it takes more than some have to successfully quit. I wish they’d realize they don’t have to do it alone. There’s lots of support out there.
Kathy Gottberg says
May 6, 2015 at 10:14 AMHi Lydia! Yes, I am very proud I quit smoking when I did. I do try to be sympathetic to a point because I know it can be difficult for some people. But I SO wish I had quit earlier and want to help and encourage others to do the same. You’re right–there is a lot of support if people are willing to look for it! Thanks for your comment. ~Kathy
Dick Klade says
December 3, 2014 at 9:40 AMTom Sightings referred me to your post after reading my offering, “Hooray! The Smokeout is Working Out.” Your piece is excellent. I think it helps for all of us addicted to tobacco to relate our experiences. Thanks.
Kathy Gottberg says
December 3, 2014 at 3:01 PMHi Dick! Thank you for stopping by SMART Living and letting me know that you appreciated my post about quitting smoking. It was my first “sponsored” post which is kind of cool–but more importantly I think it is such an important issue and was happy to share my story if it could help make a difference to anyone else. I’m going to have to pop over and check out your article now. I love the connections that we can make here on the internet. ~Kathy
Bethany says
November 23, 2014 at 4:40 AMGood for you, Kathy! My parents quit smoking after my grandma died of COPD, and it was definitely a challenging journey for them. Thanks for sharing.
Kathy Gottberg says
November 23, 2014 at 10:10 AMHi Bethany! Sometimes it takes something painful like your Grandma passing to turn things around. But it was a good thing for your parents. Whatever it takes for anyone to quit–I’m all for it! ~Kathy
Betsy/Zen Mama says
November 23, 2014 at 12:27 AMKathy,
This post is a very meaningful post because I have a grandmother who lost the battle way to early to smoking related diseases. My parents stopped in my childhood. I luckily never was interested in starting, though I think it had a great deal to do with watching my beloved grandmother die over the years. I’m surprised, too, how many of my kids’ (older kids) friends smoke.
Thanks!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Kathy Gottberg says
November 23, 2014 at 9:59 AMHi Betsy! I think all of us have been touched by this terrible addiction in one way or another. Good for you for never being attracted to it, but yes, it is one of those things that some young people seem to still think is “cool.” I just keep hoping they raise the prices higher and higher (that should help stop some of the kids) and also outlaw it in more and more places. I know from experience that the harder (and less pleasant) it is to smoke, the less attractive it becomes. ~Kathy
Gary Lange says
November 20, 2014 at 9:44 PMit is so wonderful to help others quit!
Such a terrible brain illness that can be arrested!
Kathy Gottberg says
November 21, 2014 at 12:04 PMHi Gary! Thank you. This was/is obviously a topic near and dear to my heart. I sure hope my message was help to someone who could use it. ~Kathy
Jodi Aman says
November 18, 2014 at 4:51 PMIt is one of the hardest things to do, and one of the best things you can do for yourself. I have some clients really trying to quit and they are struggling so much. But I am behind them helping them with EFT and meditation and resources. I hope they succeed like you did. So happy that is behind you!
Kathy Gottberg says
November 18, 2014 at 6:20 PMHi Jodi! Thanks for your thoughts on this. You likely have a lot of insight from a professional view on the problem with this addiction. I love how you say, “It is one of the hardest things to do, and one of the best things you can do for yourself.” When you think about how so many people want to create REAL positive change in their lives…this is definitely one of those things right? And yes, I’m very happy that is behind me too! ~Kathy
Carol Cassara says
November 18, 2014 at 11:52 AMI quit in 1991 after 20 years. Truth is I loved smoking and if it weren’t bad for us I would do it. But I know that it’s a baaad idea, especially since my mom’s COPD contributed to her early death. Hubby quit after 40 years when he had to have a stent. Yes, that was his immediately cold turkey moment.
Kathy Gottberg says
November 18, 2014 at 12:19 PMHi Carol! Got You! I have all my emails held in moderation until I approve them to stop with the spam. For whatever reason, even with the settings I have some gets through. I know you use comment luv on your site as well…I’m hoping for your sake you don’t have as much spam as I do!!!
HOWEVER–I so appreciate it when you are able to leave a message because you always have something valuable to add. I think you and I might have been the only people who loved smoking while we did it….of course now I have swung back the opposite way and am quite militant against it. What about you? After watching those we love die and others struggle with it–it’s hard to be a fan. Thanks again for your persistence! ~Kathy
Diane says
November 18, 2014 at 8:45 AMThe grip of addictions. If you’ve never experienced it, it’s hard to understand. Good for you! And what a great program!
Kathy Gottberg says
November 18, 2014 at 10:02 AMHi Diane! Thanks for your support! Yes, smoking needs to be put in there with all tragic addictions. Maybe then we will wipe it out except for the most desperate cases. ~Kathy
NancyTex says
November 16, 2014 at 7:21 AMWhat an important initiative, Kathy. My sister is a lifelong smoker. She has tried everything from patches to hypnosis. Nothing has helped her quit. It used to make me so angry, but now I understand that it is an addiction and she feels powerless against it.
Kathy Gottberg says
November 16, 2014 at 8:23 AMHi Nancy! So sorry to hear about your sister. I KNOW what a terrible addiction this can be for some people and while I have compassion for their difficulty I remain vigilant about my desire to keep the pressure on about quitting. Just like so many other addictions it is easy for smokers to overlook what the condition is doing to themselves AND to those around them. We do interventions for alcohol and drugs but not cigarettes. Plus, did you know that this is the first year that the U.S. will not be subsidizing tobacco farmers for growing? http://www.npr.org/2014/10/24/357947259/tobacco-farmers-lose-longtime-safety-net There is lots of money being made and there are BIG reasons why we let this terrible condition continue in our country and around the world. Sorry about the rant but I remain angry that my Mom was caught in this net and like your sister never found a way out. ~Kathy
My Inner Chick says
November 15, 2014 at 8:38 AMI stopped smoking 20 years ago. It’s on my list of the “Best” things I’ve ever done ( including marrying Mr. L & having my 2 boys.
It would be MUCH harder to quit now.
xx
Kathy Gottberg says
November 15, 2014 at 2:30 PMHi Kim! Congratulations! It definitely deserves to be on a “best” list for us both. Thank goodness we both had both the desire and the ability to follow through. As you say, it gets harder and harder the longer we wait. ~Kathy
Kathy Marris says
November 14, 2014 at 8:01 PMHow I wish my 83 year mum could give up smoking. I have noticed lately she has shortness of breath and I am so worried she is soon going to suffer terribly. I too was a smoker until I was 30 years old. Everyone smoked when I was young and it was the done thing. How I regret this now. I am one of those very annoying ‘reformed smokers’ who can’t stand cigarette smoke getting into my nostrils. I wish I could help my mum give up, but she says “I have lived this long and this is my only vice”.
Kathy Gottberg says
November 14, 2014 at 8:33 PMHi Kathy M….I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. One can only hope she won’t eventually suffer. She is fortunate that she has been able to keep doing it as long as she has–and I think that’s one of those things that keep others smoking because some people seem to defy the odds. But even when a person lives longer than most with the habit, it surely cuts short their life from what it could be.
Good for your for stopping and yes I get the “reformed smoker” thing because so am I. 🙂 It do try to be compassionate about it because I know it is an addiction, but as I said in the post I think that might only perpetuate it for smokers when we tolerate it and make excuses for it. I don’t know the perfect solution but maybe a combination of compassion and tough love is the answer. ~Kathy
Lois says
November 14, 2014 at 6:40 PMKathy, I knew your mother was no longer with you but didn’t realize you lost her in such a painful way, I’m sorry for your loss.
Smoking is one of those things I hope will die out as my generation passes on. I too grew up around smokers and was a smoker myself. I still remember ashtrays in the waiting room at the doctors office and even emergency rooms. Our family doctor would sit down with us and light up, offering us one if we didn’t light up with him. We had no idea at the time what horrors awaited us.
Quitting was very hard for me, everyone I knew smoked. To break the habit I had to change everything I did to form new habits. Let’s just say crocheting became a big thing in my living room that winter as it kept my hands busy at night.
Kathy Gottberg says
November 14, 2014 at 8:22 PMHi Lois! I don’t think I knew that you were a smoker but there were so many of us weren’t there? Isn’t it sadly painful that we were largely ignorant of what cigarettes were doing while we were so casually going through our lives. I can’t even believe how inconsiderate I was to poor Thom all those years I smoked and I was even a little peeved at anyone who suggested my smoking was irritating to them. I have apologized over and over in my head at my arrogance…I honestly didn’t know that I was polluting the air around me with every puff I took.
But thank you so much for your great tip for quitting. One thing that happened me tremendously was learning that in order to replace any bad habit it was necessary to replace it with something else. I loved to get up and drink coffee and smoke that first cigarette in the morning so on the day I quit I got up and took a walk first thing. I did it one day, the next and the one after that. I’m still a walker all these many, many years later. Just like you with your crocheting, we both found something to keep our hands and minds busy. I think that is a REAL key. ~Kathy
Balroop Singh says
November 14, 2014 at 2:22 PMHi Kathy,
I am so sorry to hear that your mom didn’t pay any attention to your request of quitting smoking. Isn’t it ironic that people know they are causing harm to their own health yet they continue such nasty habits?
I grew up in a family and culture where smoking was a taboo and even its mention was detested. I am glad I too picked up that dislike. I am so glad that the authorities of responsible nations have banned public smoking and have done a great service to passive smokers.
Thanks for sharing!
Kathy Gottberg says
November 14, 2014 at 8:09 PMHi Balroop! Yes I think I share the disappointment and pain that many people who witness their loved ones suffering from addiction. I’ve heard enough stories to know that mine was somewhat benign compared to others but it doesn’t make it any less tragic.
You are SO fortunate to be from a family and culture where it is ostracized. I think progress is being made here in the U.S. but it still has a way to go. ~Kathy
Cathy Chester says
November 14, 2014 at 12:38 PMI’m blessed that I’ve always hated the smell of cigarettes and that none of my friends smoked.
I am so glad you quit, but so sad about your beautiful mother who, by the way, I would never have thought was your mother in that photo. You look like sisters! It must have been an awful ordeal and a tragic loss. Thanks for posting what is really a public service announcement.
Kathy Gottberg says
November 14, 2014 at 2:07 PMHi Cathy! You are very lucky that you never even liked the smell. It was sort of weird that of four girls, I was the only daughter who not only smoked, but liked it for a while. The good news is that I now can’t stand the smell and am like a protective guide dog whenever anyone lights up anywhere in the vicinity. And yes, it was tragic about mom because she was a beautiful woman (IMHO) but at a certain age it was like a switch and it all caught up with her. She was not pretty in the end and I think if she could have visioned herself in the future she would not have chosen to go out that way. Thank you so much for confirming to me that this was indeed a public service announcement to everyone I hope it reaches! ~Kathy
Corinne Rodrigues says
November 14, 2014 at 10:18 AMSorry to read about your Mum, Kathy. It’s hard watching a loved one make bad choices. I can see why this topic is so close to your heart!
I’m so happy that you had the willpower to quit!
Kathy Gottberg says
November 14, 2014 at 11:04 AMHi Corinne! Thank you for your thoughts on this. As you say, watching anyone we love slide into addiction is hard. I look forward to the time when we all equate cigarette addiction to drug and alcohol addiction because then people may work harder to stop it. ~Kathy
Haralee says
November 14, 2014 at 9:45 AMGlad you were able to quit and I am sad your Mom couldn’t do it. I don’t know anyone who smokes or smoked who doesn’t regret it. I hate to see young people smoking!
Kathy Gottberg says
November 14, 2014 at 11:03 AMThanks Haralee! I think you can tell I’m still so sad about Mom. There are a couple of young family members who still smoke “now and then” and it’s very difficult for me not to be militant about the issue when I’m around them. As I said in my post, I think our society makes it too easy on smokers–I’m all for more taxing and more and more limitations because unless it becomes a hassle and a problem, people will just slide into use and then get hooked. Thanks for your encouragement! ~Kathy
Karen says
November 14, 2014 at 8:32 AMI can relate to this post. My dad died early from cigs. I eventually quit but it’s a hard addiction until the mind does a turnaround and then it’s easy. Once you decide to be free from it you will do it.
Kathy Gottberg says
November 14, 2014 at 11:01 AMHi Karen! It sounds like you know the heartbreak of this addiction in a very similar way to my own. I do agree it takes a big shift in the mind and my Mom just wasn’t able to do it. She tried a lot of things but had been doing it for nearly 50 years by the time it really started harming her. I’m hoping more and more people don’t wait that long to figure out it WILL get you eventually no matter who you are! Thanks for sharing your story. ~Kathy
Helene Cohen Bludman says
November 14, 2014 at 8:21 AMI also am a reformed smoker, Kathy. I smoked heavily in college but quit afterwards, so it’s been many years. Smoking is still a societal problem, but I am gratified that no one in my family smokes. I am so sorry you lost your mother as a result of her smoking.
Kathy Gottberg says
November 14, 2014 at 10:58 AMHi Helene! Good for you! I think we all need to be very VOCAL about congratulating each other for doing what it takes to quit. You are very fortunate that no one in your family smokes because it can be so hard for some people to quit–and I don’t think there is any way for any of us to KNOW in advance if we will be the one to have a REALLY hard time of it. Please share the message and let’s end this dreadful problem for once and all! ~Kathy
Case says
November 14, 2014 at 7:53 AMI quit 18 years ago and have never regretted quiting. I am going to turn 65 next February and Im pretty sure I wouldn’t have made it this far had I continued smoking. My mother in law smoked most of her life and quit at 79 when she was diagnosed with emphysema. She is now 84 and is finding it very difficult to do tasks that require a lot of wind and energy. However my wife quit 9 months ago and has not looked back. I am so proud of her because the addiction is very strong and hard to break, but she triumphed. So anyone who reads this, please try and quit if you are still smoking and don’t ever start the nasty filthy habit.
Kathy Gottberg says
November 14, 2014 at 10:52 AMHi Case! Good for you AND your wife for quitting. We are proof it can be done. Your mother-in-law made it far longer than mom…she was only 72 when she passed. Dad made it to 80 and I intend to prove that you can last MUCH longer when you quit early. But like I hope that I explained, with mom, her last 5 years were definitely not the best. Far too much is given up if we don’t quit so it’s better to do anything and everything we can to do it–and help those we love do the same!!! So nice that you were able to help your wife quit (and STAY that way!) Thank you for sharing both of your stories with us. ~Kathy
gabi(the nomadic family) says
November 14, 2014 at 7:32 AMSo beautifully written. As always, you inspire and stretch us to be that much better. Thank you Kathy
Kathy Gottberg says
November 14, 2014 at 10:48 AMHi Gabi! So nice to hear from you because I KNOW you are incredibly busy with all your traveling and good works. I’m glad you liked this one because I’m hoping the message reaches lots of people and helps them make the right decision. Smoking needs to be GONE!!! ~Kathy