I spend a lot of time on SMART Living 365 researching, thinking and writing about how we all can create a happier life. I believe that the majority of us want to live in the space where we can, no matter what challenges we face, feel hopeful, at peace and grounded in wellbeing. But I’m also aware that others believe that due to the circumstances in the world, or in their personal situations, it is impossible to stay happy on an ongoing basis. If you are one of those people, this post is for you.
This idea came to me from an author and speaker named Emmet Fox. Back in the 1930s and at the height of the Great Depression, Fox drew capacity audiences of up to 5,500 people to his talks in New York City. A predecessor to Norman Vincent Peale and Robert Schuler, Fox was an author and ordained New Thought minister whose messages of optimism inspired millions. His secretary was the mother to one of the co-founders of Alcoholics Anonymous and that organization also carries forward many of his teachings. Although his writings lean toward the religious and archaic, his message offers timeless ideas about personal empowerment, creative inspiration, and a connection to a Source larger than individuals alone.
In 1941, Fox first published a book, Find And Use Your Inner Power, where he shared commonsense ideas about how any of us can be unhappy if we choose. In a chapter titled, Leaves From The Fool’s Handbook, Fox begins by suggesting we all find a quiet and undisturbed place to sit alone and think. From there he says:
1) “Begin to think about yourself.” It doesn’t seem to matter what you are thinking as long as you focus on yourself and “every time your thought wanders to something higher, bring it back gently but relentlessly.”
2) “…think about the past.” Next, Fox suggests that you dwell upon all the mistakes you have ever made from childhood onward. Think of every one of your foolish actions, failures, opportunities you’ve missed and all the time you’ve wasted.
3) “…think of all the occasions upon which you have been badly treated.” Be sure and include all the times you’ve been victimized. Recall in your mind all the nasty things that people said about you, and vividly remember all the unkind actions of others around you. Rehearse the details clearly in your mind, feeling all the emotions of sadness, hurt or anger as clearly as you can.
4) “Think about your body and wonder if your age or your job or the climate isn’t beginning to tell.” Focus intently on every little ache and pain you feel in your body as deeply as you can.
5) “Think about business or finances as gloomily as possible and even if they are going well now, insist that this is probably too good to last.” Don’t forget to think about the latest news you heard on television or read in the paper.
6) Remember to keep thinking about yourself. “If you can keep this up faithfully for fifteen or twenty minutes, there can be no doubt about the result. You will have attained your goal.”
Of course, Emmet Fox wrote those back in the early to mid-1900s, so I’ve come up with a few that apply to life today.
1) Watch the news every single night and then carefully note how every tragedy could happen to you and your loved ones tomorrow.
2) Listen carefully to every disease discussed in drug company advertisements, in books, in magazines or on the Internet. Review the symptoms and see how they apply to your body or those of your loved ones. Share every little detail about your ailments with everyone you encounter.
3) Concern yourself with what everyone in your life is doing and evaluate whether they are living up to your expectations. Whenever you catch someone doing something improper, be sure and let him or her know loudly and clearly that they are in the wrong.
4) Insist on seeing the world realistically. If an optimist comes along, or someone tries to get you to see the hidden benefits, refused to be misled. Never, ever believe that something good can come out of something challenging.
5) Try to please everyone else. Pay close attention to everyone else’s opinions and criticisms of you. If someone tells you that you can’t do something, believe him or her without even trying.
6) Be constantly on guard so that others don’t take things from you—be it money, ideas, love, freedom, creativity, your personal possessions, or your health. Remain convinced that there is only so much to go around and that if you don’t get there first, someone else will, and you will lose out.
7) Live cautiously at every moment. Spend as much time as possible every day thinking of all the things you fear so that they never catch you unaware. Never, ever try to overcome fears—after all, they just might come true.
Many people today find Emmet Fox and his writing to be dated and difficult to read. I sometimes do! But his simple but powerful ideas are as timeless as ever. I particularly like it when he reminds me,
“Don’t Hurry. You are going to live forever, somewhere. Don’t Worry. What will this thing matter in twenty years’ time? Don’t Condemn. You cannot know the difficulties others have to meet. Don’t Resent. Forgiveness is strong medicine. Don’t Grumble. Your own concept is what you see. Don’t Grab. You cannot hold what does not belong to you by right of consciousness. Don’t Shove. You are always in your right place at the moment. If you don’t like it raise your consciousness.”
Did any of the above steps to unhappiness sound familiar? I think if many of us are honest, we just might use them more than we should. Regardless of what any of us says, if you are bound and determined to be unhappy, no one can convince you otherwise. Just remember, to live SMART 365, each of us is responsible for our choices—including our choice to be happy.
Flickr Photo Credit
Great article! I love how this can instantly shift your perspective!
Thank you for this list! I’ve made great strides in avoiding doing most of these things, but it’s SO easy to backslide – to let those doubts creep back in. Your post gave me a gut check that I needed. -Veronica
Hi Veronica! Happy to help! And I’ll bet most of us need to be reminded of these on a regular basis. As you say, “it’s SO easy to backslide”!!!! What I found remarkable too was that all the focus on ourselves at the exclusion of helping others or being concerned about what is going on with the world around us was another for sure way to be unhappy. Sometimes the best way to break a funk is to reach out to others. Thanks for adding to the conversation! ~Kathy
I LOVE this post, Kathy! And I’ve always loved Emmet Fox. Such wisdom! I learned from him decades ago how to be happy, by finding those things listed that make me unhappy. What I did with that was when I just can’t get out of the miseries, to put my troubles in a tiny boxes. And then allow myself a set, brief time to open the box and wallow in it. By the end of that, I’m laughing at myself 🙂
I simply love your #4: Insist on seeing the world realistically.
Ain’t it the truth! If we only see what is, we’ll never see our dreams and goals.
Great post!
Woops! Forgot the comment luv 🙂
Hi Susan! Oh good! Another Emmet Fox fan! Isn’t it amazing how he comes up with some of the simplest but helpful ways to shift our thinking? Something tells me our bookcases are filled with many of the same authors! ~Kathy
I just bet our bookshelves look quite similar, Kathy!
A most definitely sounded familiar. Lately I’ve been working really hard to shift my mindset. So much so when people ask me: how are you? I am consistently responding: I’m great. I’m happy.
(it is funny how many people expressed surprise or even intimate that I’m lucky this comes easily to me. I just remind them it’s always a choice. A conscious choice)
Hi Carla! I so agree that it is important to remember that we have a choice. That doesn’t mean that stuff doesn’t happen to all of us and that some days are certainly more challenging than others. But focusing on what isn’t working or what is fearful or upsetting does nothing to motivate me or encourage me. Good for you for consciously choosing to be happy! ~Kathy
Thank you Kathy for a list of things not to do. Reading through your suggestions I realized that I became happier when I gave up the things on this list I used to do, such as watching the news. There are days I feel out of the loop by not knowing about a disaster that recently happened but then I realize that knowing about the event wouldn’t have made my life any better so I keep on doing what I’ve been doing.
Hi Lois! Thank you for joining in here. Yes the news is a tricky one isn’t it? That’s because it “seems” so very important to most of us. When I tell some people I NEVER watch the news they argue with me by saying I’m in denial or that I am sticking my head in the sand. But by the same token most of the time their lives are never ones I would trade mine for! While I do think it is important to keep myself aware of what is going on, and do my part to make it a better world, I don’t need to be sucked into fear and problems like most news tries to do. I actually believe that I am more effective in the world by staying calm and taking steps as I can. Thanks for adding to the conversation about this! ~Kathy
Everyman’s guide to unhappiness? Great idea to update the list and make it relevant to our times, Kathy!
I’d like to add one more, please. ‘Use social media to paint pictures of yourself that are nowhere near reality. Then moan the evils of this media and keep talking about getting off it (while on it!)” 🙂
I’m so glad I stopped following these rules a while back.
Hi Corinne! Oh yes, I think we should add your idea: ‘Use social media to paint pictures of yourself that are nowhere near reality. Then moan the evils of this media and keep talking about getting off it (while on it!)” It’s so obvious when we see others doing it but of course the trick (at least for me) is making sure I don’t!!!! Thanks for the suggestion. ~Kathy
Oh yes, that’s something I learned to stop doing too, Kathy. I realize the value of social media and use it for making connections mainly for blogging. Everything in moderation, is something we have to learn rather than bash a good thing!
Kathy, this is so great! And if we just think out side our little boxes of self, we can be happy, at least content! thank goodness I am a natural optimist!
Hey Terri! I too am very happy to be a natural optimist. I do think we have the advantage. But maybe some of what looks like “natural” optimism is just the “habit” of NOT thinking like any of these ideas. Some people seem to excel at dwelling on the negative. I’m hoping to do the opposite. ~Kathy
If you hadn’t just written, I’d suggest that my ex had already read it.
Hi Liv! Hahahahaha! No I promise I didn’t give these ideas to your ex. He must have just figured them out on his own. ~Kathy
Does he mention to be ungrateful for your life? I would think so! If FaceBook was available to him I am sure he would tell you to rate yourself compared to people you know on Facebook and their postings too.
Hi Haralee! Ah, that’s another great suggestion–refusing to be grateful for our lives, or ANYTHING else that is turning out well, is a sure road to unhappiness. And YES, comparing ourselves on Facebook for anything (looks, experiences, writing, success) would do it too. Thank you for adding those. Sad to see that there are SO MANY ways we can dig holes for ourselves huh? ~Kathy
It is a very important topic and I appreciate you writing about it.
I think “thinking about yourself” is very important, but more in a sense of self-care and being happy yourself to be able to spread the happiness.
#BlogShareLearn
Hi Anna! Thank you for stopping by from #BlogShareLearn. I agree that thinking about yourself can be good “sometimes.” What’s so important to remember is that when we are thinking about ourselves we are perpetuating the thoughts and energy of whatever that is–so it is good to keep it positive right? Self care is VERY important, as long as we are nurturing, encouraging and supporting ourselves! Thanks for adding that! ~Kathy
Great ! Kathy I always wait for your inspiring posts, and go quickly trough them because the things you share always are related to daily life. I find many learning things from your posts. It gives amazing feedback to live happy and the lesson ” spread your feet as your blanket is”. Thanks for sharing it and keep it up.
Hi Amin! I’m so glad you find my posts helpful even from the other side of the planet. I do think most of us share many of the same hopes dreams and desires — even with such totally different experiences. Thank YOU for coming by and taking the time to leave a comment! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy, this is a great reminder. I also sometimes catching myslef in those pity thinking stages. I would add another one to your list: think about all those things you can’t afford which would make you feel happy. You can probably put it in better wording 🙂 #BlogShareLearn#
Hi Sara! Thank you for stopping by from #BlogShareLearn. I like how you say, “pity thinking stages” because that is EXACTLY what they are. And yes, thinking about things you can’t afford surely belongs on the list! ~Kathy
Great reminder, Kathy. I’ve never heard of this writer/preacher but how profound. We always learn from those who came before us. I chuckled while reading his list because I recognize not only myself but some people close to me. 😉 I definitely avoid the news at bed time so I can be more peaceful. Thanks for this post today!
Hi Lisa! Yes, Emmet Fox was quite prolific and has a lot of small volumes in print. There are also a lot of free ones in print. And while his writing is pretty old fashioned, it’s amazing how timely his words are. I think you would appreciate him. Thanks for stopping by! ~Kathy
What a great twist. Can we add the following: Remember to weigh yourself every single morning so you can be miserable about the food you should not eat; and check all your investments before you start your day, so you know whether you have enough money left to live (or not).
Hi Pam! Your suggestion is AWESOME! I completely agree. Especially with Thanksgiving right around the corner. And I also know people who have their “investments” pop up on their computer screen every morning as soon as they wake up. How crazy is that? Thank you for adding these for anyone who wants to be even more unhappy! ~Kathy
they sound ridiculous – but how often do we fall into that trap without realizing? Worrying and dwelling on worse case scenarios are the biggest killjoys in our lives today. Let’s focus on being happy and let the bad stuff worry about itself 🙂
Hi Leanne! I think when we see these in black and white it is easier to realize just how common (and ridiculous) they are! And I loved how Fox presents them as almost a meditation. Isn’t that what happens though? Anytime we spend a bunch of time dwelling on ANYTHING–we are really meditating on it. I’m with you, let’s let the bad stuff worry about itself! ~Kathy
Love this! It’s such a thought-provoking twist on the positive (not that there’s anything wrong with that!) advice we so often hear about being happy, and drives home the message about what NOT to do so clearly. I have several relatives who need to post this list next to their mirrors! Another great post, Kathy.
Hi Roxanne! Glad you liked my attempt at humor! When I read Fox’s list I just couldn’t help but put them in a post. Even as cheerful and optimistic as I am I confess I’ve spent a bit too much time on a couple of these. With Thanksgiving coming up it will be interesting to see how family members drag some of these out for conversation 🙂 ~Kathy