Like I mentioned last week, while I’m out of town I’m happy to introduce all of you to another SMART blogger named T.O. Weller (Tracey) who lives in a tiny town north of Toronto, Canada with her husband Kip and sweet dog George. Not only has Tracey become a close friend, she also lives a SMART and rightsized life. Thanks Tracey for allowing me to share another version of rightsizing!
Me & George staying warm on our first morning in the woods.
Two incredibly significant events took place one year ago: we embarked on our adventure in the woods, and Kathy and I met on Facebook. (Carl Jung would call it synchronicity: the two events have no causal link, but are meaningfully connected.)
Kathy was working on her latest book—Rightsizing—and as I got to know her work, it dawned on me: we were rightsizing! Not only did her philosophy resonate, but I thought the word itself was a perfect way to describe the ‘what’, the ‘how’, and the ‘why’ of it all.
The ‘What’ of Getting it Right
By the time I had sold 3 rooms-worth of furniture and shelf-filler, packed what we were keeping into a 10×20 storage unit, and sat myself down in a camping trailer to read and write to the sounds of hammers and mosquitoes, the draft copy of Rightsizing had become my manifesto.
But, having said that, Kathy’s rightsizing and my rightsizing are markedly different.
It really is true: no two are alike. We have a mutual friend who rightsized when she moved to a house half the size of her last home. With a very serious look on her face she shared her story, and … well … everyone at the table sort of broke out laughing.
Why? Because her new rightsized home is still twice the size of our homes. But this is where I’m going to vindicate our friend because, laughter aside, it dawned on me right there and then: in the end, the important thing was that it was right for her.
Me & George writing in the camping trailer.
One person’s rightsizing is not another person’s rightsizing. It’s not a ‘one size fits all’.
That’s the beauty of the word: the part that’s right, as in right for you — not your neighbors or your family or your friends. What’s right for one person is not going to be right for another, right? 😉
The ‘How’ of Getting it Right
There is no wrong way to rightsize but, at the same time, there is a general mindset that will help.
In any good conversation about rightsizing, the talk tends to go to the stuff we don’t need and how we’re going to get rid of it. But, as Kathy herself makes clear, rightsizing is not downsizing. Getting rid of extra stuff and the burden it carries on our wallets and psyches is a part of it, for sure, but it’s not the whole picture.
You don’t just do one big sweeping thing, like selling everything to move into that cute, tiny house at the end of the lane, and then say, “there, I’m rightsized.” That’s more like downsizing, and while there’s elements of one in the other, they’re not the same.
Downsizing has an endpoint — if you keep doing it, you will eventually run out of stuff! Rightsizing, on the other hand, doesn’t have an end point. It’s more like a philosophy that weaves its way through your lifestyle choices each and every day. Getting it right often means you try, you learn, you adjust, and then you try again.
We now have our beautiful little lake house but, for us, this is just the beginning. Our first full winter in the ‘boonies’ enlightened us. We now know what we must do: adjust, and that means build more.
Yes, you heard me right. More.
Our little lake house this spring, viewed during our first boat ride of the season.
My new writing office/cabin, complete with its own front porch, is now in progress. This was more like a fantasy for me, up until now. Now, it’s a necessity. Being shut inside while the winter winds howl and trying to write in an open concept house with a restless husband … it just doesn’t work. (Love ya honey, but …)
We’re also thinking of renting a small place in town for the winter months, where there’s streetlights and real people passing by on real sidewalks. It might also be nice to get closer to things like doctors, dentists, mechanics, veterinarians, and places to buy printer ink, specialty vitamins, organic kale and various unmentionables … especially when you can’t see the road for the snow.
All of this is to say that, when rightsizing, remember you’re working on making it right. Approach it like a process. Be flexible and gentle with yourself if you need to change the parameters a little. Depending on variables like location, climate, and personalities, getting it right may require some creative problem solving—some adjustments.
The ‘Why’ of Getting it Right
So, why do it at all?!
I left this part to the end because it’s so important. Knowing ‘why’ can often be the difference between sticking it out or packing it in. When we do anything worthwhile, knowing ‘why’ we’re doing it can be the compass that keeps us on track.
As Kathy already articulates so perfectly in her book, there are many reasons to rightsize. With retirement looming or already upon us, the financial landscape can look very different from what we were told to expect.
Add that to the hopes and dreams yet to be pursued—things left undone while we took care of student loans, mortgages, ‘stuff-collecting’, and/or children—and this stage of life has the potential to become full of new possibilities as a life sized right.
In our case, moving from the city to the country didn’t just give us the lake view of our dreams. We’re looking long term: it brings us closer to building a simpler, more self-sustaining way of life and, without the burden of debt, we can pursue work that we not only enjoy but will also offer us the most flexibility and security.
That’s our ‘why’—the compass that guides us. But, as I’ve said, everyone will have their own reasons … as well as their own ideas of how they will do it and what it will look like. It may never be perfect. We may never get it completely right. But that’s okay—it’s a work in progress.
I’m going to close with one of my all-time favorite quotes. I’m sure you’ve read it many times before, but it bears repeating … and makes an interesting prompt for comments this week!
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one precious life?” ~ Mary Oliver
T.O. Weller is a writer, editor, teacher, webmaster and life-long reinventor. She is building a community of fellow ‘second-acters’ through her blog, Never Too Late To Write, while she and her husband continue to work on their current life reinvention in Ontario, Canada cottage country.
I’m an accidental right-sizer and it was the bezt thing tnat ever happened to me. My life is so much more by having less.
The view of the house on the lake is enough to make me want to run away from LA traffic. I’ve had it with cities (at least for a while) and your story of rightsizing is so tempting!
Hi Rosemond, I truly understand! Long before we moved up here-from childhood, in fact-both my husband and I have ‘escaped’ the city by coming up here on weekends and holidays. Our love for this area is truly in our bones.
That being said, living here is quite different from visiting! It’s not an escape anymore, and that changes everything. We’re learning as we go, but as I begin to meet people (much more slowly than I’m used to in the city), it’s getting easier to figure out. My yoga teacher is the one who gave me the idea of looking for a place in town for the winter. (It took me quite a lot to find her first!)
So, make your escape. It’s good for the soul … but if you’re a city girl, I recommend caution and much reflection before rightsizing there! (Meant with much love for said country. LOL)
Hey Tracey, I’m curious to know which town you’re in. I’m from B.C. (now living in Seattle) and have been up in Ontario’s cottage country just a little bit, a long time ago, but it’s an intriguing area.
Hi Laura, when I saw your commentluv link, I had to go read your post first. You so perfectly articulate how we Canadians feel about The Hip!
My memory of them goes back to their beginnings in Kingston–my first love was a fan of theirs right from the start. They have such a distinctive sound; the minute one of their songs plays on the radio, I feel spirit lift. I just watched a 2012 interview with Downie on CBC last night and it brought it home even more. The tour this summer will be extraordinary, I’m sure.
BTW – We are in Coboconk … a small village close to Bobcaygeon. 😉
Hi Tracey, thanks for reading and commenting over my way. Geez, you live so close to where The Hip magic is made that you practically have it in your DNA.
My sister and I managed to get tickets to one of their two shows in Vancouver in July — the pre-sale has been tough this week because the robots are still slipping in past Ticketmaster’s screens, and so most of the tickets went to bots and then appeared on StubHub a few minutes later (for exorbitant prices, as you can well imagine). But I was persistent, and got some pretty nice seats so we won’t be up too high in the nosebleeds. It will be a very special night. I can’t even imagine what the Kingston show will be like. And I didn’t realize that the stadium is on a street named “The Tragically Hip Way.”
Right sizing is freedom. We built our house 28 years ago never thinking we would stay in it that long or it would turn out to be just right, but it just is. I wanted a one level and just enough rooms that get used every day. Fortunately we are close to a hospital, a freeway and mass transit. The hospital, and living in a big city I have to say are the most important things for me to get good available health care as I age. I have had 2 friends going through cancer living in small communities where their care was compromised because the facilities could not accommodate their needs.
Haralee, your house sounds perfect and how wonderful that you’ve enjoyed it for so long! What you describe demonstrates the philosophy of rightsizing so well; the idea that it is an individual process of finding what’s right.
And, yes, medical care is an important consideration; I too have seen what can happen when care is compromised. So, while we’re in the ‘boonies’, those ‘boonies’ are only 2 hours from Toronto for that very reason. Should a challenge like that arise, we are not too far from the best care in Canada and, strangely enough, we’ll have a better commute to get there than most of the people living on the main highway system who battle traffic.
That’s also key to the rightsizing process: taking a 360 view of everything … and even then, being prepared to adjust. 🙂
Love your post and especially that wonderful quote. What are we going to do with this one precious life? Your cabin looks so cool and what a lovely place for writing. So nice.
Thank you Laurie, it is pretty awesome. But, as I was saying on your blog just this morning, there are some inconveniences. 😉
Isn’t it just the kind of quote that belongs on the wall somewhere, where you can see it every morning?
I can only imagine how cold it must get up there in winter. We’ve moved so often over the past 40+ years I’m almost numb to it but, when we decided to pair two homes into one it was pretty daunting.
It was a huge dream come true to reach a stage in our life we could afford a beach house. We had moved into a tri-plex in Philly so Dave’s dad could have his own apt. and we could rent the other one. That made getting the beach house doable. But, fifteen years later the dream of having a ‘family compound’ at the beach with the whole family became a pipe dream. The grandkids are so busy and scheduled we only saw them for brief weekend visits once in a great while. And dad had moved into assisted living so we didn’t need the tri-plex anymore so we decided to sell both and move to Cape May in one ‘rightsized’ little farm house.
It was definitely the best move we’ve ever made. Winters are cold and the town is kind of empty, but I don’t mind at all. We get back into the city often and love that flexibility.
I’m sure your rightsizing will continue to turn into what you need. It’s a fun process, I think.
b
This is lovely, amazing and so right! Having an idea is one thing, but doing the processing, the hard work and going through the doubts is another. Delighted for you, Beth
Thanks Beth,
As with anything sizable and significant that we do in this life, there have been many more surprises and twists in the road than I ever would have expected. But, with that comes learning, and boy have we learned! LOL
Tracey, thank you for this post. We “down-sized” nearly ten years ago, and now I realise we actually “right-sized”. When people from big houses come to visit I often make excuses for our cosy two bedroomed cottage. (Actually one bed-room and a study/writing studio., plus of course sitting room, kitchen and lovely veranda.) WHY do I make excuses? You’ve given me a new way of looking at it. It’s exactly what we want and need at this 2nd act stage of our lives. Now to make my visitors envious! 🙂
Hi Shirley, that’s exactly it: we must do what’s right for us and, at this stage in our lives, we no longer need to check in with anyone else to do it.
It’s funny how ingrained it can be for us to worry about what others think, isn’t it?
I’m glad this helped you to see how right your cottage is for you. It sounds absolutely lovely!
I had no idea you were in a “little cabin in the wood” it looks gorgeous but I can imagine it would be quite daunting in the middle of a Canadian winter. I am a big fan of living the life you choose within your means – being debt free is very liberating and makes for a lot more freedom in your life choices. Great to see a little bit more of your life x
Leanne, daunting is a good word … but it’s also been lovely. Two sides of the same coin, as they say.
But really, until we jumped in, I had no idea what it would really be like. When we told “locals” that we had moved here, their first question often was, “so you haven’t been here for a winter yet?”, after which they’d get this odd look in their eye.
It started to freak me out, but now I understand! Getting it ‘right’ will be an ongoing process; the journey has just begun.
(I must say, I have so enjoyed seeing you with your new little grandchild on Facebook!)
Tracey, I just LOVE this! I’m already a big fan of Rightsizing–both the concept and Kathy’s book, which is a great resource. I’ve always lived close to the ground, learned the hard way when I quit corporate America to write decades ago. Then I started editing as well, and for such a long time, that consumed my life. A girl’s gotta eat 🙂
Now as I’m changing my life again–to writing much more, and editing less–rightsizing has come back into play. And yep, even though getting rid of stuff is part of it, the why of this is what keeps me motivated. I had gotten to the point where the aching to write more was pervasive, and being able to, just heaven.
I just love: “and this stage of life has the potential to become full of new possibilities as a life sized right.”
So true! Lovely post.
Thank you Susan!
I hear you there–a girl’s gotta eat! I too have lived by that mantra most of my life.
It touches on where we are right now–the next phase of our project: rightsizing our working life. Finding what’s right, what will allow us the balance and fulfillment we seek. As long as we were in city, it was just too difficult for us both to make the changes we longed for.
It sounds like you have finally found your rightsized working life … “heaven” is about as ‘right’ as it gets! I’m so happy for you!
You’re right about one size not fitting all. I loved your story and the fact that there are as many rightsizing stories are there are rightsizers!
Thanks Carol, it’s so true isn’t it? The more aware I get, the more stories I hear and they’re all ‘right’ for the person telling the tale.
Kathy, thank you so much for inviting me to write for your lovely blog today and I’m honored to be one of the SMART ones. 🙂