Okay I’ll admit it—Thom and I enjoy tales of the supernatural. For years we watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer on television. Together we’ve seen all sorts of movies and shows about werewolves, vampires, aliens and all sorts of bizarre characters doing all sorts of strange things. Most of them are pure entertainment. However, one of the more sinister creatures is called a succubus. While never fully fleshed out in most episodes, it needs little description. Simply put, a succubus is something that sucks out the very essence and joy of a person in all sorts of horrifying and painful ways. When you think about it, oppressive debt feels exactly the same. The good news is that just like how Buffy knew ways to slay vampires, there are at least five ways any of us can rise above even the worst sort of debt succubus on the way to a happy life.
In case you are wondering, Thom and I know how painful a succubus of debt can be because we lived it. A number of years ago we lived on credit. As self-employed entrepreneurs we never used it to live extravagantly. Instead we used credit and credit cards to finance our lives during several particularly lean income years. The more debt we accumulated the more we were sucked into the “rob Peter to pay Paul” lifestyle. You know you’re in trouble when your biggest business expense is interest paid on loans and you use credit cards to pay for groceries. It was a time of many sleepless nights, lots of feelings of frustration and helplessness, and predictably, lots of tension between Thom and I. As we all know, overwhelming debt is a succubus of personal happiness.
I won’t lie and say it was easy. But I can say that slowly but surely we began making progress and can now say that over time we slew that succubus. In the event that our example can help others, here are the five main ways we did it over a period of years:
1) Make freedom your goal. The first and foremost intention I believe a person must take on is to desire freedom. I think that most of us just assume that debt is a regular part of life so we don’t even attempt to fight it. When you’ve grown up with debt all around you, you seldom even consider that there might be a better way. If everyone else is struggling to pay their bills, most people decide early on that there is no other way. Our society often even fools us into believing that debt is a good thing. Ever heard that it is good to have a mortgage on your house so you can write off the interest? Trust me, having no payment at all is much better than a write off!
When freedom becomes a primary goal then you will analyze every expense BEFORE you take it on and decide whether that cost is worth feeling jailed by debt.
2) Practice Mindful Consuming. A big part of the problem is that most of us really don’t pay that much attention to how we spend our money. I know we sure didn’t when we were younger. In many cases we’d buy something we needed without considering all the options. And then before you know it, spending becomes a habit just like smoking or overeating or any one of a dozen bad habits. That’s why making a budget can really help. When you ask yourself to be very conscious and aware of what your income is, and then ask how that corresponds to what you want or need to spend in EVERY instance, it can help your break the bad habit of overspending.
Something that worked well in our relationship was giving each other an amount that each of us could spend without discussing it with the other person. It started out pretty low because we didn’t have much money in the beginning and then gradually grew. Now we are so accustomed to talking about purchases before we even consider them that we don’t have to even think about it. This keeps you conscious and makes you hyperaware of your purchases.
Plus, by staying conscious you are less likely to buy things impulsively and instead research for the best bargains available. I’m really good at researching so that job usually falls to me. Staying mindful about expenses and purchases is critical.
3) Have Patience. I know from experience that we all want a painful experience to be over as quickly as possible but the deeper you are in debt the longer it takes to get over. A couple of things we learned along the way were to take our time and think of long-term instead of short-term when making purchases. We also started thinking of things as an “investment” rather than just a purchase. When you start thinking that way you remember that quality always trumps quantity. Plus, we came up with the “sleep on it rule.” No matter how badly you think you want or need something, always tell yourself and each other than you have to sleep on it before you buy it. Patience is an essential tool to overcome debt and help with mindful consuming.
4) Overcome your excuses. A big problem with the bad habit of debt is the continual excuses we tell ourselves. A few of the favorites we used are:
a. I/we can afford it. i.e. What’s $5 a day for a Starbucks?
b. I/we deserve it. i.e. I work so hard I should be able to treat myself.
c. I want to make (my husband, my wife, my child, my_______ happy. i.e. I’m not buying it for myself. But I know it will make my ____________happy.
d. I don’t have time. i.e. I’m too tired to cook so I think we should go out tonight instead.
Unconscious excuses are really bad habits that can lead to spending money you don’t have. Once you recognize them, you should be able to stop buying anything that needs an excuse and instead make conscious and aware choices that fit your budget.
5) Find the right friends. One of the things I always appreciated about Buffy The Vampire Slayer was that she had a group of friends who would fight to the death with her to overcome the bad guys. I don’t think we can overlook the fact that our friends (and/or family) will either help reduce our debt or they will feed us to the succubus. Even when they don’t have sinister motives, if they are in the grips of the succubus they might think that misery loves company and encourage you to stand beside them instead. Don’t be fooled.
If people tell you it is not only okay but desirable to have debt, please consider that very carefully. Back when I went to college there wasn’t the pressure to get student loans that there is today. But remember; just because everyone else is doing it, doesn’t make it SMART. Try to find a way to get your education without debt. I know it is harder but it can be done. Hang out with people who will tell you it’s possible and avoid those who don’t.
Back when we were heavily in debt the big story going around was how the only way to get rich was to use OPM (Other people’s money!) We were encouraged to take on as much debt (and leverage ourselves) as possible. That line of thinking was behind the big real estate collapse five years ago—and while you’d think people would learn better, it is still alive and well. Sure you might catch a few licks in there—but trust me—there is a huge downside of oppressive debt that sucks the enjoyment out of every single day. Pick friends that know it is possible to do well in life and succeed without oppressive debt. They’re there—I know it because those are the kind of friends we have now.
So where are we now? I’m happy to say that once Thom and I used the above avenues to achieve financial wellbeing we went even further and are now living completely debt free. What is important to realize that now without all that debt we have lots of excess money to save, invest and even enjoy doing the things that are really important to us—like travel. Although it took us quite a few years to accomplish it, the advantages of the life we are living now so exceeds the struggles we endured in the past that there is no going back. We also stay very aware and keep our focus on the above five elements so that we continue to stay debt free. Never forget that just because you slew your debt succubus in the past, that there isn’t another one lurking nearby.
Looking back over the years I can still remember how it felt to be in the firm grip of the succubus of debt. It was tempting to believe that someone like Buffy would come along and save us, we’d win the lottery, or Aunt Millie would die and leave us a fortune. But now I know that it is both SMART and possible to slay any succubus that keeps any of us from living a happy, peaceful and meaningful life.
*Here is another SMART Living Post about financial management: Rightsizing your finances–A SMART way to manage money
“This post is shared at Healthy, Happy, Green & Natural Party Hop”
Strange how we sometimes feel that earning more money is the answer to been debt free when instead it has to do with managing our resources properly. I Still have a lot of learning to do in managing my resources. I like the idea of sleeping over whether to make a purchase or not. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Adebisi! I’m so glad you understand that going debt free is really only possible when you do manage your resources properly. Even now in my position, it would still be fairly easy to go into debt when I have a good financial year. Instead, recognizing that I need to consider what is important to me before buying anything is really a key. And yes, sleeping on things first is always a good idea. ~Kathy
Great post Kathy, debt is a burden and causes so much stress that it can make one go to their grave much earlier. We are a nation in trillion in debt and most of us have not even learnt the lessons of getting out of debt. Lets be Free of Debt!
Hi Tom! Welcome to SMAART Living 365 and thank you for your comment. Yes, getting free of debt is so very important and I don’t think that we can hear and read about it enough…let’s just keep putting it out there right? ~Kathy
Great article Kathy. I’m going to ditch my friends – they’re far too extravagant – and find myself a new best friend at the local nunnery!
Hi Sue! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living! I don’t necessarily agree that you have to ditch all your friends and only hang out with nuns, but I hope you get the point that the people we hang around with can, and do, effect the thoughts we think and the way we behave. If you find yourself spending far more than you should and are deeply troubled by it, this is one thing to look at. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
Becoming a debt free that’s really a very tough for all but you did really a great job and became a debt free. Consider for a good debt firm can be a great option to become debt free easy and effective way to have peaceful and meaningful life.
Hi Jolly! I know it isn’t the easiest to do but it is so-o-o-o worth it if you can. And the only way to start is to decide it is important and then make it a strong intention. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
Greetings for the day, It seems that the article is telling the essence of having debt. I also faced hell of a problems with debts but slowly cleared every thing and now no tensions in life,
You have given a great information, keep it up
Hi Sri Katyayani! Welcome to SMART Living and thank you for sharing your thoughts. Glad to hear that you’ve managed to reduce your debt load and escaped from that hell of tension that comes to us when we have it. ~Kathy
So enjoyed this post. I lived beyond my means for years, but began to suffer so much anxiety at the size of my debt that all of my go-to excuses no longer worked. It took me 5 1/2 years to pay everything off, including my mortgage. I made my last payment just before I got laid off – my year+ of unemployment (I’m over 50) would have been so much worse if I had still had debt & no savings. But now that I’m working again, I’ve been tempted to slip back into old spendthrift ways. I love sites like yours to help me stay mindful about my spending and saving. If I can stay frugal, I hope to save half my income – financial freedom seems achievable.
Hi Lian! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living and joining this conversation. Good for you for recognizing how debt was dragging you down and coming up with the strength and conviction to pay it all off. And as you say, even when you still face financial difficulty, it is so-o-o much better when you don’t have that debt hanging over you! Glad to hear things are turned around for you now with the job. And I can’t help but believe that now that you’ve learned to be more careful and frugal it will stay with you. That’s certainly what happened to us. It seems almost easier to save sometimes than spend! Good luck with your plans and stay strong! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
I truly agree that excessive indebtedness is one of the worst problems many face today. Thank you so much for sharing your smart and savvy insights on ways to prevent or overcome overwhelming debt and achieve finance wellbeing on the Healthy, Happy, Green & Natural Blog Hop! I appreciate it and I am sure many others will too!
Hi Deborah! Thank YOU for allowing me to share my posts (this and other ones) on your great website Urban Naturale and your Blog Hops. You do great work there and I’m always happy to be a part of it! ~Kathy
I like step one. You are so right, most people think that debt is normal. I use to think that my debt was normal and I wasn’t so bad off. I remember the moment I realized it wasn’t normal. It felt like I had woke up from a deep sleep. Trust me….I’m wide awake now. Thank you for this post it’s great.
Hi Petrish! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living and joining the conversation. Isn’t it crazy how we teach each other to think that debt is not only normal–but beneficial in some ways??? And what a great way of thinking that you “woke up from a deep sleep.” Sort or like a nightmare huh? Good for you for recognizing that you must stay wide awake. It’s great hearing your story on your blog. Thanks again for your comment. ~Kathy
We have always avoided debt, buying less house than the bank said we could afford, using credit cards carefully, budgeting for big purchases. At times, I felt that maybe we were selling ourselves short and doing without perks that others enjoyed. But, we never had that succubus of debt breathing down our necks, and that was important to us. I guess we have always been mindful consumers. Now I feel like we were ahead of our time!
Hi Kathy D! Good for you for having the foresight to stay out of debt. Where were you raised? I tend to think that where we are raised and HOW we are raised can have a big influence on us. I’m sure at times you wondered whether you were taking the right approach when you say others blowing money all over the place, but I’ll bet after living through one (or more) financial meltdowns you know you are on the right track. I think you are right–you were ahead of your time! 🙂 Stay strong! ~Kathy
Your success at overcoming the debt is an inspiration, one I definitely need as the succubus is at my door. Well, more accurately, lurking about my house. Thank you for sharing your plan of attack.
Hi Lisa! Thank you for your comment! And I surely hope that I can provide some inspiration because debt is something that robs us of a happy life. Good for you for even admitting that the succubus is lurking about your house–I think a lot of people are in denial about that! And the only way to get rid of him/her is to go on the defensive. Good luck with your plan of attack and don’t give up! ~Kathy
You’ve hit the nail on the head with some very direct talk. The idea of mindful consuming is so important, and so is to jettison the excuses. It’s been a long time since I had debt–it scared me so I adjusted my lifestyle to my income and life goals. Never looked back or been tempted.
Hi Carol! Thank you for dropping SMART Living 365 and joining the conversation. Good for you for recognizing early on that debt can be so disastrous. I wish all of us had taken that tactic. My hope was to help others who may be facing a similar challenge to the one my husband and I faced many years ago. And good for you that you’ve never been tempted. I know that I will never go there again. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts. ~Kathy
I love your analogy between debt and vampires, ghosts, etc. I love how Hollywood makes these creatures sexy… Yet, if you think of it in terms of debt… It’s not sexy but at ALL! Ha!
Hi Gigi Eats! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living! I agree that Hollywood makes many of the creatures look sexy and cool…but as you say, debt isn’t sexy at ALL! Anything that sucks the life and joy out of our life can’t be good! ~Kathy
What great advice! And how did you know all of the excuses I use to justify spending? We’re 20 months into our journey out of debt, but I still need these reminders. Thank you for your clear, helpful, bang-on strategies for debt-reduction.
Hi Prudence! Thank you for stopping by SMART Living and sharing your thoughts. And yes, aren’t those excuses just too easy to use over and over again. I obviously was very familiar with them from my own history so I’m not surprised you thought so too. Congratulations to you for getting a handle on your spending and making the commitment to get out of debt. It will be so-o-o worth it! Just remember that even when you arrive there–those tricky excuses will try to work their way back into your life. Stay strong! ~Kathy
You HAVE to overcome excuses. There’s always going to be a reason NOT to do something. One thing I hear people say all the time, and even hear myself saying from time to time is “I can afford it.” Yes, technically I have the money to afford that particular product at that given time. But for us to get to where we want to be in life, I need to allocate those scare resources to their better alternative uses.
Hi Ryan! Thank you for stopping by SMART Living and joining the conversation. Yes! Isn’t that excuse about
“I can afford” it a tricky one? On one hand I think it is important to acknowledge our successes and every now and then treat ourselves to something special especially when we’ve done something we set out to do. But, there is such a fine line between telling ourselves routinely that we can afford it and then spending way more than we should. As you say, we “need to allocate those scarce resources to their better alternative uses,” instead. Thanks again for your comment. ~Kathy
Just what I needed to read–in the transition between a desk job and freelancing, combined with out-of-pocket expenses for my ex-husband (longer story) I turned to credit cards. I’ve learned quite a bit about being intentional in my spending, giving up little extras like you’ve mentioned in #4 and thinking about what I need/want to purchase. But, it’s not easy. I’m slowly moving towards a debt-free life.
Hi Walker! Yes, when we switch occupations it is always a bit harder to stay financial strong–and then throw a break-up in there and you have more to contend with. I will admit that it has been easier for us because we just stuck with it for so long that it gradually got better and better. And best of all, we are on the same page about finances (which if your spouse or partner resists it could be VERY hard). But I do believe it is possible for us all–but again the intention has to be from the start. Good luck to you and stay strong! ~Kathy
Kathy, first off – congratulations on becoming debt-free! I know it would have taken a lot of hard work and patience to make that happen. Your advice is very sound, and I’ll be paying special attention to the bit about making excuses — I think that’s a real pitfall for many of us.
Very informative post, as always! Thanks!
Nancy
Hi Nancy! Thank you—it feels awesome to be debt free! And I hope that everyone knows that I’m not just bragging about it (even though I am quite proud)! I just think it’s very important that people not only know it is very possible but something that brings tremendous peace and happiness. While we’ve had to make choices and trade-offs to achieve it–and like you say hard work and patience–for us it was a VERY good choice. But yes, we have to give up our excuses even though every now and then I’m REALLY tempted! 🙂 Like your recent blog post it goes along with “clarity, peace and joy!” ~Kathy
Overcoming your excuses is SO hard for most people. They don’t want to believe they can change, so don’t. Good post!
Hi Catherine! Thank you so much for stopping by SMART Living and leaving a comment. Yes, excuses are probably one of the biggest problems we have when attempting to get rid of our debt. Unfortunately I think it happens because it’s easier to stay unconscious to our spending habits that really dig deep and get to the bottom of why we believe spending money will make us happier. Once we can be honest with ourselves it is much easier. Thanks again for stopping by. ~Kathy
Very important and informative post. I will be sharing it with my children. I am in the process of becoming debt free.
Hi Kathy! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living and joining the conversation. That you think it is worth sharing with your kids is high praise. Thank you for that! While my parents did as well as they were able raising me, I don’t think they had the clarity to appreciate what I have grown to learn in my life. Based on that I so encourage you to keep working toward a debt free lifestyle. It is difficult to explain how good it feels beyond the obvious but trust me, it will so be worth the effort! ~Kathy
Excellent post, Kathy. I have counseled my children against getting credit cards because we, too, have experienced the succubus monster. This is such an important message for everyone and I will share it in my circles. Thank you!
Hi Helene! Thank you! I’m glad you liked this one. I so agree that guiding your children in a good direction regarding credit is so very important. Back when I was growing up, credit wasn’t so easily available so I don’t think my parents thought much about it so I wasn’t really warned against it. So much of it though is the pressure to keep up with others–be they your peers OR those we witness in the media. Having guidance and keeping the conversation open is VERY important. Thanks as always for stopping by. ~Kathy
Great post! We got rid of ALL of our store credit cards (except Target, because that 5% adds up when you are there weekly) and use only one card, and pay that off monthly. If a month’s bill was higher than we feel it should have been, we are extra mindful the following month.
Our challenge right now is teaching our kids about mindful spending and how to save. It’s tough when they live in an area where all their friends have, literally, everything.
Hi Jenn! Thank you for stopping by and joining this conversation. I agree that we can to learn how to use our credit cards consciously but it does take discipline. We too use one credit card exclusively but just like you, we pay it off each and every month. It is a good way to watch your expenses if you are paying attention AND it is also really good for racking up the sky miles for free airline travel. (that’s very important to us!)
I so congratulate you for taking the time and making the effort to teach your children about mindful spending. But I don’t doubt it is a very difficult challenge. Thanks again for stopping by and keep up the good work! ~Kathy
Excellent post! And congrats on becoming debt free! We are working on it – and the rewards are great for each item paid off!
Hi Lynne! Thank you so much for stopping by SMART Living and leaving a comment. And good for you for working on going debt free. I was chatting with another blogger who is doing the same thing and I think we should start a debt-free club for those of us working on it and those of us who’ve made it. I think it is VERY important to let others know that it’s not only possible,–but one of the best things they can do for their happiness. Thanks again for stopping by! ~Kathy
Awesome post! It’s an important topic and one we don’t talk about enough. Our finances are wrapped up in our self esteem. I learned this during my divorce. I include a chapter in my book solely on learning to budget. Your 5 focus points are excellent! I think one other important point is that money management or succubus management is a lifelong skill. It’s something we get better at the more we practice it. I fall off the wagon once in a while and cave to an impulsive buy. So, I’m still needing to practice the skills 🙂
Hey Lisa! Thank you for joining the conversation. I so agree that not enough of us talk about the subject and it’s probably because as you say, a big part of our self esteem is tied in there with how we view our bank account. Good for you for including budgeting in your book. The sooner we can learn to do that the better off we will be–but again like you say, it is a life-long skill. I’m also convinced that the better we get at knowing what really makes us happy, the easier it is to really focus on buying only those things or experiences. So when you do cave it’s for the REALLY good stuff! Thanks again for stopping by. ~Kathy