The crone crown I made at the recent croning ceremony.
Last weekend I drove to a small town about 50 miles from where I live to be a part of a Croning Ceremony. There, along with 28 other women, I officially became a crone. Why? As a woman who is about to turn 65 in a few months, I thought it was time for me to embrace and celebrate the woman I am, rather than the woman I used to be. Not only was the gathering of women and the ceremony itself heartfelt, uplifting and inspiring, the experience helped me to get in touch with an inner archetype that most women (and some special men) hold inside. Could it be possible that that energy is exactly what the world needs most right now?
If you are anything like me, chances are you’ve heard the label of crone before and thought of it as the last thing you’d ever strive to be. It’s true that most modern dictionaries define the word as an “ugly, withered old woman.” But quite the contrary, the word actually originates from the word “crown” and signifies a distinction placed on a woman once she achieves a certain age, wisdom and status within the community. That sounds better doesn’t it?
By the same token the word “hag,” which is often thought of in combination with the crone, actually evolved from a description of a woman considered holy, divine and powerfully supernatural. Yet, by denigrating those words, I can see why our culture and many men feel far more comfortable when confronted with the power of a woman. Unfortunately, many women today believe those lies as well.
However, with women living longer and becoming more and more conscious of their own strength, the word crone is growing in popularity and hopefully, acceptance. Plus, as many of us experience the power of such a ceremony, the more likely the value and benefits will be talked about, written about and shared with others.
One such woman is Jean Shinoda Bolen author of numerous books including Goddesses in Every Woman and Crones Don’t Whine—Concentrated Wisdom for Juicy Women. Using her writing and her age, Bolen clarifies what it means to be a crone and offers a wonderful introduction to the power that women hold in the third part of their lives. It was from her that I learned that most women (and some men) carry that particular archetype within them. Remember, an archetype is an energy “pattern” or blueprint that helps to define our personalities and actions. When we recognize that blueprint, and bring it forth, it enhances our lives and the lives of those around us. According to Bolen, there are 13 identifiable characteristics of a crone. Five that I found most compelling are:
- Crones don’t whine. First and perhaps most important, crones don’t whine or complain. (Of course it doesn’t mean they don’t drink wine!) They don’t blame others or point fingers. Instead, they stand confident in the awareness that they can bravely face whatever comes next and serve as an example to all. Crones endure.
- Crones don’t grovel. By the time a woman reaches a certain age she no longer needs play small to make others feel better. She doesn’t need approval or acceptance. And she recognizes her own power while standing strong in who she is and what she has to offer.
- Crones have green thumbs. There is something within women, no matter their age, who have the power to grow things. This likely comes from the mother archetype. Yes, like gardens, flowers, and all living things—crones have the ability to grow, support, mentor and educate.
- Crones savor the good. By the time a woman gets to a certain age they’ve lived through a lot. But they tend to always remember the gift of just being alive. And because of that, they do their best not to take anything for granted and gratefully accept the privilege that waking up every day offers them as they grow older.
- Crones are fierce about what matters to them. Have you ever witnessed an older woman passionate about what matters to her? Bolen calls that “juicy.” When we are no longer afraid to be ourselves and are willing to hold tough with what we believe needs to happen, we are fierce. Crones are a formidable force to be reckoned with!
Another woman who introduces us to the power of older women is Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes who wrote The Power of the Crone: Myths and Stories of The Dangerous Old Woman and Her Special Wisdom. She writes, ‘Who is the crone? She is the most dangerous, the most radical, the most revolutionary woman in existence. Whether in fairy tales or in consensual reality, the old one goes where she wants to and she acts as she wishes; she lives as she chooses. And this is all as it should be. And no one can stop her. Nor ought they try.”
Or what about the author of Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert? Gilbert points out that most of us are more familiar with our inner child or even our inner goddess. Yet, she recommends we take the time to get to know and become that wise old woman who lives inside us. Why? As Gilbert says, “The really old ladies are always bad-asses. I’m talking about the real survivors. The women who have been through everything already, so nothing scares them anymore. The ones who have already watched the world fight itself nearly to death a dozen times over. The ones who have buried their dreams and their loved ones and lived through it. The ones who have suffered pain and lived through it, and who have had their innocence challenged by ten thousand appalling assaults…and who lived through all of it. The world is a frightening place. But you simply cannot frighten The True Crone.”
Gilbert suggests that we all start recognizing and celebrating those crones who inspire us. She mentions the women who have returned to live at Chernobyl in spite of the dangers. Their home, their community and their freedom mean more to them than fear of death. Apparently they believe that after all they have been through, living and growing things back on that radioactive land they call home with friends is far superior than living in bleak, tenement housing in a city with strangers. What do they have to lose? That’s badass.
Or what about Ruth Bader Ginsburg? How many times has she fiercely faced down discrimination and adversity (not to mention several bouts of cancer)—that’s badass! What about Nancy Pelosi? Even if you don’t like her politics, she is seriously spicy and badass! Or what about Maxine Waters, the first woman and African American to lead the U.S. House Financial Services Committee at age of 80 and serve a total of 15 terms. Wow! Just contemplating all that she has faced—again and again—serious bad ass! How about Jane Goodall who has spent her entire life fighting for animal awareness issues and the environment? Or what about Gloria Steinem? That woman is the definition of bad-ass and all women owe her an amazing amount of gratitude for where we are today.
Still, if you google “older woman making a difference in the world” what usually pops up are photos of beautiful older women (mainly celebrities) who still “look” young and good. I’m fairly convinced that a true and powerful Crone doesn’t give a damn about whether her primary attributes are “looking good or young.”
So what is my biggest takeaway now that I’ve been croned? Perhaps it is the awareness that it is time for me (and all of us of a certain age) to accept our inner crone and start acting fearless. You know what I mean? Remember, it wasn’t that long ago that few of us lived past age 50 (the official age of a crone). Nowadays we have a good 30 to 40 years after that time to live out the remainder of our lives. What are we doing with all that extra time?
Like most of you I definitely appreciate (and hope to not lose) the benefits, the freedom and the better health that those additional years offer me. But isn’t it likely that there is also an obligation for those benefits? An obligation to our children and future generations? An obligation to Mother Earth, the animals who share our world, the air we breathe, the food and water we ingest? Life Itself? I think a crone takes that all into account and fiercely shows up and gives what she feels called to give. We are not walking in this world alone.
I’m not sure what the future holds for me or anyone else. As usual, the SMART approach is for each of us to find it for ourselves. But I think like Bolen says, “I believe that the thought that women together can change the world is emerging into the minds and hearts of many of us, and that the vessel for personal and planetary evolution is the circle with a spiritual center.” Perhaps in the end, we crones are the ones we have been waiting for.
You are a wonderful inspiration, Kathy. To embrace the term, “crone.” Very wise words, “the woman I am, rather than the woman I used to be.” Wow, crone and crown? Very interesting new information.
I especially like your phrase how Crones are a formidable force to be reckoned with!
You know I am a fan of your research and your writing, Kathy. I enjoy and learn from all of your posts. This post struck a nerve.
I haven’t read the book Liesbet mentioned, although I am definitely curious and will hunt it down.
Thank you for a thought-provoking and empowering post, Kathy.
Hi Erica! Thanks for letting me know this post resonated with you. It’s rather surprising to me that I felt empowered since my “croning.” I didn’t really expect that. I was just curious and thought, “What the heck?” And my WOTY is “Yes!” after all. But standing in a circle of strong women who have gone through so much (my experiences seemed so minor in comparison ) it reminded me that we truly are much stronger than we usually realize and that we should not just sit back and forget that–especially with all the change and uncertainty in the world today. ~Kathy
I like the crone archetype as part of myself — for one thing, it’s a nice antidote to the sugary grandmother image that’s another big social archetype (and which is another part of me). It acknowledges the power, strength, competence, and experience older women have gained from their long, strenuous lives. And I love the way you discuss it as turning that power and strength to the good of others and the planet.
I think one thing that’s hard about retirement is that my job (as a high-school English teacher) was my major area of (benign) power and competence. I knew how to get students writing well and how to make them read literature with their whole being. Now that I’ve left teaching, I’m still a little at sea about how to make all those skills and areas of knowledge WORK for the world. I suspect it will happen eventually, but in the meantime….
Hi Nancy! It sounds like you have amazing talent and skill that could still be of tremendous value to the world. I believe mentoring those younger than us is something that is often undervalued but so very important. While I know it can be challenging to find the right “fit” following your previous line of work, but I sense that you loved it and that will guide you in the right direction. Please, please please continue in some form.
And funny how you mention that the crone energy can help balance the grandmother archetype. I’m not a grandmotherly type in energy or in reality so maybe that’s why the crone feels so “right” to me 🙂 Either way, I am firmly convinced that we women over 50 have the ability to change the world in a positive way. And the more we can recognize that power and work together for the good of all, the better. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy. Way back in the 90s (when I wasn’t even 50 yet) I was part of a group of university women that called ourselves The Crones. Our purpose in meeting regularly was to educate ourselves about personal finances/investment management, something that women historically have been excluded from. My colleagues in that group taught me about the positive meaning of the word “crone.”
Jude
Hi Jude! I’d guess that any topic that women have been excluded from is fair game for a “crone discussion.” There are so many positive things about being one if we take the time to switch our bias around a bit and appreciate what it can bring. Let’s keep spreading the word, okay? ~Kathy
I’ve been a crone for many years and have identified as one. Loved “Crones Don’t Whine” and would love to read Pinkola Estes’ work on croning. Apparently it is only in CD format and quite expensive. Loved your article and must say you got it right, despite not having read the works you cite.
Hi Elaine! Thank you! One of the great advantages of the internet today is that we can learn about the works of all sorts of amazing people. While that doesn’t give us the depth and breadth of their writing and works, it is a wonderful place to start. Oh, and podcasts and online lectures are also amazing resources. Congrats on your “crondum” and may your wisdom carry forth to all you encounter! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy, I had no idea that Crone had a positive origin. I assumed it was to women what curmudgeon is to men. Now that I know, I have to find a way to incorporate a ceremony into my 65th birthday celebration. Of course, I will have to have a scepter to go with my crown!
Your essay is marvelous, Kathy. I loved reading it and it made me reach for a book that I’ve had for a long time and will now reread: “Women Who Run With the Wolves” by Dr. Estes. Thank you for your insight.
Hi Kate! Thank you. And I’m betting we would all benefit from that reread. But do put her new book on your list too. I’m thinking she goes into FAR greater depth in that book about where we go from here. If you read it, let me know! ~Kathy
“By the same token the word “hag,” which is often thought of in combination with the crone, actually evolved from a description of a woman considered holy, divine and powerfully supernatural.” I think feminine power has been overlooked and denigrated throughout history especially in patriarchal societies. And then we women start to believe it. Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ book “Women Who Run With the Wolves” was a coming of age read for me back in the 90’s. I often think about that book during difficult times, reminding myself that this is a time to sit back and pant. Thanks for sharing. Bole’s book is going on my something to read list. As an aside Kathy, the comments were visible to me this morning. Yeah!
Hi Mona! Yes to all of us becoming more aware of what it means to get older AND be a woman too. I haven’t actually read Estes book or Bolen’s book on croning…but I’m guessing just about every woman has read “Women Who Run With The Wolves.” Now that we’re older we would likely find her book about Croning to be equally as powerful. ~Kathy
Wow, so interesting to learn about this topic!! Another great blog that fits our “age group”, and all women! Going to a Crone group or not, your information so so beneficial! I think I’ll “crone” myself!
Hi Susan! Isn’t it good to remember that we have more power than we know but we often don’t give ourselves permission? And I’m all for self-croning but I also believe that there is something VERY special about getting together with a few other women and making it an experience. Trust me, you’ll be happy you did and I think there are dozens of ways it can be done. Let me know if you do! ~Kathy
Interesting. I have heard the words crone and hag all my life but had no idea they were not originally negatives and actually have a positive connotation. Thanks for updating my vocabulary knowledge.
That said, I’d never use either word in public. Most people probably would not know what your readers now know!
Hi Bob! Well I am VERY happy to introduce you to the origins of the words. Definitely puts a different spin on the idea of women AND getting older doesn’t it. And for you to even recognize it likely that you are one of the special men who has that archetype within them (and is married to one who does too.) It feels good to let so many people know that the words AND the idea of women getting older can be so very powerful and beneficial. Thanks for your comment. ~Kathy
In between my comment and your reply, I did find something on Facebook. It seems the ceremony they were having later in January was for a specific person, though. I love the idea of a communal ceremony. I’ll keep looking!
Hi Janis! Yes I think normally they are done for one person at a time. But having participated in a group croning I can attest to its value. 🙂
I love your posts but seriously hate the term bad-ass. I must be old, smile.
Hi Nanci! Thank you! And as you are obviously a women who is likely in touch with her inner crone and isn’t afraid to let her thoughts be known, I actually agree with you. I’ll admit that I seldom use it myself but I did want people to read this post and I thought it was eye catching 😉 Let’s face it, something told me that if I only put the word “crone” in the title that would turn off a bunch of you so I threw out a lure. Don’t worry. I probably won’t use it in a title (or text) for a VERY long time! ~Kathy
Kathy, we who have discovered you, wIll read your posts regardless of titles. I’m familiar with the positive interpretation of Crone however, so that wouldn’t have turned me off reading it. My mid 40’s beloved daughter in law and mid 30’s stepdaughter use the term and have been described as bad ass women. They are both a complied and fierce (in a good way) women. I know that they consider it a compliment although the history of the phrase isn’t very complimentary. All I can ever think of when I see it, is “why would anyone want to have a bad ass?” I really do hate the term but at least it can make me laugh.
“A Complied“ was supposed to be the word accomplished. (Accomplished and fierce women.) I thought that I had proofed before sending. Oops.
Hi Nanci! no worries…did you see the glaring typo I had on the post notification email? It happens. Hopefully the idea behind the message is what makes it through. and yes to accomplished and fierce women! ~Kathy
Believe it or not, but I’d never heard or read about crones. Sounds like I’d fit right in. Except, I haven’t reached the “official age” yet. With all this knowledge and experience, how could we not live well – mentally and physically – our remaining years?
Your blog post reminded me of that book Hillary Clinton and her daughter recently wrote about “brave women”. I forgot what it’s called, but maybe you’ve read it? Thoughts?
Hi Liesbet! I hope other women who aren’t yet in the “crone age” are also reading this or other things about croning. I wish I had. Wouldn’t it be awesome if we all started appreciating and celebrating all the things we’ve learned and can offer each other and the world with the time we have spent on the planet. Most of us, especially you, have so much time left to live, let’s make it matter okay?
And no I haven’t read the book by Hillary and her daughter. Did you? I’m really curious now. Did anyone else out there reading this comment??? Let me know. ~Kathy
I haven’t read it, no. I don’t do much reading these years… 🙁 But, I joined Mark when he was watching a interview with the pair on Netflix a few months ago. One of them was with Steven Colbert, I believe. The other was an interview either on 60 Minutes or something like that when I was last visiting my in-laws.
Hmmmm…I’ll see if I can find it. Thanks for the referral!
“The Book of Gutsy Women” by Hillary and Chelsea Clinton – https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07TGCXPFT/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
I love that women are taking back the power of the word “crone.” It is a moniker that we should be proud of, not run from. How did you find that Croning Ceremony? I would love to find one in my area. Wear your crone crown proudly, Kathy, you are seriously a bad-ass women of distinction.
Hi Janis! Like I was saying in my reply to Michele I went to the retreat thinking there was no way I was going to go around telling everyone I was a crone….hahahaha…I guess the secret is out now. But the thing is, like I mentioned to Michele, I found that being with the women, doing a ritual, and then spending time contemplating and reading a bit about what it is and what it means completely changed my mind. Croning REALLY asks us to recognize that we are not young women anymore…shoot, we aren’t really middle age either. What we are is older but that still means we have so very much to offer each other and the world and it’s time we began to feel what that means.
As far as where I found the group it was led by women from the local Unitarian Universal church that Thom and I attend occasionally. When I saw they were offering it several months ago I signed up even though I barely knew any of the women in advance. Didn’t matter. Everyone was welcoming, interesting and heartfelt. No conversion necessary! 🙂 I’ll bet there are croning ceremonies going on all over the country but you might have to do a little digging. OR, like I mentioned in my reply to Mary…maybe you make up your own! ~Kathy
This changed my thinking about the word “crone” and gave me a new appreciation for women of wisdom. Here is to living fearlessly!
Hi Michele! It is funny that I went to this retreat thinking I REALLY disliked the word and wasn’t going to ever use it! But something about sharing time and experience with a group of women (many older, some younger) really helped me appreciate the power women hold. We’ve lived through a lot and rather than pretend it is just another day’s work, it was a new awareness that we have so very much to offer–let’s not hide it anymore. Croning give us the opportunity to claim our wisdom and our power in a visible way. And YES to living fearlessly! ~Kathy
I am Crone and have been for years. There are Crone FB groups to join that are supportive in so many ways. Crones are not every older woman, but the woman who chose to live her life to grow in wisdom and compassion, and considers others’ well being along with herself. Age does not equal Crone. One must earn Crone. We are the ones we have been waiting for, and I will say, many Millennials are ones I have been waiting for. If Crones and Wise Men (I don’t know the name for a male Crone) and wise young people come together to act in the best interests of our planet and all Earthlings, who can stop us? Good article! LOL!
Hi Elaine! Happy Croning! Thank you so much for letting us know that there are Crone Groups on FB. I didn’t even think of that but I can see where it would be helpful. I agree that not every woman is a crone (and probably don’t want to be) but based on the research I found that if you consider the crone to be a central “archetype” then it is available to all women who choose to recognize, embrace it and express it in their lives. That’s why men can have one too. When the “crone” within becomes a calling for a person, you’re right, there is nothing that can stop us. ~Kathy
Hi, Kathy – Awesome post! Congratulations on officially becoming a “crone”. I completely agree that women together CAN change the world (barriers that women themselves often put up against this is another very long discussion)!
BTW – I did google “older woman making a difference in the world”. The first article that popped up was “10 Woman Over 50 Who Prove it is Never Too Late to Change the World.” Encouraging? Yes — especially since the list included environmentalists, social reformers, immigration advocates, researchers, scholars…and not an actress in sight. Sadly, the article lost points for me for highlighting the outfits that the women were photographed in, and who designed them. Arrrgggghhhh!!!
Hi Donna! Thank you and yes to changing the world! And how annoying to find such powerful women with a focus on their “outfits.” Of course that is easy for me because fashion has never been one of my strong suits. But it does make me wonder how much damage we women do to our “cause” when we allow ourselves to be distracted and focused on clothing, makeup, hair etc. I would FAR rather hear a story about what a women did for herself and others than what she looked like. However I think I might be in the minority. But now that I’m a crone I don’t care!!! 🙂 ~Kathy
Happy to be in my croanage! I do whine however and make no apologies for it!
Hi Haralee! Spoken like a true crone! But I think the point that Bolen was making, and it made sense to me that it is more about taking responsibility for our own feelings and actions and from what I know about you, that fits. I didn’t read Bolen’s book but listened to a podcast interview she did about it and he major point was that crones don’t typically allow themselves to just be cranky old women who complain about everything and make everyone else wrong instead of themselves–and yeah, I think we’ve all come across those kind of men and women in our lives. Bolen truly believes we are here to help heal each other and that crones are wonderful at drawing people together rather than alienating them. See I told you that you were a crone! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
I wanna be a crone…
How cool, had only heard the negative connotations. But celebrating the unique gifts given to older women makes perfect sense to me!
Hi Nancy! Guess what? You can be. Technically any woman over 50 can feel the call. Of course it is nice to make it official by having a ceremony…but again, from everything I’ve read we can make that up any way we want. It is more about getting in touch and “expressing” that inner part of ourself than anything else. Something tells me that would be easy for you! ~Kathy
Wish there was a crone group I could join in person and since I live among lots of older women (in Fl), you’d think there would be some…but not so…
Other than a few dear friends I mean
Hi Mary! It sounds like you might have the makings of a crone group right where you are if you have a few dear friends who are close by???? From what research I’ve read about it online, that’s far more usual (as small group) rather than the large one I participated in. I haven’t read the books but I’d bet that either the book by Estes or by Bolen would offer some tips about how to make-up the ritual. Just participating in a ritual together helps to bond you and bring you closer–and then from there you could go on to create a group that meets regularly to talk about things that matter to you. Of course it is nice if someone else does it for us….but maybe it is your soul that is calling that out in you? Let me/us know if you do decide to take the leap and we’ll all support you from afar!!!! ~Kathy
I can’t believe it! You’ve touched on my research again — for my novel and dissertation! (Maybe we should talk!?) And yes, I believe the Crone energy is exactly what this planet needs right now.
I’m so pleased to see this material is gaining more respect and attention.
Hi Tracey! Why am I not surprised? It surely must be the Gemini in us 🙂 I am REALLY looking forward to reading your novel!!!! (and dissertation????) ~Kathy
Thanks Kathy.
Yes, it’s a pretty unique program at a university in the UK that combines a critical research component with creative writing work.
I get to work with a published author who is also, in this case, a university professor. I send him my chapters and he gives me really amazing feedback to help make the novel stronger. I’m getting world-class editing and a degree all at the same time. 😉 He’s taught me so much and I feel my editor’s eye growing stronger all the time.
For the critical piece, we must choose a literary research project that connects with the creative work in some way. In my case, I’ve got many, many things I could pursue, but I’ve landed on a topic that combines nature writing, the maiden/mother/crone archetypes, and magical realism. I will say nothing more … publicly. LOL
When I’m finished in June, I’ll have a dissertation that meets the requirements of the “Masters in Creative and Critical Writing”. (In Europe, the Masters work is called a dissertation while the PhD is a thesis — the reverse of what we see here.)
I hope that wasn’t too much information! LOL
Oh no. That was a nice quick catch-up. It definitely sounds fascinating and something we could probably talk for hours about! So glad to see/read that things are going so well for you. One of these days we need to do another meetup and catch up properly!!!! Till then…stay calm and carry on! 🙂 ~kathy
Absolutely! It would be great to catch up one day soon. So funny you ended with that phrase — minutes before I read it, I said the same to Kip. Great minds. ?
Yes…let’s put the intention out there for the future and it will happen in exactly the right time!
I like the perspective– and your crone crown. You are certainly a woman of distinction in my book!
Hi Tom! You are officially my 2nd favorite “Tom” in the world! And I’d say that for you to recognize it in another means that you are one of those special men that has the “crone archetype” in them. Please let that distinction in you stand out…the world needs as much “crone energy” as it can get! ~Kathy
Wow, Kathy! Reading this post and its definitions is checking off all the boxes for me.
I’d better get to work on my crone crown – I’ve earned it!!!
Deb
Hi Deb! It was an interesting experience making our own crowns in a group of other women. I don’t usually think of myself that artistically inclined (in terms of “making things”) but I did enjoy the experience and let my intuition guide me. I brought some stuff from home to use but ended up using very little of it. And then when I got home and contemplated where to keep it, I realized that I had the perfect place. (when not wearing it of course!) I sat it on a paper mache face I’d made of myself years ago closer to the beginning of my writing life. I suppose it is no mistake that it sits there perfectly and is in site of my desk so it inspires me. YES…make your own…but better yet, create a ritual with friends and accept the energy! ~Kathy
Thanks. This is probably one of my most ever favourite blog entry I have ever read!
Hi Fran! Thank YOU. That’s very kind of you to say. (You MUST be a crone yourself!) ~Kathy