Anytime I find a book, article or podcast that explains a new way to become more self-aware I can’t help diving into the subject. That was the case when a week ago I listened to an interview with author Diana Chapman where she asked, “In any given moment are you above the line or below the line?” If or how you answer that question offers great insight into our own individual awareness. It also reveals several paths to becoming more conscious and deliberate about your life and relationships. But what we tend to first think about living above or below that line isn’t quite what Chapman is after. Instead, it is the understanding, possible growth and acceptance of where we are in any moment that offers the greatest benefit of all—and then choosing where to go from there. Interested?
The book in question is titled, The Fifteen Commitments Of Conscious Leadership, written by Diana Chapman and co-authored with Jim Dethmer and Kaley Klemp. And while I don’t think of myself any more of a leader than you likely do, I found it filled with both a foundation for conscious living and dozens of tools that can lead to greater self-awareness. At its heart, I believe it calls for a deeper commitment to that self-awareness, truth telling and living/leading from a place that is—not a world we hope/want or dream it will be. And the best place to start is with that question: Right now, am I above the line or below the line?
I think most of us intuitively believe that living above the line is superior to living below it. But the authors stress that the line isn’t a black/white or positive/negative issue. You’re not inherently good if you are above it any more than you are inherently bad when you are below it. When you identify where you are, that shows your awareness level in that moment. And while we all tend to think of awareness as something that shows up in our thoughts, the authors believe that such awareness also shows up in the body and through our emotions. In other words, right now, what is your mind, whole body and emotions telling you about this present situation? Once we know that, we can then proceed consciously or with intention.
So what does it mean to be above the line? If we are above the line our thinking, our emotions and our entire body are open, trusting and receptive to learning and growth in the moment. Above the line we live with curiosity, flow, playfulness and are willing to question our beliefs. We live with the understanding that opportunity and possibility exist regardless of appearances. We believe there is more than enough for everyone, so we seek win/win outcomes for all of us. It is easier to be honest because we don’t feel the need to defend our position. We feel good and our minds and emotions are optimistic and creative.
When we are below the line in the moment, we are defensive and closed. We feel threatened by a person or situation and out of control of it. We focus on our security and survival and much of the time we try to do that by insisting we are right and need to be in charge for things to progress in the right way. Below the line we worry that there isn’t enough to go around or that we ourselves aren’t good enough. Remember, being below the line isn’t just happening in our mind. Our bodies and our emotions reflect these (mostly unconscious) states of being, simultaneously.
Unfortunately, no matter how conscious or enlightened we think we are, we spend much of our waking life below the line. The authors believe that is because as humans we are hardwired to seek safety and security. Not only is this part of our humanness, but we also live in a culture that teaches us that resources are finite and that we will lose out if we don’t work to get (and strive to keep) that which we own. We are encouraged to work hard, save everything we can and do our duty. We are taught to distrust ourselves and especially others. While these aren’t necessarily bad in and of themselves, the focus is on scarcity and the need to succeed over others.
While it sounds as though being above the line is superior, the authors stress what is most important is the awareness of what we are believing, and also what we are feeling and why we feel it. Regardless of whether a person is above the line or below it, there are benefits to either. For example, even though Thom is the love of my life, there are times when I really, really want to blame him if I’m feeling unhappy or upset—because then I don’t have to take a good hard look at myself and figure out my role in the situation. Other times a family member/neighbor/friend might do something I think is completely inappropriate, and I want to put them straight—and feel justified and self righteous when doing so. And then there is the government. We all know what they are doing wrong and if they would just do it the way we know is best, everything would be perfect! We also judge or gossip and that makes us feel superior. But while there might be upsides to some of those choices, I think we can agree that there are downsides as well. Much of below the line thinking can lead to unhappiness, depression, bad health and worse. That’s why until you can identify where you are and what’s really happening under the surface, it is unlikely you realize the cost to you and your life.
The benefits to living above the line are feelings of openness and peace of mind when dealing with others and circumstances. Above the line living gives us more energy and creativity when faced with challenges and obstacles. We stop fighting, let go of our fears, and we flow. Above the line living requires a commitment to growing and learning in every situation we encounter without blame, anxiety, or attack—along with a trusting that knows that no matter what happens, we will be okay. The authors insist that they have hundreds of examples of people and companies they have dealt with who, when consciously choosing to live above the line, find it to be a beneficial way to live.
How do we do that? The authors believe it has to do with the commitments we make to ourselves, our families or business teams. In the book they offer 15 different commitments they believe help us become more self-aware and make better decisions in every moment. And while they each seem relatively uncomplicated, it is clear that each would take a lifetime to master.
The authors also point out that if we don’t make commitments to be above the line, then we are likely making a nearly opposite commitment to living below the line. That’s right. For example, one of their 15 commitments is taking 100% responsibility for all the choices and responses in a person’s life. It doesn’t mean you control the world and other people, only that how you respond and what you do with the information is 100% up to you. I interpret that to mean, “I get to make it up!”
On the flip side, if I am choosing not to accept that commitment, it is likely I am choosing to routinely look for others to blame or find excuses for my unhappiness or lack of success. The same is true if I frequently whine or complain about the people, the government, organizations or situations that I don’t like while believing they are unfair and whatever they did or didn’t do shouldn’t happen to me. Again, chances are I didn’t “choose” to commit to being a victim, but unconsciously I have taken on that role and allow it to pervade my thinking, emotions and my entire physical wellbeing where I am clearly below the line.
In case you are wondering, I haven’t yet finished reading this book. So far it is a good one, but like I said, it will take a lifetime to master it if a person chooses. Still, how could it not improve one’s life if you believe like me that we are here to grow and experience as much as possible during this one wild and precious life. Best of all, at the heart of this book is a commitment to great self-awareness. So while it is SMART to remember that we always have a choice—if we want to co-create our best life possible, it is important to consciously be aware of whether we are above or below the line as we live out commitments.
As soon as YOU finish reading the book and tell what is the best, then I will try to crawl above the line:)
Seriously, I await reading more…
So very interesting Kathy. I tend to be a bit more above the line than below. Truth be told there are periods when I am all over that line like an inexperienced tight rope walker trying to get her balance. Wobble, wobble.
Hi Amanda! Thank you for your honesty. I totally get it when you said, “there are periods when I am all over that line like an inexperienced tight rope walker trying to get her balance. Wobble, wobble!” What a great way of saying what I also experience and see in others all around me these days. It ain’t easy to stay conscious and aware!!! But as I said to some of the others in comments, I don’t believe the authors are trying to make us good or bad by asking us where we are in any given moment. Instead I see them helping us to learn to accept the things we cannot change and then make more conscious choices and decisions in areas we can (mainly our responses and actions forward.). There are so many subtle ways our fears and insecurities show up in everyday life that I’m finding this to be one of the best ways to “catch myself” that I’ve found lately. Thanks for your thoughts on this. ~Kathy
I loved the analogy that was presented. It’s a very interesting concept and I agree that at any given moment we are either below or above the line. I was in a situation where I definitely was living below the line. That was at my last job and that’s why I left. It was affecting me mentally, emotionally and physically. I can say that, most of the time, I live above the line. I am always open to learning and new experiences and find it very invigorating. Life would be very boring without having the openness to see the greatness that exists. And even though it’s hard and requires constant thought and effort, I endeavor to take responsibility for all my actions. Even if it’s hard to admit to myself. And, afterwards I always find I feel much better. A very thought provoking and interesting read. Thanks so much, Kathy, for your take on this very important book and topic!
Hi Debbie! Thanks for offering a really great example of living below the line in your past work. Obviously those big examples really help to make the concepts more accessible. But I think (at our age and especially after working on ourselves all these years) I think my real work might be with the little more chronic thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that I carry around like baggage that slip under the radar. It can be challenging and does require effort but I do believe that we must avoid beating ourselves up or judging ourselves harshly for not doing better in any given moment. Just the fact that we are slowly but surely making progress is something to celebrate in my estimation. Of course I LOVE it when I find others who also find these ideas fascinating as I do because it definitely helps to make the journey more fun! Thanks for letting me know your thoughts on this one! ~Kathy
Sounds like an interesting metaphor for approaching one’s inner and outer behavior. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Annie. Thank you for letting me know you found these ideas helpful. There is a lot there and besides the book there are tons of talks, podcasts and articles here on the net if you want to explore the idea more. ~Kathy
Kathy, like Tom, I feel that I live mostly above the line, but I struggle to stay there. I do have trouble accepting situations out of my control and remaining quiet when I clearly have a better solution (at least in my mind). Living with my MIL has illuminated a lot of my shortcomings (patience) and control issues (I can’t fix anyone but me). I am grateful for what sometimes feels like a beautifully designed clinical experiment in human behavior, but it is trying at times. Like you have pointed out, identifying where you are at any given time and taking complete responsibility for your actions is imperative. It is also exhausting, hence why I slip below the line fairly often these days. As always, it’s all about choices! Great post, food for thought, as always.
Hi Suzanne. I get that it seems “better” to be above the line but like I tried to explain to Tom, it is more nuanced than that. The authors are fairly certain that most of us want to be in control and “be right” because of our expectations and judgements. (of both ourselves and others). So that even though we might believe we are acting above the line (righteously!) chances are good that is just another way we hide from unconscious fears and insecurities. At one point Diana Chapman said it wasn’t about what you say we believe…it’s what we “do.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve caught myself in the last week with little things that would easily slip under the radar if I wasn’t focused on these ideas. Of course a lot of people could likely care less…hahahaha…but I’m guessing you too are focused on self-awareness and growth so you might want to play with the ideas and see what pops up. I LOVE it when you say you/we/we all are living ” a beautifully designed clinical experiment in human behavior” even if it is a bit trying. Thanks for your great thoughts. ~Kathy
Well, the only thing I’d disagree with here is the notion that living above the line is not necessarily better than living below the line, you just have to be aware of where you are. Clearly, living above the line is a better way to look at the world; it will bring more friendships, more happiness, more peace. The problem is: it’s hard for some of us to do. As for me, I feel like my head is above the line, but sometimes just barely. Anyway … thanks for the good post on a great subject.
Hi Tom! I agree that it “seems” counter-intuitive to see living below the line as worse than living above the line. But from what I understand a big part of living above the line is to ignore the instinct to judge and label things as necessarily “bad” vs. “good.” That way when you catch yourself having an opinion (judgement) about yourself and whether you are living up to your standards and expectations you are actually more free to decide if you want to continue that way. Again, the point of checking in to see where you are is to begin to be more present with what is happening in the moment…without judgement…and then (in above the line thinking) to choose to be curious and open to learning what that moment might offer in terms of potential. There is also a big element of acceptance rather than fighting or denying what you are feeling or experiencing. I don’t believe it is a moral issue at all…just a great tool for learning to be more about ourselves and what we believe to be true about ourselves and the world. Does that make sense? ~Kathy