Happy Valentine’s Day! In honor of the holiday, this week’s SMART Living Blog post is a vlog where Thom and I talk about what we believe makes for great relationships. Of course, not everyone is married, we still tend to think that certain elements work for any relationship–be it your parents, your children, your siblings or most especially your friends. So if you have the time, please take ten minutes to watch and/or listen to the video. We then would love to hear your thoughts about what you think the best relationships include in the comments below. Whatever you do, may your Valentine’s Day be a lovely reminder to cherish and appreciate those you love.
Your share is deeply appreciated!
Last week I started pulling out all the tax prep paperwork to give to our CPA. Because we both still work and are self-employed, our tax returns are complicated and far above my abilities as a do-it-yourselfer. But as I began going through all the receipts I was relieved to see that in spite of all our expenses—the fun ones like travel, and the necessary ones like medical—we still managed to save a decent amount of money. In other words, thankfully we once again managed to keep our income above our outgo, or “live below our means.” While I realize that isn’t always possible for everyone depending upon circumstances, I do tend to believe that we each continually make certain choices that can help make it more of a reality than a dream. And yes, when we do that, the freedom and peace of mind it brings can far outweigh the effort.
Have you ever heard of The Enneagram before? I had, years and years ago. Yet although familiar with the term I only had a vague idea of what it was. Then this last week while listening to a podcast interview by author Brene Brown she mentioned that she had taken the test. When asked what she learned from it she said, “It pissed me off!” She went on to say that it told her some things about herself that she didn’t really want to admit. So call me crazy, but the idea that a test can help reveal parts of ourselves to ourselves, captivated me. From there you can guess what I’ve been doing ever since. And once you know my “type number” you can easily see why I found it fascinating. 
Choice. I firmly believe that we really do get to make it up. That doesn’t mean that we are free from the consequences of our choices, or that sometimes those choices don’t come from, or lead to, difficult circumstances—yet regardless, we always get to choose our next step. As Viktor Frankl said when trapped in a Nazi Death Camp, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” And in honoring the opportunity to choose, I’m offering a free gift to all my SMART Living 365 readers for this weekend only. 
I’m in love. Don’t worry, it’s likely just an infatuation with a 78-year-old man named James Hollis Ph.D. I first encountered his work a month or two ago and since then I’ve read articles and listened to every podcast and YouTube lecture from him I could find. Who is he and why am I infatuated? On the surface Hollis is a practicing Jungian analyst and depth psychologist, author of over 15 books, a public speaker, and the former executive director of the Jung Society of Washington D.C. What I find particularly attractive are the thoughts and ideas that he routinely illuminates—a big part of which is the examination of our lives as we mature and enter the second half of life. And in spite of the many distractions we all face, I can’t help but be captivated by the goldmine of introspection he offers for those of us who are drawn to greater self-discovery and awareness, along with other insights about the innermost workings of our psyche. 
As some of you know, tomorrow December 21st is officially the shortest daytime of 2019 and the longest night of the year–The Winter Solstice. Then Sunday Evening marks the beginning of Hanukkah, followed by Christmas Day on the 25th and Kwanzaa on the 26th. There are a few other holidays in there as well but I think you get the idea. No matter how any of us celebrate, I tend to believe that we, like Lawrence Kushner says in this quote, are awaiting hope, possibility and whatever we call “The Light” to grow stronger. May each of us find it inside and outside of ourselves in the days to come.
Several years ago I wrote a novel entitled 
The other day my husband Thom and I were having lunch with a friend. That’s when Susie (not her real name) asked the question, “How do you cope?” Sure we were talking about a couple of troubling current events, but the question still surprised me. Why? Because I tend to think that most of the ideas I write about here on SMART Living touch on ways to cope and move forward in a positive way. That’s certainly the way I handle stress in my life. But clearly that option wasn’t helping Susie. Then later, I happened to pick up a new book I’d been offered to review and the answer became clearer. What I’ve come to realize is that there isn’t just one right way to cope with stress or trauma. Instead, like with any “rightsized topic,” we each need to find what works best for us and then work to allow it to bring us the comfort we seek.