Several months ago Thom and I went to see the movie Birdman. The plot, the symbolism, the acting, the humor and cinematography all create a movie with enough going for it to have won the Academy Award for Best Picture of the Year. But while all the elements made for an entertaining movie experience, what attracted me most were the questions it raises about the universal quest for relevancy. After all, don’t we all want to believe our lives matter? Don’t we all want to grow older thinking we’ve achieved something of distinction? And if yes, what steps are we willing to take to insure it happens?
For anyone who hasn’t seen the movie, Birdman is the story of a washed-up actor named Riggan Thomson. After leaving behind his super-star, action-hero character named Birdman to pursue a “real” acting career, Thomson struggles to mount a Broadway play. In the days leading up to opening night he battles his ego, his doubts, and his sanity, all the while trying to become relevant and matter to himself, his family and the world. As might be expected, his daughter, and other actors around him mirror his struggle with their own quest for relevancy and meaning.
Offering a brilliant perspective on Thomson’s quest is a rant by his daughter Sam after Thomson confesses, “This is my chance to finally do some work that actually means something.”
Sam replies in scorn, “That means something to who? You had a career, dad, before the third comic book movie, before people started to forget who was inside that bird costume. You are doing a play based on a book that was written 60 years ago for a thousand rich old white people whose only real concern is going to be where they have their cake and coffee when it’s over. Nobody gives a s*** but you!”
Then before Thomson can answer her, Sam continues, “And let’s face it, dad, you are not doing this for the sake of art. You are doing this because you want to feel relevant again. Well guess what? There is an entire world out there where people fight to be relevant every single day and you act like it doesn’t exist. This is happening in a place that you ignore, a place that, by the way, has already forgotten about you. I mean, who the f*** are you? You hate bloggers. You mock Twitter. You don’t even have a Facebook page. You’re the one who doesn’t exist. You’re doing this because you’re scared to death, like the rest of us, that you don’t matter and, you know what, you’re right. You don’t! It’s not important, okay? You’re not important! Get used to it.”
Obviously Sam’s belief that relevancy is measured by a blog, a Facebook page and a Twitter account reflects her own quest. This same theme is reflected in the character of Mike Shiner, an esteemed stage actor who will do anything to make his acting appear real and who mocks Thomson’s former movie stardom with, “Popularity is the slutty little cousin of prestige, my friend.”
I won’t go into what happens with Thomson as he attempts to find the relevancy he seeks. Hopefully our individual search for relevancy will be much less dramatic. But what does it take for the rest of us to believe our life matters in 2015? According to a survey done a couple of years ago by the Burna Research Group, around 26% of teenagers surveyed said that they believed they would be famous and/or well known as an adult. At the same time 93% of them felt they would have a college degree, 81% of them felt they would have a “great paying job”, with 80% of them saying that they would be serving in “a job where they would be making a difference.” But even if it were possible for them all to reach their dream of fame, a college degree, a ‘great paying job” and to make a difference at the same time, is that a guarantee of relevancy? Not according to Riggan Thomson.
There is a quote by Jim Carey that says, “I hope everybody could get rich and famous and will have everything they ever dreamed of, so they will know that it’s not the answer.” This reminds me every time I read it is that the answer to relevancy and feeling worthy is, in the end, nothing we can find in the world outside ourselves. Most of us frequently agree that the best things in life aren’t “things. Yet over and over again we see examples of people spending the precious moments of their life in mad pursuit of fame, fortune and more and more stuff.
I also know many women who believe their sole purpose on the planet is to have children. And while I consider that a valuable and important role, is merely reproducing another, hopefully well adjusted, human make one’s life more relevant than another’s? I’m sure there are some who believe so, but where does that leave any who are childfree by choice or fate? Does a biological imperative dictate the value of our lives?
When it’s all said and done, I personally believe that the gift of life itself fulfills any requirement for relevancy. Does my little dog Kloe’s life matter any less that she doesn’t have a Facebook Page or can’t (and doesn’t want to) mount a play on Broadway? Does a tomato growing in my garden care that it doesn’t smell like a rose. Why should any of us as humans compare the worth of our lives with any other? As author Richard Bach said, “Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you’re alive it isn’t.”
Of course a big problem is that there are plenty of other people more than willing to tell us what we must do to be relevant. Philosophy, religion, advertisements and society all have a strong and sure opinion about it. And while some of those opinions may very well prove to be satisfying at least for a while, unless they resonate with us authentically, it is only a matter of time before we, like Riggan Thomson in the movie, run around like a mad man attempting to force the issue.
Obviously Riggan Thomson cared very deeply what others thought about his relevancy. He was willing to stake his money, his sanity and even his very life on how others viewed him. I won’t deny that every single one of us needs to answer the question—only that we must answer it for ourselves and then believe the answer—before we will ever find the peace and self acceptance we seek. Ultimately it is SMART to realize that no one, except ourselves, can make us feel truly worthwhile or relevant. The one and true place to find the answer is within.
image-039902c9-26b2-4237-b443-1fef4369cb12 Michael Keaton as “Riggan” in BIRDMAN. Photo by Atsushi Nishijima. Copyright © 2014 Twentieth Century Fox.
This well – written post is reason enough for Birdman to have won best picture! Thank you for the Richard Bach quote … so true.
Hi Susan! Did you see Birdman yet? Curious if you have. And yes, I need to reread that Richard Bach quote every now and then myself. ~Kathy
I read your thoughtful post and most of the comments about it. All together, they make me feel that E.M. Forster had his eye on the prize in Howard’s End: Only connect. It’s when we connect with others–people, dogs, lilies in the field–that we are truly in touch with others and ourselves. Haven’t seen Birdman yet–was going to skip it–but your post makes me want to get over to the cineplex and see what the excitement is all about.
Hi Penpen! Thank you so much for adding to this discussion about relevancy. I too appreciate that perspective of connection that you mention. And for me at least, the deepest connection of all is one where I realize we are all from the same Source. You can call that Source Nature, Life, the Universe, Higher Power or God. Whatever that unifying source of people, dogs, lilies and us individually provides me with an excellent connection. And that to me is about as relevant as you can get! Of course, I’m not sure E.M. Forster had that some conclusion in mind in his book!
I’d be curious what you thought of the movie too. Come back and tell us what you thought of it if you do see it. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy, I haven’t seen the movie, probably won’t either I just don’t watch too many movies nowadays. As for relevancy, I hadn’t given the subject too much thought. I have always felt that being here is my opportunity to learn, that is my purpose. But along the way I have found that I do matter to others and have had an impact on them, hopefully in a good way. 🙂 As for the comment about once we are gone we are forgotten, it may be true that future generations may forget or not be told anything about me, but whatever impact I had on their life will be passed down.
Hi Lois! Yes I know you aren’t a TV or movie person at all but I’ll bet you’ve considered your relevancy or “purpose” more than many others. I think anyone like you who takes time to self-reflect spends time thinking about your actions and the reasons behind them. I consider your blog a GREAT resource for all of us who are fortunate to have found it. And I too am not sure we are completely forgotten when we are gone….not by those who remember us with love for sure…but even then if “we” know that our lives have helped others or the planet in even the smallest ways does it matter who knows or doesn’t? The key for me is that we know, and rest assured it is enough. ~Kathy
Love that photo scene…
The movie leave me with some dispair , but the story is a good one …
Hi Aimee! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living and sharing your thoughts. Yes, it is a great photo isn’t it? But I’m not sure I agree that the ending of the movie was a sad one. Actually the ending was so filled with symbolism that there are several ways of looking at it. Who knows for sure what “really” happened to Riggan Thomson? Maybe we all get to decide for ourselves. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy, Such a thoughtful article! I won’t put my thoughts about my significance toward the how many followers I have on Twitter or friends on Facebook. Instead, I value the words we exchange and the quality of connections I have with people in person and online (like with some fellow author). By the way, I really want to see the movie Birdman and appreciate you didn’t give away spoilers! 🙂
Hi Christy! I too appreciate my followers here, on Twitter and Facebook 🙂 but please remind me of this post if I ever get too attached to valuing other people’s approval so much that I confuse my value with what other people think of me. That’s the danger for us all. I hope you enjoy the movie. Let us know what you think of it when you see it. ~Kathy
Kathy, I saw the movie! I loved it, truly. It’s so creative and I never quite knew what was going to happen next either. The way it went from real to not and the way his inner voice spoke to him – so intriguing! REALLY glad I saw it 🙂
Well said Kathy. I haven’t seen the movie yet. The questions you raise from the movie are very thought provoking. Reminds me of people who feel they peak at Hi-School. They were the top star and life after Hi-School never added up to that feeling again; the adulation, the popularity, the prestige.
Hi Haralee! Yes! Do you remember the song by Bruce Springsteen called “Glory Days”? It’s definitely like that for the character in the movie. But I think if we look really, really close we can see other areas where we sometimes motivate ourselves with actions that we hope will grab the attention, admiration, and praise from those outside ourselves. That’s not good or bad, unless we get dependent upon them and need it to define our self worth. I just know that the more I attempt to be self-aware, the more questions like this one come up for me.
Check out the movie if you can and let me know what you thought. ~Kathy
Your last line is the absolute truth. Once we can bring ourselves to care less about all the external schtuff, then we can live life with so much more ease.
Hi Laura! I don’t know about you but that last line is one I wouldn’t mind hearing every single day of my life. Now all I have to do is READ it every day. Thanks for your comment. ~Kathy
What a wonderful and thought-provoking post! I don’t normally think much about being relevant, does that make me less so? I am enjoying my life and reach out whenever possible to interact in a positive way with others. I’m not sure if that makes me relevant, but it makes me happy.
I really want to see the movie after reading your thoughts about the themes contained within.
Hi Janis! Good for you for not getting hung up on feeling relevant! I too don’t have an urge to be famous or “change the world” but I do admit that I like it when others read my posts and “get” what I’m hoping to share. And yes, there is a good feeling when people read one of my books and leave a “nice” review too. 🙂 The challenge is not to base my personal self worth on those outward circumstances, right? I also consider myself fairly well balanced between work-play-service to others and yet every now and then I feel like I’m not doing enough. I can’t help but believe that “drive” comes from that feeling that I have to “do” those things to prove myself. Fortunately I also attempt to stay fairly conscious of my actions and choices and can bring myself back. But it does make me ask the question. The movie Birdman asks the question is a funny and quirky way for sure. I hope you like it. Let me know what you think. ~Kathy
A fellow blogger, published author, and friend of mine wrote a post several months ago about why she writes, and specifically why she is working so, so, so hard to make her books a commercial success. She wants to be remembered. She posited that those who do not gain fame or notoriety of some sort would eventually be forgotten forever, because the few lives they touched would eventually also end, and thereby end your legacy.
I read that post and felt really sad. For her, I mean.
I think that if the only thing driving you is a need to be remembered, everything you do towards that end goal must feel like SO. MUCH. WORK…
My paternal grandfather led a quiet, humble and lovely life. When he passed away some 20 years ago, three separate priests requested they be allowed to speak at his funeral. A testament to the impact one can have, just going about their daily business. Fame doesn’t necessarily trump a life well-lived.
xoxo nancy
Hi Nancy! Thank you for adding this perspective because I think it is one of the reasons I wrote the post. I too see lots of people trying so hard to make their mark on the world–and if I’m honest now and then I feel that push myself. Yet, when I return to my own spiritual base I don’t believe in a “Universe/God/Higher Being” where we have to earn approval, redeem ourselves or pass tests to “qualify” for our life. And as you said about your grandfather, over and over again we see lovely people going about their lives with such peace and grace. How can they not be fulfilling their purpose? Why isn’t that enough? I’m not a big Bible person because of the many contradictions and misunderstandings associated with it, but I do remember the quote about the lilies in the field. Is our life any less than that? I personally don’t believe so. ~Kathy
Great post thanks Kathy. In my opinion, relevance comes from living a life of purpose where that purpose aligns with our inner mission we came to earth to fulfill. I was lucky to find that about a decade ago and have been filled with meaning and fulfillment ever since. It is not always easy, but it is always rewarding. Coupling this with growing ourself as a person through physical, spiritual, emotional and intellectual development allows us to steadily build our capacity to help others and has us feeling great about our self and our world. This leads to self love and love of all people and things. This pathway of purposeful helpfulness and love for all can provide a life of happiness and endless satisfaction. May you and yours enjoy more happiness and success than you can imagine.
Hi Stephen. Glad you liked it. I too get a lot of personal “relevance” from the idea of service to others. But you’d also likely agree that much of what we do in that area was taught to us by one or more teachers we heard from during our formative or learning years. If it is true to us then that’s awesome. But it is possible that some of that desire comes from what Chogyam Trungpa called, “spiritual materialism.” Of course, only we of course can answer that or address the validity. But knowing it helps me to remember that if I indeed know the Universe to be unconditionally loving and accepting and saying YES to all that I am, then while acts of service may be fulfilling and indeed helpful to others, surely they do not make me better or more relevant than any other? ~Kathy
Thanks Kathy – this was a great article… good for my soul! (& now I really want to see the movie!)
Hi Deb! I really think you’d like it. It’s funny and yet has a couple of really intriguing concepts going on at the same time. And the acting is awesome too. Let me know what you think. ~Kathy
Kathy, as always your post regarding the quest for relevancy is “relevant” for me. I’ve longed to live my life in a way that matters…that my experience and learnings be of value to others. It’s a BIG lesson to learn and accept that I matter just because I am. If the degree of helpfulness I desire happens, wonderful…frosting on the cake, so to speak. What I’ve been learning this year is that it’s the quality of HOW I live my life…from love or from fear…that matters in the long run, irregardless of the outwardly visible outcomes. Many blessings to you…
Hi Nancy! I think you grasped this very well by coming to the conclusion that, “It’s at BIG lesson to learn and accept that I matter just because I am.” Most of the time it is very difficult to be true to ourselves in a world that is doing it’s best to get us to conform. Let’s keep reminding each of of this okay? ~Kathy
Great, and timely, post Kathy! At this time in our lives we are definitely trying to find our own relevancy.
Hi Jacqueline! I know you are deeply concerned with where our world is headed and all things environmental and this question is very likely at the core of what is happening in our world, don’t you think? Perhaps encouraging everyone to find their own inspirational relevancy is one thing we could all do to make a difference! ~Kathy
When someone says thank you or goes out of their way to say that I helped them or made a difference I feel relevant. When my granddaughter sends me a text or makes a card for me I feel that I matter, that I’ve made a connection, formed a bond that is meaningful to me and to the other person.
I hear way too much about how we older women are invisible–that seems to me to be based on a need for external validation. I agree with you… I think we create our own relevance by doing what matters to us.
I’m still looking for the right ‘focus’ for my work now–but that’s about finding what feels good for me, what feeds me. Those things are what matters, I think. I want to feel satisfaction in the things I do on a daily basis–and that doesn’t have to be dependent on others. I haven’t seen the movie yet, but it a life is based on what the public thinks, as I imagine life as an actor, then I am sure it’s hard to feel relevant if you’ve gone out of style.
Hi Walker! I too feel that being of service to others provides me with relevancy. As long as I’m doing it because I really want to, not because someone else told me I should! And yes, creating bonds of love and affection for those close to us is also one way I feel relevant. But is it for everyone? Does it have to be?
I think our work or contribution to the world is where it really gets a bit sticky. AGain, are we doing it because we really want to or do we think it is a path to a goal. Only we can answer that of course. Then too is how we all change as life goes on. What might make us feel completely fulfilled at one age might become less satisfying as life goes on. I certainly have no answer about this for anyone else other than the fact that we each need to find it on our own! Thanks for your comment Walker! ~Kathy