The amount of rainfall in California this year has been phenomenal. Even here in the desert where I live the rocky mountainsides are covered with a soft green layer and just about every inch of open space is blanketed with blooming flowers. Every sand dune and vacant lot flaunts a wild mixture of brittle brush, purple verbena, brown-eyed primrose, Arizona Lupine and others I can’t name. So, with flowers on my mind, a recent article in Psychology Today caught my eye. It seems that current research has identified, primarily in children, two defining characteristics. That as a dandelion—or that as an orchid. Is it possible that understanding how those two flower traits play can play out in a person’s life could help us better understand ourselves as well as those around us?
It is fairly easy to guess what type of person could be described as an orchid. My husband has a cousin who is an orchid fanatic. He built a large greenhouse outside his home and for years tended nearly 50 different varieties of rare and exotic orchids. I still remember touring this jungle of exquisite beauty while oohing and awe-ing at the colorful and intricate structure of the plants. Then a year or so later, when he was out of town, the water for his greenhouse was accidentally turned off and everything died within a few days. It seems that such unique beauty is extremely fragile. So too is anyone given the label of orchid.
On the other hand, just about anywhere there is a bit of water, a person will see a dandelion reaching up through the cracks towards the sun. Somehow these sturdy little flowers can bloom regardless of how rough their environment. In the flower world, a dandelion is the bionic “terminator” that just won’t die no matter what you throw at him. Again, it’s easy to imagine the type a person given the label of dandelion.
This idea of categorizing children as either an orchid or a dandelion was first proposed in a paper in 2005 in the journal 
Development and Psychopathology. There, two human development specialists claimed that certain genes in certain children were affected either positively or negatively based upon their family environment. One led to becoming a “dandelion child” with the capacity to survive and thrive in just about any circumstances. The other in contrast, were orchid children who are highly sensitive to their environment and especially the quality of the parenting they receive.
Haven’t we all wondered how some of us seem to bounce back no matter what occurs in their lives? I tend to think of myself as fitting in to this category and have been proud of my resiliency. On the other hand, I have also known others who are extremely sensitive and at every turn seem to hit a roadblock and struggle—either with their health, their circumstances or both. While it is convenient to simply slot ourselves into one side of the equation, and those more sensitive souls into another, the article explains the difference in a more all-encompassing way. Instead of being either one or the other, perhaps it is both-and?
According to the research, approximately one in five children born carries a certain gene or combination of genes that puts them in an “orchid category.” From the moment of birth they are more sensitive to environmental forces that protect or reject good health. According to the article author W. Thomas Boyce, M.D., “A minority of children—about one in five—show an exceptional susceptibility to both negative and positive social contexts, with stress response circuits highly sensitive to adverse effects.”
So are orchid personalities doomed to live a life of fragile sensitivity? Not necessarily. While the underlying biology of a child might make them predisposed toward sensitivity, they possess a deep association to their given environment. This can be hurtful or helpful. Studies show that when they are raised in extreme poverty, exposed to violence, or abused or neglected, they are highly susceptible to being physically, emotionally and mentally challenged throughout their lifetimes. Common conditions of orchid children who experienced deep trauma growing up include ADHD, drug and alcohol addiction, depression, and dyslexia.
The good news is that Dr. Bryce and other researchers now claim that when raised in supportive and nurturing families, orchids can grow to be exceptionally successful. In fact, when offered a safe, structured and supportive home life, orchids can thrive and flourish. In fact, it is claimed that many people we consider highly artistic or genius like Galileo, Walt Disney, Mark Twain, Bill Gates, Winston Churchill, Michelangelo and Abraham Lincoln all display orchid tendencies. Even those who spent much of their lives battling addiction or depression managed to still create an extraordinary life.
So what does this mean to you and me? I confess that when I first read the article I wanted to raise my fist in the air and say, “Woo Hoo!” After all, it is fairly obvious to most people that I am a sturdy dandelion. But the article got me thinking about how it is never one or the other, and things are far more complex than we tend to realize. Instead of thinking that anyone being overly sensitive is a negative, I began to realize that such sensitivity offers many benefits. Sure I might be able to bounce back far more easily than an “orchid” but that doesn’t mean that my contribution to life is better or that I will escape other aspects of my biology. Besides, wouldn’t the world be boring if there were only one variety of flower the world over?
I also realized that I must not ignore the value of my upbringing. I was raised in a family with both a mother and a father who remained married until they passed. Although my family was working class and didn’t have a lot of money, there was always food on the table, and plenty of structure and support in my life from the time I was born. I knew I was loved and never had to struggle to make friends, get good grades, or experience life. Looking back, my “white privileged background” set me up in more positive ways than I can trace. But then, not everyone is as fortunate.
One thing I am getting more and more clear about as I age is that while we are all similar in many ways, we are also very different. What I mean by that is that there is no one label or definition that fits us all—be it orchid, dandelion or something else. It’s never a black or white thing. Sure I might be a resilient optimist by nature, but science now shows that both my genes and my environment has played a part in my life story. Certainly I believe that I can greatly affect my own life and future in positive ways, but I never want to assume that everyone has the same opportunities that I do in any given moment. Without a doubt I can change my mind and change my experiences with the right intention, but at the same time I want to recognize that others have both the right and privilege to experience life on their own terms. And even though science continues to try to solve the nature vs. nurture dilemma, there is ultimately something even greater at work that helps us to become who we are.
So which are you? Something I appreciated as advice for parents of an orchid child sticks with me. It is recommended that an orchid child should not be overly-protected, even when tempted. Instead, it is best to provide constant encouragement and assurance that as they navigate the world they will be ultimately be okay. That sounds like SMART advice for us all. Oh, and don’t forget to get outside and enjoy the flowers while they are with us!
Okay, your turn! Do you believe you are a dandelion, an orchid or something entirely different? Why? Does this concept help you to understand, and hopefully appreciate, others who live and react differently in the world? Please share these, and any other, thoughts you have in the comments below.
Photo Credit: Top Photo: Jamie O’Neil, 2nd Photo: Cheryl Morgan, Third Photo: Kathy Gottberg, Bottom Photo: Kerry Henwood
I love how you said “Something I appreciated as advice for parents of an orchid child sticks with me. It is recommended that an orchid child should not be overly-protected, even when tempted. Instead, it is best to provide constant encouragement and assurance that as they navigate the world they will be ultimately be okay. ”
It is so very true! We can not protect them forever and as they get out into this big world they will be faced with many things and we can not always be there. It is important that they learn to navigate on their own and realize their own power.
Hi Misty! Thanks. I do think that is an important thing to consider. But I also see how that could be a difficult thing for a parent to do. As always, we just do the best we can with what we know. ~Kathy
Dandelions are all the same and are WEEDS. As people, they are mediocre at best. They aren’t anything special, they lack the depth to be sensitive and clearly most of them don’t have much to offer society.
We’ll always need someone to scrub our toilets, mow our lawns, dump our trash and do dirty unpleasant tasks but how much do we really need to invest in them and how many do we really need to keep our lights on or building our homes? If we can identify Orchids early then we can invest in properly educating them. Dandelions can be shunted to trade schools, or released to the work force by the time they are 12 or so. They’re superfluous.
Hi Alvin! Hmmm…while I agree that Dandelions are weeds, I’m afraid most of us are at least “part” dandelions–and very likely you are too! Completely discounting anyone is really not SMART or helpful. And being a dandelion has absolutely nothing to do with education or intelligence. In fact, I’d bet most people with degrees are dandelions just doing what is expected of them. At the same time, Outliers or Orchids can be found in any line of work including gardening, cleaning houses, etc…because they are usually not motivated by money and instead pursue their passions. Oh, and in my opinion, NO ONE is superfluous. 🙂 ~Kathy
“And being a dandelion has absolutely nothing to do with education or intelligence.”
Nonsense. Even Boyce writes that it doesn’t really matter how much you invest in “dandelions”, they simply aren’t extraordinary. Most will be average. Not so with the orchid child. They are the ones who do remarkable things, have breakthrough ideas and can improve the world.
Resources are limited. Society should invest in those who have the highest potential. That certainly isn’t those who can be identified as “dandelions”. They should be mowed, sprayed and removed.
Hi Kathy
I’m somewhere in-between for sure. I am extremely resilient, a trait I learned from my mother, aunt and grandmother. So dandelion. Sunny and cute.
But, when down in the deep depths, which thankfully is not often, I am an orchid. Dark and demure, but I always fine my way back up through the cracks in the pavement.
Thanks
Laura
Although I don’t really like either/or categories, this was an interesting thought exercise. One of my grandchildren definitely tends toward being highly sensitive and easily stressed. He is a fussy eater, very picky about what clothing he will wear, and is easily hurt emotionally (e.g., unkind remarks, conflict). At the same time, he is brilliant intellectually, and highly creative and insightful, and kind to his younger brother. So, he seems to be more of the orchid type. He is fortunate to have parents who know how to nurture and encourage him.
Jude
I’m not a fan of putting people (or myself) in boxes, so I agree that it’s never black or white. We all have strengths and weaknesses for sure. Some people are more of a dandelion, others more of an orchid.
I do believe that our upbringing and environment can influence us one way or another. In general, the human race is resilient and most of us adapt to new situations. If we weren’t, there would be more suicides. We all have the will to survive and seem to do what’s needed or adjust as needed, to continue our lives.
Beautiful photos. For a moment I thought you went to Borrego Springs and took all of them. Enjoy the beauty! We are too far north again for wildflowers yet.
Hi Liesbet! Isn’t it great that the majority of us are so resilient! But remembering that even the very fragile have a role to play in the world is useful to me. It’s so easy to think, “The strong will survive” but at what cost if we lose the delicate and special? And the article I read made the point that many of the suicides that we do see–especially the most surprising ones like Anthony Bordain or Robin Williams–point to orchid child qualities. Hopefully anyone falling in that category finds the support and love that they need.
And YES! We didn’t have to drive anywhere to see the wildflowers. They are EVERYWHERE here in the Coachella Valley. Although it is supposed to get to 90 degrees today so they will start fading pretty fast now. ~Kathy
As a gardener, I love most plants, but must admit to a decade-long battle to eradicate dandelions (using vinegar). Needless to say, they still occupy various patches in my garden! I tend to favour delicate roses, and yes, orchids. But I believe, that no matter what we do, dandelions will always be with us! Fortunately, people are a little of both!
Hi Diane! Yes I know many people struggle with the “dandelion problem” when gardening or caring for a yard. Maybe now it will be easier for you to at least admire them for their fortitude in spite of being pesky. And I also agree that admiring and appreciating those things (not to mention those people) who are more delicate than us is a good thing–after all, it is what makes the world more interesting AND more beautiful. ~Kathy
I would venture to say that I’m a dandelion. I pick myself up and brush myself off and keep going (although I will admit, it takes longer to brush myself off now than it did when I was young.) My sister, on the other hand, was an orchid. While she had a strong personality, her health was never quite the match and she died at the young age of 65.
Hi Jennifer! So sorry to hear about your sister. And yes, I’d bet that all of us know of others that are definitely orchids. I think the Dr. who wrote the article (and he even has a book out) said that about 20% of the population fall into that more sensitive category. And while I agree that I don’t “bounce” quite like I did when I was younger, all I have to do is look around and see that there are indeed others who aren’t bouncing at all at my age….so that keeps me encouraged. Let’s keep going as long as we can. ~Kathy
I’m going to be looking this up to learn more — but from the top of my head, I’d say I’m a dandelion. Thanks for another thought-provoking post.
Hi Janet! Like I said in another comment…I’m guessing that a majority of my readers are dandelions as well. It’s relatively easy for most of us to lose patience with people who don’t process like we do, and now that I know I am more dandelion than not, I hope I will be more compassionate to those who grow and thrive differently than me. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy, Wonderful article – thank you! I am actually trying to reach you by email but for some reason, the server returns them.
If you use the contact form at the bottom of HowtoLearn.com to connect, I have something I’d like to ask you about.
Thanks so much,
Pat Wyman
Hi Pat. Thanks. You were caught in my spam catcher. I’ve sent you an email. ~Kathy
Kathy, interesting metaphor. And I actually think I am an orchid, as is my husband (who is on the Autism spectrum). I’ve learned to be quite resilient through life, but the idea of a “safe, structured and supportive” environment is what I look for still. I very much admire true dandelions who I think are more adventurous, but find often that I just cannot take on the same things without fear. I actively practice positivity to continue to build more of an optimistic, resilient dandelion nature. I was lucky to be raised in a very nurturing and supportive environment that allowed me to flourish; I definitely had the nurture element. But I do think I am an orchid by nature.
Hi Pat! I do love the amazing qualities of an orchid even if I don’t always understand them! It is so easy for us all to assume that we think and process the same but ideas like this remind me that our differences can actually be something that makes our world so wonderful in the first place. It would be so dull if we all approached the world the same, right? And I also appreciate how that structure and support can be such a valuable tool to feeling secure in a person’s life. You were fortunate that you had such a background growing up and NOW you can “parent” yourself with exactly what you need to thrive. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. ~Kathy
Good analogies. It’s true that a dandelion is often seen as a pesky weed. Who wants dandelions on a lawn. One spring day, my young nephew had arrived with his grandpa on the quad. The lawn was littered with dandelions. My young nephew said, “Aunty Mona is so lucky. Look at all her flowers!!” Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Not knowing that much about orchid varieties, I have seen orchids that I thought were dead but come back into full bloom again after a period of dormancy (?). I call that resilience. And I’m thinking of a saguaro cactus. Does it not grow an arm after 100 years? I think I might be kind of like the cactus. It’s taken a few years to find my place in this world and grow into myself and become more of who I am.
Hi Mona! I think that with the eyes of a child we are much more likely to see beauty everywhere don’t you think? And when just observed and appreciated, Dandelions can be gorgeous. But I’m also liking your analogy of the cactus. Some of them are amazing and very resilient. Others are fairly delicate. I think a key is doing what you say, “finding your place in the world and growing into yourself AND becoming more of who you are.” Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
An interesting article that has me scratching my head and wondering which I am…orchid or dandelion. I think we can be genetically predisposed to being one or the other but I would support the opinion that much of what happens to us in childhood or even in adulthood can create a hybrid of the two…an orchelion or a dandechid. And that is what I think I am. Grew up in a home where both parents were present, we had plenty of everything but never too much. As an adult, though, my life has been much more difficult. It has been suggested that I expect things to be difficult and so they are. But given my balanced childhood, I didn’t start out that way.
I have raised two orchelions, too. Would like to think life doesn’t keep us down for long, that’s to our strong root system.
Hi Leslie! I LOVE the idea of an “orchelion or a dandechid!” I too suspect that after we have lived life a while that we all morf more into another side of the spectrum…and hopefully we cultivate the better parts of each trait right. I’m pretty convinced that our thoughts do direct much of our experience, but there is no denying that “stuff” happens to us all and we are all different. Learning to make the best of it (if at all possible) seems to work for me. And I also LOVE your idea of a strong root system for you and your family. ~Kathy
Leslie, I love your combo of dandelion and orchid! And Kathy, this is quite an interesting study about temperament. I have to laugh at my own disability in trying to grow flowers myself, I pick hardy plants if I do grow them. Instead of a green thumb, I admit I have a silk thumb as silk flowers do well in my home, LOL! I would classify myself as a dandelion with dreams of being an orchid. Or perhaps some combination of my two favorite flowers, sunflower and plumeria, both that flourish in completely different environments! This sounds like a fun classroom exercise for my university students: draw your favorite flower and explain why you chose it. I would ask if that choice reflects their management style.
Hi Terri! Hahahaha…I’ve never heard of anyone having a “silk thumb” but definitely get it! And using that as an idea in a classroom or workshop would be a wonderful idea. It would be interesting to see how people relate to themselves and why and what that means? I’m for anything that helps people discover more of who they really are. Thanks for those great ideas. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
I think I was born an orchid and transformed into a dandelion through life experience. My parents were very structured and supportive, but I was always shy and hypersensitive. And interestingly, my son and daughter are both extremely sensitive. They are orchids…and remain so.
Hi Nancy! Because I do believe in a “growth mindset” vs. a fixed mindset I can’t help but agree that you can toughen yourself up even if you are an orchid. Perhaps not everyone can, but I still believe in the possibility and you are a great example. still, I think recognizing that not everyone has that constitution is important. I so appreciated the perspective in the articles that I read that suggested that while you can change their basic orientation, you can support them as they find their own space to grow and become more. I’ll bet that’s what you’ve done. And may them go out to become one of those extraordinary individuals that create something amazing in our world. ~Kathy
Definitely more of a dandelion. Or, maybe a succulent… I thrive here where there is sun most of the year, but I’d probably not do so well where it snows 🙂 I’ve been pretty fortunate not to have my resilience tested in a major, life-changing way (yet), but I think my pragmatic optimism – assuming that is a thing – would probably serve me well.
Now you have me thinking, though… who are the orchids in my life?
Hi Janis. This had me asking the same question. And when I did I realized that in most cases, not all, but most of them, I was able to see and appreciate qualities that I often over look because they are so different than me. And watch out claiming a succulent! They don’t handle the heat well at all. I wish I could grow them in the desert but they are too fragile for cold or heat. Not as fragile as an orchid obviously, but still temperament. Thanks for your thoughts on this. ~Kathy
I’m a dandelion. I can thrive just about anywhere. I moved a lot as a child and as an adult and am adaptable to my environment. I like to say my family are Gypsies in some way. I’m also kind of random and impulsive. Certainly not a perfectionist. So cool you’re near all the flowers. The traffic and my allergies have kept me in the city.
Hi Rebecca! I’d bet there are lots of metaphors us dandelions can use to celebrate our resiliency don’t you? I like the idea of being a gypsy because that implies you can easily move around and adapt. I also like to think of myself as tough and flexible. Even when stuff happens, I just remind myself of that and it seems to propel me forward. I’m guessing you and the rest of us dandelions are similar. That’s why I don’t deny that bad stuff happens, I’m just convinced that when we keep moving forward and stay strong we can make it through just about anything. Meanwhile I’m guessing that orchids are around to remind us that we are NOT all the same and that beauty, compassion and the delicate approach has a place in everyone’s life. ~Kathy
I think I’m a dandelion and I believe I raised my children to follow that concept. When it comes to health, we are the products of our DNA. When it comes to social awareness and living, going out into the world, we need that inborn toughness and openness. I have been writing about the school scandal where parents are unable to let their children DO LIFE ON THEIR OWN. That would never be the case in my life. Encouragement was the main ingredient to getting our children on their way, but in the end they were tough dandelions that made it happen. Great post.
Hi Beth! Thanks for your thoughts on this. One thing I really appreciated in the article in Psychology Today was how the author shared the story, “…all parents-to-be are environmental determinists until they have a baby in hand, at which point they become genetic determinists.” For those of us who are non parents it is tempting to believe that children who are raised “correctly” would never have any troubles. But we are all more complicated than that right? It sounds like you both did a good job raising your children AND they also got the right mix of DNA to make the most of their lives. ~Kathy
Hi, Kathy – Once again this is a very timely post for me. Richard and I were just discussing“sensitive souls” who make a true difference to our world but are so often plagued by their worry and passion. We compared this to others who seem to have no compassion and empathy for others but also seem to have none of the anxieties that can plague others. So, not necessarily a true comparison of ‘dandelions and orchids’. But, it does raise the point that hopefully we are all a little bit of both!
Hi Donna. I so agree. I’m guessing that in many ways dandelions can appear very brusque and self-centered. Of course, if I remember what I read correctly, layers of autism and those considered on the “spectrum” fall into the orchid category so I doubt it is an either/or with these metaphors either. But it sure did help me become more clear about how we are all different and how and why so many of us process so differently. And like you said, “hopefully we are all a bit of both.” Thanks for your thoughts. ~Kathy
Interesting but it does seem there is a word of flower types between the delicate orchid and the hearty dandelion. That said I do like the analogy. I am certainly not the delicate flower but a dandelion and prefer to surround myself with others of my ilk. We can make a lovely bouquet!
Hi Haralee! Knowing a bit about you from reading your blog all these years I’m also not surprised you are a dandelion. After researching and then writing this post I realized that in some ways SMART Living 365 is almost a manifesto for dandelions. I’d almost bet that few orchids read my blog because it might be just too much optimism and “can do” attitude for their sensitivities. I do my best to come from a place of compassion and open heartedness but I can’t deny my outlook is pretty much dandelion. Thank you for adding that all together we do make a very lovely bouquet. ~Kathy
I’m more of a dandelion … but I’m also fully aware that orchids are considered a lot more precious than weeds!
Hi Tom! Yes I confess that I was feeling a bit “special” being a dandelion, but after reading several articles about it, I also realized that there is a lot of good fortune (luck!) involved as well. And I do love orchids for their amazing gifts. It’s just tough sometimes to see their perspective when I have such a dandelion mindset. And from reading your blog all these years, I agree you are a dandelion too. ~Kathy
I’m a dandelion too, Kathy. I think I was born one…but life has certainly shaped me into even a tougher dandelion than I already was.
This reminds me of the whole nature/nurture debate…are we born this way or made this way? I think it is a little of both.
I know a young lady who was a fierce dandelion from a young age but lost her confidence due to life circumstances, and is more of an orchid at the moment. I hope she comes back to her true dandelion nature as she continues to mature.
Thanks Kathy!
Deb
Hi Deb! Don’t you just love the metaphor of this? I think if we do identify with being a dandelion that we just grow stronger and more resilient as we go. And yes, I agree that the nature vs nurture isn’t an either/or conclusion. Plus, I’m one of those who happens to believe that we bring something in (like spirit) and then that is influenced by nature and nurturing. And because I do believe in growth mindset (rather than fixed mindset) I still believe that we both (dandelions and orchids) can change. Although I’m guessing it might be easier for a dandelion. I surely hope your friend bounces back soon for her own sake. ~Kathy