I don’t consider myself very good at grieving. For one thing I tend to live in my head far more than my heart or body. For another I am constantly future-oriented. I wake up in the morning thinking of what is to come and where I go from here. That way of being is very unlike my dog Kloe. She was a master at staying present in the moment. She never seemed to look forward or backward—just focused on what was right before her. Perhaps that is one of her final lessons for me. Just take one day at a time. Feel what you feel. Don’t push away your emotions, but don’t let anyone else tell you how to handle them either. And be happy and content when surrounded by those you love.
As I think most of us know, grief is a normal human response to loss and it will last as long (or as short) as it needs to last. As for Kloe, she never denied when irritated or upset—and was often pretty vocal about it—but she seemed to know how to immediately forgive and forget, and then be happy and content shortly thereafter. While my heart felt broken by her sudden passing less than a week ago, I want to learn these last lessons from her to the best of my ability.
Like nearly everyone we know, Thom and I have lost several beloved pets in our lives. Kloe was the fourth. While each of them were difficult, it seemed more bearable when anticipated. The others, Tooter, Fenwick and Chi were all sick for a while before they passed on so we had time to prepare ourselves emotionally. Kloe went so quickly and unexpectedly that it felt like a section had been ripped from my heart. Fortunately I was able to share this deep loss with Thom. His willingness to grieve with me has made it bearable.
Of course I know that I am far from alone. Everyone I know has lost beloved pets and/or people. I also think of all those related to the 350,000 people in the U.S. alone who have died from COVID-19 in the last year. Grief is rampant in our world right now. I truly hope that those who are surviving any loss have someone to hold them, allow them to speak their grief, and let their tears fall. My wish is that everyone finds a way to experience their grief for as deep and as long as they need. Once experienced, may we all find a way to process it in a way that comforts us and allows us to go on.
As for me, I can feel Kloe helping me right now. She was such a big part of my life I see her in my mind nearly every minute. But I’m reminded that she constantly lived her life without dwelling on the past or even considering what happened moments ago. She was always looking for the good—be it laying in the sun, sitting at attention for a treat, or trotting briskly through the park, focused on any and all movement.
Another thing Kloe reminds me of is to let go of regrets. It is so tempting to think we should
or could have handled her last week differently. Not only can we not change anything that has happened, but we must know we made choices and decisions based upon what we thought best for her at the time. Kloe knows it could not be any different.
I also frequently thought that Kloe was very codependent on her “pack”…aka: Thom and I. Especially during the last nine months of COVID-19 when she was our constant companion. But you know what? I now believe that it was me that was codependent for her. I relied on her company, her presence and her love far more than I realized.
Because of my own spiritual understanding, I know that Kloe is currently enjoying the freedom, joy and expansiveness available to us all once we pass. She was always one for adventure and this is likely one of the greatest any of us will experience. So the grief I feel is my sadness at the loss of her in my physical, mental and emotional world.
As a writer I suppose it is no surprise that I am writing this blog post about Kloe. Writing continues to be the best way for me to process my life and experiences—good and bad. Plus, I firmly believe that we all determine the story of our lives and that we get to “make them up.” So while this loss still hurts and will likely for a long time, I want to tell the story of the joy 
and love Kloe brought to my life. What if you are not a writer? I believe Kloe would suggest that you “take a walk.” I’m pretty sure that was her solution to just about any problem or sadness, and it helps me every day as well.
From here forward I want to remember Kloe as healthy, happy and living moment-to-moment. I chose to see her eagerly looking forward to experiencing her next adventure with her ears cocked forward, her tail curved in a tight spiral, and her nose pointing up and ahead. Perhaps it is SMART for us all to address each new moment in the same way.
Like Donna, I wanted to give this post my full attention before reading and commenting. As always, I’m impressed with your positive attitude and outlook, Kathy, while realizing what a tough period this is. The sadness, pain, and grief will be with you for a long time, but I’m glad Kloe taught you many things. She will be with you both forever, her spirit and memories will live on, and her wisdom will influence you in the best of ways. Sending you strength and virtual hugs! Xxx
Hi Liesbet! Thank you. I’m a little better every day but it still catches my breath now and then. I KNOW you went through something similar…haven’t so many of us? But NEVER easy. Thanks for your love and support. ~Kathy
I am so sorry for your loss. Kloe sounds like a wonderful companion. My heart was broken when we lost our Charlie in March of this year. We still miss him, but find ourselves focused on the happy memories as time goes on. Thank you for sharing your writing with us. Kloe has lessons to teach each of us about living in the moment, feeling our emotions, and letting them go. Sending you love and healing. May you be at peace.
Thank you Christie for your love and support. ~Kathy
I am so happy that I got to enjoy Kloe several times over the last few years. She was such a force… even in that tiny body of hers. She let you know exactly what she wanted (including where she wanted to sit in the car) and had no problem letting everyone else know. I have lost a few pets over the years too and I know how much it hurts so I know your heart is breaking. She had a good life with you and Thom, including some great adventures. Hugs, my friend.
Thank you Janis for your love and support. ~Kathy
Thanks again to all of you for your lovely and supportive comments. Part of me wants to respond to each of them individually but I just don’t think I can at this time. Just know that every one of you who have reached out helped to get us through this time are deeply appreciated. All my love, ~Kathy
So sorry for your loss. This written tribute to your Kloe is wonderful. Like you, I have had many pets pass on and each has left a different impression on my heart. I love the message Kloe is sending you and you are sharing with us. A truly SMART doggie!
Kathy this is a reminder that during this time of such loss for so many, to grieve and to cherish the memories and the lessons that our love ones brought into our lives. I enjoyed hearing about little Ms. Kloe I could almost hear her bark when you mentioned her being ‘vocal.’ She loved you and Thom purely, what a blessing.
Thank you Amanda for your love and support. ~Kathy
I am so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing. I grieve differently with the loss of a pet. I think it is because they love us unconditionally (no baggage). I have found it very intense yet the memories are all wonderful and that helps me to cope.
Jamie
Thank you Jamie for your love and support. ~Kathy
Dear Kathy,
Your post & message was a God-sent moment for me. Dealing with the loss of my wife recently has been, at times, a daily challenge. I appreciate the reminders to live in the present, letting go of regrets, embracing the emotions that come; enjoying the moment-to-moment.
My heart goes out to you & Thom for your loss. It is a blessing that you have each other. Thank you for constantly reminding me of the important things in our lives!
Grateful,
Mike
Dear Mike, Thank you for your love and support and thank you for letting me know this was helpful to you too. ~Kathy
Dear Gary,
I still vividly remember our visit & lunch together several years ago. My gratitude towards you for your support of Mernell and our family throughout the years is immense. You have seen us through a lot in the past 30 years. I am saddened to inform you that I lost Mernell to a tragic accident on October 1. With support of family & friends I am working through my loss & grief. I appreciate Kathy’s message today for its personal meaningfulness to me….and the opportunity to connect with you.
Mike
HI, Kathy (and Thom) – I delayed opening this post because I wanted to have no distractions or time constraints while reading. I am so glad that I did. There are multiple words of wisdom here. Kloe had much to teach and she taught it well. Each photo that you selected above was very uplifting and made me smile.
Sending warm hugs to you and Thom. I look forward to when we can hug in person!
I am off to enjoy the present moment and will think of Kloe as I do.
Thank you Donna for your love and support. ~Kathy
Dear Kathy
I’m sorry you’ve lost Kloe and send you and Thom my warmest wishes.
Mary
Thank you Mary for your love and support. ~Kathy
As a writer, of course you are writing about Kloe and the present. She was such a crucial part of your family and we will miss her visits. Hang in there!
Thank you for your love and support Gary. ~Kathy
Kathy, what a beautiful way to honor Kloe’s memory. And you are correct, everyone grieves in their own way and time. There are no right or wrong ways to do it. For myself (and for you it seems), pets are members of the family. They’re your kids! And you love them that way. Yes, this year has been especially hard with all the loss everywhere in the world. You can feel the pulsations of it in every corner. So, reading this accounting of Kloe’s life was very uplifting. Also, it reminded me to always “be present” in my own life and not to dwell. Be more like your Kloe. That’s an awesome way to enjoy life and live it to the fullest. My deepest sympathies on your loss. Memories will always be there and know she’s looking down making sure you’re doing okay.
Thank you Debbie for your love and support. ~Kathy
A touching tribute to your dear Kloe, Kathy. I’m reading this with tears in my eyes as my 50-pound knucklehead Brodie is laying on one of my feet. My heart goes out to you and Thom as you grieve and remember all of your adventures with Kloe. I see we share a similar spiritual understanding and I’m sure this provides incredible comfort right now. Your thoughts about Kloe and most other dogs are true in how they give love unconditionally and just want to be with us. Hugs to you dear Kathy and keep Kloe close to your heart. You were all blessed because you were in each others’ lives.
Thank you Terri for your love and support. ~Kathy
I was shocked and saddened to read this week’s post. There is a saying ‘Pets leave paw prints on our hearts’. My paw printed heart goes out to you an Thom. ???
Thank you Melanie for your love and support. ~Kathy
Deep Condolences for your loss of Kloe. She was with you though probably the worst year ever, thank goodness. May your memories bring you and Thom peace and joy.
Thank you Rita for your love and support. ~Kathy
Keeping my nose pointed forward is good advice from Klohe.
Thank you Ann for your love and support. ~Kathy
What an eloquent tribute. I too am grieving the loss of my beloved best companion, just a few short weeks ago- I can still feel him curled against my chest as he did constantly throughout the seventeen years of our amazing bond. I am remembering all of the joy of those seventeen years and yes- dogs are constantly looking forward and I will do well to appreciate and remember that lovely quality about my Skip. Thank you for your words today, you have touched a reader deeply.
Thank you Pam for your love and support. ~Kathy
I know you’re sadness, I’ve been there too many times but I also know how fortunate you have been to have had Kloe in your life and how fortunate she was to have found you and Thom to spend her life with. I honestly feel she is still watching over you and when you’re ready, she will lead you to another furry friend that needs a loving family to rescue him or her and who will also rescue the two of you.
Thank you Pandra for your love and support. ~Kathy
Oh, Kathy, I’m so sorry for your loss. I had been holding back my own tears for you, and reading this really turned them loose. Death is certainly easier to cope with when we have a chance to emotionally prepare.
I would expect no less than for you to take all the best lessons from Kloe and keep them close to your heart, because that’s who you are. I’m sure that is why our beloveds come into our lives and then pass from it, at least in physical form.
My deepest condolences to you and Thom both, my dear friends. I hope that in sharing your grief, we, your community of friends and family, can relieve you of some of that burden, and carry some of it for you.
Thank you Jamie for your love and support. ~Kathy
Dear Kathy,
Thanks for sharing your beloved Kloe. She was darling and precious and will always be a part of your life.
You may have seen this quote before. I don’t know who to credit it with, but it goes something like this…
“Good Dogs are with us for a little while to teach us how to Love like it’s Our job…because it is.”
Someone gave me that card when I lost my dog, Tiger. That was several years ago and I still cherish it. I hope it brings you some comfort. XXOO to you and Thom.
Thank you Ruthie for your love and support. ~Kathy
What a beautiful post in tribute to Kloe. Tears are standing in my eyes. Although I long for another dog (and will likely bring one home when my living circumstances allow), I am still grieving my Lucy 5 years later…and remembering her lessons to me as well.
Someone wiser than me once said that we should aspire to being the person our dog thinks we are. Dogs are the true embodiments of joy and loyalty and unconditional love, and they leave a huge hole behind them. Thank you, Kathy. Again, I am so sorry for your and Thom’s loss.
Deb
Thank you Deb for your love and support. ~Kathy
You have given a wonderful tribute to Kloe. When my son and his cousin were younger and their Grammy passed, it was very difficult for them to process, so we wrote about it, ala The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst. My husband and I did this, too, when our beloved German Shepherd passed. You have done this with your article. And many long, fast walks will help, as movement always helps. Yes, one of the best lessons we can learn from our pups is to remain in the present and enjoy every moment to its fullest. My deepest sympathy.
Thank you Annie for your love and support. ~Kathy
Your post makes me wish I knew Kloe, and also makes me remember our own Sophie (2006 – 2019). And it reminds me of the old advice about how we should try to be as good as our dog thinks we are.
Thank you Tom for your love and support. ~Kathy
Condolences from Vancouver Island. So sorry for the loss of such a cutie. Like you, I believe she is enjoying freedom, joy, and expansiveness. Dog spirit being what it is, however, I get the sense of her yipping gleefully all around you, waiting to snuggle by your side.
I am not brave enough to have a pet, other than my pet rock. Attachments being what they are and all, I remember the sense of loss I felt when my little dog got out of the yard and was hit my a car. That was close to 30 years ago and I tear up just remembering the grief.
We do move on. We do get to make up our reality as we move forward. I now have a big brute of a “grand-dog” who I get to hang out with every now and then (he lives a couple of hours away and we’re in the season of the Covid) and I am reminded of the unconditional love dogs offer.
So, with all that in mind, I decided I would reach out and offer a virtual hug. That, and a suggestion (after watching the last Jeopardy with Alex Trebek yesterday) that maybe Kloe is cavorting with the best until she finds her way back to you.
Peace – and a creative 2021 – my wishes for you.
Ezme
Thank you Ezme for your love and support. ~Kathy
My little dog Gidget who passed away also suddenly, not long after my husband who died equally suddenly, was the most tremendous blessing to me. She instinctively knew when I needed comforting. I’ll always remember the kind veterinarian who hugged me and said “ her job was finished “ I send my condolences. “My little dog——a heartbeat at my feet”. Edith Wharton
Thank you Frances for your love and support. ~Kathy
I am so very sorry about Kloe. I feel and share your pain. You are definitely right about how much we learn from our pets.
Thank you Mary for your love and support. ~Kathy
Kloe was one smart sweetie, to have imparted such important lessons. Hugs to you both.
Thank you Roxanne for your love and support. ~Kathy
Thank you for sharing your grief process and thoughts. You are very brave, seeing you gives me more courage to be brave as well.
Thank you Mary for your love and support. ~Kathy
Losing a pet is like losing a part of oneself. It’s tough to move on, but remembering the positives creates a memory bank that will produce smiles rather than tears. Be strong.
Thank you Jeannette for your love and support. ~Kathy