Most mornings when I take my walk, I listen to taped talks and lectures I find online. A particular favorite is Abraham-Hicks and their discussion of Law Of Attraction. One thing I’ve always appreciated about them is the constant reminder to us all to recognize how we are feeling at any given moment, and from there to choose a more beneficial thought. On a particular morning last week I heard Abraham say to a deeply unhappy woman, “Just pick a slightly better thought, and slowly lean toward happiness.” That reminded me that while it’s nearly impossible to be happy 100% of the time, most of us have the ability to lean in that direction no matter what. From there, I came up with seven simple things all of us can do to make the leaning easier.
#1 Allow yourself to feel and then train yourself to redirect those feelings. Abraham-Hicks encourage us all to feel our feelings. In fact, they believe that our feelings are the best indicator we have when we are aligned with our true nature. When we are feeling good and in flow with our essential nature, that tells us we are aligned. If we feel negative or unhappy, that is a powerful indicator that something is amiss in our body, mind or souls.
The good news is that once we are aware that something is out of whack, we can then take steps to change it. No that doesn’t mean that if you’re unhappy or in pain that you can “just think happy thoughts and it all goes away.” Abraham-Hicks clearly outlines an emotional scale that can take us from the bottom of despair to gradually increasing our wellbeing. Slowly but surely, when we lean toward happiness, we can shift our feelings to better and better states of being. Having that emotional flexibility is crucial to happiness.
#2 Recognize your time is more valuable than money. Six new studies done at the University of British Columbia asked participants questions like, “If you could choose between a high salary with long hours and a longer commute—or, a job that is close to home with flexible hours and an average salary, which would you pick? “ Another question: “Would you prefer an expensive apartment with a longer commute or a more modest apartment with a short commute?” Repeatedly, more than half questioned said that extra time had more value. Of particular note was that the older the age, the more likely the participant picked the extra time. Repeat after me, “My time is more valuable than money!”
#3 Stay curious and open to adventure. Authors Robert Biswas-Diener and Todd Kashan said it brilliantly with, “Truly happy people seem to have an intuitive grasp of the fact that sustained happiness is not just about doing things that you like. It also requires growth and adventuring beyond the boundaries of your comfort zone. Happy people are, simply put, curious.” A study done at Colorado State by psychologist Michael Steger discovered that those who felt curious about things on a daily basis felt the most satisfaction with their lives. While all-out adventure can be unsettling and stressful, a balance of curious and open is an essential ingredient to a happy life.
#4 Go with the flow and practice Wu-Wei when possible. I previously did a post on Wu-Wei so I won’t repeat it here, but it in case you’ve forgotten it is a wonderful approach to happiness. Abraham-Hicks calls it “going downstream” rather constantly struggling to row your boat upstream. Unfortunately, most of us are taught the opposite with things like: Work hard. Try to be the best. Stay productive. Get yours or someone else will get it before you. All of those rules imply that life is supposed to be a struggle and that we should put our nose to the grindstone and put up with it.
Instead, Abraham-Hicks teaches that once we are in alignment with our true nature, things will flow for us. By learning to accept the “is-ness” of some situations, and relax our tight rules on everything related to behavior, expectations and conditions, we can learn to enjoy the journey of life with peace and wellbeing.
#5 Focus on the meaning in your life rather than what you own, what you look like, or what others think about you. Law of Attraction is often criticized by many for being materialistic and selfish. But if you listen and read it enough you’ll find that its primary focus is finding and resting in a place of a person’s true nature. In fact, a favorite saying of Abraham-Hicks is something like, “Everything anyone says they want, or everything they do, is because they think the feeling of having it will make them happier.” So it’s not about getting, it’s about embracing and becoming the feeling and then allowing the action to flow out of that understanding.
#6 Hang out with upbeat and happy people. One of my favorite topics to write about is positive aging. But a recent conversation with a friend uncovered a significant reason that she, and I’ll bet many others, prefer to hang out with younger people. Far too often seniors start talking about declining health and medical issues and then don’t know when to stop. It’s true. Bring up a medical condition or certain symptoms when surrounded by baby boomers, and it’s difficult to even imagine a healthy or happy future.
In contrast, last night Thom and I invited over a handful of friends for dinner. We were laughing and talking so much about so many topics there was barely time to take a breath. Not only did we spend the entire night discussing possibilities and coming events in our lives, but I think everyone left feeling more energized than when they arrived. As Dr. Nicholas Christakies of Harvard Medical School reports, “Individuals who associate themselves with cheerful people have a happier demeanor and consequently a better sense of wellbeing.”
#7 Balance your pleasure with your purpose. When most people think of seeking happiness, they think of pleasure. But truthfully, happiness is a balance between experiences that bring pleasure and actions that provide purpose. Chances are good that without a good mix of both, the satisfaction and wellbeing you crave will elude you. Making advances toward the achievement of our goals, even when they are challenging, usually helps us achieve that balance according to Richard Davidson from University of Wisconsin at Madison. That activity not only makes us feel more engaged, it also help us accept the difficulties and negative feelings that can come from the journey. For example, writing can be challenging work, but the outcome is normally filled with meaning.
Some people like to believe that the pursuit of happiness is all about self-gratification. That’s why I particularly like it when Abraham-Hicks reminds us that the only people who don’t want us to be happy or don’t think any of us deserve it, are likely attempting to control or manipulate us for their own happiness, agenda or needs. Plus, Abraham-Hicks repeatedly teaches that it is only truly unhappy people who do harm to others or the planet. Rather, the most aligned and content people share their good with everyone and the Earth where we dwell. Let’s remember that happy people aren’t always 100% happy, but those that are SMART know they can always lean slightly in that direction until things start looking more bright.
I finally got to read this article, Kathy, and I’m so glad I did. You distilled a lot of valuable information into one easy-to-read piece. As we get older, the value of time becomes ever more clear; I see it manifest in letting go of acquiring “stuff” and instead sharing experiences with the people I care most about. Thank you for the time and effort you put into sharing insights about this journey we’re all on.
Another fab article from you, Kathy. You are so right about the pursuit of happiness not being all about ourselves. There is so much of talk out there that seems to say that. Some of our happiest times come from community and giving.
PS: Loved the choice of image. 🙂
Hi Corinne! Thank you! Yes, I think many people think of happiness as just pleasure. But as most of us know, that is just a fleeting sensation and usually requires us to keep doing something more, and more and more to get the same stimulation. But real happiness, especially the way I try to write about it here on SMART Living, is so much more than that and definitely includes community and giving! Thanks for your thoughts on this. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
This is a really great article. When we are in tune with emotions and purpose, then we can find our way to happiness. Sometimes it sounds complicated but the reality is that happiness stems from gratitude towards life and all the things and people we have around us.
Zaria
Hi Zaria! Welcome to SMART Living and thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I so agree that appreciation and gratitude lead us in the direction of happiness and I probably should have included that in this “list.” But every now and then I think it is also important to consider how everything is tied together with our emotions, our thoughts and our actions. When they all “lean” in a particular direction then the experience of wellbeing is sure to occur. Thanks again for stopping by! ~Kathy
Thank you for your warm welcome Kathy! Indeed, our emotions and thoughts are reflected to our actions and the other way around. There is no real recipe to happiness because each one of us defines it differently. I love your site, keep it up with the amazing work!
Zaria
Hi Zaria! Thanks again for stopping by and letting me know that this reminded you of how we are all connected! ~Kathy
I love this! Leaning toward happiness! I would add one: Watch cheerful entertainment. Our good friend, in the early days of her marriage, used to watch a particular ‘soap’. When her husband got home from work a few hours later, she would tear into him. You have to know that this was the sweetest-natured woman in the world. She finally figured out that her soaps were depressing her and quit watching. Her world changed. And her husband no longer dreaded coming home. I find If I watch something in which people are suffering or sad, I’m sad. All day.
Hi Diane! You are so right! Thank you for adding another good suggestion. I so agree that the television programs we watch (not to mention the radio or newspapers we read!) can definitely “tilt” our happiness meter one way or another. Thom and I gave up watching news years ago and I’m REALLY glad we did with all the politics going on right now. Your example of your friend watching something that seems rather innocent like a soap opera is a good one. It’s good to remember we are affected by EVERYTHING around us. Thanks for that and have a spectacular (and happy!) weekend. ~Kathy
Right on the knocker as usual Kathy – happiness is something we need to actively pursue. It doesn’t just sit there sparkling around us – we need to meet it half way by making good choices. And Abraham certainly has some good points to make too x
Hi Leanne! Glad you appreciate the reminder as much as I do. Not only do we need to “meet it half way by making good choices” like you say, we also need to be reminded over and over. Have a happy and awesome weekend! ~Kathy
Attitude and outlook are everything. It is only when these two are truly aligned do we see the real picture of our lives. If you have a bad attitude and a poor outlook your picture will look bleak whatever window you happen to be looking out. On the other hand, when both are aligned you can see for miles and the view just gets better with every look!
Hi Rena! That’s a great way to think of alignment–attitude and outlook. As you say, it will certainly affect everything we see and do. And yes, the view gets really, really good when they are lined up. Thanks for sharing that perspective! ~Kathy
So much here to ponder and then to take to heart. Especially the answers to the question–which would you rather have–and people want time to be themselves. So important as that fosters the idea of creativity and curiosity. Thanks for the enlightenment. Beth
Hi Beth! Something tells me you know most of this already…it’s just remembering it when needed, right? I just came across that study about the value of time and knew I had to include it in a post because again, I think it is something most of us know in our heart and soul, but we still sometimes make choices that go against it. Much like you do on your blog, reminding each other of the best in life is a continual process. Thanks for adding to the conversation! ~Kathy
I love this Kathy. Thanks for the tips! All of these make complete sense. I would go so far as to say unhappy people resent happy ones. That’s why it’s important to stay away from misery LOL> Have a great weekend!
Hi Lisa! Thank you. I know you know all this but if you’re like me you like to be reminded. And YES to staying away from misery in any form. I like how Abraham says, “You cannot get poor enough to help poor people thrive or sick enough to help sick people get well. You only ever uplift from your position of strength and clarity and alignment.” And yes to us all having a GREAT weekend. ~Kathy
I love the simple idea of leaning toward happiness. #6 and #7 especially resonate with me. I really believe that – maybe especially at this time of our lives when we (hopefully) have more control – surrounding ourselves with joyful, engaging, positive people gives us energy. It’s time to jettison negativity. I’ve recently been looking for ways to bring more purpose into my life. Retirement is wonderful, but I’m starting to feel that I need more… something.
Hi Janis! I agree that this year in particular with all the politics on TV and just about everywhere you go, not to mention other world events, it takes great mindfulness for us to keep our minds focused in more positive directions. Like #6 says, that is either helped or hindered by the people we hang out with. And yes to #7. The more I read about happy and healthy aging, the more obvious it is that we all need to find purpose and meaning regardless of what’s happening in our world. Of course, that doesn’t mean it has to be a HUGE purpose or meaning (don’t forget step #4!) but it does need to be something that makes us get up out of bed in the morning. That reminds me of the quote by Richard Bach that says, “Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive, it isn’t.” ~Kathy
Hi Kathy!
I must say, I love that photo! Is that Thom in front of the “leaning shack”?
I have to admit, I struggle with the concepts associated with the Law of Attraction, specifically with what resulted from “The Secret” craze. I know people that have a photo of themselves taped to their fridge, doctored so that it looks like they’re holding a million dollar check, and that’s what it’s all about for them: getting what they want and being rich.
What recordings do you listen to of Abraham Hicks? I tried one recently, and it was not what I was hoping. Perhaps I’ve tuned in to the wrong one?
Hi T.O. …..oh dear…I know my hair was short back then but the photo is me! It was taken back in 2005 when I was wearing really short hair and now that I’m cooler (no hot flashes!) I’m wearing it longer. 🙂
And I get it about being skeptical about Law of Attraction. When the Secret came out it was a big turn off with all that focus on money and getting stuff. But if you see the movie (we did at one point) Abraham-Hicks isn’t in it. To hear Ester Hicks talk about it, she said there was little or no focus on vibration and how that creates our lives and world, and all the attention on getting stuff. Plus, since I’ve been listening to the talks now for a couple of years I have come to appreciate that she/they are completely unjudgemental about wanting anything. In other words, if you want to use the power of the Universe for stuff (because that’s where YOUR vibration is at) then go right ahead. BUT, as I say in the post, everything we say we want is because we really want the feeling we think it will bring us. So important to remember–at least for me. If all I am really reaching for is the feeling–then why bother with a bunch of stuff that might momentarily make me feel a certain way. What I REALLY want, is the ability to find and sustain those feelings of happiness, peace, energy, wellbeing, purpose, meaning, etc. etc. Figure out how to become the feeling and you have all that you really want.
Of course with that said, do I believe everything I hear? Not always. As with anything we have to listen with discernment. But one talk I just finished that was “mostly” really good was this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUxQdiOYnAc just be sure and use Google Adblock for Chrome or you will have to listen to tons of ads! Let me know what you think! ~Kathy
Oh my! Please don’t take it to mean anything!! Understand that I’m not wearing proper glasses when I look at my screen today (to give my eyes a rest while I edit that book) … and the picture is kind’a far away … and you have a baseball cap on!
Do you subscribe to something to get notices of their talks? I’ll be sure to listen to the one you sent; I’m always looking for good material to listen to at night. It’s a great way to relax before sleep.
BTW – Watching that puppy video pretty much gives me the feeling I’m looking for. 🙂
hahaha! No worries and certainly no offense T.O. I am pretty tiny in that photo! And I told you I practically live in shorts these days, right? I promise I’ll dress up (at bit!) at BAM!
No I don’t subscribe to the videos but there are literally hundreds on you tube. I actually have a program to download them off of youtube and then relisten on my phone. If you figure I walk about 45 minutes every day of the week, I have a lot of time to listen! Thom listens to them now and then but he finds it too repetitive. But there is something about the question and answer format they use that I really enjoy….and I can’t seem to hear most of the messages enough. I’ll be curious to know if you find it relaxing enough. It engages my mind too much for that. On the other hand, Thom can listen to Wayne Dyer over and over again (and does to go to sleep!) And yes, that puppy video is just the sweetest isn’t it? ~Kathy
I was definitely meant to read this article. Came at a perfect time. Makes sense. I love Abraham Hicks, too. I better start reading him more! Thanks for a very HAPPY article!
Hi Cathy! So glad you found this helpful and reminded you of a few things you already know. And I see your latest post explains another really important aspect of finding happiness. I don’t think any of us can read too much about this important subject do you? There is so much of the opposite type of news out in the world that we all can use as much positive input as we can! With that in mind I’m going to head over to your site now for MORE!!! ~Kathy
Oh, do I love this, Kathy! What a perfect way to start off my morning–thank you! And I’m laughing–I wrote about Abraham this week as well. Great minds 🙂
I’ve really been working of late on picking that slightly better thought when I go off kilter. Does that ever work!
I have to confess I still have trouble with #4. SO ingrained in me is the old Protestant Work Ethic, that I find I’m fighting the flow when I’m not even aware of it. That’s my core challenge, and I’m working on it. Or should I say, playing with it? 🙂
Again, thank you–love this!
Hey Susan! Glad you liked my reminders. I think so much of what I write about is what many of us already KNOW, but like everyone, I sure appreciate the reminders. And yes, #4 is a big one for me too. Just this last week I sat down and started reading a book (it was even a book I will be writing a blog post about!) and it still felt like there were other things more pressing I should be doing to be more productive. Pausing and enjoying the moment is so very important and yes, let’s PLAY with it for sure. Now I want to pop over to your site and see what is FREE and will make me happy! 😉 ~Kathy
I so know that feeling Kathy! I feel like I’m playing hooky when reading a book for pleasure. I mean–how insane is that! I write and edit for a living, and keeping up with what’s being published, well, I really should think about it as part of my job! Hm, just writing that I realized my dilemma–I love reading so much, it brings me such joy, and here I’m circling back to the Protestant Work Ethic! Can only laugh at myself 🙂