Are you a victim of “lifestyle creep?” No matter how good a rightsizer you are, and I tend to think I’m usually pretty good at it, chances are you occasionally find yourself slipping into the creep now and then. I know I do. That’s because in our culture, nearly all of us are continually lulled into slowly but surely living just a little more comfortably, a little more extravagantly, a little more indulgently than in the days, weeks and months before. How does that work?
Slowly over time, any spending that starts out as a splurge—like a $4.50 latte at Starbucks to treat ourselves, a pricey bottle of wine to celebrate, or going out to dinner on a special occasion—can gradually become an almost daily necessity if we make them routine. Those acts are often triggered when we start making a good salary or get a raise. After all, we have the extra money, right? And as that “creep” of spending just a little more than yesterday becomes a new norm, we often find ourselves needing more and more such “rewards” to keep us happy and satisfied. If we aren’t careful, we can reach retirement with nothing to show for it. Fortunately, I believe a good cure for the dreaded lifestyle creep is to stay as mindful and focused on rightsizing as possible.
Of course, if you are new to my blog or the idea of rightsizing it might help if I first explain what I mean by the idea. While rightsizing often means “downsizing” in certain circles, I believe it is the perfect word to describe living a life that fits the unique needs and desires of you and your family in order to receive maximum happiness, meaning and peace of mind. Equally important to know, rightsizing is not about sacrificing, where you are asked to give up doing, having, or living a fulfilling life. Instead, it is a recommendation that you first take the time to get very clear about what is most important to you during your remaining years on this planet—and then make choices and design a lifestyle that fits those intentions. In other words, it isn’t about the look, size or the money in your life—it is about the quality, depth and meaning.
In contrast, lifestyle creep is more about the unconscious actions that befall most of us the longer we live on the planet. The term is mainly used to describe what happens as people start making more money than they made in the past. But it doesn’t matter what level of income you start at, before long it is really tempting to spend more…and then more…and then gradually more. Until, like I said, what used to be a luxury, slowly becomes a necessity. Sadly, it’s a bit like putting a frog in a pot of water and then turning on the heat. In the beginning the frog enjoys the warm water. He even likes it when it becomes a “hot tub.” But if he isn’t paying attention, that hot water will start boiling and then the frog will end up cooked. So it is with lifestyle creep because as we all know, once a luxury becomes a necessity, we require more luxuries to take their place—and so it goes!
With that in mind I sat down this week and came up with the following ways I think rightsizing protects us from the dreaded creep.
- It reminds you that there is so much more to a good life than possessing a bunch of stuff, working at a job you dislike (no matter how prestigious) and going into debt to medicate yourself into feeling better about your choices.
- It keeps you from buying a far bigger home (or any other desirable item) that you think you need or paying more for it than you can afford. Instead it helps you make conscious choices about buying a home (or any other purchase) that fit your true needs and budget perfectly.
- It helps you resist buying or upgrading to a car to impress others and instead asks you to focus on what car you can easily afford, is safe and reliable, and fits your personal needs. Oh, and it usually keeps you from ever leasing a car because you can drive something fancier than you can really afford.
- It allows you to work at a job you enjoy, or at least find rewarding, rather than slug it out at work you hate just to bring home a big paycheck to pay for all that lifestyle-creep-stuff you bought to make yourself feel better.
- It encourages you to find friends that like you, for “you,” not what you look like or own. Just like hanging out with overweight friends has been proven to make you automatically eat more, hanging out with “spendy friends” can make you buy stuff you never thought about owning—let alone needing.
- It helps you stop comparing your life with anyone else—from the neighbors who live down the street—all the way to reality tv stars like the Kardashians, Real Housewives, or the latest movie star, music sensation, or multi-million-dollar athlete. Instead you find friends and hang out with people who don’t value themselves by the size, the impression of, or number of their possessions.
- You aren’t constantly worried about managing, maintaining or losing all the things in your life that you paid a lot of money to buy. For example, the bigger your home the more things in it that require ongoing maintenance. The more you own, the more you have to take care of. Or heaven-forbid that your expensive jewelry, electronics or sports equipment gets lost, stolen or damaged. Far better to focus on a few special things worthy of your time and attention.
- It helps you define success by how happy, peaceful and meaningful your life is (and the life of your family members) rather than how others (or the culture) defines success. There is no more chasing someone else’s dream—instead you focus on your own.
- It reminds you to value your time far more than you value the things that you own. Rather than filling your life up with busy-ness, or things that don’t matter much in the big scheme of things, rightsizing helps us mindfully choose to make the most of the precious time we have left in the world.
- It saves us from falling too deeply into the “the instant economy.” You know what I mean, you are scrolling through Facebook and see an ad for something you’ve admired in the past and before you know it, you’ve ordered it on Amazon and expect it in one day delivery! So rather than satisfy your every desire as quickly as you can “order it”, rightsizing recommends that you pause and consider the tradeoff value to your happiness and peace of mind.
One of the biggest problems with lifestyle creep is how it gradually makes our overindulging into a habit as time goes by. That basically sucks up any savings, or emergency cushion we might need—not to mention retirement savings. According to Insured Retirement Institute, 45% of Baby-Boomers have zero savings for retirement. I’d bet some of them are victims of lifestyle creep. So rather than rightsize long before retirement age, many people just continue to spend everything they earn. And that might be somewhat okay if they were really enjoying all that spending. Unfortunately most people quickly lose the “boost” they get from spending and then are faced with working longer and more hours just to pay for the creep they’ve allowed to run amok in their lives.
Like I confessed in the beginning—I’m not a perfect rightsizer. But ever since my husband Thom and I adopted this lifestyle we have created better habits that help to keep us from sliding into the darkness of lifestyle creep. Sure once and a while we splurge and spend extra money for a special perk. But we do our best to remind ourselves that living a rightsized life satisfies our needs for happiness, peace of mind and meaning—far more than over-indulgence ever could. I’m guessing that reminder is a SMART one for us all.
Totally guilty of the lifestyle creep and I see myself buying from ads on Facebook as well. Getting too used to receiving Amazon packages and indulging in wine – I like your post and will make an effort to do some right sizing. I love that concept.
Hi Kristin! It is so, so easy to get slowly sucked into the “creep” especially with convenience and the speed of how we can buy things. Staying mindful about it is half the battle. And if you search for “rightsizing” here on the blog you’ll see all my posts as well. ~Kathy
I grew up frugal and married into a constricted, overly-frugal existence.
I rarely had debt. But I had nothing else.
For that, I missed a lot of fun and life was a drag. Clothes & furnishings from Goodwill. Used cars only (cash only). Travel meant staying in the cheapest, most horrid motels only or in an old tent or broken-down camper. No privacy in our “starter home.” No haircuts; my long hair was air-dried (no hair dryer). Huddled in old sweaters and blankets all winter, broiling and sleepless in summer’s heat with no A/C. We were so proud of our poverty, if you know what I mean? Yet I was chronically depressed.
After my divorce from Mr Too-Frugal, the greatest gift I gave myself was to learn to spend wisely, on what matters: A second bathroom (with 3 daughters, a life-changer!), a haircut (I even covered the gray!), stylish brand-new sweaters, central A/C, a new car with (gasp!!) a LOAN… I glow with gratitude every day for these ridiculously ordinary items that the average American takes for granted. A lifetime of frugality taught me how to pinch the pennies for these things, anyway–I did not overspend!
Gratitude and pleasure are worth a splurge!
Hi Weena! Thank you for sharing your own personal story with us all. I agree that “overly-frugal” isn’t the answer either! And it is a problem if you become too “proud of your poverty” IMHO> But now that being frugal is such a habit for you, it sounds like you have discovered how to make choices that truly compliment and enrich your life without allowing that creep to take over. Good for you. I am a big fan of “rightsizing” and it sounds like you have found a way to rightsize your life. ~Kathy
Thank you, Kathy! Yes, frugality is a tool one can use wisely or not. My daughters and I are “wealthy” in gratitude, wise habits, and self-sufficiency but reject the notion of suffering. They graduated college with no debt. Each qualified for a modest, low-interest used-car loan on her own due to excellent credit, savings, and a steady (if modest) income. They are all excellent home cooks and hard workers who pay their bills on time. Their peers have huge student loans, drive flashy new cars, eat out frequently, and have run up high-interest credit-card debt.
I’m glad to have found your site and truly enjoy your wisdom. And the term “right-sizing” is just right!
Hi Weena! Wow! You should be very proud of raising your kids to be so self-sufficient in these times. I sure wish I had learned the true definition of wealth when I was there age. And you are so correct that it has nothing to do with suffering. Quite the contrary! It is so empowering to know your own resiliency. Thanks for so much for sharing such insight and I hope you jump in again when a topic grabs you. ~Kathy
My husband and I started giving ourselves an allowance every week. We started last year. It is really awesome! You have to only spend your cash for extra things. It really keeps us in check!
Hi Misty! The “allowance” idea is a good one. I can see where that would help you monitor your spending and keep you on track for what you REALLY want. Thanks for that idea! ~Kathy
We have so much stuff. Way, way too much stuff. I am not a big shopper. But whatever I do acquire, I end up hanging onto forever. I have a cozy blue fleece that I think of as my new sweater. But then one of those Facebook memory photos popped from seven years ago, and there I was wearing the “new” sweater. Although I gave away the children’s furniture when my kids grew up, I still have couple of sets of children’s bed linen from 25 years ago that I now use when my grandkids sleep over.
I do understand lifestyle creep. Sometimes it is fun to buy something new, and I might even tell myself I need it. It’s so easy to just buy something if you have the money. Between lifestyle creep and accumulation over many years, the stuff keeps adding up. When I feel tempted to buy something nowadays, I ask myself whether I like it enough to live with it for the rest of my life.
Jude
For me the lifestyle creep hasn’t been about things but about travel. I love to travel and usually plan carefully for trips. This year I realize that I have been on many more trips than I planned for. Add to that two daughters with destination weddings and I have far exceeded the travel budget I had planned. All the trips were fun or educational or involved family events and I enjoyed them all. It does remind me to keep a level head and not go overboard without carefully planning the financial end of things!
Hi Michelle! I think the KEY with any lifestyle creep is staying aware and conscious. Even though you did spend more than you originally anticipated, you KNOW you did and hopefully can make a different choice in the future if you need to. I think for me one of the best things about rightsizing is that by making most of those choices as we go along, I have the resources to splurge now and then when it seems very important. But again, knowing I’m splurging is probably one of the most important things I can do. And hopefully you will never have two more of your daughter’s “destination weddings” to attend to in the future! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
I love the concept of “right-sizing”…finding that niche that meets your needs, but promotes freedom of choice and freedom from “stuff”. As previous owners of the “big house in the suburbs” we find we are far happier with a little cottage in the woods. We can read, blog, fish, swim, hike, and afford to do it! I also feel that we don’t own our belongings, they own us. More to store, maintain, even dust! (and I HATE to dust!)
I wouldn’t call myself a strict minimalist, but I have certainly made moves in that direction.
Hi Nancy! It sounds to me like you and your husband have “rightsized” your life too. Isn’t the freedom of that so worth the trade-off? I don’t think Thom and I had any idea how freeing it would be to let go of all that stuff. And by eliminating that excess debt we can channel our resources into both saving AND doing things we enjoy the most. It sounds like you do too! AND I also hate to dust!!!! Thanks for sharing your path with me. ~Kathy
And, Kath, you are right about “right-sizing” the financial responsibilities, too.
The more stuff we have, the more complications which all take time and energy.
We are working hard on this. Do I realy NEED this? If I get it and haven’t used it–donate it!
Great suggestions as usual Kathy.
Hi Gary! I think you and Robert are GREAT rightsizers. But if you are like Thom and I, it’s always good to get reminders huh? And what an important question, “do I really NEED this?” Plus I completely agree that we should donate anything we don’t use regularly. ~Kathy
The ‘creep’ we are experiencing comes more from increases in expenses we can’t control, like yearly raises in condo fees, yearly property tax raises, general hikes in food and fuel prices. We are very good at curtailing our desires to live more expansively, if only the ‘powers that be’ would cooperate! It is a fact of life for many retirees that the cost of living goes up, yet income does not increase at the same rate.
Hi Diane! I so agree that some expenses just happen due to the times we live in. But I still believe that a few of them can be mitigated by staying conscious and paying attention. For example, we had a “package” with our cable company for our internet and tv cable. When we first signed they gave us a great deal for a kazillion channels so we took it. Then slowly year by year they tacked on a few dollars here and there. Once in a while I was able to renegotiate a slightly lower price but earlier this year it jumped $20 a month and I thought, “what the heck?” We don’t even watch the vast majority of those channels. What are we doing paying so much? So I called and worked out the best deal and saved myself $60 a month!!!! I’ve done something similar with our house and car insurance and other ongoing expenses. I’ll admit it is a hassle and takes time but I’m betting that some of our rising expenses can be cut back if we work it. And while food prices do rise, we also have the option of where we shop and what we end up buying. While our incomes may or may not rise, I still believe we can make rightsized choices. ~Kathy
A friend of mine asked me along time ago…what is the difference between a good $30 dollar bottle of wine and a $100 bottle. I paused for a moment and said it mostly tastes the same to me. She said I agree…but the difference is $70 dollars. So why would you ever pay $70 dollars more if tastes the same and get the same enjoyment. Got to laugh…and reminded myself that there are numerous examples out there of this. Ok…another example…my friend Johnny use to tell me that a Lexus was just a Toyota with a Tuxedo. Cannot say anything bad about a Lexus but an upgraded Toyota will usually save you $10K or more and get you there in comfort also. But maybe Jimmy Buffet says it best in one of his songs: “money is contraband, you can’t take it with you when you go, so spend it while you can”. The Problem with that advise…is that it’s all in the timing.
Hey Thom! As you know, I agree with you on this–especially on that question of timing. Enjoying today AND planning for the future are both important. Rightsizing helps us do just that! ~ Kathy
We don’t creep anymore since we downsized to a smaller house … because we can’t! But we find we’re traveling more and, it seems, staying in nicer digs. Is that another kind of creep?
Hi Tom! Oh yeah….travel can definitely be a creep. Thom and I actually “tented” years ago…you couldn’t get me anywhere near a tent these days (unless it was one of those “glamping” tents with private bathrooms and even A/C!!!! And after upgrading on intercontinental flights…there is no way we can go back to regular economy. Thankfully we have resisted the urge to upgrade when flying domestic…but it is a temptation. And I’m a little picky about where we stay but usually go for finding the very best I can find that fits a moderate budget. I’m guessing that travel, eating out, and shopping in ALL forms is subject to creep. That’s why rightsizing stays as a compass guide to what is most important. But yes, I agree that having a smaller home is an excellent way to keep from buying tchotchkes! ~Kathy
Kathy, excellent article. As always. I think you hit the nail on the head with this post. or, I’m a victim of lifestyle creep and you brought it up to my attention. LOL!
Again, thanks for writing this article and for the reminder. It’s a constant thorn in my side to keep reminding myself to keep my spending in check.
Hi Cindi! Glad you liked this post. And as always, I write what I need to be reminded of as well. When you consider all of the MANY messages we hear on a regular basis about how we need to buy something just to feel good about ourselves, it is no surprise that it is an ongoing lesson! ~Kathy
I have always been frugal (maybe sometimes a bit to frugal) but I have been known to talk myself into purchases I didn’t really need. Sometimes that’s good (spending money that we can afford on a few fun items or trips) and sometimes it’s just to “scratch an itch” like Deb said. We are very lucky that scratching a few itches won’t create holes in our budget that we can’t handle. One benefit of not making too many impulse purchases is that those items won’t later become more clutter to get rid of.
Hi Janis! I’ve certainly been in the same position. To me the key is having the awareness of what we are doing–especially if you have the resources to splurge now and then. That is the real beauty of rightsizing to me. When we are conscious about our money most of the time, it doesn’t cause any problem if we spend more (or less) on something that we desire. IMHO it is only when we really don’t have any holes to spare in our budget that we can get ourselves in trouble. And I SO agree that the less we spend on “impulse purchases” the less we have to declutter later on! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy, A thought-provoking post, again:) I have always been a saver, even with babysitting money as a girl. I see how certain spending and saving habits are ingrained in people. Teachings and examples do not seem to make a difference. I am generalizing. I also am aware of some exceptions where people have altered their spending habits. Easy access to credit cards and credit card debt plays a significant role on whether people live within their means. You wrote a recent post on a Happy Relationship with Money. You brought up different points although they relate to your current post.
Rightsizing is a perfect word. For us it means living within our means and balance. You used the words “remaining years on this planet” a phrase I often use. You are a kindred spirit, Kathy:) I have put wine in the budget for when you visit in July?
Hi Erica! Looking back in my life I can see so many times where we could have made different choices and ended up with a different result. I’ll bet we all can. And I’m the first to admit that we made mistakes along the way. Our “rightsized lifestyle” wasn’t our first choice…but after living through several recessions and as self employed people we learned that the temptation of easy or fast money was just that…a temptation. We choose instead to pursue a lifestyle that gave us more peace of mind and (at least in our minds) freedom to pursue things that truly mattered to us. And yes, it sounds like you and your husband have done the same. I am so-o-o looking forward to sharing that bottle (or two) of wine with you next month as we “discuss” this further! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy, Your response reminded me how my husband and I have similar values especially on how we “spend” our time. I reread my initial comment to you and I see I put a “?” on the end of it. My intention was an “!” (exclamation mark:) Looking forward to the July meeting. Enjoy your Sunday:) Erica
This made me think about a situation a number of years ago, in one of the significant economic downturns. One colleague was moaning about how they had saved and saved and now their money was cut more than half with nothing to show, while their brother who had spent and spent had all these experiences and toys. It was in interesting moment. There is something about living and spending because you don’t know what the future holds. I however was also a saver, with lots of delayed gratification. Now, I’m enjoying spending some of that money. I don’t think I’m in danger of too much creep (I still look for sales and cut coupons!), but it’s kinda nice sometimes to just buy that thing on Amazon and get it tomorrow, to not worry about the cost of having dinner out, or to treat myself to a new summer top just because the color is wonderful. Of course, we also downsized to a price-point house so we had no mortgage, I price-shopped for my new reasonably priced car (Ford Explorer), and our “vacations” this year are to our beach cottage. Sometimes I think it’s weird how I’m willing to spend money in some areas but still look for deals in others! Someday I’m going to really need to write them down and see if it tells me something about my personal values!
Hi Pat! You bring up a very interesting perspective. During the real estate crash in ’08-’09 there was a part of me that felt somewhat similar. We had been very careful and frugal about not getting in over our heads in spite of the temptation, and then so many (and many we knew personally) were spending money like there was no tomorrow until the crash came. Then they lost homes and lots of other savings. Part of me felt a little bit resentful….after all, we were careful and never overspent while others clearly had. But in the end, the peace of mind and freedom that we felt when it was all over proved to us that we had made the right choices. Plus, because the banks and other financing companies were much of the cause of the situation, I didn’t necessarily feel that individuals should take the blame when those organizations were a big part of the problem.
But like I said, the freedom and peace of mind of learning to live within our means and find enjoyment with a more modest lifestyle comes with no regrets. And becuase we’ve made many frugal choices, we actually feel so free to make spurge choices when it is something that is really important to us. The challenge of course is to remain grateful and aware that they are a conscious choose that we want really want to make. And because you too are willing to spend money when and where it is important to you–that shows you are living a rightsized life for sure. Remember, rightsizing isn’t about sacrificing. It is about choosing what really matters. It sounds like you and your husband have found the “right” path for your lives. ~Kathy
Excellent post on the ‘Lifestyle Creep”! Yes it is a very sneaky creep. I meet friends for coffee.These 2 friends do not eat lunch! (crazy I am friends with them, I know!) One friend does not have very much money, works a poorly paying job and her coffee choice is expensive. The other friend has more money than God and is retired and her coffee choice is a drip, the least expensive. Yes their coffee is a lunch alternative and the friend that works does not have the option to pop home and have a bite as the retired friend, but I think she has rationalized the expense, a lifestyle creep!
I know people who are miserable at work but continue working because they keep buying stuff to reward themselves for enduring the misery. Rightsize and retire!
Hi Donna! Yes, wouldn’t it be nice from the very beginning if we were encouraged to find work that some form of work that fulfilled us rather than just seek out the best paying position. Or what about working with/for people we despise? I know some people have a difficult time finding work. But some of the problem is that we get ourselves into wanting a lifestyle that isn’t sustainable. And I say that from experience because Thom and I both came from very humble beginnings but we made many decisions during our life that gave us freedom rather than conformity. Not always easy by any means but I do believe it is available to many of us. Thanks for checking in on this. ~Kathy
Dear Kathy,
Another inspiring post of yours! I completely agree.
Thanks for reminding me/us again and again what really matters in life.
Lots of love to you both
Alex & Gerhard
ALEX!!! How great to hear from you. How are you and Gerhard? Whenever it turns to summer I think of you both barbecuing at your little summer place. Any chance you’ll be heading to the U.S. sometime in the future? Or who knows? We might head your way in the next couple of years. I will send you and email and let you know because it would be AWESOME to see you both. I hope you are both doing well and are happy! Love back to you~K & T
“45% of Baby-Boomers have zero savings for retirement. I’d bet that most are victims of lifestyle creep. “
Hmmm, I hear that as a rather privileged perception. The conversation about the ability to save OR survive is not an option for many.
And then there are those who are not victims at all but rather consciously choose to fully live in the present moment knowing that regardless of what they have or have not, it’s enough.
Perhaps a deeper conversation (or SMART action) is to look into the value and meaning we place on retirement…. ??
Hi Carol! Thank you very much for pointing that out. I agree that not everyone without savings is there because of lifestyle creep…and actually I am going to change that in the article. I personally know some people who have lost their savings because they had overwhelming medical bills or had to support either aging parents or their children in some form or another. Accidents happen and that can certainly be financially devastating. Even so, I’m not sure I would call that a “privileged perception” but I would call it fortunate. And while I do my best not to take that for granted, I also do not believe that the ability to live well within my means is something that precludes me from living in the moment. As far as a deep conversation about the value and meaning we place on retirement, I would love to hear your further thoughts on that. Seeking value and meaning during our entire lives (retirement or not) is something that I think is SMART for us all to consider. Thanks again for your input on this. ~Kathy
Wise words! I try to live frugally, meaning I don’t mind spending the money on higher quality things, but it has to be worth it to me. Great reminder to spend mindfully. It’s all too easy to fall into the trap of buying things we don’t need, or purchasing things in an attempt to scratch an itch that is better dealt with another way.
I know people who are addicted to shopping, and it’s obvious and very sad to see them “jonesing” for their shopping fix when we are out together on a trip that doesn’t have shopping as part of the outing.
Deb
Hi Deb! It’s a balance for sure isn’t it? The trick is to not get trapped into making it a habit. Like you, I know people who make shopping a hobby and then wonder why the credit card debt piles up. Fortunately Thom and I have been able to make being “frugal” a hobby and now most shopping isn’t rewarding. I say “most shopping” because we both tend to like our “electronics!” Learning to pay attention to our impulses is so very important. It sounds like you’ve found a good way for it to work for you. ~Kathy