For as long as I can remember I have always encountered a new year with optimism and hope. Even when Y2K or the Mayan 2012 (remember them?) were on the horizon and then passed, I believed that any obstacle we faced in a new year could be overcome by either going over, around, or through the problems in front of us. Now here in 2017, we are faced with new and interesting challenges. But again, it is not my nature, nor the reality that I live in, to believe that optimism and hope are suddenly impossible. As I, and others far wiser than me have said, “Pain may be inevitable, but suffering is always optional.” With that in mind, I’ve spent the first few days of the year coming up with what I believe are ten ways to embrace more happiness and hope in the next 365 days.
Of course, I don’t deny or diminish the fact that others in the world face far more difficult challenges than I. But how would my sliding into despair or worry help those in need? If I’m huddled in my bed under the covers, how can I ever be of service to the planet? Likewise, if I ignore the world and medicate myself with mindless television, drugs, booze, shopping or magical thinking, how can one consider that really living? I drew inspiration this morning from author Elizabeth Gilbert. In her most recent book, Big Magic she quotes a poet by the name of Jack Gilbert who inspired her as she explored what makes for hopeful and creative living beyond fear.
Jack Gilbert was no Pollyanna. Not only did he live through his own personal tragedy and pain, his poetry continually reflects the emotions of a fully engaged life. He also seemed to recognize that anything important takes time, discipline and effort—the combination of which can certainly be difficult. He openly acknowledged that it takes great courage, determination and maturity not to falter and fall in the world. To Jack Gilbert, giving into despair, discouragement or fear was to sacrifice the gift of living full out. A portion of his poem, A Brief For The Defense states it clearly.
We must risk delight. We can do without pleasure,
but not delight. Not enjoyment. We must have
the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless
furnace of this world. To make injustice the only
measure of our attention is to praise the Devil.
If the locomotive of the Lord runs us down,
we should give thanks that the end had magnitude.
We must admit there will be music despite everything.
With an intention to risk delight and hold the space of stubborn happiness, here are ten actions I intend to adopt in the coming days.
- Believe you deserve to be happy in spite of circumstances. Unless you acknowledge that you deserve happiness, then its unlikely you will give yourself permission to do what it takes to find and hang on to it. This is not to normalize, deny or resist the problems we face but rather to transform them into whatever is most healing for ourselves and others. And to, as Jack Gilbert admonishes us, “admit there will be music despite everything.”
- Refuse to give up your happiness because others aren’t happy. Author and guide Abraham-Hicks constantly remind us to beware of anyone who tells us that our personal happiness is an act of selfishness. That’s likely because that person or organization is trying to manipulate or control us into behaving in ways that make them happy.
- Realize you are most effective in the world and able to create positive change when you come from a place of happiness and wellbeing. As the Buddha said, “Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”
- Make feeling happy and at peaceful your number one goal. When making New Year’s Resolutions or other intentions for the coming year, few people list “happiness.” Why? Why not put happiness, wellbeing or gladness at the top and then let everything else flow from there? When you allow the emotion of happiness to be a base-point your life, you set yourself up to bring joy to every action.
- Decide to get yourself in a happy mood or at least a feeling of wellbeing before making any important decisions. This is another thing I’ve learned from Abraham-Hicks that makes a lot of sense. When we are in a calm, relaxed and happy state we think more clearly and make better decisions. If we did this with greater mindfulness, every decision would surely bring better results.
- Consciously hang out with other happy and optimistic people. Do others in your life continually remind you of all that is wrong in the world? Do they complain or ruminate on their health of that of others? Are they convinced the world is going to hell in a hand basket? As I’ve written before, the people around us are contagious. Decide today to stay away from those who drag you down and seek out those who lift you up. More importantly, strive to be a person who offers happiness and hope to everyone you encounter.
- Treat yourself like a really good friend. Talk kindly and soothingly to yourself. Eat well, get good sleep, and stay physically active. Take yourself dancing and play on a regular basis. It’s very easy to look to other people to be our best friend. But until we start treating ourselves at least as well as we would someone we love and care for, our inner being will suffer. By befriending and caring for ourselves, we grow stronger, healthier and more able to engage with life.
- Measure your personal success by the degree of your happiness and wellbeing. How many of us use the amount of money in our bank account, the car we drive, the home we own, and the number of our friends or whatever else to tell us that we are successful? Refuse to let pain or worry be the measure of your caring. Instead, allow yourself the gift of using your own hope and happiness as the ultimate measure of a successful life.
- Realize that trying to make other people happy is impossible. You can never be miserable enough to make unhappy people happy; you can never martyr yourself enough to satisfy a martyr.
- Do what you do because you find satisfaction and fulfillment when you are actively engaged in helping others and spreading good in the world—not because it is a ticket to somewhere once you die. If you are giving out of guilt or trying to buy favor, not only are you sacrificing your happiness, your efforts are diminished. Likewise, you are teaching those around you that guilt, sacrifice, and martyrdom are necessary elements in this life.
- Bonus* It seems a bit silly to mention it over and over again here on SMART Living, but I think we all know that staying grateful is one of the sure ways to happiness and hope. No matter how challenged, if we can find something we are truly grateful for, it has the ability to shift our focus toward the light.
This year I intend to make happiness my primary goal. I want to be like Helen Keller who said, “Life is a daring adventure, or nothing.” I want to live like songwriter Jimmy Buffett sings, “I want to die while I’m living, not live while I’m dead.” I want to relish my life and what lies ahead like poet Mary Oliver who writes,
“When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.When it is over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.”
There are those in the world that believe it is only possible to be happy when everything lines up perfectly in their lives. Others seem to fall apart and pull everyone down with them at the first sign of danger or disaster. It’s as though they were previously immune to the possibility, and now that they’ve been startled awake, they are convinced happiness at its root is a lie. Still, others think happiness is an impossible emotion better left to children or the ignorant. I disagree.
Being happy and hopeful doesn’t mean bad things never happen to good people. It also doesn’t mean that I sit back and pretend everything will work itself out just because I am a positive person. Instead, it is having the trust in both the Universe and myself that when I rest in well-being, hope and grounded happiness, I will be motivated to stay active and engaged in the world in a way that is most helpful to all. And as always, SMART Living is remembering that I have the choice to do that 365 days of the year no matter what. Why not start today?
Wow, I think your list is empowering and worthy of reading again many times. We really do have choices and the power within ourselves to choose our own level of happiness. Reducing the amount of negative stimuli (internet news) has given me more time in life and at 67 I am realizing the finiteness of life. A sense of gratefulness, and recognizing gratitude daily creates a whole new set of emotions that feel better. It gets down to movement for me. Movement towards, kindness, gratefulness, and choosing to bring positives into your life. I am a new reader to your webpage. i like it a lot. Thank you for adding a positive to our lives.
Hi Bill! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living and sharing your thoughts with us all. I’m glad you found my info to be good reminders. I think much of what I write about here on SMART Living are things most of us know already–but because I ALWAYS appreciate the reminders I just keep thinking of new ways to tackle the subject in ways I think are most interesting. I am so grateful for that “purpose” and for all of you and my other readers for following along. As you said, “movement towards kindness, gratefulness and choosing to bring positives in your life” is so very important. ~Kathy
You can make a conscious choice on how you approach all people and situations. Of course, it is easier said than done, and no one is perfect. At least we can give it a try each day. To make a positive impact, and to approach life with optimism. What do you have to lose?
Oh boy! #10 resonated with me so much. I’m generally a happy person. I mean we all go through times when we are unhappy, but I’ve always been optimistic. Mom is one of those people who are so negative about everything. It doesn’t matter what it is she will find something wrong with it. Sometimes I can feel her sucking the positivity straight from my body. She’s my momma and I have to take care of her and I love her so much, but just once I’d like to see be happy about something. I’ve lived with it all my life, but her dementia makes her worse. Now she says what she thinks no matter what. I’ve worked hard to break that cycle with my daughter.
Hi Rena! Yes, you are likely helping your daughter break that cycle, but I agree it can be difficult. I think you have one of the most difficult jobs out there so do be sure and practice #7! ~Kathy
What a wonderful list to live by, Kathy. And all so very true!
And I just love: “I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.”
Ahhhh!
Hi Susan! Don’t you just love that poem by Mary Oliver? I get such a strong visual from it every time I read it. That is truly how I want to live and I’m guessing you feel the same. ~Kathy
Fantastic post! It has been easy to swirl around in negativity lately, which isn’t my usual mindset at all. I have made an effort to stop myself when I feel the pull and rearrange my thinking. It does nobody any good – least of all ourselves – to be anxious and afraid. Positive change comes from being able to see the possibilities, then acting. By feeling gratitude and practicing kindness we can all work towards “being the change we want to see in the world.”
Oh, what an amazing post, Kathy! I have discovered in my life that I have the gifts of passion, enthusiasm and positivity, born from being inherently happy. People tell me that I have the gift of cheering them up. This is wonderful to think about. It is so easy to become negative, and I can get myself going with negative self-talk, but my happiness gene quickly overrides it. In one of my lectures, I remind my students that the US declaration of Independence states our right to the pursuit of happiness. This is part of the lecture where I talk about how leisure provides opportunities for happiness, therefore we have the right to pursue leisure. Yes, it’s a stretch but they love the idea of it! If leisure and happiness are deemed as frivolous, then our society is seriously in trouble!
Hi Terri! I love that idea of connecting leisure to all of it. I personally don’t think we were put on this planet just to drudge along no matter what. I also don’t think we were put here to constantly battle against overwhelming odds–of course if you watch tv or movies that seem to be the most common theme. Instead I think it is to embrace the good right here in front of us on a momentary basis–and we can mostly only do that with space in our thoughts and busy-ness. Leisure is the perfect solution. May we all find plenty of leisure and happiness in 2017! ~Kathy
I love your list…my favorite (and most applicable) is #2—because I have people in my life who are unhappy at times. I recognize they are “working on their stuff”, and acknowledge that by being happy, I am in a better position to listen and help. BTW, I used to listen to Abraham-Hicks on utube, but let that go somehow. Good time to look them up again! Thanks!
Hi Donna! Isn’t number 2 so very important? I think most of us were raised to be “nice” and try and please others. The problem is, that when we put our own needs, hopes and dreams aside to make others happy, we train ourselves to take care of ourselves. AND I find Abraham Hicks so very helpful for reminding me to stay true to myself first, and stop trying to please everyone else. I listen to their talks from YouTube on a regular basis and it really keeps me on track. Happy New 2017! ~Kathy
Hi, Kathy – These are great reminders for all of us! I totally agree that surrounding ourselves with positive, genuinely happy people is one of the best ways to increase our own happiness. As a matter of fact, that core belief is the main reason that I subscribed to this blog.
Thank you for your positive influence!
Hi Donna! Glad I helped to remind you of a few things you already knew. I don’t know about you, but I spend a LOT of time just doing my best to practice what I already know and appreciate others hoping me with that! It sounds like you are the same. 🙂 ~Kathy
After the unexpected death of my 11 year old granddaughter I found deep peace. In a strange way her death taught me to take every moment and add a bit of happiness to it. There are painful life events that take our breath away but there is also joy around the corner. I’ve grown so much in the past few years. I never imagined that I could smile again. I’ve consciously decided to enjoy every moment of the rest of my life. ( Good and bad) I compliment workers in restaurants and stores if they are good at their jobs. I compliment strangers if they have a nice outfit or hairstyle. When I recognize others as people my day is also brighter. It costs me nothing to notice and smile at others. On the other hand I’ve dropped relationships that were not positive. Our stay on this world is so short I strive to grasp every bit of happiness in my path.
Thank you for smartliving365
Hi Cyndi! Thank you for sharing your touching and personal story with all of us. That you were able to find peace after such a difficult experience is a testimony to your awareness and self-understanding. Like I said in my comment to Beth, I was just listening to Brother David Steindl-Rast and he said almost the same thing as you! Stubbornly hanging on to the joy at the core of your being can be very hard, but also one of the most profound things we can ever practice. I admire your courage very much and hope that in 2017 I can follow your example to “grasp every bit of happiness” in my path. ~Kathy
Kathy,
This is a great article with so man helpful ideas. Thanks for sharing our wisdom and your positive attitude. You make us all smile!
Hi Nora! Thank you! I am glad you found it helpful and that it helped you smile because as you say “kindness is contagious.” Let us all be kind and hopeful with each other! Happy New Year! ~Kathy
A great and thoughtful post, Kathy, as yours always are. I have always felt myself to be a happy person. If not joyous, as I sometimes am, then content. When my husband was near death and we were trying a drug and living in a hotel in Florida, somehow I rarely cried and just went through each day. Looking back I don’t know how I did it. Things were happening in the world then that cheered me up and made me look forward. Now John is healthy and our life is quiet but so good. And though I will extend my quiet happiness whenever I am with others, I am finding the “be Happy” thing in some ways unrealistic–for me. People matter. All people and right now many are in jeopardy. That does not make me happy. ANY PERSON I meet I will try to give, from my place of comfort, something back to them. But there’s a tiger inside me that says–for many happiness is illusive and that’s not right. I have awakened to this and I hope that for more of us. Thanks for your post.
Hi Beth! Thanks for stopping by and sharing your perspective. I agree it isn’t always easy but I continue to believe I am far more helpful to those in need when I am grounded in hope and joy than in fear or despair. I just listened to an awesome online talk by Brother David Steindl-Rast on his work with gratitude. He explained how anxiety might be our reaction and even a big part of the human condition. But if we aren’t careful we let it close us down into fear. And in fear we do nothing for ourselves and others. Far better to look beyond the most painful experience and stay hopeful so that we will come through it in a better way. He said that it is indeed possible to NOT be grateful (or happy) about certain experiences like war or violence, but that even then, we can bring our attention to the moment and be happy and grateful there….even if it is just for the ability to breathe. And congratulations on awakening the tiger within you. May that be the path to greater joy for you in 2017. ~Kathy
It is such a strange time right now that the things you mention above are really key. To be grateful for even the smallest things in the moment. It’s a small step, but it’s a good step. And it helps with anxiety. Two weeks ago I was doing some deep breathing and I suddenly had an sense of total impending doom. It was so real. And it illustrated to me that people are going through a lot right now, and the energy that is being transmitted is real. We really have to take care of ourselves right now to be able to stay grounded.
Thanks for another great post, Kathy.
Hi Laura! I’m glad I offered you some helpful reminders. I know in many cases I am preaching to the choir here, but I do so believe that reminding each other of what we know can be one of the best things I can offer. I love the reminder that most of this is staying “grounded,” because I think we need to do that in the world we live in these days. Being grounded and secure in ourselves is a great antidote to fear. Thanks for leading me to that thought. And happy 2017 no matter what! ~Kathy
Thank you
Hi Carol! So glad to hear you found this helpful. May your 2017 be happier and more hopeful than previously believed. ~Kathy
Happiness is a great New Year’s resolution. I am saying Yes to more this year as a resolution. If the event does not make me happy, then I won’t do it again. I am also saying no to some ‘required’ things because I already know they don’t make me happy.
Hi Haralee! You and me both! How often do we find ourselves agreeing to something that we KNOW won’t be good for us but we do it anyway. And while sometimes we think that our doing it will make others happy, we are denying our own and not truly being genuine. Far better to find a way to be of service in a way that resonates with us rather than insist on doing it according to someone else’s rules. May we all be happier in 2017 no matter what! ~Kathy
I’m steering clear of the people mentioned in #9! Numbers 3,5,6 and 10 are part of my personal set of goals. Thanks Kathy for making a list! And when confronted with those people who make up #9 I’m stealing your comment!
Hi Kathleen! With you just starting your new occupation I’m not surprised and that #9 stands out. It’s so easy to think we can change people who are bound and determined to be unhappy and/or a martyr. Sometimes we just need to walk away. And I’m not surprised to know you live according to #3,5,6, and 10. It shows in what you do. Here’s to a Happy 2017 no matter what! ~Kathy
Kathy, this article resonates with me. I especially like #7 & #8. I strive to be my own best friend which, in turn, allows me to be a better friend to others. I need to practice self-care as much as I would recommend it to others. I was raised by a conditionally loving mother who believes that her pain and worry is the measure of her caring. I’m 60 yrs old and I’m learning to break away from this conditioning. Thanks for reminding me that I am responsible for my happiness.
Hi Mona! If I could just urge all of us to be more “friendly” to ourselves in 2017 I think it would make a HUGE difference in the quality of our lives. And of course I’m speaking to myself as well. There is a great deal of anxiety these days for all sorts of reasons, aging, the election, the economy, the climate, etc., etc. So being gentle with ourselves and finding our own little slice of hope and happiness is critical if we are to face the future and find the good there. And obviously I think making it a priority in our lives is key. Good luck to you and all of us and Happy 2017! ~Kathy
What a beautiful and powerful post, Kathy. #2 and #8 especially resonated for me. I’m the same as you in that the new year always makes me feel like I have a fresh new tablet on which to write. The possibilities are almost endless! HNY. <3
Hi Lynne! Thank you. I believe that a lot of us grew up thinking that happiness was far too frivolous for us to strive to experience on a regular basis. I think it’s been given a bad rap and it’s time for us to rethink it in a more thoughtful and mature mind–and then make up our own opinion on the matter. Thanks for checking in and Happy New Year! ~Kathy